To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Suicide Hotline


I am worried about my sister. I need confirmation that she is still alive. I have tried calling her with no success. I've left her three messages and still, she has not returned my calls.

Mom was the last person to talk to her. They spoke early yesterday and Mom reported that Elle was in bad shape. I am afraid that she has been pushed over the edge. My sister is deeply disturbed, yet highly motivated and the slightest thing could set her off. I only hope that she has internet access and reads this before it's too late. I want her to know that I care.

Elle called Mom early in the morning. She was nearly hyperventilating, "I can't leave my apartment. I'm not going out there. They'll see me. Tell them not to look at me," she sobbed. These kinds of phone calls don't bother my parents. I have been preparing them for moments like this for years by sending them the transcripts of the conversations that I hear in my head. A little Agoraphobia doesn't worry them in the least.

It seems that my sister just found out that our preferred hair care company has recently discontinued our favorite anti-frizz, leave-in treatment. My sister and I are curly haired girls. We depend on this product to protect us from humidity. Humidity and curly hair can be a fatal combination. Once, my hair was so frizzy and large that it obstructed my vision. Without peripheral vision, I nearly ran my car into oncoming traffic. Right then and there, I knew that I had to make a change in my life, or at least in my hair products.

Elle sent Mom to several salons throughout the city to see if she could find a few leftover bottles. She had her visit the corporate office to see if she could shake down the executive types there for coordinates of the warehouse where surely, she would find the last remaining case of the leave-in treatment. Finally, Mom called me to see if I would scour the Southeast for the precious product. I am happy to help with the search, but thus far, I have not turned up nothing. If I do find anything, I will not be sharing with my sister.

Hair products are thicker than blood, as the saying goes.


Mist 1


82 Comments:

At 7:53 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Don't worry - cases of the stuff will show up at local 99 cents stores everywhere within the next few months. It's a little known conspiracy propagated by Vidal Sassoon, Nestle and the makers of Head and Shoulders. Trust me on this one, I saw it on the internet so it must be true.

 
At 8:49 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

Try the dollar store or Ebay. That's where I find the super-secret anti-frizz hair remedy that I use. It was supposedly discontinued years ago, but I'm still finding it. It's a good thing, too, or I'd be movin' to the desert.

 
At 8:59 PM, Blogger Legaleagle said...

Just look for it in a few months under a different name. Sure, it will cost more, because the bastards in marketing think that by giving it a new name they can charge more, but it's essentially the same stuff. Good luck -- I know from experience (as I often have curly hair myself) the humidity in your neck of the woods can be near fatal.

 
At 9:51 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

So, what is this magic anti-frizz product? I made the mistake of straightening my hair on Sunday night when the air was nice and dry. The next day I woke up to drizzle and much humidity. My living room was completely full after me and my gigantic hair showed up.

 
At 10:12 PM, Anonymous la cubana gringa said...

Not only are hair products thicker than blood...but they don't steal your shoes either. Another plus in addition to the anti-frizz properties.

 
At 10:12 PM, Blogger SQT said...

OMG! I completely understand this. I have curly hair too and I order my stuff from New York and have it shipped to Ca. I found out about this stuff from a good friend. Only another curly haired girl can understand the hysteria frizz can induce.

 
At 11:09 PM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

I bet you wouldn't even leave a Tribute Bottle of it on her gravestone, after she offs herself in despair.

That's just cold.

 
At 11:17 PM, Blogger Friendly Manitoban said...

I compltely understand what you're going through!! My curly hair is the bane of my existance.

 
At 11:55 PM, Blogger Vengelyne said...

So why not seek professional treatment with that obsession?

Not a shrink, but a professional hairstylist who can tame those wild curls and straighten them out. Should last a couple of months at the very least.

 
At 12:40 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 1:26 AM, Blogger CondoBlogger said...

Sounds like a good excuse for an anti-friz testing party... do it like that dandruf commercial... part her hair severely down the middle. Treat one side with one product, the other side with another. Test the results in a steamy bathroom. Then shampoo/rinse/repeat until full 5th of gin is empty.

 
At 1:43 AM, Blogger Nomes said...

Hair Play by KMS isn't available in the Czech Republic. However, it IS available on l'internet - through european ebay.

Have a look - not just at ebay.com, but also try ebay.co.uk and trademe.co.nz

You never know. That's what the international community is there for, right?

 
At 2:48 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

I read the first 'anti-frizz' as 'anti-jizz'. They sound almost the same!

 
At 3:21 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

I believe they shave your head before ECT anyway, so if she carries on with her shenanigans, she won't be needing that product at all. More for you.

Puss

 
At 3:43 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Do what I do. Shave your head. It's quite liberating.

 
At 3:53 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Yikes. Hope sis gets through this ok.

 
At 4:26 AM, Blogger Debbie said...

Hair products are important. My hair is out of control without them.

 
At 4:55 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

Sounds like a hairy situation. Hope you can get to the root of the problem, and look for a permanent solution.

 
At 5:00 AM, Blogger Curiosity.Killer said...

This is a good point for you to bargain. Maybe you can trade something that you want from her with a bottle of those anti-frizz magic potions.

 
At 5:01 AM, Blogger wreckless said...

"Oh what a tangled wig we weave when we practice to decieve" Shakespeare right?
Ha ha

 
At 5:10 AM, Blogger Lee said...

I see you have your priorities straight.

 
At 5:11 AM, Blogger Lee said...

Straight.

Get it?


I crack myself up.

 
At 5:27 AM, Blogger paz y amor said...

Maybe it's just time for a haircut!

 
At 6:25 AM, Anonymous KRistin said...

I am with you here! Curly hair sucks MAJOR ass!

 
At 6:35 AM, Blogger maximo said...

hmm. even your hair is kinky.

 
At 6:52 AM, Blogger That's one clever little Yvonne said...

Ha ha. My hair's straight.

 
At 6:55 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

I'm doing my best to treat this as a funny post.

Remember it's down the lane, not across the road.

 
At 6:55 AM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

Hey sister, soul sister, go sister.

I'm still mourning Wella's hurtful move to discontinue my favorite color. RIP, RR667. RIP.

 
At 6:57 AM, Blogger Just A Girl said...

Hair products are thicker than blood

AMEN

 
At 7:08 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

Curly is my favorite stooge.
Curly fries taste good.
gnam gnam gnam
They don't sell curly chilly cheese fries at Jack in the box anymore. I am disappointed.

 
At 7:17 AM, Blogger Susan said...

I have wavy hair. It can't decide which way it wants to be..and it's..horrible.

 
At 7:23 AM, Blogger Constance said...

I lopped my hair off relatively recently, which means that I actually have to straighten it every day. Otherwise I have this confusing mass of curly bits and the other bits that refuse to curl. I miss the long hair that I could at least cram back in a pony-tail when I didn't want to style it.

 
At 7:28 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

 
At 8:50 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

Well, everyone knows that everything on the internet is true.

laurie,

You are so generous to tell me this.

legal,

Money is no object when it concerns my hair.

churlita,

I may regret telling you this as you will probably snatch up all the bottles on eBay, but I love Aveda Elixir.

lcg,

My sister and I don't have the same size feet. She can only steal hair and body products from me.

jocelyn,

I would leave a lovely handmade card. Handmade is always best, you know.

fm,

I love curls, you just have to give up the need for control.\

venge,

I am not the same girl with straight hair. Curls are more me.

condo,

That is hysterical. Thanks. I just might try that. You're killing me.

nomes,

I hope that no one gets suspicious when I start getting all those foreign shipments.

phishez,

Jizz totally frizzes my hair.

puss,

She'd probably look great with a shaved head and then I'd be all jealous and suicidal.

fab,

I look like an android with a bald head.

attila,

Whose side are you on here?

debbie,

Hair products are what separate us from the apes.

nwjr,

Please use follicle in your next comment.

curiosity,

Then what will I do? I can't be stuck at home.

wreck,

That was beautiful.

lee,

I don't get it.

paz,

You're right. We should shear my sister.

kristin,

Quite the opposite. I love my curly hair. I just have to invest in a product line that will never go out of business.

maximo,

You don't even know the half.

yvonne,

You may have a few gay hairs on your head.

123,

I will pour out a little of my anti frizz serum in memory of your beloved RR667.

jag,

I am not ashamed to admit it.

nolff,

You have Jack in the Box there? I've only been there once. I was afraid to try those taco-like things. I am full of regret.

susan,

Shhhh. Your hair will hear you. You must give your hair positive affirmations.

constance,

The inventor of the pony tail was a genius.

av,

Sigh.

 
At 8:56 AM, Blogger booda baby said...

The best product is a move to the desert. Dessert. One of those.

Maybe she can't move - I hear some people have limitations. Well, if she loses her will before dunking her head in a vat of olive oil - it drips, but it does keep the frizz away - well, I'm afraid she'll only get a portion of my sympathy.

 
At 8:59 AM, Anonymous themuttprincess said...

Having a good hair day when your sister doesn't is priceless.

 
At 8:59 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

booda,

I like desert or dessert too. I can't remember which one.

 
At 9:14 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

If your sister does away with herself, maybe your parents will finally buy you that puppy you wanted before she was born.

 
At 9:15 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

This reminds me of the "General Mills Cheerio Snack Mix extinction of 1999".

*shaking head* I feel her pain.

 
At 9:28 AM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

Oh to have curly hair...I have to use 3 products to get it curled and keep it curled.

 
At 9:33 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

hearts,

It was a pony and I am secretly hopeful.

ctw,

Cheerios are no defense against humidity.

scotts,

And those products are like gold, aren't they?

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Nothing causes so much pain and deperation as discontinued consumer products. I hope that the hair care company has a suicide hotline at the consumer help number on the package.

 
At 10:25 AM, Blogger Akelamalu said...

That's even worse than a favourite lipstick being discontinued!

 
At 10:30 AM, Blogger Susan said...

It has managed to frizz out since I last comment. I'm so sorry hair. Please..stop getting bigger. It's not the 80s anymore.

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger me the other twin said...

Aghairophobia (having a bad hair day/hide)She is quite right to stay indoors.

 
At 11:20 AM, Blogger Stacy said...

Don't worry, as a licensed stylist and salon owner, that product will be out under a different name in no time. Also, I just cut about 5 inches off the most beautiful ringlet golden curls I have ever seen. They are lying in a pile on the floor next to my chair, too pretty to put into the trash can. I love curls.

 
At 11:21 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

velvet,

I think the staff are cross trained.

akelamalu,

I have yet to have that happen to me. I live in fear.

susan,

I can't see the monitor in front of my face due to frizz right now. I am typing this by feel.

methe,

I wish I hadn't given her that cute jacket. It's a total waste now if she's never going out again.

 
At 11:22 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

stacy,

Actually, since writing this post, I have called the company. They are promising to re-release the product under a new name. How do you know these things?

 
At 12:15 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

It was the best I could do.

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger mojotek said...

Is your sister OK?? I must know! My brother had a similar breakdown when Nair discontinued their pube-cream.

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger His Sinfulness said...

I live in a high desert now, so no frizz for me. When I used to live in North Carolina, however, frizz was my bane - my pubes were out of control.

 
At 1:02 PM, Blogger jali said...

Oh! The horror. Discontinued product.

The 99cents store and BigLots might have the stuff.

 
At 1:18 PM, Blogger mrsmogul said...

Maybe send some FATGIRLSLIM to cheer the girl up?

 
At 1:24 PM, Blogger tallulah said...

My favorite perfume was discontinued. Now I always smell like sh*t.

 
At 1:25 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

av,

Clearly, you don't use hair products on all that body hair.

mojo,

I am calling the authorities to go over to her apartment. You have to wait 72 hours, you know.

his sin,

I don't know about my sister, but I've found that wax manages pubes pretty well.

jali,

There's no $0.99 store where I live. I'm upscale. I live near the $1 store.

 
At 1:27 PM, Blogger The CEO said...

1,
Once again you demonstrate your mastery and superiority in a difficult situation. Well done! Well played! Booyah.

 
At 1:29 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

mogul,

That would definitely make her jump, if she hasn't already.

tallulah,

Some people wear that scent well.

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

I wish more people said Booyah.

 
At 1:45 PM, Blogger Comedy + said...

Well booyah. Happy?

You have such a disfunctional family. I just love it. Are you sure we aren't related. At least distant cousins or something.

I am touched at how much you care for your sister. Until tomorrow. :)

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

I use only the best!

 
At 2:22 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

What's wrong with frizzy hair? The 80's will make a come back! I shwear.

 
At 3:05 PM, Blogger Michael Thomas said...

I concur with the shaved head thing. Now if I can just get a product to straighten those wayward pubes out.

 
At 3:05 PM, Anonymous Dawn said...

I'm afraid of what I'd look like without my Pantene leave-in conditioner. I'm thinking it'd be sorta like Sideshow Bob.

 
At 3:07 PM, Blogger melanie said...

I too am plagued with curly, fine hair! so the frizz sets in later in the day, even without the humidity I used to tolerate in the dirty south!

try online places to obtain defrizz hair products. I have lowered myself to the pantene/infusium level, as funds are short for single mom... having to make due. I still look fabulous even with semi frizz.

tell your sis to tuffen up! :lol:

 
At 3:49 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Maybe Mountain Dew will help keep the frizz down...

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger Nance said...

"I have not turned up nothing"...hmmm...was this double negative intentional? Are you stockpiling?

 
At 5:59 PM, Blogger Todd said...

Frizzy hair is hot. Reminds me of "after sex" hair.

 
At 6:24 PM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

You've gotten some great advice.

just remember that I work part-time in the hair industry.

I have connections.

 
At 6:59 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

comedy,

My family may be dysfunctional, but we have amazing curls.

av,

I need a team of stylists and hair care professionals like you have.

orhan,

The 80s never really died.

michael,

What is it with you people who still have pubes? Wax them off.

dawn,

Funny. I look a bit like Sideshow Bob and Ronald McDonald's love child.

michael,

Mountain Dew is fizzy.

nance,

I'm not telling nothing.

todd,

I don't want people to get the wrong idea about me.

pissy,

I need all the Aveda Elixir you can get your hands on.

 
At 7:47 PM, Blogger My Reflecting Pool said...

curly hair in the humid south. ouch. Glad your sister didn't need that menacing razor and only anti frizz product. I'm sure Bumble and Bumble make a great product she could learn to love. They might even ship it right to her.

 
At 7:53 PM, Blogger Uncivil said...

Poor Sis! I sure hope her Hemroid ointment never gets discontinued!
That would be a real pain in the ass!

 
At 7:59 PM, Blogger historymike said...

Hmmm... frizz-induced agoraphobia.

This needs to be in the new edition of the DSM-IV.

STAT!

I like using that faux-medical word "STAT." Makes me feel powerful and surging with so much testosterone that my shirt sleeves rip, like the Incredible Hulk.

STAT.

 
At 8:05 PM, Blogger Jim said...

Hi Misty -- Have you checked the Big Lots store?
At least you are calmer about the situation than your sister is.
..

 
At 7:59 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

pool,

I will not be passing any helpful tips on to her. It is my time to be the cute one again.

uncivil,

I'm sure she would come up with a homeopathic remedy.

mike,

I have a crush on the Hulk. Watch yourself when you reference him.

jim,

I am always the picture of calm.

 
At 1:11 PM, Anonymous Elle said...

mist,
i read your blog, and yes i'm still alive thanks to your caring, sisterly support. however, i've reverted back to my 90's style: bandanas to cover my nappy rat's nest, and baggy shirts and pants. i don't get out much anymore. you were right, with the rise in popularity of asian babies, all of us now frizzy-haired black and white kids are out.
-elle

 
At 1:24 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

elle,

I didn't know you in that phase. I only remember the sundress and combat boot phase.

I'm so glad you're alive.

 
At 5:18 PM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

that's terrible....you should share with your sister.

Umm...is that anything like jerry curl juice?

i don't know, that's why i ask.

 
At 6:26 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

kiyotoe,

These curls are bouncy and while they shine, they do not have the "wet" look.

 
At 7:47 PM, Blogger Liz said...

My mother calls my best friend for updates on me. She's still mad about the time I went to Chicago for a week and forgot to tell her I would be out of town. I did that too on a New Orleans trip. Maybe I have a pattern of disappearing.

I don't like too many people to know where I am or with whom. If I was ever kidnapped, the nabbers would be very disappointed. People are used to me being gone. I'm not sure my parents would even think about paying. At least they would know I was staying put somewhere.

 
At 9:14 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

liz,

Your mom called me the other day. I told her about what you were doing on the side to make extra money. She is not amused.

 
At 8:09 AM, Blogger Warrior said...

I find curls to be extremly sexy on a woman. I am not being smutty I mean on her head. Why anyone would want to straighten hair with personality and sexitude is beyond me.

 
At 8:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

warrior,

I'm with you. My curls are part of my thing.

 

Post a Comment

"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

ABOUT ME
ABOUT ME
Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.

BLOGROLL

123 Valerie Strikes Again
A Day in the Life
A Day in the Wind
Ali Thinks
Allan Thinks
Animal Mind
A View From The Watter's Edge
Avitable
BNR - Blog Name Removed
Briliant Donkey
Burnett's Urban Etiquette
Burt Reynolds' Mustache
c-writing
Cardiac Fantasies
Carnival of the Mundane
Curiosity Killer
Dallas Dysfunction
Dan's Blah Blah Blog
Disgruntled Workforce
DKY Bar and Grill
Exorcise My Devils
Fantasy and Sci-Fi Lovin' Blog
Fresh Air Lover
Guilty With An Explanation
How to go Insane
I Am Woman, See Me Blog!
Intelligent Humor
It's Go Time!
It's No Picknick!
Jester Tunes
Jen (and Andrew)
Just Tug
Karlababble
Ketchup With My Fries, Please
Liner Notes
Little White Liar
Maiden New York
Mayren Abashed
Meloncutter Musings
Mindy Does Minneapolis
Miss Britt
Much Ado about sumthin!
Muffin 53
Pointless Banter
Pointless Drivel
Q's Corner
Random Moments
Roadtrip
Sanity Optional
Single Life As I Know It
Secret Suburban Misfit
Southern Circle of Hell
Studio-Twenty-Three
The Assimilated Negro
The Death of Retail Price
The Dragon: 050376
The Morning Meeting
The Post College Years
The Wonderful World of Nothing Worthwhile
Tiny Voices in My Head

NEWEST POSTS

To Go
Bayou
Shorts
Can You Spell That?
Grocery Shopping
Sponsorship
Sick Duck
Showers
Prom
Affairs

ARCHIVES

Credits

Header image photo by Alison.

 Subscribe in a reader

 Subscribe to comments

RFS Blog Awards Winner