To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Double A's

I love shopping in adult novelty stores. I have so many questions. I always ask for help. I try not to ask the creepy guy with his hand in his pocket that is usually standing next to me.

I also like to give unsolicited testimonials. I told the guys looking at stretchy rubber cockrings that while they were a lot of fun, they should use caution to not fall asleep with one on. I told them that I know from first hand experience. They looked at me strangely. I explained, "well not first hand, but I was there. Just trust me on this one. You want to remember to take it off." They tried to ignore me, so I continued. I gave them details about what it would look like in the morning in the event that they forgot about it. When one guy's face went pale, I told him that it was exactly the same color his penis would be in the morning if he slept with it on. They didn't thank me for my expert product review, but I understand. Some people have hang-ups about stuff like that.

Last night, I found a new item. The Vibrating Panty. I am sure that this invention has been around for a while, but it was on the top shelf. The one that I cannot reach. So, I have lived all this time without a single pair of vibrating panties. I have wasted so much time.

I went to the cashier and politely asked, "excuse me, could you get those panties down for me?" They were a pretty teal and had a butterfly on them. When I clarified my request she pulled them back up and got another girl to get a pair of vibrating panties off the shelf for me.

According to the package, they are very discrete. There is no tell-tale buzzing noise. You can wear them anywhere (except in water or thunderstorms). The higher end model had a wireless remote control (battery included). The panties required only two AA batteries for the inconspicuous battery pack.

"Where do you put the battery pack so that it's inconspicuous?" I asked.

The sales associate responded with a gesture. No words were necessary.

I bought a pair. The package says "one size fits all." I'll be the judge of that.

Mist 1


At 9:35 PM, Anonymous kristynmarie said...

Well just be careful. You certainly wouldn't want your neighbor to find those on the front porch some morning. ;)


At 9:43 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I appreciate the concern, but these have a little remote. It looks like the kind that sets off my car alarm. If I loose them, I can just make them chirp.

At 9:55 PM, Blogger Jessie said...

I think it was on a TV show once where someone was "buzzing" someone durring an interview or something. After the interview, the chick said "I dont know whos doing that, but do me a favor and leave it by the coffee machine." The ones Ive seen around here are like $100. Too damn much...

At 10:00 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


$24.99, well worth it. Perhaps I should go into business re-selling these to people in your area.

At 10:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hopefully the buzzing is as quiet as they say it is. Nothing like getting something home and finding out the statements about it weren't exactly true...

At 10:26 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Purrs like a kitten. Only with no shedding.

At 12:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll never be able to look at those freak who get on the tube and grin the whole time in the same way...I'll keep wondering are they wearing them?

At 1:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I suspect the odds of you getting into an accident and having your clothes scissored off by EMS workers in front of large crowd goes up tenfold if you wear something like that.

At 2:38 AM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

Do you know what I saw? A vibrating condom! It uses itty bitty watch batteries...the ring vibrates...The package doesn't not show where the battery goes, so I assume it just hangs there...with the other things...

At 4:04 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

So you got bored with setting your cell phone on vibrate and calling yourself while sitting on it?

Sorry I'm a day late and a dollar short on your last post. It was worth the late fee.

At 4:06 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Wait, what? A cockring? People actually use them, still?

Last time I was in a sex store I bought amyl-nitrate to heighten my sexaul climax which was all good and tandy until I sniffed so much I almost erupted into foutain of semen. Suffice to say, I haven't been back to a sex shop since.

At 5:14 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am pretty sure that everyone is wearing them. But, I'm paranoid.


Sweet. That sounds like my kind of first date.


What?! I must know more about this product. How can I give unsolicited expert testimonials, if I am uninformed?


I will never bore of that. Never. Ever. Do you hear me? Never.

Thanks for the late fee. I will put that in the jar on my kitchen counter that says, "Bail $$"


I think I saw the movie, "Fountain of Seamen." The one where you were dressed up as a sailor. You were totally hot in it.

At 5:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

But are they washable??? or do you have to get them "dry" cleaned?????

At 6:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


At 6:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Damn. I didn't read the fine print.


We believe that you already have some. Enjoy.

At 6:29 AM, Blogger Mindless Dribbler said...

Hope you bought a little vaseline to go with it...and maybe small pieces of sticky foam for the sharp edges on the battery pack. Good luck Mist!

At 6:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too love adult novelty stores although I tend to gravitate toward the section where the spanking implements and collars are.

At 6:34 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Should have consulted you first. You must have a pair, you have the voice of experience.

At 6:35 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Those were right next to the low voltage nipple clamps.

At 6:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're panty drawer must be Something to Behold.

At 6:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're panty drawer must be Something to Behold.

At 6:44 AM, Blogger cinders said...

I think I need a pair or five, these might help relieve my 2pm headache.

At 7:00 AM, Blogger Mindless Dribbler said...

Nah, I just have a vivid imagination which we won't go into detail.

Most perverts do actually. Which I'm not...

At 7:21 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Not a fan of the cockring. Anyway, once the rabbit comes into play the vibrating panties are child's play. Get with it lady.

At 7:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


For a small cover charge, I will let you spend 2 minutes with my panty drawer.


So far I have not had a single headache. I recommend you go shopping.




Is that anything like the butterfly? Because the butterfly is not that discrete.

At 7:28 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

OOOHH. I should get some with the remote control for my girl and I could hold the remote. That sounds fun.

At 7:32 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


It's so simple. Girls love panties. Guys love remotes. Everyone's happy.

At 7:38 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Funny, there were cock rings just like that in the goody bags at the ball last Friday. My mate's six-year-old found one and asked what it was...

I would be wary of any item that claims to 'fit all', especially where electricity is involved.


At 7:40 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Love new product testimonials - Now they need them with GPS so you can just go over the internet, put in the "code" and voila! Cross country O's!!

At 8:33 AM, Blogger Tug said...

I need to go shopping...freak everyone at work OUT when I'm happy & not bitching. For that alone, they should be a write off, right?

At 9:03 AM, Blogger Crankster said...

If you ever get a chance, visit Provincetown, Mass. It's the Disneyland of adult stores. One of them, Toys of Eros, even has its own little vibrator museum. Plus, after you've checked out the high-end vibrators in Toys of Eros, you can walk down the street to Shop Therapy and buy Korean knock-offs at 1/4 the price.

At 9:48 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Now don't go gettin' yourself all electrocuted an' shit, hear?

I can't imagine why those prudes didn't want your product evaluations. They must have thought you were an adult Chatty Cathy doll.

At 9:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sadly, that is the best offer I've had in years.

At 9:50 AM, Blogger Dan said...

Oh boy did you waste your money! After the salesgirl gestured about where to put the batter pack, you should have said "no thanks" to the panties, and purchased only the batteries.

This would have saved quite a bit of money. And this way the batteries never go dry (no pun intended ... or maybe it was intended).

At 10:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think we were seperated at birth...Not because I like wearing vibrating panties but because I love to go into those stores and ask questions too... as well as try things on!

At 10:21 AM, Blogger Darlene said...

vibrating panties! all is right in the world.

At 10:41 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


In the States, all six year olds know what cockrings look like.


I am willing to beta test your product. I will also write expert testimonials.


I will verify with my tax guy, but I don't see a problem with a write-off.


Why am I always the last to know? I thought I'd been to every theme park in America.


I happened to buy an inflatable doll (as a gift, ahem). She didn't talk much.


Sorry to inform you that the price has gone up.


As a child, I once put a 9-volt battery in my mouth. I've learned to only put batteries where they belong.


See that little scar? The one on my hip? That's where we were attached.


Peace, love, and vibrating panties.

At 11:06 AM, Blogger Lizza said...

Vibrating panties??? Good lord, what will they think of next? :-D

At 11:11 AM, Blogger normiekins said...

cracking up at Matt's comment^^^^
jeez careful....don't be singing in the rain in those things....don't shock the kitty.

i love those stores and messing with the patrons in there...some are so shy and it cracks me up to be just so bold and open...hahaha

great post!

At 11:34 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I don't know. But I'm going to buy it.


It is raining out today. Maybe I had better stay in.

If anyone needs me, I'll be in bed with my laptop.

wink wink

At 12:01 PM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

Tomorrow I expect an unsolicited product review of your vibrating panties.

Ya sick bastard.

At 12:05 PM, Anonymous Romerican said...

From the RSS feed, all I saw at first was "Double A's" ...which of course was quickly and filthly transliterated to be something opposite of Double D's... and so I clicked.

At 12:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks god for your expertise.

At 12:21 PM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Really? That explains so much...


At 1:06 PM, Anonymous the ceo said...

It's a shame that they couldn't put in some sort of collar to hold a dildo, and maybe some sort of reciprocating engine to drive it back and forth at an adjustable speed, set with some sort of rheostat you could hold in your hand, and maybe a nice lubrication system......hmmmm, wouldn't eat your eggs in the morning and drink your coffeem a plus.....on the other hand, it might need more power than two AA batteries tucked away, they'd have to go anyway...

At 1:15 PM, Blogger NWJR said...

"I try not to ask the creepy guy with his hand in his pocket that is usually standing next to me."

I've noticed that you never make eye contact with me.

At 1:15 PM, Blogger Matt said...

Mist1, you sound like a real... pain in the ass.

I was reminded of when I was in my early twenties and was running really low on cash with my girlfriend's birthday coming up. I went back to a sex shop we had visited and bought her a magazine called "Tail Ends," reasoning that her bisexuality would lend itself to visual stimulation.

We laughed for a long time about the Tail Ends "catalog," as she called it.

At 1:19 PM, Blogger Matt said...

I was absolutely delighted one day last summer when two young women asked me directions to the local neighborhood sex shop.

It was a refreshing change from the strangers who approach me to ask me if I "want to get high."

At 1:45 PM, Blogger Karmyn R said...

"When I clarified my request she pulled them back up and got another girl to get a pair of vibrating panties off the shelf for me"

It took me a couple of reads before this sentence set in - and then....HA HA HA HA HA HA. You crack me up!!!

At 1:46 PM, Blogger Karmyn R said...

OH! - I hope the panty-vibrating company official will read your blog and offer you free samples. Wouldn't that be a hoot?

At 2:43 PM, Blogger princessdominique said...

Vibrating...where do I order!

At 3:27 PM, Blogger Matt said...

Still, there's something to be said for plain cotton once in a while.

At 3:35 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


So far battery life is good.


I can bring out the pervert in even the purest of souls.


I am here to help. I am committed to my community. I expect to be honored with some kind of award for my work. But really, I do it for the people. And the possibility of a Nobel Peace Prize.


I should work for the Visitor's and Convention Bureau.


They already had that. It was out of my price range. I am waiting until it goes on sale.


In that case, I feel I should apologize for not accepting your kind offer of popcorn in the movie theater the other day. I am so distrustful. Next time, I'll say hi.


It doesn't go in your ass. Although, I suppose it could. How did the latent bisexuality thing work out?


I giggled a little too.

I have high hopes that the company will send me a case of vibrating panties.


Google is your best friend. Well, vibrating panties are your best friend, but Google runs a close second. Okay third, after great shoes...

At 3:50 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Of course. Once in a while. Those tend to be the "Stay 500 Feet Back" panties.

At 4:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are really a twisted and perverted woman.... I like that!

Later Yall....

At 5:10 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Many people recognize my twisted/perverted nature. Very few people like it. You are special.

At 5:49 PM, Blogger Matt said...

Latent bisexuality? Left me for a large woman. I must have rocks in my head.

At 6:22 PM, Blogger C said...

Just don't make the panties chirp when you are trying to inconspicously use them at work! :)

At 7:35 PM, Blogger Vengelyne said...

Are you going to do a review on the vibrating panty? I'm psyched already.

At 8:27 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I once got left for a large woman. I prefer not to talk about it. Thanks for pouring salt in my wounds.


They're on vibrate, just like my phone.


When the company pays me, I'll do a product review. I don't do this blog for free. Wait, nevermind.

At 8:49 PM, Blogger Matt said...

Sorry Mist1. You should wear that thing backwards tomorrow....

At 9:36 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


One step ahead of you.

At 11:48 PM, Blogger ChiefMommy Owl said...

I accidentally went into a sex shop once. I thought it was a lingerie store. When I got to the back of the store I came face to face with a wall of neon penii. The salesgirl asked me if I wanted to see one, but I told her I had penii for lunch.

I've never heard of a cock ring. I feel gross just typing it. Please don't feel the need to explain things on my account.


At 5:39 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Penii is my favorite word of the day. Thanks. How am I going to work it into conversation?

At 8:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was feeling horney one day, so I sent the sheep dog out to round up the really good penii in the neighborhood....

At 9:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I thought penii was a kind of pasta. I like it with pesto.

At 11:20 AM, Blogger Gissy said...

You have, by far, the best blog on the net. I'm so amused everyday and anxiously await to see what you'll write about next. Love it!

At 2:00 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am blushing. Please go on.

Glad you are amused. I even amuse my self.

Thanks for coming by.

At 5:50 PM, Blogger Doug said...

haha I hope they worked out for you

At 6:48 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


They have to work out for me. It's not the kind of item that you can return.

At 1:12 AM, Blogger Hedgehog said...

Mist1: Don't listen to little Glamourpuss telling you to be careful with electricity. People pay good money for the shocking thrills.

At 5:30 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Am I looking at what I think I'm looking at? Holy crap. That rules out breakfast sausages.

At 9:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL, we really must chat

At 9:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I blew out the memory, 505 error messages. LMAO, penii interuptii, laughing my ass off, can't breathe

all hope abandon ye who enter here

At 9:21 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


At the Olive Garden you can get a bottomless bowl of penii pasta with any kind of sauce you like. $5.99! I went with Grandma. She likes penii too.

At 12:05 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

Thanks for the idea, I don't have anything to do after work, it was going to be a boring night anyways, so, I'm stopping by the store tonight.

At 5:38 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Get extra batteries.

At 4:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post could keep on ticking

At 6:43 PM, Anonymous Rob said...

Congrats! You managed to keep my attention for a while now with your awesome writing! I'll be checking back for more!

At 10:45 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


And tickling.


I can hardly keep my own attention.

Thanks for coming by.

At 5:42 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

So are you going to give us a user update? ;)

At 1:24 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Caaannnott ttyyppee noooww. Weeearrring vvvibratttting pannnttiies.

At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ride 'em cowgirl! ye ha.

At 7:00 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


All new record. Two minutes on the bull.

At 11:47 AM, Anonymous Vibrating Panties said...

Yeah, vibrating panties are a relatively new on the scene. They are fun, but when I first tried them, I was semi timid.

At 11:48 AM, Anonymous Vibrating Panties said...

Sorry for the dupe comment I just posted.

At 5:10 AM, Blogger ethan1066 said...

i picked a vibrator from here..they have some good stuff on sex toys...


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Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

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