Another Stroke of Genius
I, like many others, do my best thinking in the bathroom. This was one of those moments.It happens from time to time. A stroke of genius. How have I lived this long without a Nobel Peace Prize?
I took a shower yesterday. This, in itself is an accomplishment. On the floor of my shower, I have several non-slip pads. They are pink and shaped like flowers. I have busted my a$$ in my shower before, and so I went to Target and purchased a set of these convenient stick-on pads.
I got out of the shower and really had to pee. I don't pee in the shower. Let me amend that. I don't generally pee in the shower. I pee in the shower at other people's homes because I don't like to sit on toilet seats that are not my own. I'm not saying that I park myself over the edge of the tub when I have to go. What I mean here is that I pee in the shower at other people's homes when I am taking a shower.
I lurched out of the shower and plopped onto the toilet seat. In hindsight (hindsight is Mad Dog 20/20), I should have dried off before sitting. I had to go. Badly. I slipped right off the toilet and caught myself with my ribcage on the edge of the tub.
So, I have a new invention. Non-slip toilet seats.
The seats could be non-slip, or one could purchase the adhesive stickers and apply them directly to the existing toilet seat. They will come in cute colors and shapes. Butterflies, hearts, flowers, rubber duckies, green clovers, and purple horseshoes.
Yes, they will be slightly abrasive. I prefer to call that "exfoliating." A smooth a$$ and no more risk of knocking myself out on the tile floor. What more could I want?
My ribs are bruised, but they will heal. My bath mat is soiled, but is is washable.
Must get to work on prototype.
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:30 AM
65 Comments:
Sometimes, it is just best to replace the bath mat. Trust me, I know these things. I do find it interesting that recently, the bathrooms have become quite the issue in the blogs. Is it just the season?
Later Yall....
Am feeling your pain, Mist. Have done the very same thing myself (but with, er, lubricant, rather than water), and felt very stupid as a result. Gave him a laugh anyway. ..
Let me know when you open your first outlet in Europe, I will be right there with my pounds, shillings and pence – my dignity demands it (when I find it).
Puss
Ouch! Thank god you were on your own toilet. If you had been on someone else's toilet, you might have gotten some horrible disease when your face came so close to the seat! And they might have heard you fall and tried to help. Horrifying! Note to self- start peeing in other people's showers. Stat.
I pee in the shower every chance I get...some mornings its the one thing I look forward to most!
Well, at least you didn't fall the other way.... ;-) You might not have got out again.
Remind me to sanitize the shower in our guest bathroom if you ever come to visit.
melon,
Blogging about bathrooms never goes out of style.
puss,
What flavor was the lubricant?
wg,
Pee in other people's showers for your own safety.
nihilistic,
Also, keeps down foot fungus.
ghost,
That has happened too. Not that long ago.
av,
Suit yourself. Although, I'm pretty sure urine is sterile.
or peopel could just stick those suckers onto their posteriors - then you've got a no slip grip on a multitude of surfaces. Don't wanna slip when you're taking a bath - no problem - your butt stickers will slow you down! Never fall off a toilet seat again. Also provides superior traction if you happen to be sitting on your washermachine.
What?? I don't....I friend of mine does...yeah :)
nattie,
It's the only reason that I do laundry.
or, people could just stick those no-slip adhesive stickers directly onto their backside - that way you keep your bases covered. Don't wanna slip while having your bath? No problem. No more slipping off toilet seats, anywhere! Plus, the no-slip grip will provide superior traction if ever you're sitting on your washing machine during the spin cycle.
What? I don't do it - I've just heard of people who do....yeah....
1
You've done it again. You should win the Nobel Prize in Physics. You silly genius' are all alike. So committed you get confused between a good Peace and a good Physic. Note to self: start taking showers at friends so I can take a dump there.
How much awesomeness can you get from one product?! I have the type of bathroom that is actually a shower stall itself (the drain is in the bathroom floor), so wet toilet seats are a constant nuisance for me. But now I can clean my bathroom, take a shower, and exfoliate my butt all before starting my work day! This will shave minutes off my beauty regime.
Mad Dog 20/20? Oh god. Evil, evil stuff. And speaking of toiletes, did you know they just invented a new one that can hold up to 2000lbs?
Purrrfect peach, of course!
Puss
OUCH! I have fallen in the shower before and landed on the ribs - NOT A GOOD TIME.....
Perhaps instead of a "grip" you could have fuzzy ones - that way they can absorb moisture but still feel soft on the tush.
You are a genius.
When I was a kid, we had a substitute teacher who apparently had a similar accident, only hers ended in a broken arm. Somehow, this news gleefully got around the schoolyard. Toilet! Broken arm! Tee hee!
When she arrived with a cast on her arm, confirming the story, our laughter doubled. I think she was crying before she fled. And she never came back.
Isn't that a great ending?
I know you'd have at least one loyal customer.
LOL, This actually coincides with my re-invention of the toilet seat...
Silicone toilet seats.
Silicone supposedly remains at a constant temperature & is slip proof, therefore all the new pot holders are made of it.
If we make toilet seats out of it, they will never get cold in the winter (the bathroom is the coldest room of my house & the coldseat will stop my pee before it starts in the midst of a winter night) and they will be slip-proof...no more swan-dives from the seat.
I, like many others, do my best thinking in the bathroom.
Actually, I do my best drinking in the bathroom. I call it a "beer shower."
Mist1, something tells me that not only do you pee in other people's showers but you have on more than one occasion squatted over a urinal or in a dark alley.
I don't know who someone coordinated enough to swing and gyrate simultaneously in opposite directions can possibly experience a toilet seat malfunction--and then blame it on the design. I'd love to see the law suit.
You know, you might just try installing a seat belt.
*cheers* here here for Exfoliating your a$$. well done.
I too am among the Tub-thumpers who break their necks near/in/around the tub. We have Blue suction cuppie mats in the tub now and fluffly pretty bath mats outside the tub. See for me i break my a$$ on both sides when slippery.
Wow, sounds painful. On another note, I'm sorry Mist, but I don't think I can let you take a shower at my house. :P
Kristyn
I'd just get matching flowers - tub, toilet, it's a set! And if you have a problem slipping in your sink (I'm sure there could be reasons), you could do a 3-fer!
great idea...!!
after reading you pee in other tubs but not your own... i couldn't concentrate. i'm in adoration that you admit it. ::sigh:: i've found another hero.
misty,
remind me to leave toilet cleansers hanging off the edge of the faucets in my tub just for you.
you are the only person that i know that needs her toiletseat to come with a seat belt, lo.
I find it hysterical that you ONLY pee in other people's showers. lmao!
Ohhhhh I cringed when I heard your story. Slipping out of the bathtub is traumatic, just be glad you still have all your teeth, and a great idea for an invention.
You may just want to buy a new bath mat, is all I'm saying...
You are brilliant!!! I'm surprised your not filthy rich aleady.....
Don't waste your time. Just get yourself one of these. The description says "non-slip finish".
Or better yet, snatch one next time you're in the hospital (you know ... that building where you smeared feces on the walls).
0,
I thought it was for psychics and that doesn't apply to me, so peace seemed like the next best option.
veronica,
I don't shave minutes off, I wax them.
karma,
I don't need a toilet that holds 2000lbs. Does this blog make my butt look big?
puss,
Of course.
cheeky,
Fuzzy tickles too much. Laughing and peeing is a recipe for disaster.
alison,
Thanks for noticing.
jay,
She will be my spokesmodel.
slb,
Honey, the first place I add some silcone is not going to be my toilet seat if you get what I mean.
norm,
Luckily, there was just some of my hair on the bathroom floor. It stuck to me in interesting places. Kinda gross, but still made me giggle.
matt,
I thought I invented Beer in the Shower. Damn, I should have patented that one too.
crankster,
I have lived this long with out a seatbelt violation. I don't want the local authorities barging in with some "click it or ticket" nonsense.
mayren,
Perhaps you should invest in some padding. You gotta protect that a$$.
kristyn,
It's okay. I understand. I will shower before I come over. Really, a girl only needs like one a week.
tug,
I am beginning to fear my sink. Please don't let me go down in the sink. There's no excuse for that.
odat,
I can tell by your tone that you are planning to steal my idea. Just so you know, I printed out this post and mailed it to myself. That counts as a patent in several nations. I have eyes everywhere.
nerd,
I cannot touch hand rails. Seriously. I cannot. Now I need hand sanitizer.
vicki,
If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that I'm a hero...I'd have $0.05 by now. Will try not to spend it all in one place.
k,
Thanks for being such a gracious hostess.
miztris,
Well, I don't want to do that in my shower.
desiree,
But I love this bath mat.
meg,
Perhaps I am. My last invention, the warming after-sex wipes, really took off. No more arguing about who gets the towel.
dan,
I am not shopping online at a company called Active Forever. I just can't bring myself to do it. I have been banned for 30 days from the hospital. Damn insurance.
Good idea :) I too have slipped and slided more times than is necessary, but what if they were fuzzy... non slip but still soft??
monk,
Fuzzy = Absorbent.
That's all I have to say about that. You can purchase them in fine, medium and coarse grit.
OMG! You are hilarious :D
Everyone else stole all my ideas by the time I got a chance to comment. Boo....
I once solved World Peace while taking a dump... but I decided to keep it to myself. People fighting is much more amusing..
lemme know when you're ready to go public, so i can buy my stock early.
britt,
I'm glad you clarified. I almost didn't post the second comment because you left the door wide open.
victoria,
Glad you laughed. It's sort of theme around here.
dallas,
World peace is so overrated.
brooklyn,
Am also looking for ivestors and silent partners.
greg,
Blogger won't let me post your cooment, but I think the iSit accessory is genius.
anastasia,
I am one step ahead of you. I never comb the back of my head. I am only concerned with first impressions.
ummm...great invention, but remind me to never let you shower at my house.
This story adds credence to the assertion that the bathroom is the most dangeous room in the house.
Damn! I know that had to have hurt.
But at least you got a brilliant money-making idea out of it.
don't forget us when you go big....
darlene,
Remind me to shower before I visit you.
icl,
I thought it was the bathroom.
you must've been moving quick!! ouch...
pissy,
I will do my best to remember the little people. Thanks for the reminder to remain humble.
c,
Now I just feel dirty. Thanks.
claudia,
I am quick. You gotta watch me.
1
OK, you got me. I have now laughed my ass off. What have you got to laugh this belly off?
0,
Stick around. Laughing is great exercise.
1
I could afford to lose maybe 70 or 80 pounds. Do you have that much humor?
0,
Wrap yourself in plastic wrap before you read my blog. You will be trim in no time.
Either that, or cut off a few limbs.
I hate it when I have to poop right after showering.
Why am I telling you this?
1
Wait, such a tough choice. Excruciating, sweating, let me think, I don't want to get this one wrong.....I'll take the plastic for 50
nwjr,
I ask myself the same question every time I hit Publish on Blogger.
0,
Let me know if you need help with that.
1
Help, send help
0,
Stay on the line, sir. Help will be there soon.
1
Oh the pain, it's almost more than I can bear, please make sure they have vodka when they get here, and some pate
0,
I hope you get the hot parametics.
1
Please, send the female paramedics, just in case.
0,
Paramedic. I've got it now. No "t."
1
You're the best, I still don't do guys, yet.
0,
They're the best. Let me know if you want some pointers.
1
So far, I'm trying to learn how to do better with girls. But one day...
0,
I'm trying to better with the girls too. Maybe we can get a group discount on a class. You can borrow my book, "Doing Better With Girls for Dummies."
1
Sounds good to me. When can I start?
0,
We'd better get some practice in. When's the next time you'll be in the South?
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