To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Monday, October 16, 2006

Moral Dilemma


To the untrained eye, I may seem like a good petsitter.

1. I have kept my rodent alive for four years.
2. I have lots of time on my hands.
3. Between trips to the package store, I am generally home.
4. I am cheap.

It seems, that the above are the criteria to petsit. I am thinking that the criteria should be tightened up a bit. Not that I'm not the picture of responsibility, because I totally am. For instance, I usually take off my makeup before I go to bed and I don't remember the last time I used spray paint inappropriately. It's been ages, really.

I hope that the people who put me in charge of "Penelope" the Hamster never find this blog. To protect her anonymity, Penelope's name has been changed.

Last week, I was asked to watch Penelope while the "Smith" family visited Grandma and Grandpa Smith. I made several strong arguments against the arrangement. In the end, I lost. Penelope was in my charge.

We had a rocky relationship. At best. She ate a piece of my finger. She ran on that f*cking wheel all night long. She got out of her cage and gnawed on the trim. But by far, the worst thing that Penelope did was to give birth.

I couldn't count them all. A dozen, maybe more. Naked and pink. Naturally, I wretched. Then I ran for the camera. I thought of the glee on the Little Smith's faces when they saw the babies. I thought of the horror on the faces of their parents. Must find camera. I found it in the bathroom. A perfectly logical place for it. Please, no questions.

I ran downstairs to take a picture of the glowing new mother and her slimy offspring. There was only one problem. The babies were gone. Not a single baby was in the cage. I checked my pills. Counted them. Not enough missing for hallucinations to occur. I looked in the cage again. Not a trace. No blood. No bones. No ranch dipping sauce. Penelope stared at me. I gagged again.

The Smith's need never know what happened here.

Mist 1


66 Comments:

At 9:07 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Yes, hamsters do have this unfortunate little habit of eating their young. A fluffy rodent named Irma did so in front of my children once.

It's a lot harder to hide the effects of humans who do this.

 
At 9:17 PM, Blogger Steph said...

Population control. Very efficient.
But gross.

 
At 9:28 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

hearts,

Yes, you nailed it. The problem with being human is that it is so hard to get away with eating the offspring. Yours or otherwise.

Can be done. Not that I know.

steph,

I am not very efficient. But I'm pretty gross. I feel cheated.

 
At 9:28 PM, Blogger clever_lazy said...

Now I feel like wretching. I know that's the way it works in nature and all, but... blech.

 
At 9:31 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

clever,

Nature; so damn fluffy and yet so repulsive. Kinda like me.

Thanks for coming by.

Hey, leave a link to your blog. Okay?

 
At 9:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh. uh....ummm....ew. good thing the smiths never need know that their fluffy wuffy cutesy little hamster is a natural born cannibal baby killer.

 
At 9:55 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

claudia,

Still kinda want to freak the kids out a little bit. I know it's wrong.

 
At 12:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh yeah I forgot that hamster eat thier young...but I still can't stop laughing cos of that pic!

 
At 2:14 AM, Blogger spoon said...

I could be convinced if there were a little Ranch sauce...very cute pic!!! Won't Tom Cruise feel real stupid when he finds out, I mean he only ate the placenta!

 
At 2:43 AM, Anonymous Romerican said...

Reason #247 to buy a new web cam and keep it running. You never know what furry fun might get broadcast.

 
At 3:22 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

I'm a little bit afraid of rodents. When I was about 7 or 8, Melissa Hagan's hamster, Strawberry, took a hunk out of my finger after she swore it wouldn't bite me. Rodents = agents of plague and death. Now I can add canibalism.

I have a ninja cat you could throw right at Penelope's face. That would take care of her.

 
At 4:20 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Hamsters are the devil's rodents. Whoever promoted the view that they make good pets had a sadistic sense of humour - vicious, nocturnal, and short-lived - with disgusting habits. The only good thing about them is that they make a tasty alternative to catfood for one's feline friends.

Penny may be disgusting, but at least she didn't die on you.

GP

 
At 4:41 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

shadow,

She terrorized me. I was a hostage to her repulsive ways.

spoon,

Did he have it deep-fried? Poached? Ala mode?

romerican,

Must never buy webcam. Never.

wg,

Strawberry has emotionally scarred you. I am afraid that Penelope would eat the ninja cat.

puss,

No kidding. Why are these critters pets? The nocturnal thing really pissed me off.

 
At 4:51 AM, Blogger Nattie said...

gross.

reminds me of when we did CPR on my hamster years ago with a straw.

also gross.

 
At 5:08 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nattie,

That's not the sort of thing you can say without telling me the story. You realize that, right?

 
At 5:13 AM, Anonymous rose said...

Wow. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Bedtime snack' doesn't it?

Poor little things.

Gerbils are worse than hamsters - they chew EVERYTHING and they run around fighting with each other. I had a pretty bad experience with hamsters though - mine gave birth (but didn't eat them, or not all of them anyway) and then died a few weeks later. At least I didn't have to buy a replacement!

Give me a cat any day. I love 'em. But I couldn't eat a whole one...

 
At 5:29 AM, Blogger Dan said...

No way! It just can't be! Are you sure?? Can't you go back and check the hamster's cheeks? Hamsters love stuffing all kind of shit in those gigantic Dizzy-Gillespie cheeks that they have. Hell, I found an old boot stuffed in my hamster's cheek once.

Go back and check! I'll sure the babies are in the cheeks!

 
At 5:33 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Just one time I'd like to see those babies unite and eat their mother instead.

 
At 5:33 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Oh. My. God.

Did you offer a toothpick?

 
At 5:34 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

rose,

What is the difference between hamsters and gerbils? And for that matter mice?

dan,

Not going anywhere near that thing. If it has eaten any of my sexy boots, I will have to flush it.

 
At 5:36 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

orhan,

No toothpics. Floss.

av,

Maybe that's why the mother's eat the babies. Fear of a revolt.

 
At 6:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

omg!!! I think Stewart used that gun to kill off his family...(see Boondoggled's post on the Cereal Killer Mouse).....
Peace

 
At 6:31 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Your use of the term "package store" would indicate that you're from Massachusetts, but the fact that you wear makeup means you're definately from the dirty South.

Anyway, I think you're a bit lax on letting this rodent off. I found a cockroach the other day and I'm treating it as a possible homicide. Police are still interviewing witnesses.

 
At 6:58 AM, Blogger normiekins said...

hey thanks for stopping by....!

OMG LOL...that is so disgusting....why does it happen to all the good pet-sitters!

be back

 
At 7:06 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

As I said, Mist, someone somewhere has a sick sense of humour.

GP
BTW - if you want pics as requested, mail me through my blog and I'll send you a url. They've all been uploaded now. Scary stuff.

 
At 7:06 AM, Anonymous Alison said...

That's probably better than our dog eating the cat's kittens when I was a teenager. My mom found a tiny kitten head in the closet. Guess it was a little too crunchy for the dog.

 
At 7:30 AM, Blogger Tony said...

Afternoon, i purchased my kids a hampster or 3 many moons ago, nocturnal annoying things, would never sit still and obviously were no kind of fun for the kids, later in life i boufgt the kids some rats, we found them to wonderful pets, so if your looking for a rodent pet my advice is to get a rat or 2

Peace

 
At 7:52 AM, Blogger Tug said...

Yucka. The only hamster I ever want to see is the one running circles in my head. on that damn wheel. LOVE the picture though - no camo? It's "in" ya' know.

 
At 8:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I rodent-sat for a friend once. The rodent, of course, died while they were out of cell-phone range and I did not know what to do with the...ahem...body. We put him/her/it in the freezer and called it Gerbil-Pop for a week. The kids were constantly opening the freezer and saying clever things like, "Hmmmm...I'm kinda hungry...maybe a little rodent for a snack." or "Hey, Gerbil Pop, kinda cold today isn't it?

The good news is that the word has spread. I feel confident that I will not be asked again.

 
At 8:12 AM, Blogger Some Random Girl said...

hilarious yet sad. I bet they'd taste better with sweet and sour sauce!

 
At 8:15 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

Oh my God, seriously Mist - that is frickin' disgusting.

I mean really, I can't believe you had a camera in the bathroom.

 
At 8:30 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Tom Cruise ate Suri's placenta?








Sorry. I had to go barf in the toilet.
Why was I never told?
(Because I would barf in the toilet, I know.)

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger Mindless Dribbler said...

How are you going to explain Penelope's sudden weight gain and the fur between her teeth?

 
At 8:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

WHAT?!! Jesus H. Christ! Did he cook it first?

 
At 8:59 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

odat,

Stewart Little? Are you on a first name basis with him?

matt,

Yes, I am the world traveller, aren't I? You should make a movie, "Interview with a Cockroach."

norm,

I'm not sure I qualify as a good petsitter.

Thanks for coming by.

puss,

Will do. Gotta go to IKEA first.

alison,

What part of I'm in therapy because I'm fragile didn't you understand? I will be in fetal position under my bed all day from that comment.

tony,

I've got my rodent hands full with Wiggy. I'll get rats when I get a snake or when I stop cleaning entirely (may come sooner than the snake).

tug,

Rodents are fashionably ahead of us. They did camo like so ten minutes ago. It's all fur fur fur on rodent runways this fall.

Thanks for coming by.

lee,

So what your saying is that if I tell the family, they'll never ask me to do this again? Or are you suggesting that I freeze Penelope?

srg,

Everything is better with ranch.

britt,

One day I will be on ratemypoo.com

hearts,

I know. I did the same thing.

 
At 10:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh I just had a thought...what if the "Smiths" knew that the little disgusting rat creature was about the give birth and didn't want to deal with it so pretended to "go on vacation" until the whole ordeal was over. If you tell them, and they all knowingly smirk, you'll know you've been had. I would just go with the freezing next time.

 
At 10:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn that's cool...

People should take up this habit as well.

Or...no...I didn't type that...

My evil twin must have. ;)

Steve~

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger C said...

The little bitch ate her young? I wish I could do that when mine acted up. Too much to wolf down though in one bite. There would def... be left overs in the fridge.

 
At 10:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
You have perhaps underestimated nature, and the natural approach to birth control. no problems with things like toxic shock syndrome. The rest is merely changing thousands of years of personal preferences that have become deeply ingrained. No biggie. One more post ought to do it.

 
At 11:20 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Sis, I love the taste of upchuck -- especially knowing upon clicking this site I will either suffer: a)hallucinations, b)delusions, c)something physical.

Thanks and good job!

 
At 12:06 PM, Blogger ChiefMommy Owl said...

This actually happened to our classroom hamster when I was in the fourth grade. We arrived one morning to find "Fluffball" chowing down on her offspring.

I still choke up thinking about it. How disturbing.

Sara

 
At 12:10 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

lee,

Clearly the Smith's are testing me. They should know that I am very disappointing.

steven,

I'm not eating anything that comes out of my vagina. Sure, I might taste it, but I'm not eating it. Unless it was a dare, but only if it was for a lot of money or fame or a pair of shoes or something.

c,

I'm not sure that female hamsters are called bitches. I think they are hens. Get a bigger freezer.

0,

I resist change. I'm not even working on it.

maiden,

I assume that by now, most people don't read my blog while snacking.

 
At 12:11 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

chief,

And this was educational/enriching for the children?

 
At 12:22 PM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Mist

As you like - no pressure - assemble as much flat-packed Scandinavian furniture as you desire. Was just a thought...

Puss

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

puss,

How the f*ck does it all pack flat?

 
At 2:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
There's really a very simple way out of this.

 
At 3:03 PM, Blogger skinnylittleblonde said...

LOL. Pic is great!

If the Smiths only sent one hamster for you to sit, then I have to concur with previous poster, Lee. They set you up & shame on them...it could have been the opportune time to show their own children who rules the roost at home. I hope Karma doesn't come back to them.

 
At 3:23 PM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Mist, people across the world are asking themselves that question, along with 'how the f*ck do I put this together?', 'Whay are there only five screws but six holes?' and 'How come this bit is left over?

It's one of life's great Scandinavian mysteries - bit like an Ingmar Bergamn movie...

GP

 
At 3:25 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

Yes. You're right of course. I have been looking into moving out of state and changing my last name. But what kind of last name sounds good with Mist?

slb,

How can I ever trust them again? Thanks for helping me put that in perspective. I was worried about them trusting me.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 3:33 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

puss,

They say that you can return stuff to IKEA, but after it's half assembled, you'll never get it back in the car. And you can't take it apart because suddenly you'll have extra parts that won't fit in the original box.

I don't even remember what I bought. I just know the aisle and bin number.

 
At 5:32 PM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

Nothing can beat the ninja cat. Not a chance in hell.

 
At 6:28 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

wg,

Not even Pirate Cat?

 
At 2:35 AM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

Did it poop toes?

 
At 3:58 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

She only did that because there was no garbage can in the cage that she could dump them in.

Seriously, has a study ever been done as to why they do that? Inquiring minds want to know.

 
At 5:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nihilistic,

Perhaps you missed the part where I discus my gag reflex.

(retching)

icl,

Sadly, many young hamster moms feel like they don't have any options and resort to eating the young. Do you know what it costs to put a litter through college nowadays?

 
At 6:41 AM, Blogger Fancy Dirt said...

I love the picture!

Lee, the same thing happened to me when I hampster sat. The people looked really creeped-out when I gave it back frozen in a baggie.

My son had a real stinker when he was little. I hated that thing. It would back its behind up to the bars of the cage so that most of the poop would pile up on the table!

I think I bribed a pet store to take it. Either that or I set it's cage just inside the pet store door and ran. I know for sure that's what I did with the rabbit. It seemed like a win-win to me. They get a free cage, bunny, water bottle, etc.., and I get my house to stop smelling like rodent pee.

When they say, 'sure, Mom, I'll keep the cage cleaned' keep in mind they don't know what it is like to clean a cage yet.

 
At 7:30 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

fancy,

So did you eat your son or not?

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
Libertine
what a nice ring that has.

 
At 4:18 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

Congratulations. You made me laugh. I wish I had a prize to bestow upon you.

 
At 8:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
Shucks ma'am, isn't that prize enough? Isn't this where the script says I ride into the sunset? No wait, in this post, don't I get the girl???

 
At 9:33 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

If you want a girl, you have to go to Africa and adopt one, just like the celebrities do. We're just not giving those away for free anymore. We need a sizable donation (US currency).

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger photo blog girl said...

OMG, this is the cutest picture I've seen in a LONG time (and I've been looking at lots of pictures lately). Great story. Poor little babies.

 
At 6:43 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

pbg,


Rodents with assault rifles scare me.

 
At 9:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
Hoisted on me own petard, whatever a petard is.

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

I think there might be more to this story then you think!!

 
At 5:37 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

anastasia,

I am afraid to ask.

 

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