To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Why I Drink Vodka and Wear Pants (Sometimes)

I am more of a tea drinker than a coffee drinker. There is something about coffee that makes the buzzing in my head louder than normal. Shortly after I drink a cup of coffee, I need a glass of red wine just to balance things out.

I am also more of a local, independent, shade-grown coffee shop kind of girl than a big chain coffee shop kind of girl. Mostly because I dislike paying for the internet. I dislike paying for all kinds of things including parking, drinks, dinner, cable, and oil changes. I go to great lengths to avoid paying for stuff like this because they seem to be intangibles to me. I mean, after dinner, I will only be hungry again and after drinks eventually, I will sober up. What's the use in paying for stuff that I think should be free?

Sometimes, I have to have an iced soy green tea latte. Because I am a lovely person, every time I am in a coffee shop, I call a friend and ask if I can bring them a beverage. I try my best to listen to the order. I swear, I listen. But, I always f*ck it up. Once, I get to the counter, I can't remember if it's skim milk or sugar-free or hazelnut. I just hope that they won't notice when I get there with the wrong drink.

Yesterday, I ordered two beverages and decided to browse all the coffee accessories on display. I love accessories. The coffee grinders were an additional 20% off. I already own a coffee grinder, but is is shiny and not a matte steel finish like the one on the shelf. I knelt down to examine it more closely.

I heard the barista call out, "Grande Soy Chai Latte! Tall Caramel Macchiato!" and stood up to fetch my drinks. I think this is a good place to mention that I was wearing a pair of adorable brown eyelet peep toe shoes with a wrinkly brown skirt.

I stood up without my skirt, which was pinned to the floor under my heels.

The barista handed me my drinks and a few dollars from the tip jar.

Mist 1


At 8:10 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Definitely a Nescafe moment! You don't see that in Starbucks now do you?

At 8:12 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

Singing "Coffee for nothin' and the tips are free"

At 8:16 PM, Blogger Fiona said...

hahahahahahahahahahah oh dear lord woman...only YOU!!!!!

At 8:20 PM, Blogger Todd said...

You're taking skirt-season to the next level. Bravo my dear, bravo!

At 8:26 PM, Blogger Joie de Vivre said...

peep-toe shoes = no knickers

i know the lingo.
damn distracting coffee grinders.

At 8:54 PM, Blogger Brookelina said...

Soylent Green is people!

At 8:55 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

Hey, whatever it takes, right? If that happened to me, the barista would probably charge me double.

At 9:03 PM, Anonymous e said...

Soylent Green is people!

ya, damn right.

Your post is tripping me out for all the wrong says TUES April 3rd, yet it's not even midnight here, yet everyone posted at 8 pm...what the hell??

At 9:07 PM, Blogger Tug said...

Tall Caramel Macchiato

Damn, that drink is MINE, & I wasn't there to see the skirt stick.

Sad part is I'm straight. But it would have been fun...& commanded a glass of wine afterwards!

At 9:08 PM, Blogger CP said...

oooooooh. The shoe description caused an orgasm. The fact that I made it into the first 10 comments gave me a multiple!

Come see my new's fashion with a twist!


At 9:09 PM, Blogger Princess of the Universe said...

I think that definitely deserved some free coffees, and perhaps a few extra dollars from the patrons slipped into your thong...

At 9:22 PM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

I don't like coffee, but I do like coffee icecream and coffee candy.

I also like coffee-colored lovers. Go figure.

At 9:32 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

It sounds like your toes weren't the only things peeping out.

At 9:34 PM, Anonymous Natalie said...

You did leave out the most important information, Mist.

What kind of shirt were you wearing? I have to know whether the skirt was making a run for it because of a bad shirt choice or if it was just bad luck (or good luck depending on how you look at it).

At 9:40 PM, Blogger Burg said...

That should be on one of those International Coffees commercials..

"Remember that time I showed my ass to everyone in the coffee shop?"

"And what was that stunned waiter's name??"

Then you have a giggly moment with some moderately nice looking friend and you say the name simultaneously.

Good times.

At 9:41 PM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

Kahlua is a staple in my cabinet -- makes a great irish cream coffee when I wake up around noon, it creams my coffee, coats my throat for the smoke, and I don't have wash two glasses.

At 9:43 PM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

You should play the oops-I-drop-my-skirt thing in bar -- I'm sure you'll get better tips.

At 9:48 PM, Blogger Jonas said...

Your ability to entertain is seemingly boundless, Mist1.

PS. I have a note on my monitor warning me to put down any or all fluids before I link to your blog. See what you've done?

At 9:51 PM, Blogger MXI said...

Why when these things happen I'm always looking the other way, then somebody has to explain what took place?I never see the good stuff..
How about re-run for those of us who missed it?
Say, Saturday 3ish.

At 9:58 PM, Blogger SQT said...

The fact that they tipped you is quite the compliment to your tush. Well, maybe the underwear. But I prefer to believe you have an excellent hind end. I need someone to live vicariously through...

At 10:08 PM, Blogger Lizza said...

Were you wearing your stripper undies? Were you wearing undies at all?

At 10:21 PM, Blogger NeverEZme said...

I would of paid to see that also!!

At 10:31 PM, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

hee hee - that's why I don't wear skirts.

At 10:58 PM, Blogger Blitz Krieg said...

Tips for a $5 cup of Joe. I got a tip for the barista, in fact, I've more than a tip.

At 11:54 PM, Blogger La Cubana Gringa said...

At least you got tipped. I would have gotten "removed by security."

At 12:26 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

You can make money by showing people your underwear?

Interesting. Very interesting.

Unless you weren't wearing any.

At 3:05 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I think I was there...

At 3:22 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

I love it when a plan comes together! I think you should work it into your repetoire... just remember which shops were good tippers, and which just took the show for free.

At 3:30 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

You can take my approach and avoid anything coffee-house.

At 4:04 AM, Blogger spoon said...

And I was just about to ask where the title of vodka and wearing pants came in to it...good thing you were wearing pants...your peeptoe shoes may have looked a little dressy for the occasion!

At 4:30 AM, Blogger Love Monkey said...

Ok, those drinks were "almost" free!

At 4:33 AM, Blogger Stepping Over the Junk said...

Why not to wear elastic

At 4:38 AM, Blogger EsLocura said...

I love coffee and am willing to not only be skirtless but topless for an iced caramel macchiato, does that make me cheap?

At 4:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Were you wearing your stripper panties?

At 5:14 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Ah yes, the new Starbucks Venti Cafe Mocha Vagina.

At 6:01 AM, Blogger Andy said...

[jot... jot... scribble...]

Yet ANOTHER reason why pants are so highly overrated!

At 6:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, I like a good green tea soy latte too. It's especially good iced.

But that skirt thing? *shaking head* that's worse than trailing toilet paper coming out of the washroom.

At 6:20 AM, Blogger Sornie said...

I have to wonder if you were rolling Britney style of were you sporting undies?

At 6:20 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Tell us about your relationship w/ the mailman.

At 6:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Grande Soy Chai Latte! Tall Caramel Macchiato"

it bugs the ever-loving shit out of me to hear a dude order anything as complicated as that when i just want a fuckin cup of coffee and i have to wait ten extra minutes in line because he feels like being a girl.

At 6:38 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

I'll buy you a venti grande mocha frappa latta mocha frappa latta chi chi mojito chino

At 6:43 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

There's some sort of venti grande penis joke in there some where, but I ain't touching it.

I'm actually exactly the opposite, tea turns me into Roger Rabbit.

At 6:45 AM, Blogger jali said...

Oh, the fun you have...

At 6:50 AM, Blogger kat said...

Oh my god I have nightmares about that happening to me.

At 6:57 AM, Blogger MJ said...

I sure hope that you were wearing your stripper panties !!! you know the ones that tie in the back ?

At 7:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


It was a special moment.


You should be my back up singer.


I would like to die now.


Thank you. I would take a bow, but you have seen enough already.


They threw me off with the grinding.


I like it with soy.


Hang out with me. Drinks are free.


I went to bed early, okay?


Next time, I'll pick one up for you.


The shoes are lovely.


That's what I thought. Ante up.


I love coffee ice cream.


I was prepared for my toes peeping out. You should see my pedi.


It was a cami.


Special times.


Oh, I adore Kahlua.


I'm glad you're learning.


I'll be there.


It is an excellent a$$. You should see it. Especially my right cheek.


I always wear stripper undies.


Pay up.


Laugh all you'd like. It was a fantastic ensemble, while it was still on me.


I gave him more than a tip too.


I have fantasies about that.


It's the oldest profession in the book.


Hanging my head in shame...


Today Starbucks, tomorrow, the world.


But what would I do without my soy chai lattes?


I should stick to vodka and pants.




Zippers from here on out.


No. Let's go out for coffee.


I can't even tell you about how slutty they were.


Can I get that with soy?


I am swearing off skirts.


So much worse.


Undies. If those count as undies.


Sitting, wishing, waiting.


I'm sorry. I order drinks like a chick.


Soy dammit. Soy.


I'm so going to order a grande penis the next time I show my face in there.


Oh the fun the barista has.


Welcome to my nightmares.


They were oh, so much worse.

At 7:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i know you order drinks like a chick. you is a chick. you're excused. but when a person who supposedly has a dong orders a venti mocha skinny double blah blah blah blah i want to punch "him" in the throat. i just want my damn coffee.

At 7:27 AM, Blogger * (asterisk) said...

See, now I think all women should do that in coffee shops. Where's the harm?

At 7:35 AM, Blogger Jay said...

When Jason drinks tea, I like to call him a pussy.

At 7:41 AM, Blogger karma lennon said...

Note to self: Try this.

At 7:47 AM, Blogger fringes said...

I saw a girl walking once...her panties slowly dropped from beneath her skirt to around her ankles with every step she took. I wish she had a blog so I could get the explanation for that one.

At 8:00 AM, Anonymous themuttprincess said...

I guess you will either use that skirt to its full potential or get a belt.

At 8:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's so nice to know other women step on their skirts and then stand up.

I think a picture of those cute shoes is required.

At 8:24 AM, Anonymous andy said...


Clearly the funniest part of this was not the flashing but the free oil changes bit. I just wanted you to notice amongst all this flashing commenting business that I noticed your real genious.

Do you ever read it back to yourself and laugh out loud? I do. I crack my shit up.

At 8:31 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I like a man bold enough to order chick drinks.


I didn't get arrested. I don't see any harm.


I call him that too. Behind his back, of course.


Note to Karma: Wear slutty panties.


That almost happened to me when one side of my panties came untied.


Belts feel so restricting.


You would love the shoes. How could you not?


I hardly remember what I wrote the night before. It's best that I don't read it back to myself. I will want to make changes.

At 8:38 AM, Blogger stephanie said...

I am completely addicted to Venti Skim Lattes... but they're like $4.00 a pop! So, can you tell me how to get outta paying for those??

At 8:48 AM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

You make me laugh out loud - I almost wet myself!

At 9:04 AM, Blogger booda baby said...

I wonder what sort of fortune you'd amass if you stuck one of those Pay Pal Me's for every laugh on your blog.

Yup. I wonder that.

At 9:06 AM, Blogger Pickled Olives said...

heee heeee. I'd say only you but I can't. I hate when my cute skirts get caught in anything. Especially if I went panty free on that day. Hope you had decent panties on.

At 9:15 AM, Blogger Queen of Dysfunction said...

I once had a sarong blow off in a stiff breeze while walking through a Target parking lot. But I was handed food stamps instead. I need to disrobe in coffee shops more often.

At 9:21 AM, Blogger Claudia said...

LOL!! you made his day!

At 9:35 AM, Blogger maximo said...

great. now i can't stand up without embarassing myself.

i guess that's ok because you can't stand up without em-bare-assing yourself either.

At 9:35 AM, Blogger Tammy said...

Don't worry, I'm sure everyone was too busy looking at your shoes to notice. I don't even wear shoes and I want those shoes.

At 10:12 AM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

Please tell me you then stuffed your skirt in the tip jar and marched out of there, head, and drinks, held high.

And if you delivered the wrong drink to your friend wearing nothing but your unmentionables, I'm sure nobody noticed.

At 10:24 AM, Blogger Comedy + said...

Mist, You've found a new way to make some side money. My next question...were you wearing panties? You have the most interesting life. Keep them coming.

At 10:28 AM, Blogger Turnbaby said...

YOu had me at "adorable brown eyelet peep toed shoes"

I am wearing adorable black eyelet peep toed shoes, flippy skirt and --oh---um---tee hee

At 11:48 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

what a jerk! he should have thrown in the coffee grinder too! maybe next time. :)

At 11:50 AM, Blogger Tammie Jean said...

Okay, so you squat down, tuck the skirt under your heel, and then stand? Brilliant! I'll try it... (I know you did it on purpose Mist, you crazy exhibitionist chick! But those with great butts are allowed...)

At 12:17 PM, Blogger Winter said...

So jealous, I think they would have asked me for money.

At 12:17 PM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Your shoes sounds adorable, and that's all that matters.

I would have been so focused on your shoes that I wouldn't have even noticed your pantslessness. Probably.

At 12:18 PM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

your shoes SOUND adorable.

At 12:33 PM, Blogger het said...

that was one funny blog lady pmsl

At 12:35 PM, Blogger CondoBlogger said...

So Funny!!!

At 12:47 PM, Blogger Let's Pretend said...

OMG -- that is the perfect way to start the day... I know the other patrons thought--ooh look... coffee AND a show!

At 12:57 PM, Blogger Nance said...

Did the person behind you say, "I'll have what she's having!!" ?

At 2:19 PM, Blogger this black girl said...

oh NO! at least you had coffee and made a couple of bucks?

also, i totally feel you on paying for intangibles. that's precisely why i hate going grocery shopping. food is not like a pair of $20 jeans you can wear over and over again, you buy it once, you eat it once it's over.

hope you were wardrobe malfunction-free for the rest of the day!

At 4:48 PM, Anonymous Dawn said...

Mission accomplished! Free drinks. :)

At 4:57 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

LOL Very funny post.

Zippered skirts don't always improve this kind of situation. Since they don't actually slide down if they're caught under your heel, you sometimes end up falling over instead, showing everyone just as much, if not more of, well, everything.

The shoes sound divine, though.

At 5:48 PM, Blogger That's one clever little Yvonne said...

Why would you want another coffee grinder when you don't even drink coffee?

At 5:58 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I suggest a g-string.


I think the barista wet himself too.


I could retire. I'm not ready for retirement. I still don't have a hobby.


By decent, if you mean slutty, then yes, they were decent.


You can't buy wine with food stamps. What's the point of that?


He deserved it. It was a great latte.


Well played.


We need to get you some shoes.

My friends are used to seeing me in my underwear. It's my standard uniform.


My life is both interesting and humiliating on a daily basis.


I know. They are incredible shoes. They were even on sale.


I was to embarrassed to ask him to throw in anything.


I don't mind people admiring my butt, but I prefer to know their names first. Or at least have cocktails with them.


That's not the way it's supposed to work. My a$$ is worth every penny in the tip jar. All $4.68.


I can't be mad at the shoes. They didn't know what they were doing. Plus, they are adorable.


It's funny now. At the time, I was more concerned with making sure that I didn't trip over my skirt down by my ankles.


You live in the metro area. Tell me that you weren't there.


They stayed for the musical act.


I think the person behind me had a heart attack.


I appreciate the support regarding paying for intangibles. It just doesn't make sense.

Thanks for coming by.


I didn't even have to kiss him.


Hmmm. I had better stick to pants.


I love accessories. I cannot help it.

At 6:29 PM, Blogger hyacinths and biscuits said...


My ass is not as amazing as yours.

I need a way to casually flash my coffee man. My boobs have remarkably less premature cellulite. If only cute shoes could be a part of my plan...

At 6:47 PM, Blogger heather said...

the next time my mother gives me grief about not owning any skirts or dresses i'm gonna tell her this story. thanks!

At 8:21 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

h & b,

Cute shoes are an integral part of every plan.


My mother used to give me the same speech. She is singing a different tune now.

At 8:58 PM, Blogger Mr. Shife said...

And you got the order right too. Not a bad day for you minus the whole flashing the coffee shop your privates.

At 9:24 PM, Blogger The CEO said...

Perfectly played, as usual. I want to learn to play in your league.

At 10:07 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I didn't get the order right.


My league is very exclusive. Please expose yourself in public and submit an application.

At 10:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Grande Soy Chai Latte, that's my morning medication!

At 10:10 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


It's so much better with soy. Wine is my morning medication.

At 10:54 AM, Blogger Odat said...

lol....I can feel your pain...i once walked from my office ladies room to the card store across the concourse.(about a 4 block distance) ..only for the owner to tap me on the shoulder to inform me that my skirt was stuck in the top of my panties.....!!!!!

At 11:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I bet the breeze felt good.

At 1:59 PM, Blogger GhostRose said...

"iced soy green tea latte"


Great post. :-D

At 2:40 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


You must have one. They are delicious.

At 8:07 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

And I just get arrested, even after I tell them it's my "Performance Art Elephant Impression."

Life is so unfair.

At 8:44 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


The secret to not being arrested is flashing a well flossed smile.

At 7:05 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Wow, you should be on stage.


At 9:08 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am afraid of falling off the stage. I once fell off a speaker.


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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.


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Tiny Voices in My Head


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Four Hours
Girl, Uncomfortable
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