Why I Drink Vodka and Wear Pants (Sometimes)
I am more of a tea drinker than a coffee drinker. There is something about coffee that makes the buzzing in my head louder than normal. Shortly after I drink a cup of coffee, I need a glass of red wine just to balance things out.I am also more of a local, independent, shade-grown coffee shop kind of girl than a big chain coffee shop kind of girl. Mostly because I dislike paying for the internet. I dislike paying for all kinds of things including parking, drinks, dinner, cable, and oil changes. I go to great lengths to avoid paying for stuff like this because they seem to be intangibles to me. I mean, after dinner, I will only be hungry again and after drinks eventually, I will sober up. What's the use in paying for stuff that I think should be free?
Sometimes, I have to have an iced soy green tea latte. Because I am a lovely person, every time I am in a coffee shop, I call a friend and ask if I can bring them a beverage. I try my best to listen to the order. I swear, I listen. But, I always f*ck it up. Once, I get to the counter, I can't remember if it's skim milk or sugar-free or hazelnut. I just hope that they won't notice when I get there with the wrong drink.
Yesterday, I ordered two beverages and decided to browse all the coffee accessories on display. I love accessories. The coffee grinders were an additional 20% off. I already own a coffee grinder, but is is shiny and not a matte steel finish like the one on the shelf. I knelt down to examine it more closely.
I heard the barista call out, "Grande Soy Chai Latte! Tall Caramel Macchiato!" and stood up to fetch my drinks. I think this is a good place to mention that I was wearing a pair of adorable brown eyelet peep toe shoes with a wrinkly brown skirt.
I stood up without my skirt, which was pinned to the floor under my heels.
The barista handed me my drinks and a few dollars from the tip jar.
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:15 AM
91 Comments:
Definitely a Nescafe moment! You don't see that in Starbucks now do you?
Singing "Coffee for nothin' and the tips are free"
hahahahahahahahahahah oh dear lord woman...only YOU!!!!!
You're taking skirt-season to the next level. Bravo my dear, bravo!
peep-toe shoes = no knickers
i know the lingo.
damn distracting coffee grinders.
Soylent Green is people!
Hey, whatever it takes, right? If that happened to me, the barista would probably charge me double.
Soylent Green is people!
ya, damn right.
Your post is tripping me out for all the wrong reasons..it says TUES April 3rd, yet it's not even midnight here, yet everyone posted at 8 pm...what the hell??
Tall Caramel Macchiato
Damn, that drink is MINE, & I wasn't there to see the skirt stick.
Sad part is I'm straight. But it would have been fun...& commanded a glass of wine afterwards!
oooooooh. The shoe description caused an orgasm. The fact that I made it into the first 10 comments gave me a multiple!
Come see my new bloggie...it's fashion with a twist!
http://certifiableshopping.blogspot.com/
CP.
I think that definitely deserved some free coffees, and perhaps a few extra dollars from the patrons slipped into your thong...
I don't like coffee, but I do like coffee icecream and coffee candy.
I also like coffee-colored lovers. Go figure.
It sounds like your toes weren't the only things peeping out.
You did leave out the most important information, Mist.
What kind of shirt were you wearing? I have to know whether the skirt was making a run for it because of a bad shirt choice or if it was just bad luck (or good luck depending on how you look at it).
That should be on one of those International Coffees commercials..
"Remember that time I showed my ass to everyone in the coffee shop?"
"And what was that stunned waiter's name??"
Then you have a giggly moment with some moderately nice looking friend and you say the name simultaneously.
Good times.
Kahlua is a staple in my cabinet -- makes a great irish cream coffee when I wake up around noon, it creams my coffee, coats my throat for the smoke, and I don't have wash two glasses.
You should play the oops-I-drop-my-skirt thing in bar -- I'm sure you'll get better tips.
Your ability to entertain is seemingly boundless, Mist1.
PS. I have a note on my monitor warning me to put down any or all fluids before I link to your blog. See what you've done?
Why when these things happen I'm always looking the other way, then somebody has to explain what took place?I never see the good stuff..
How about re-run for those of us who missed it?
Say, Saturday 3ish.
The fact that they tipped you is quite the compliment to your tush. Well, maybe the underwear. But I prefer to believe you have an excellent hind end. I need someone to live vicariously through...
Were you wearing your stripper undies? Were you wearing undies at all?
I would of paid to see that also!!
hee hee - that's why I don't wear skirts.
Tips for a $5 cup of Joe. I got a tip for the barista, in fact, I've more than a tip.
At least you got tipped. I would have gotten "removed by security."
You can make money by showing people your underwear?
Interesting. Very interesting.
Unless you weren't wearing any.
I love it when a plan comes together! I think you should work it into your repetoire... just remember which shops were good tippers, and which just took the show for free.
You can take my approach and avoid anything coffee-house.
And I was just about to ask where the title of vodka and wearing pants came in to it...good thing you were wearing pants...your peeptoe shoes may have looked a little dressy for the occasion!
Ok, those drinks were "almost" free!
Why not to wear elastic
I love coffee and am willing to not only be skirtless but topless for an iced caramel macchiato, does that make me cheap?
Were you wearing your stripper panties?
[jot... jot... scribble...]
Yet ANOTHER reason why pants are so highly overrated!
Hey, I like a good green tea soy latte too. It's especially good iced.
But that skirt thing? *shaking head* that's worse than trailing toilet paper coming out of the washroom.
I have to wonder if you were rolling Britney style of were you sporting undies?
Tell us about your relationship w/ the mailman.
"Grande Soy Chai Latte! Tall Caramel Macchiato"
it bugs the ever-loving shit out of me to hear a dude order anything as complicated as that when i just want a fuckin cup of coffee and i have to wait ten extra minutes in line because he feels like being a girl.
I'll buy you a venti grande mocha frappa latta mocha frappa latta chi chi mojito chino
There's some sort of venti grande penis joke in there some where, but I ain't touching it.
I'm actually exactly the opposite, tea turns me into Roger Rabbit.
Oh, the fun you have...
Oh my god I have nightmares about that happening to me.
I sure hope that you were wearing your stripper panties !!! you know the ones that tie in the back ?
michael,
It was a special moment.
icl,
You should be my back up singer.
fiona,
I would like to die now.
todd,
Thank you. I would take a bow, but you have seen enough already.
joie,
They threw me off with the grinding.
brooke,
I like it with soy.
churlita,
Hang out with me. Drinks are free.
e,
I went to bed early, okay?
tug,
Next time, I'll pick one up for you.
cp,
The shoes are lovely.
princess,
That's what I thought. Ante up.
123,
I love coffee ice cream.
hearts,
I was prepared for my toes peeping out. You should see my pedi.
natalie,
It was a cami.
burg,
Special times.
curiosity,
Oh, I adore Kahlua.
jonas,
I'm glad you're learning.
mxi,
I'll be there.
sqt,
It is an excellent a$$. You should see it. Especially my right cheek.
lizza,
I always wear stripper undies.
never,
Pay up.
karmyn,
Laugh all you'd like. It was a fantastic ensemble, while it was still on me.
blitz,
I gave him more than a tip too.
lcg,
I have fantasies about that.
phishez,
It's the oldest profession in the book.
fab,
Hanging my head in shame...
wg,
Today Starbucks, tomorrow, the world.
orhan,
But what would I do without my soy chai lattes?
spoon,
I should stick to vodka and pants.
love,
Almost.
junk,
Zippers from here on out.
es,
No. Let's go out for coffee.
debbie,
I can't even tell you about how slutty they were.
av,
Can I get that with soy?
andy,
I am swearing off skirts.
trish,
So much worse.
sornie,
Undies. If those count as undies.
matt,
Sitting, wishing, waiting.
omni,
I'm sorry. I order drinks like a chick.
nolff,
Soy dammit. Soy.
furious,
I'm so going to order a grande penis the next time I show my face in there.
jali,
Oh the fun the barista has.
kat,
Welcome to my nightmares.
mj,
They were oh, so much worse.
i know you order drinks like a chick. you is a chick. you're excused. but when a person who supposedly has a dong orders a venti mocha skinny double blah blah blah blah i want to punch "him" in the throat. i just want my damn coffee.
See, now I think all women should do that in coffee shops. Where's the harm?
Note to self: Try this.
I saw a girl walking once...her panties slowly dropped from beneath her skirt to around her ankles with every step she took. I wish she had a blog so I could get the explanation for that one.
I guess you will either use that skirt to its full potential or get a belt.
It's so nice to know other women step on their skirts and then stand up.
I think a picture of those cute shoes is required.
Miss-tay,
Clearly the funniest part of this was not the flashing but the free oil changes bit. I just wanted you to notice amongst all this flashing commenting business that I noticed your real genious.
Do you ever read it back to yourself and laugh out loud? I do. I crack my shit up.
omni,
I like a man bold enough to order chick drinks.
*,
I didn't get arrested. I don't see any harm.
jay,
I call him that too. Behind his back, of course.
karma,
Note to Karma: Wear slutty panties.
fringes,
That almost happened to me when one side of my panties came untied.
mutt,
Belts feel so restricting.
ddl,
You would love the shoes. How could you not?
andy,
I hardly remember what I wrote the night before. It's best that I don't read it back to myself. I will want to make changes.
I am completely addicted to Venti Skim Lattes... but they're like $4.00 a pop! So, can you tell me how to get outta paying for those??
You make me laugh out loud - I almost wet myself!
I wonder what sort of fortune you'd amass if you stuck one of those Pay Pal Me's for every laugh on your blog.
Yup. I wonder that.
heee heeee. I'd say only you but I can't. I hate when my cute skirts get caught in anything. Especially if I went panty free on that day. Hope you had decent panties on.
LOL!! you made his day!
great. now i can't stand up without embarassing myself.
i guess that's ok because you can't stand up without em-bare-assing yourself either.
Don't worry, I'm sure everyone was too busy looking at your shoes to notice. I don't even wear shoes and I want those shoes.
Please tell me you then stuffed your skirt in the tip jar and marched out of there, head, and drinks, held high.
And if you delivered the wrong drink to your friend wearing nothing but your unmentionables, I'm sure nobody noticed.
Mist, You've found a new way to make some side money. My next question...were you wearing panties? You have the most interesting life. Keep them coming.
YOu had me at "adorable brown eyelet peep toed shoes"
I am wearing adorable black eyelet peep toed shoes, flippy skirt and --oh---um---tee hee
Okay, so you squat down, tuck the skirt under your heel, and then stand? Brilliant! I'll try it... (I know you did it on purpose Mist, you crazy exhibitionist chick! But those with great butts are allowed...)
So jealous, I think they would have asked me for money.
Your shoes sounds adorable, and that's all that matters.
I would have been so focused on your shoes that I wouldn't have even noticed your pantslessness. Probably.
your shoes SOUND adorable.
that was one funny blog lady pmsl
ciao4now
So Funny!!!
OMG -- that is the perfect way to start the day... I know the other patrons thought--ooh look... coffee AND a show!
Did the person behind you say, "I'll have what she's having!!" ?
oh NO! at least you had coffee and made a couple of bucks?
also, i totally feel you on paying for intangibles. that's precisely why i hate going grocery shopping. food is not like a pair of $20 jeans you can wear over and over again, you buy it once, you eat it once it's over.
hope you were wardrobe malfunction-free for the rest of the day!
Mission accomplished! Free drinks. :)
LOL Very funny post.
Zippered skirts don't always improve this kind of situation. Since they don't actually slide down if they're caught under your heel, you sometimes end up falling over instead, showing everyone just as much, if not more of, well, everything.
The shoes sound divine, though.
Why would you want another coffee grinder when you don't even drink coffee?
stephanie,
I suggest a g-string.
akelamalu,
I think the barista wet himself too.
booda,
I could retire. I'm not ready for retirement. I still don't have a hobby.
olives,
By decent, if you mean slutty, then yes, they were decent.
qofd,
You can't buy wine with food stamps. What's the point of that?
claudia,
He deserved it. It was a great latte.
maximo,
Well played.
tammy,
We need to get you some shoes.
My friends are used to seeing me in my underwear. It's my standard uniform.
comedy,
My life is both interesting and humiliating on a daily basis.
turn,
I know. They are incredible shoes. They were even on sale.
miztris,
I was to embarrassed to ask him to throw in anything.
tammie,
I don't mind people admiring my butt, but I prefer to know their names first. Or at least have cocktails with them.
winter,
That's not the way it's supposed to work. My a$$ is worth every penny in the tip jar. All $4.68.
mystery,
I can't be mad at the shoes. They didn't know what they were doing. Plus, they are adorable.
het,
It's funny now. At the time, I was more concerned with making sure that I didn't trip over my skirt down by my ankles.
condo,
You live in the metro area. Tell me that you weren't there.
let's,
They stayed for the musical act.
nance,
I think the person behind me had a heart attack.
tbg,
I appreciate the support regarding paying for intangibles. It just doesn't make sense.
Thanks for coming by.
dawn,
I didn't even have to kiss him.
velvet,
Hmmm. I had better stick to pants.
yvonne,
I love accessories. I cannot help it.
*clap*clap*
My ass is not as amazing as yours.
I need a way to casually flash my coffee man. My boobs have remarkably less premature cellulite. If only cute shoes could be a part of my plan...
the next time my mother gives me grief about not owning any skirts or dresses i'm gonna tell her this story. thanks!
h & b,
Cute shoes are an integral part of every plan.
heather,
My mother used to give me the same speech. She is singing a different tune now.
And you got the order right too. Not a bad day for you minus the whole flashing the coffee shop your privates.
1,
Perfectly played, as usual. I want to learn to play in your league.
shife,
I didn't get the order right.
0,
My league is very exclusive. Please expose yourself in public and submit an application.
Grande Soy Chai Latte, that's my morning medication!
echo,
It's so much better with soy. Wine is my morning medication.
lol....I can feel your pain...i once walked from my office ladies room to the card store across the concourse.(about a 4 block distance) ..only for the owner to tap me on the shoulder to inform me that my skirt was stuck in the top of my panties.....!!!!!
Peace
odat,
I bet the breeze felt good.
"iced soy green tea latte"
A WHAT??
Great post. :-D
ghost,
You must have one. They are delicious.
And I just get arrested, even after I tell them it's my "Performance Art Elephant Impression."
Life is so unfair.
crank,
The secret to not being arrested is flashing a well flossed smile.
Wow, you should be on stage.
Puss
puss,
I am afraid of falling off the stage. I once fell off a speaker.
Post a Comment