To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Thursday, April 05, 2007

Shifting Plates


I had dinner with a woman that can't remember my name last night. She calls me Summer and Savannah and Rain, but never Mist. Once, she almost got it right and called me Missy. We are not very close.

Because my voice is still a little scratchy from talking myself hoarse, I ordered a cup of hot tea. The server brought it to me on a tiny plate. I asked her for honey and she returned a few moments later with a tiny bowl of honey on a tiny plate.

I ordered a salad with the dressing on the side and the salmon (rare). My salad arrived with a tiny bowl of dressing on a separate tiny plate. The table was starting to get crowded with tiny plates. When my entree came, I had to scoot aside some of the tiny plates to make room for the salmon (on a huge plate) and the asparagus that came on another tiny plate.

I eat mustard on almost everything, so I asked for a side of the garlicky stone ground mustard. The server brought the mustard to me on yet another tiny plate. I was beginning to notice a trend. I looked around at the other diners. Their tables were covered in tiny plates too. I counted the plates. Between the two of us, there were 18 tiny plates on the table.

I know that it's wrong, but I enjoy having fun at the expense of others. I decided to see how many plates I could acquire throughout dinner. I dropped my fork. "Oops," I said feigning clumsiness. The server brought me a clean fork on a tiny plate. I giggled to myself, pleased with my new game. "What's so funny, Stormy?" my dining companion said. I ignored her and asked for extra butter.

At the end of the meal the server asked if she could tempt us with dessert. The woman (who cannot apparently say the word Mist) ordered the orange chiffon cake. "Order something, Star," she urged me. I do not order dessert. I am the kind of girl who insists that I cannot possibly eat another bite, but maybe I'll just have a bit of someone else's dessert.

The server smiled at me sweetly and asked, "I'll just bring you an extra plate, so you can share."

The possibility of her bringing me a plate on a plate was too much. I ducked my head to hide the grin on my face.

"Sunshine, you must really like orange chiffon cake. I've never seen anyone get so excited over cake."

I ignored her and counted the plates. Final count: 31 plates.

Mist 1


100 Comments:

At 8:58 PM, Blogger Jonas said...

Oh, Sweet Jesus, let me live inside this gal's head...even if for a little while.

 
At 9:17 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

jonas,

It's loud in there. I hope you don't mind all the incessant chatter.

 
At 9:32 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

You plate hoarder. I love playing weird games when no one else is aware. It's great to have a private joke between me and all my other personalities. There are 35 of us in here, we might just need a few more plates.

 
At 9:43 PM, Blogger CondoBlogger said...

I just gotta know where this resturaunt is! At the Colonnade they have a thing with everthing on individual plates too, but they are all regular sized.

 
At 9:58 PM, Blogger The CEO said...

1,
You did remember the sherbert for between course palate cleaning, didn't you?

 
At 10:10 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Sounds like the plate total for some of the people I see entering the buffet place next to my office.

 
At 10:17 PM, Blogger heather said...

lmao, think of the dishwashers there, talk about job security! and over half of the plates haven't really been used.

 
At 10:18 PM, Blogger NeverEZme said...

Let me guess, your bill came on a tiny little plate???

 
At 10:33 PM, Blogger Sunny Delight said...

I came here for a much needed chuckle and you so obligingly supplied it, I love the way your mind works!

 
At 1:01 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

A plate on a plate! I bet that place was expensive. They'd need to be, just to cover the cost of doing dishes!

 
At 1:27 AM, Blogger Lizza said...

I wonder if the restaurant has tiny dishwashers for the tiny plates? One of these days your not-so-close friend will be calling you Condensation.

 
At 2:51 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

.. garlicky stone ground mustard..

Sounds tasty.

 
At 3:20 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

In a much less classy but related story...

We used to do the same thing at the Denny's breakfast buffet in college. 12+ trips to the buffet bar, each time for one item. We would see who could rack up the most plates. I never won, which is surprising considering how much I can eat. I can't go to a breakfast buffet anymore.

My word veri is x-jenr, which, as a member of generation x, makes me laugh. Maybe it could be Matt's new vanity plate.

 
At 3:39 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Since when does Burger King have plates?

 
At 3:49 AM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

You wicked woman! I'm glad I don't have to do the dishes there!

 
At 4:28 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Sounds like a bad date, Rain. :)

 
At 4:28 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Sounds like a bad date, Rain. :)

 
At 4:51 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

The waitress probably thought you had a metal plate in your head somewhere.

 
At 5:07 AM, Blogger Nina said...

Too funny! I want to dine at the tiny plate resturaunt just to have a giggle.

 
At 5:16 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

That was a fun game!

My daughter had a friend when she was small who could never remember her name. Right in the middle of playing, the girl would say, "What's your name again?". It cracked me up every time. The girl wasn't obviously retarded but she was really really slow.

 
At 5:33 AM, Blogger EE said...

LOL...next time you should shoot for 50!

 
At 5:39 AM, Blogger Pickled Olives said...

I feel like I just had tea with Alice and the Mad Hatter.

 
At 6:33 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

churlita,

Did you mean whore or hoarder?

condo,

I have never been to the Colonnade. I wanted to go for Thanksgiving, but it was packed.

0,

Plates not palates.

michael,

I love buffets. I also like all of my food in separate bowls.

heather,

I hadn't even considered the extra work that I put on the staff.

never,

I slipped out before the check came. I figure, if you can't remember my name, you can buy me dinner.

sunny,

I'm not sure that my mind does work.

phishez,

It was a little pricey. I think we were paying for all the dishes that get broken.

lizza,

Little tiny dishwashers would be so cute.

orhan,

I like mustard. Perhaps too much.

wg,

Breakfast buffets aren't my thing. I'm not into three tons of eggs sitting around for hours.

fab,

My local Burger King is a quality establishment.

akelamalu,

I don't do dishes anywhere.

matt,

Mist, dammit. Mist.

nwjr,

She still smiled sweetly at me. I don't care what she said about me behind my back.

nina,

I also like to go to Chik-Fil-A because every time you say "Thank you," they have to say, "My pleasure." If you have Chik-Fil-A where you live, try to see how many times you can get them to say it.

Thanks for coming by.

icl,

What's my name again?

ee,

I think they're on to me. I will have to in disguise.

olives,

Clean cup. Move down.

 
At 6:39 AM, Blogger Queen of Dysfunction said...

You're table must have been the size of Rhode Island to accomodate all those plates.

 
At 6:40 AM, Blogger etain_lavena said...

fun fun fun...now I just wonder why this woman can't remeber your name...hello
....
funny story:)
Spoon directed us to you, I am late as always:(
enjoy the weekend:)

 
At 6:46 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

q of d,

I think there were more plate on the table than people in the state of Rhode Island.

etain,

What's so hard about Mist? I wanted to choke her.

 
At 6:51 AM, Blogger Reba said...

I was gonna say something funny about tiny dishwashers, but it has already been said. O'well. You made me laugh and that is all that matters.

 
At 6:58 AM, Blogger stephanie said...

Now if only you could figure out a way to serve up your latest blog post on a tiny little plate!

 
At 7:03 AM, Blogger tallulah said...

I love it when people don't remember my name. Except for when the celebrities that I meet (or the guy that I slept with) forget.

 
At 7:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

reba,

And little midget guys busboys too.

stephanie,

But what would I garnish it with?

tallulah,

I'm not used to people forgetting my name. Many people try to forget who I am, but the name is hard to forget.

 
At 7:25 AM, Anonymous andy said...

Dude, miss-tay,

THIS is why I always order fajitas whenever possible. Especially when I get put at one of those tiny little 'romantic' tables by the shitter.

I also pronounce them fa-JI-tas, like va-GI-nas. Just saying.

 
At 7:27 AM, Blogger fringes said...

Who paid for dinner? When more than one plate is involved, I always assume the other person is paying for all that attention.

 
At 7:32 AM, Blogger Thy Goddess said...

Keep your hands off other people's chiffons, Dewy!

 
At 7:33 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

perhaps if you'd went on a nice stroll after dinner she would have eventually called you 'ejaculate.'

 
At 7:40 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

andy,

I will never look at a fajita the same way again.

fringes,

I don't pay for dinner. Sometimes, I don't eat.

thy g,

I didn't even know that cake could be chiffon.

stilt,

Cum on now. That's not funny.

 
At 7:46 AM, Blogger Claudia said...

bwahahahaha!! that's great!

 
At 7:57 AM, Blogger Heather B. said...

At any point did you contemplate 'accidentally' knocking the tiny plats off of the table? That would have been my first thought.

 
At 7:57 AM, Blogger tammy said...

I'm afraid we can't continue this blogging relationship if you're not going to order dessert, Tempest.

 
At 7:58 AM, Blogger Tiggerlane said...

Wow...sounds like we had a similar dining experience. I ate at Jaleo, a tapas bar in D.C., and before they even brought a bit of food, they had four tiny plates on the table. But I only ended up with 13 at the end. I feel gyped.

 
At 8:00 AM, Blogger Edgy Mama said...

Don't you know their dishwasher is hating life!

 
At 8:05 AM, Blogger SarahReznor said...

LOL! 31 only on your table! wow, they probably have a storage room just for tiny plates!!! cool blog!

 
At 8:08 AM, Blogger ajooja said...

The bad thing about trying to comment on your blog, my dear, is that someone else always takes all the "dishwasher" lines.

... or whatever.

 
At 8:14 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

That's how you know that you were at a fancy restaurant - the accumulation of platage.

 
At 8:19 AM, Blogger La Cubana Gringa said...

Oh Fog, you're so silly!

 
At 8:31 AM, Blogger Tug said...

I'd have stacked them. plate, cup, plate, glass, etc. until they went tumbling down.

 
At 8:33 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

claudia,

No. Plate, not great. You people don't listen.

heather,

Thanks to your suggestion, I now want to dine there again with a male companion. We will shove the plates aside and they will crash to the floor. We will disgust other diners with our passionate sexy gestures on the table.

tammy,

I'll just have a bite of yours.

tigger,

Clearly, you didn't apply yourself. Go back to the restaurant and try again.

sarah,

Still, I feel like I could have gotten more plates. I want to see just how many courses I'd have to order before they ran out of plates and started bringing me dirty ones.

Thanks for coming by.

ajooja,

Please, make all the dishwasher comments you'd like.

av,

Platage is an excellent word. I am very fancy.

lcg,

Mist. Say it with me...Mist.

 
At 8:34 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

tug,

Like restaurant Jenga. Good idea.

 
At 8:40 AM, Blogger Debbie said...

Where they colorful plates or white and boring? Cause I would have liked a table of different colored plates. Like polka dots. Polka dots make me happy.

 
At 8:42 AM, Blogger Debbie said...

Erm, I meant Were they colorful not Where they colorful? I get on my own nerves sometimes.

 
At 8:58 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

debbie,

They were white and square. I chose the colorful ones in the picture because I would have enjoyed that a lot more.

 
At 9:17 AM, Blogger Miss Ann Thrope said...

Windy, why were you at dinner with a person who couldn't remember your name?

I have a lot of tiny plates. Since I cook, someone thought it would be a good idea to buy me these this to use for mise en place. I feed the cats with them. The cats like them and wish I brought them more tiny plates.

Do you see the similarity, Tangerine Raindrop?

 
At 9:26 AM, Blogger booda baby said...

It's good to dine with people who can't be bothered to focus. They remember one little thing - like your name - and it kills the whole buzz.

 
At 9:30 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

miss a.t.,

I have actual tears in my eyes right now. With every comment with the wrong name, my self esteem takes another blow. I am going to have to dress up really slutty and go to the hardware store just to make up for the abuses that I am suffering her today.

booda,

I hate buzz kills.

 
At 9:37 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Next time you go there, bring Barbie instead of what's-her-face. She loves tiny dishes and might remember your name.

 
At 10:20 AM, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

If you were able to slip those tiny plates into your purse - you'd have a whole couple of sets at home....not that I'm encouraging anyone to steal from restaurants. No ma'am, not me.

 
At 10:46 AM, Blogger Jim said...

Well Misty, I don't have much to do with people who can't remember my name either. [That one letter/number slip was on purpose.]
Had you have been at our IHOP your bill would have been $46.50 more, they charge for every dish that comes out of the kitchen.
I hope your tires weren't all ruined.
..

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Comedy + said...

Mist, Summer, Savannah, Rain, Missy, Stormy, Star and Sunshine: First, quit having dinner with this person.

I'm with Jonas...I wouldn't mind climbing in your head for a day or two, chatter and all. It would be like a mini vacation to a theme park. Have a great day Mist. See ya tomorrow!

 
At 11:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's spelled "Oplates" same as Opossum darlin....

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger jali said...

I like the little custard dish thingies some restaurants serve condiments in. I know you didin't ask, but I thought you should know.

 
At 11:26 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

hearts,

I love Barbie, but she always wants to bring Malibu Skipper. And Malibu Skipper irritates the crap out of me.

karmyn,

I would have made a lot of noise running to my car.

jim,

I wonder if they did charge by dish. I don't go to IHOP anymore because girls can't kiss there. I haven't started kissing girls yet, but I don't like to be limited.

comedy,

I guess there's always room for a few more. C'mon in.

anon,

O is one of my favorite letters. I wear a big O on a necklace around my neck almost every single day. It stands for One not for Opossum or Oprah.

 
At 11:27 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

jali,

I think I still have two or three of those lying around that I haven't used as an ashtray. I don't know who thought it was a good idea to give me Corningware. You may have them. Please don't touch my condiments.

 
At 12:01 PM, Blogger Dagromm said...

This place must be popular for cocaine parties.

 
At 12:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

dagromm,

They were not mirrored plates, but they did have straws.

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Hahahaha! Was the guy who is supposed to remove the old plates on a break?

 
At 12:11 PM, Blogger Winter said...

You are my new hero.

 
At 12:13 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

attila,

I don't know, but it irritated the piss out of me. I don't like my dishes to sit in front of me for an entire meal.

winter,

I need to shop for a cape and new tights.

 
At 12:41 PM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

I am a reformed bartendress still suffering the effects of a corporate restaurant environment, and I am outraged about that kind of behavior. Outraged.

The server smiled at me sweetly and asked, "I'll just bring you an extra plate, so you can share."

For her to insinuate that you two were lesbians is preposterous.

She might as well have said, "I'll just bring you a strap-on, so you can f*ck each other, lesbos."

I indiscriminately hate discriminators.

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger Randomness said...

Moonshine, I was at that same restaraunt and I was wondering why we didn't get all of our food. It is b/c you had all the damn plates...damn you. (I actually know of someone who named their daughter "Moonshine")

 
At 1:10 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

123,

I feel so stereotyped now. I knew I should have worn those damn rainbow earrings.

randomness,

I would apologize for taking all the plates, but I believe I mentioned that I'm not concerned with other people when it comes to entertaining myself.

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

mist i would always make you a lovely lemon cake honey. any day of the week...

smiles, bee

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger furiousBall said...

this was your perfect opportunity to finally do your plate lip thing you've always wanted to...and you totally screwed it up. way to go. nice one.

 
At 1:42 PM, Blogger Nölff said...

I put mustard on everything too.
We could get along well.

I wrote a mustard-ku for you

OMG mustard
the mustard is delicious
mustard-ku hellz yeah

 
At 3:08 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

bee,

Would it be too much to ask if you could serve it to me on a tiny plate?

furious,

You must have me confused with someone else. I stick my tongue down throats, not plates in my lip.

nolff,

I adore mustard
I like when it is spicy
also when it's not.

 
At 3:40 PM, Blogger Andy said...

I like your "restaurant jenga" idea. Next time, instead of trying to continually navigate around all the plates they bring, just make a single stack in the center of the table.

Extra points for excessive height.

And if you really want to live on the edge, stack them with the smallest ones on the bottom.

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger Bird on a Wire said...

They are making lots of changes in the restaurant where I work, especially in the dishware. Some of them look more like kitchen tiles rather than actual plates. They think it makes meals look fancy. I think it looks like a grilled cheese on a kitchen floor.

 
At 3:56 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

andy,

Why didn't you call me "Dude" today? Are you feeling okay? Also, I like excessive height. I'm kind of short.

bird,

I just cleaned my kitchen floor. Maybe I should open a restaurant. I will make grilled cheese on my Foreman grill.

 
At 4:46 PM, Blogger Echo said...

that's too funny. i would have stacked the plates ontop each other to make a tiny plate tower.

 
At 5:06 PM, Blogger ~Tim said...

I don't know if it would be more fun to break your plate record or set a record for broken plates....

 
At 5:08 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

echo,

I like the word tiny. Perhaps overly.

tim,

I smell a challenge.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 5:36 PM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

i think "precipitation" is a sexy little pet name :)

 
At 6:06 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

kiyotoe,

I think it's too close to perspiration.

 
At 6:36 PM, Blogger Malnurtured Snay said...

I guess they're paying the dishwasher so much they figure he might as well earn his salary; plus, the busboy.

 
At 7:24 PM, Blogger Gucci Muse said...

I would have made her take each and every plate back when she brought me another-should not be a problem, they were only tiny little ones-if she didn't , then I would have smashed the tiny little pea brained one at your table with a few tiny little plates.

 
At 8:09 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

mal,

If they have a good benefits package, I am thinking about applying for busgirl.

gucci,

I wanted to make her eat the plates, but instead, I concentrated on my game.

 
At 8:09 PM, Blogger The CEO said...

1,
I have an idea to make you feel better. How about if I pick you up tomorrow, Mist, and I drive you to all of the stores that carry shoes and matching purses. I'll pick up lunch, and you can explain everything to me.

I do hope, Mist, that you're having an easy Passover, since you're pretty much limited to vodka since it isn't made with any grain.

I hope, Mist, this helps re-elevate your flagging self-esteem.

 
At 8:32 PM, Blogger Todd said...

I can't come up with anything witty. Maybe tomorrow.

 
At 8:36 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

I don't match my shoes to my handbag. I coordinate. Thanks for remembering my name. I feel a little better.

todd,

It's almost tomorrow. Are you witty yet?

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger velvet girl said...

I had a teacher in high-school who couldn't remember my name, so he called me by another name that he thought I looked like. He was a nice guy, but that drove me nuts.

 
At 9:51 AM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

Velvet Girl: Is that really YOU, Gail :D?

Mist: OMFG! I have simply GOT to have dinner with you sometime. Oh, and I'm waiting for one of the guys to e-mail me pictures in my turn-out gear just for you.

 
At 1:19 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

velvet,

She called me Tiger.

arthur,

Really? I'll be waiting by my email.

 
At 3:31 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

arthur-
LOL Nope. :)


Mist-
If you've gonna be called by the wrong name, Tiger's not so bad, is it? ;)

 
At 5:07 PM, Blogger anyjazz said...

Funny stuff!

 
At 5:49 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

any,

Sometimes, I am funny. Sometimes, I just make a fool out of myself.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 5:52 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

velvet,

You have to sleep with me if you want to call me Tiger.

 
At 5:41 AM, Blogger Andy said...

Mist... Looks like there are multiple Andys that comment here. I'm the Andy who doesn't call ladies "dude". :-)

 
At 12:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

andy,

I had no idea that I had multiple Andys. I have multiple other things, but this is news to me. Sorry, Dude.

 
At 9:00 PM, Blogger jennifer starfall said...

i thought the title was shitting plates...

 
At 6:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

jennifer,

That would hurt.

 
At 7:13 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

I can't decide; Either the cost to the planet of making all those tiny plates is annoying, or the idea that someone somewhere defines customer service as being about putting things on tiny plates is so totally foolish as to be funny...

Puss

 
At 9:05 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

puss,

The more plates you have, the more important you are.

 

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Name: Mist1
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