To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

It Must Be In the Air

People are falling in love. Everywhere. I have tried to warn them.

Well, maybe I haven't tried very hard. I like to watch catastrophes that aren't mine for a change. I don't have a hobby. That's my excuse.

I didn't warn Miranda (a.k.a. Moronda) that her new conquest was going to fall in love with her. I confess that I am self-interested. He's an Ambien representative. I am holding out for free samples. T-shirts and frisbees and the like.

And I didn't have the chance to warn my Gay Boyfriend. He works too quickly. There's nothing I can do to help now. I ran into GB at the park yesterday. We walked together. Really it was more of a sashay, but it was a power sashay and we looked good.

We haven't talked in a few weeks. I caught him up on my love life. My code is: Don't Even Fall in Like. It doesn't always work because sometimes, I get all cute and flutter my eyelashes and say sh*t like, "I've been hurt before...please, be gentle with me." That phrase, it seems, is really endearing. It might have something to do with my eyelashes too. I've never asked.

GB repeated my code to himself a few times. When it was committed to memory, he told me his situation.

They met online (the fact that GB is in a relationship already is irrelevant, so I didn't ask). They chatted for a bit and then decided to meet the next day.

"Ooooh, I love first dates. What did you do?" I asked.

"What gay guys do," was his reply as though I am in the loop.

"Hair?" I asked.

GB stopped power sashaying and put his hands on his hips for a second. He wiped his eyes and said, "yes, Mist. We did hair for 40 minutes." He didn't comment on my brassy highlights, so I didn't press him any further.

They have done hair six times in the past two months. Now, the online guy won't stop calling. He is is love with my Gay Boyfriend. He said it via text message, so it's pretty serious.

GB doesn't know what to do. He asked for my help because I am totally a people person. Also, I have been practicing my look of Genuine Concern for days in the mirror.

"Wow, you must do some good hair," was all I could say.

Mist 1


At 11:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow has dating changed since I last dated. Of course the internet was just getting started then, too.

Oh yeah, do you mind if I link ta ya?

At 11:17 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Now you have to know how to do hair.

Link away. I need to update mine as well.

At 11:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is linking on the internet and getting your hair done on the internet related in a metaphysical sort of way?

At 11:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My wife cuts my hair and it's short and spikey. Wouldn't be much fun on a date, I suppose ;-)

At 12:05 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


"Linking" is code. Check your urban metaphysical dictionary.


Short and spiky is fun. I dated him once.

At 12:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do gay guys get up to something different in States then over here?

At 1:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just read another post on how they're making smaller Hummers, now I'm reading this. Coicidence?
I think not! doing Hair and hummers! Wow ...all in one day.
I need a nap.

At 3:08 AM, Blogger spoon said...

LOL!!! In a convo with my gay boyfriend yesterday,he told me he had a blog. I was shocked, why had I not been privy. Told him to send it to me and he said it's for boy's only, I said why, would i be shocked, he said it's a site to convert all the straight men of the world - think he's halfway there if my dating life is anything to go by...anyhow think the hairdoos on the blog must be quite hectic 'cause he won't send me the URL!

At 3:29 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Power sashaying is great for the thighs but don't forget to power catwalk, too - tones the buttocks. Heels optional. Actually, scrap that, heels are mandatory - for GB also, and they're great for doing hair in as well.


At 4:06 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Love is like jazz. No, love is like Jello pudding. No, love is like Pokemon. No, wait, what was the question?

I hate the fact that I'm a romantic attracted to trailer trash. Seriously, they cancel each other out. Like a bout of thrush and anal rage. Understand?

At 4:08 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

I enjoyed the sashay with GB! It felt like I was there. Good job!

At 5:01 AM, Anonymous rose said...

:-) Another great post. Hair is good - I should have been born a gay bloke!!!

Oh by the way - I've given you some linkage as well.

At 5:16 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I don't think I've ever gotten a gay guy up.


Ah. Hummers. I like Row, Row, Row Your Boat.


You must get that url.


I am recovering from a power catwalk injury. Hold on little toe nail, hold on.


If I had known that thrush and anal rage cancelled each other out, I wouldn't have gone to the doctor. I would have let it ride it's course.


Sashay with us anyday. It's good cardio.


You can probably still convert.

Thanks for the link. I need to spend sometime with mine this weekend.

At 5:43 AM, Blogger Dan said...

"I've been hurt before...please, be gentle with me."

That's a phrase I use whenever I give blood (not hair). Works like a charm.

At 5:48 AM, Blogger karma lennon said...

We have the same code. I refuse to fall into anything we anybody.

At 6:06 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


It is a versatile line.


Perhaps we should start a club.

At 6:11 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

A la Naomi Campbell? Nuff said. You're excused - stick with doing hair, I believe you can do that lying down...


At 6:11 AM, Anonymous Allan said...

Could someone hand me that bottle of Windex over there?

Thanks so much.

kiss, kiss

At 7:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I been doing me own hair for years and I am just perfectly happy.

Later yall....

At 7:53 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Ambien!? You need to meet a guy who can hook you up with some percocet.

At 7:54 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Ambien!? You need to meet a guy who can hook you up with some percocet.

At 8:06 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

First - please share the samples, etc from the Ambien rep - or you can just send him my email or something...perhaps I can flirt my way into getting some stuff. My script is running out and I am getting desperate for sleep!

and as for GB - he really must do some GREAT hair! WoW! I am impressed...perhaps he can share a few pointers?? LOL

At 8:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn, you get all the good linkage. I have to admit, you have me worried now. I knew that lesbian training was going to be hard, I didn't think about power sashaying and power catwalking, but I guess i can learn that. But the GB? You know what's gonna happen when he finds out that I have one too, don't you? I don't need to wear a garter belt and pantys for that? Please advise!

At 8:09 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Just like Naomi only limping and bleeding from the little toe.


Mind the screen, dear.


It's perfectly natural to do your own hair. You may notice some hair growth on the palms of your hands.


Must get some sleep at night. Although, that could disturb my napping during the day.

At 8:13 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


According to Moronda, the guy is really boring. She hasn't needed the Ambien yet. She falls asleep when he talks.

Except for the argument that they had about some Tylenol PM she had taken. She was so fumed that she couldn't sleep.

At 8:33 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I love the links.

Please buy yourself a pair of heels. Practice in the mirror. Don't worry about the hair for now. We'll get to that later.

At 8:50 AM, Blogger C. said...

Sashaying in the Park talking about hair. I am missing out!!

At 8:54 AM, Blogger Karmyn R said...

Gay men have it so easy - a simple chat on the internet and they get a quick Hair job. And here, I have to call a beautician - make an appointment for weeks in advance....sheesh.

At 9:16 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Aw, Mist, bless you - you need a nice man to do your hair and suck your toes and make it all better. I will pray for you...


At 9:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I need my hair did...Can you set up an appointment? And I never fall in love with the "help".

At 9:48 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

Is that what they mean when they say "give good head"?

That explains a lot.

I need to call my husband and apologize for holding out on that for so long. I LOVE doing hair...

At 10:30 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Is doing it online one up :) from phone sex?

Phone HAIR. Et phone hair. Okay, time for my meds now. I'm going to sashay slowwwly down the hall and pour some coffee.

I linked to you awhile back, too. Didn't ask. Love your blog!

At 10:52 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

It's been a while since someone else did my hair. *sigh* I wish being a straight girl was as easy as being a gay boyfriend.

At 10:58 AM, Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

Falling in like is so much fun. It bites me in the ass all the time, but I can't help myself. So Mist says, "No!" Damn it, now what will I do with my time.

At 11:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Put on your sashay shoes. We're going to the park.


They even did hair in the park. No need to go the the salon.


While you praying for mr, tell G*d that I'm also sorry about that little incident. He will know what you're talking about.


I'll see what I can do. I'm pretty influential.


I think you are obligated to do hair when you are married.


All this linking is making me feel so easy. I'm a fan of your blog too.


Under 24 hour turn around time. I was impressed.


I've been hurt before...please, be gentle with me.

At 11:49 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I'm straight and I want to do women's hair.

At 12:22 PM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Falling in love seems nice. Although falling in lust is on my agenda. Toodles!

At 12:25 PM, Blogger Neil said...

I thought Spring was when everyone was supposed to fall in love. Fall is when you are supposed to get desperate realizing you many not have a date for New Year's eve.

At 12:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Insane in the membrane... Insane in the brain...

At 12:54 PM, Blogger LoRi~fLoWer said...

I like your code! Can I fall in flirt though?

At 1:49 PM, Blogger K said...

can i get a couple of frisbees? i am saying.

At 2:12 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


You can do my hair anytime.


I like your agenda. Except for the fact that I hate the word agenda. The way my mom used to say "agenda" it always sounded like "vagina" to me. I rarely use the word agenda. Still, I like your agenda. Is that too forward?


We are so different. Clearly, you are a planner. I pick the shoes I'm going to wear on New Year's before I pick my date.


Is that your code?


I love falling in flirt. I think flirting is my hobby. Will have to change the name of this blog now.


No problem. I will see what I can do. I will also throw in a few Ambien pens.

At 4:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Went to shoe store, couldn't decide, bought 15 pairs, returning tomorrow for the theigh highs.

Looking for a book on sashaying, may go to England to find Glamorpuss for training. Stop. Will report back when able.

At 4:25 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I love thigh highs. Ask Puss if I can crash on her couch.

At 4:57 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

Ahhhhh, shit, me and hubby don't do each others hair enough.....maybe that's why I'm so angry all the time....I knew gay men had the secret to happiness!!

At 5:13 PM, Blogger photo blog girl said...

Wow, it took a while to read all these comments...well, it's good to know that doing hair still provokes conversation somewhere in the world.

At 5:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You'd think his "current relationship" would get suspiscious, what with so many hair appointments in 6 weeks.

Absolutely hysterical post! Thanks for making me spit red wine thru my nose.

That's hot.

At 6:05 PM, Blogger C. said...

Excellent. I'll make daiquiris afterward!

At 6:35 PM, Anonymous kristynmarie said...

I'm already in love, Damn! I really like your code though, so while I'm in love, I'll try not to fall in like, ever!


At 7:05 PM, Blogger Matt said...

Gay Boyfriend reminds me a hell of a lot of Fake Girlfriend.

At 7:36 PM, Blogger C said...

I'd like a French twist or a BOB - a bob would be great. I am getting all tressed out.

At 7:56 PM, Blogger Steph said...

So doing hair is the new doggy?
I can handle that.

My hair needs some stylin big time.

At 9:06 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Go in there and tell that man to do your hair right this moment. Tell him that you are seriously considering making a hair appointment elsewhere if he doesn't comply.


I'm impressed that you read all the comments. I always wonder if anyone besides me reads them.


I cannot support spitting out red wine. That is a crime in my home.


I am bad with blenders. I'll let you do the work.


Feel free to modify the code for your own use. I do own the rights though.


Fake Girlfriend is chubby and gassy?


Oh, a B.O.B. is simply the best. Stock up on batteries.


What's wrong with the old doggy? I never had any problems with it. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

At 9:54 PM, Blogger cinders said...

Shit, I've totally confessed love to my hairdresser via text message. Yep, I'm that girl.

At 10:13 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Was that you who sent me that text message?

At 2:17 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Mist, the couch is yours anytime, although you may have to fight Miss Sparkle for it (cat - as opposed to G.puss).

CEO, the best book I can recommend on the subject is 'The Stripper's Guide to Looking Great Naked' - it'll help you with your bikini line as well. As to lessons, I'll teach anyone, for the right fee but my methods are unorthodox...


At 4:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG the post and the comments has had me in stitches this morning. I think tonight I'm going to link every single person who commented here, you are all a fucking scream.


At 10:15 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Move over Miss Sparkle.


I love these people. They crack me up.

At 12:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn`t mean that God doesn`t love heterosexuals. It`s just that they need more supervision.
~Lynn Lavner

At 5:23 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


G*d knows, I need supervision.

At 7:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Overshot London, ended up in Crete. flying back for 8:00 am meeting, stopping in Rio for hair. will redevouz with you and GP Saturday in London at Big Ben at 9:00 PM. I'll be the one in the theigh high red snakeskin boots and red wig.

P.S. Please tell GP that I'm not Orthodox either, I'm Conservative.

At 8:30 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I don't do plans. Sorry. I'll be there when I get there. Please, don't wait up.

Also, please return my boots. Thanks.

At 9:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

They can't be your boots! they match my wig! And I wanna get my hair done.

At 5:44 PM, Blogger old lady said...

omg. This was hilarious.
Oh Mist, you absolutely kill me.

At 5:58 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Everyone wants their hair done. You will have to wait for your turn.


Thanks. I wasn't sure it was one of my better moments.

At 5:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Got to Big Ben early, available to do hair! Can't see a damn thing in this fog.
I don't do love nor like. What exactly does the code say about lust?

At 7:43 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


The Code accepts lust. In fact, it prefers lust. Also, the code finds nothing objectionable with Big Ben.

At 11:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good ole code, I knew lust was OK, fog ought to be banned.

At 2:25 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


The Code has always been good to me. Fog makes my hair frizzy.

At 2:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What chu thibk? Codify the code?

At 4:46 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Odify-cay e-thay ode-Cay? Ery-vay ifficult-day.

At 3:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Absolutely, some things you just have to leave alone.

At 5:06 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


My brain can only do so much.


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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

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