Clout
I was the last of my friends to get my driver's license. They all took Driver's Ed. together in high school. I felt a little left out when they talked about the "stimulators." I peeked my head into the classroom one day to see for myself. They were playing driving video games. No one looked very stimulated. It would be years before I experienced stimulated driving for myself.
When I was finally old enough to get my license, I decided that I'd rather not take Driver's Ed. It didn't seem necessary. Grandpa was the head of the State Board of Driver's Examiners. That made him Influential. And that made me Golden. I have always enjoyed the abuse of power when it is on my side.
I made an appointment for my written exam. My boyfriend, Waks Thatass, drove me to the testing site. I spent most of the allotted time writing Mist + Waks = Love on the back of the test booklet. Also, I practiced writing my name and his last name in cursive. Mist Thatass. I still like the way that sounds.
At the end of the test, the proctor asked us all to choose a partner and exchange tests. He handed out answer keys and instructed us to correct each other's exams. There was an odd number of people taking the test that day and I got to correct my own test. I rounded down the number of incorrect answers to two.
Thirty days later, with appropriate paperwork in hand, I returned to the DMV for my behind-the-wheel test. The examiner studied the forms and asked, "Mist 1? Any relation to Mr. Take 1?" I told him that I was his granddaughter and that Grandpa expected me to do exceptionally well on the test. Then I asked him how to spell his last name. His voice cracked as he spelled it for me. I wrote it down and asked if we should get started.
As I mowed over cones and rolled through stops, I asked him if he liked his job. He nodded; eyes never straying from the road. I completed the slalom portion of the exam flawlessly. I parallel parked in two smooth motions. To this day, I can still parallel park. Sometimes, I even get close to the curb.
I got my driver's license that day.
My parents made a sizable donation for improvements to be made to the grounds; a little area now known as "Pedestrian Memorial Parking Lot."
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:55 AM
48 Comments:
Any class with a stimulator sounds interesting...
Mist1, how old are you? Driver's Ed video games. That's so high-tech. Are you, like, 19?
You sound a bit like Jenna Bush here.
claudia,
I didn't want to be stimulated with that teacher. He was gross.
matt,
I have been 21 for years and years now. I am not full of shit. I'm pretty regular. That's kinda personal, don't you think?
LOL, we never had simulated or stimulated drivers' ed....that all came after I got my license.
Parallel parking is kind of like curling the tongue, some folks can do & some never have & never will.
slb,
I have to curl my tongue when I parallel park. It helps me concentrate.
I went to the DMV 2 cities away because they did not require parallel parking. It's pretty bad when I drive into LA for work and I pull over and ask my friend from work to parallel park for me. I still manage to hold my head up high though while watching someone else park my truck. I always try to offer money as a 'tip' in case anyone's watching.
Can your grandfather get me a license? I've failed my test 6 times. 4 of which I didn't deserve...
My ex, bless his cotton socks, once came to meet me and some friends for a drink. When he got there he was real cranky, which wasn't unusual. He said to me all accusingly, "I sat in hours of traffic to get here to see you and at the end then I had to parallel park!!!!" Nothing wrong with a good dose of nepotism!
No wonder Daisey had to take drugs before he drove with ya!!!!
I may book my annual thrill vacation with you on a driving holiday instead of going to an amusement park. It makes reality TV seem passe don't you think?
btw Want to know more about this kitty I've seen mentioned at Cheeky's.
michael,
When I can't park, I just pretend that I'm blind. People are more understanding then.
shadow,
I will channel Granpa from The Beyond.
spoon,
Why did y'all break break up? He seems lovely.
odat,
I fail to see what you're hinting at.
icl,
You may want to consider buying a season pass. By the third time you've driven with me it has paid for itself. Kitty's name is Iskra and we are in love.
1
Iskra is the luckiest guy around. I'd also like whatever you take to stay so regular, a personal goa; of mine!
I'll always drive with you. I will also sky dive, disarm bombs, and I love fighting 24 ninjas naked. Brings out the lesbian in me.
0,
Disarming bombs sounds fun. I am rather disarming.
I had to go to driving school in France 11 years after getting my license here. I bribed the instructor into letting me take fewer lessons.
The day I took the test, I was 9 months pregnant and barely able to fit behind the wheel. I think the tester knew that if he failed me, I'd get all hormonal on him. So I passed. Ten days later I had my son.
I still hate parallel parking.
My apologies, Mist1. I'm still 29, btw.
I remember an off-hand comment I made to the driver's ed instructor (bitch didn't like me) that in no time I'd be so good that I'd be able to drive while holding a beverage in one hand.
"I have no doubt you will," she said.
Very true...my driver's ed teach was pretty gross too...I think it needs to be a requirement.
norm,
Perhaps you know him...he gets around.
alison,
Nothing wrong with a little bribery. I like to call it being persuasive.
matt,
They should make the road test more realistic. We should have to talk on the phone while we make incomplete stops.
claudia,
Same goes for PE teachers. I will never forget how many balls Mr. Fortier had in his pockets. Ugh.
I've always been able to parallel park easily, but my driving skills make my husband amazingly nervous. I think he has a personal problem.
Driver's Ed was taught by the wrestling coach in my h.s. When they learned to change a tire, he said, 'Heart, you'll never have to do it. Why don't you cut this class?" So I did, and I still don't know how.
Everyone loves abuse of power when it's in their favor, but few admit it. Your Grandpa would be proud.
hearts,
You mean you have to change tires? Sh*t.
maiden,
He loved me too. He misses me, I'm sure of it. I'd ask him, but he's blocked my number.
1
At the risk of offending everyone, I can parallel park REALLY well. Where I lived, you didn't have a choice.
0,
So can I. Seriously. I just knew that no one would believe me. It's the only part of driving that I really have down. Well, that and the tweezing part.
0,
So can I. Seriously. I just knew that no one would believe me. It's the only part of driving that I really have down. Well, that and the tweezing part.
When I took my exam, the 1st thing we had to do was parallel park before they'd even let us onto the road - if we didn't get it in 3 tries, it was an automatic fail. I didn't make it to the road until my 7th attempt - I then sped thru a yellow light. 9th time's a charm, I always say. To this day I will drive 10 miles out of my way to avoid parallel parking.
Hi there.. there must be something in the air .. you really did blog about the DMV... All in all it is not the funnest place to be ..
You just turned me into an internet cliche'. I literally laughed out loud while reading that.
My grandfather happens to be a bigdog in the word verification world. Think about it.
I'm strangely stimulated...
The words "mowing over cones" really turned me on. ;)
Steve~
I'll rent a limo from the airport.
So, you were stimulated instead of simulated...mmmm, maybe there in lies the key....just a thought. Hope your having a good one!
Now you've done it! No one can get away with such consistently funny material day in and day out and not have me link to them from my blog.
So there!
I drove all the way to the coast and back today and my passenger only winced 37 times and curled up in a ball with her head in her hands twice. I'm getting much better. I could give you some lessons if you like.
Puss
darlene,
What kind of Nazi state do you live in?
bug,
See, I told you.
jali,
Can you have your grandpa make word verifcation codes that I can get right on the first attempt.
tug,
Glad I could help.
drib,
Yes, we women have it easy.
steven,
I am a sexy b*tch.
britt,
Make sure it's a white one. I wanna ride in style.
anastasia,
Lord, I hear ya.
meg,
Driving is fun when you're stimulated.
dan,
Thanks for the link.
puss,
I would love the lessons. Don't you drive on the wrong side of the road over there? That means that I would finally be in the right. Or left. I can't remember.
Does the Pedestrian Memorial Parking Lot take the place of what used to be the city park? Funny place to have to drop a parking lot to cover the bodies.
wg,
I can neither confirm nor deny your allegation.
lol. Wish I had your Grandpa. I failed the driving test twice. I was such a bad driver. I'm okay now, but damn, I'm amazed I didn't get killed before now. :) Hell, you should have seen my dad trying to teach me to drive a standard transmission. Poor guy!
Kristyn
kristyn,
Um, isn't a standard an automatic? Seriously, you're a worse driver than I am.
Another thing to add to my Things To Do Before I Die list: Find a way to get mist1 to teach me to drive. I bet it'd be an exhilarating experience!
We drive on the right side, i.e. the left. It is the rest of the world that is wrong - we are British, after all.
Anyway, don't you do some weird shit like turning left, or right, or some direction when the traffic lights are red? That's just twisted - what about the pedestrians? That's why they have to build memorial carparks no doubt...
Puss (British and proud, even if our Prime Minister is your president's bitch)
You inspire me to stay OFF the road. OFF zee road, Miss Thatass.
lizza,
I am available throughout the end of this month. Then I'm all booked up for November. If you recommend a friend, I'll give you a discount.
puss,
Red lights are suggestions here. Pedestrians are obstacles. I just adore Tony. When George gets all worked up and spouts off his venom, Tony says stuff like, "I'm positively ill about it..." I wish we were that calm and collected.
orhan,
Call me if you need a ride. Oh, you can call me Mist.
Just about as good as my golf cart driving skills. Most people won't let me drive them anywhere now.
c,
People rarely ask me to drive. I am okay with that. Gas is expensive and I am cheap.
I am cheap as well.
c,
It is not a crime. Cheapskates unite!
nerd,
Is that sarcasm? I'm pretty sure that's sarcasm.
1
How about you drive while I roll joints? After the first couple j's, who cares. All perfectly legal.
0,
I gave up pot a long time ago. This is how my brain works on pot:
Who said that?
Did I say that?
Did I say that too loudly?
How long ago did I say that?
Did somebody just say something to me?
I better go clean something.
Yeah, I'm a lot of fun.
Did I just say that?
1
That was sarcasm.
How about I pour a martini while you drive? Better? We're swilling today. Definitely using the peach vodka.
0,
Peach? Blueberry and soda is as fruity as I get.
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