I adore summer. I love sun dresses and short shorts. I like that I can walk into the convenience store in my bikini and buy beer and it's perfectly acceptable. Wearing a bikini is like wearing a bra and panties only you can do it in public and I think that's fabulous. Throughout the rest of the year if you try walking into a store wearing your underwear, you get odd looks and mothers cover the eyes of their children. But, from now until Labor Day, it's fine. Summer is the one time of year that I can step up my wardrobe from slightly slutty to whorish and it's perfectly acceptable.
I love the snug brown shorts that UPS graciously provides to drivers for their summer uniforms. I have found myself shopping online more and more, just to have Curtis come and visit me (albeit briefly) in those shorts every day. He sprays cologne on himself before he leaves the truck and it is entirely overpowering, but I forgive him for as long as he is wearing those shorts. Curtis is always polite. I ogle him while he sets my packages down and then he tells me to have a blessed day and I feel like a heathen because I swear, I do not know what the man's face looks like. I promise myself that tomorrow will be different. I will be respectable and I will sign for my packages without doing that look where I peek through my hair at him and bite my lower lip. I promise that I will stop molesting Curtis with my eyes when the weather cools down.
Lately, I have noticed that Curtis is uncomfortable around me. He is always shifting from foot to foot. He tugs at he back of his shorts when he's standing in front of me. His eyes dart around the room. I imagine that when he leaves, he scratches himself like a bear on the trunk of a tree. Yesterday, I asked him if I made him uncomfortable. He explained that it's not me, but that the truck has no air conditioning and that he's always sweating in his tight polyester shorts. The sweat it seems, drips down his back and pools in his crack. I nodded my head in mock understanding. I gave him the look that says, Curtis stop talking, you are totally ruining tonight's fantasy. I was going to ask if he wears boxers or briefs, but I thought that might be too forward. Curtis scratched his a$$ one last time and told me to have a blessed day. I wished him the same, but in the back of my head, I was thinking about how many times a day he scratched his butt and then handed people a package.
I'm glad that Curtis is comfortable enough with me to reveal the intimate details of his shorts. He's made me think, surely he's not the only man who has problems with his a$$ crack sweating in the summer. What do other men do? Baby powder seems like a reasonable option, but I haven't noticed any men smelling like baby powder down there. I'm not saying how I would have noticed, but I'm just saying, a girl notices stuff like this. By the way guys, if I ever notice that you smell like baby powder, I'm coming up for air.
Does Tampax make panty liners for men? I'm ordering a pack of manty liners for Curtis. I'm having them shipped UPS.
PS: Thanks Michael for letting me be a part of your Carnival of the Mundane.