I'm a Lumberjack
Yesterday, I had a taste for sangria. I went to J's house expecting my usual fix of fruit bobbing in wine. J had other plans.
When I got there, I knew something was amiss. Instead of my usual welcoming glass of fruity goodness, I found a pair of yellow work gloves (size small), a chainsaw (one size fits all), and a six foot length of rope.
"This tree is taking over everything," J said.
"Oh G*d no! Not the sangria!"
J looked at me sharply and handed me the yellow gloves. I watched as the rope was tied to a tree branch. "J, I'm thirsty. Really, really thirsty." I was ignored. My throat made a dry, rasping noise. "I need to check my email. I've left the blog unattended." Ignored again. I was beginning to feel desparate.
I found myself in the yard, standing directly under the tree branch holding the end of a rope. J started the chainsaw. "Let's think about this," I whined. J looked up, considered the shortness of the rope, and put down the chainsaw.
"We need sangria to do this job right." Finally, J was being reasonable. I breathed a sigh of relief and let go of the rope which dangled two feet above my head.
I waited (paced like a tiger in the zoo) on the porch for the sangria. J reappeared with glasses in hand. We drank and thought in silence. Looking thoughtful, J said, "you're going to need to pull the rope so that the branch doesn't hit my damn roof."
"What about my head?" I asked. J assured me that I looked fine. Satisfied with the answer, I retreated for the yard, wearing yellow gloves and flip flops (not a good look for me and yet strangely comfortable). I held the rope in my right hand and my sangria in the left. J cursed upon realizing that it is impossible to hold a glass and a chainsaw at the same time.
J cut. I pulled. J cut. I drank. J cut. I pulled. Finally, the branch came down. Directly on the roof.
J cursed about the roof. I complained about my excessive thirst. "Go home and put this on your resume," J snapped.
I took a batch of sangria home. Tomorrow I'll get on the roof. Provided there's sangria.
Also, I'd like to use the chainsaw.