It Must Be In the Air
People are falling in love. Everywhere. I have tried to warn them.
Well, maybe I haven't tried very hard. I like to watch catastrophes that aren't mine for a change. I don't have a hobby. That's my excuse.
I didn't warn Miranda (a.k.a. Moronda) that her new conquest was going to fall in love with her. I confess that I am self-interested. He's an Ambien representative. I am holding out for free samples. T-shirts and frisbees and the like.
And I didn't have the chance to warn my Gay Boyfriend. He works too quickly. There's nothing I can do to help now. I ran into GB at the park yesterday. We walked together. Really it was more of a sashay, but it was a power sashay and we looked good.
We haven't talked in a few weeks. I caught him up on my love life. My code is: Don't Even Fall in Like. It doesn't always work because sometimes, I get all cute and flutter my eyelashes and say sh*t like, "I've been hurt before...please, be gentle with me." That phrase, it seems, is really endearing. It might have something to do with my eyelashes too. I've never asked.
GB repeated my code to himself a few times. When it was committed to memory, he told me his situation.
They met online (the fact that GB is in a relationship already is irrelevant, so I didn't ask). They chatted for a bit and then decided to meet the next day.
"Ooooh, I love first dates. What did you do?" I asked.
"What gay guys do," was his reply as though I am in the loop.
"Hair?" I asked.
GB stopped power sashaying and put his hands on his hips for a second. He wiped his eyes and said, "yes, Mist. We did hair for 40 minutes." He didn't comment on my brassy highlights, so I didn't press him any further.
They have done hair six times in the past two months. Now, the online guy won't stop calling. He is is love with my Gay Boyfriend. He said it via text message, so it's pretty serious.
GB doesn't know what to do. He asked for my help because I am totally a people person. Also, I have been practicing my look of Genuine Concern for days in the mirror.
"Wow, you must do some good hair," was all I could say.