When my friends and I talk, we talk about serious, pressing issues facing the world today. We are deeply concerned with current events and frequently find ourselves talking about items taken directly from the news.
We are passionate about environmental issues and conservation. Last night, Moronda and I debated an environmental issue. Moronda has strong environmental convictions. She believes in recycling men that she has already slept with. I support the environment by dating men with previous emotional baggage. I like to consider them post-consumer waste men. I don't damage new men. That would be environmentally irresponsible. Also, I only flush my toilet when people ring my doorbell. I wish my toilet was wired to my doorbell. It would ease my mind.
Moronda had a pressing question last night. Something that had made her lose several minutes of sleep the previous night. She wanted to know if it is appropriate for her to tell a man with a little penis that it is entirely unnecessary for him to wear a Magnum condom. She feels that he's delusional and doesn't want to give him a complex. Moronda says that the sex would be good if not for the excess latex in the way. It gets in the way of the satisfaction of all parties. Not being a fan of the condom, I asked her how bad it could be. I repeated her reply to myself over and over in my head, so that I could quote her properly here. She said:
"I mean, it looks like a ten gallon garbage bag hanging off his sh*t. He can't bust and neither can I. He keeps trying to come up with all these complex scenarios as to why. I'm like, 'hello, maybe it's the Hefty you have on that little wee wee of yours'."
Lord, I wish he was psycho enough to bug her phone. He needed to hear that.
Please, if you are banging my friend Moronda and you are reading this, scale it down a size.
Thanks in advance.