In Friday's comments, I was notified that I have been nominated over at I Miei Pensieri as the blogger most likely to shoot up at a 7-11.
At first, I was a little confused by this nomination. Although, I am thin, I am not thin enough to be cast in Trainspotting II. I have relatively scar free arms (my right forearm has a small scar that I swear is from when I got monkey pox, but looks suspiciously like a cigarette burn). Then, I reread the category. I have been nominated as the blogger most likely to shoot up a 7-11. That makes much more sense.
I have felt like shooting up a 7-11 before. Actually, it was a BP, but it really makes no difference because my inner conspiracy theorist has told me that They are all part of the same foreign oil dependent animal.
I would have shot up that BP for not selling me beer because I didn't have my ID on me, but I got distracted because I was rather flattered that he thought that I was under 21. I gave him my phone number instead and told him to call me.
All this somehow reminds me of a crush that I had on a boy years and years ago. Jason is still in prison for shooting the gas station attendant for $20. I found his prison profile online a few months ago and I thought about writing to him and telling him about the crush that I had on him as an awkward teen. But then, I looked at his photo and noted that I'd have to learn how to braid his hair and knew that it was too big a job for me. I can't braid. Still, I wish him all the best upon his release in 2017.
In the meantime, I am still trying to figure out what I will wear to shoot up a 7-11. Clearly, I can't wear flats. My ankles don't look their best in flats and the surveillance camera will add ten pounds to each ankle. I will need a sensible heel to wear while fleeing the scene. Then, there is the weapon to consider. Am I an automatic kind of girl or an old school revolver chick? Naturally, either will be unloaded (I know the law).
Do I wear a mask or just large sunglasses? Should I get my hair colored now or after to throw off the cops?
Also, I will need a driver. I am afraid that I will not be able to speed away fast enough and check my lip gloss in the mirror at the same time without popping a tire or stalling out. My driver should be able to make the tires smoke and squeal too. That would set the mood.
I never knew that there was this much to consider in leading a life of crime.
P.S. Thanks, Miss Ann Thrope for the nomination. Why can't I link to you here?