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Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.
Missed Opportunity
 Yesterday, I went to Robert's house. Robert has an amazing collection of antiques. He goes antiquing every weekend. I love to sort through his latest acquisitions.
I sifted through dishes and jewelry (love the new bracelet). I asked him where he finds all his stuff.
"Well, I read the obituaries and then I break into their homes. I could use an assistant."
I declined his offer to accompany him next weekend. I told him that I had to shop for shoes. I looked down at my polished toes and sighed. "I'm going to miss my flip flops," I said.
"I've never worn flip flops," Robert replied.
I thought about it. In the two years that I've known him, I have only seen him in boots and sneakers.
"I have ugly feet."
"Robert, all feet are ugly."
"Mine are really ugly. I never let people see me barefoot."
I begged to see them but he refused. On the drive home, I remembered leafing through his old yearbook. He was the captain of the swim team.
Robert must have webbed feet. There is only one way to find out. Next summer, I am having a pool party, and I am inviting him.
Mist 1
"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut
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Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA
Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.
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Yesterday, I went to Robert's house. Robert has an amazing collection of antiques. He goes antiquing every weekend. I love to sort through his latest acquisitions.
63 Comments:
I don't like feet at all! I don't like them touching me and I don't like mine being touched...Feet are icky!
nihilistic,
Since you asked so nicely, you are invited to the pool party too.
I know a girl who has two webbed toes. I never noticed...mostly because I don't go around inspecting people's feet. Flipflops rule!
Well that was certainly an odd tangent for today's post.
That's how I get my antiques, too, though, but my feet are a thing of beauty.
c,
I check out feet. Cannot be helped. I have a hard time leaving home if I need a pedi.
av,
Aren't all my posts odd tangents?
I've heard rumors about your precious toes.
Does he honk when he laughs? That might be another hint.
cinders,
He does snort when he laughs.
Antiques to toes was a jump that I wasn't expecting, especially since the pictures looked like a bizarre antique.
And my feet have been talked about in many arenas. Not everyone can be as cool as I.
av,
Antiques are to toes like ________ are to ________.
I try to be as cool as you are. Am I trying too hard?
If you really want to see me freak out...Let me find a band-aid in the pool! Uhhhh...I feel weak now...
nihilistic,
You are definitely invited. I need things to blog about.
Now where did I put those damn Band-Aids?
Check behind his ears for gills, you never know
shadow,
Gills are sexy. He wouldn't have to come up for air.
Mist, there is a chance they are not webbed, just unspeakably lovely and he is trying to hide the fact. A house full of jewellery and (possibly) webbed feet - sounds like husband material to me - make your move before next summer or some ugly duckling will snap him up!
GP
I have Flinstone feet. I could drag my car safely to a stop with my feet walk away uninjured. For this reason I pay someone else a lot of money to polish them up and make them feel pretty. And I adorn them with rings. God bless those little bedrock babies. It is the bain of my existance to have chipped polish. Such a burden.
Hmmmm - a blow hole would be fun too
If you try to check out his feet while he's in the pool, you'll never catch him, 'cuz he'll swim too fast.
If he takes his shoes off AFTER he gets in the pool, that's a good clue.
Or if little ducklings follow him around.
puss,
I will risk losing Robert to another duck. The webbed feet are just one of many issues.
wg,
I once had a car with a whole in the floor. I called it my Flintstone Car.
c,
How am I supposed to comment on "blow hole?" Seriously. There is nothing decent I can say.
nwjr,
I wonder if he hatched the ducklings himself.
rose,
You have a great point. I'd love to see the competition though.
Oh how could people miss the connection....???
Anitques, shopping, shoes, feet!!!
(PS..does he waddle?)
Mist, I have one word for you: JEWELLERY.
GP
When he shows up in swim trunks and boots you will know: He has 13 toes.
Mist1: A man in flip flops is akin to a man with capris. Both wrong, both for women. Men + manpris = Begging for a beating.
I have pretty feet. I was once asked to be a foot model but I turned then down. It just made me feel so cheap.
I love antiquing. I have an amazing record collection. I usually go the antique store route though. Not opposed to a little B&E-I have this thing for climbing through other people's windows.
odat,
It's more of lumbering walk than a waddle.
puss,
Did I mention that he's really hairy?
lbb,
Thanks. My feet have a better self image now. Yes, boobs are pretty.
desiree,
He can have all the toes he wants as long as they're not fused together.
maiden,
Really? I know a lot of guys who are begging for a beating. For the flip flops, not the manpris.
dallas,
You are better than that. I'm proud of you. I was a foot model, but my toes are so bony that there was a public outcry.
karma,
You and Robert should meet.
don't forget to post pics! he'll probably wear those scuba flippers so you won't be able to see them. :D
I have pretty feet. Perverts follow me around all the time, hoping to get some great toe.
Tomorrow, I"m going to a couple of estate sales. B&E sounds more affordable, though. I'll let you know how it goes if they let me bring my computer to jail.
miztris,
Will buy disposable underwater camera.
1
So much material, so little time.
Big A. There are so many better ways to discover if his feet are webbed. A blow hole may be involved.
Big B. Feet are critically important, your reputation rests directly upon them (OK, there are some connecting parts, who's counting). which leads to:
Corrollary A. I've looked at life from both sides now, from win and lose, and still somehow,.......et al
Now, I really need a coffee fix. Please.
hearts,
I hope orange is your color. Not only can you blog from jail (where do you think I am?), but you can also get your GED. Thanks, taxpayers!
0,
I am willing to do nearly anything to see his webbed feet, but I do have to set limits. There will be no blow hole action.
I actually came across a blog all about flipflops (a gay guy site) -
Flip Flop Erotic...don't remember the url otherwise I'd give it to you.
I don't remember too much about it, except I laughed my butt off while viewing it.
Funny you're talking about feet, I just took some photos of mine yesterday. lol @ webbed feet.
Tell him that painted toes are the only sure fire way to make feet presentable.
THEN have a pool party to see if he takes your suggestion.
Orange does nothing for me. And they probably don't have those jumper thingies in XS.
I already have a h.s. diploma, even though I haven't seen it since the graduation night party. (I lost one of my marriage certificates right after the wedding too, on my honeymoon.)
Mist, Hairy? Webbed feet? Is he a duck-billed platypus? If so, they're cute! Sounds like husband material to me!
I think I may be turning into a matchmaker...
GP
karmyn,
Flip Flop Erotic? I'm not sure how I feel about that. I am opposed to men wearing shoes or socks in bed. I feel silly in my heels in bed, but on request...
pdom,
My photos of my feet on flickr get a good response. Maybe we should make a blog for our feet and try to make some $$.
britt,
We can get pedis together, but there is no way that I am painting those toes myself.
hearts,
Oh, a DIPLOMA. Why not just say it? You think you're better than me because I got my GED in the county jail. That does not mean that I don't have feelings.
puss,
I will marry him and write a memoir. I'll call it: "I Married a Marsupial."
Mist,
For your information, they call it a DIPLOMA at the Women's House of Detention. It's a classy joint.
This does not mean that I don't have feelings, too, y'know.
1
If I understand you correctly, when you married him as a marsupial, in America, he became an opossum. Damn you're powerfull!
hearts,
I thought I recognized you from somewhere. Those were the days.
0,
Very few people recognize my power. The power to woo the only North American marsupial.
My office keeps threatening to fire me. They say flip flops aren't appropriate with a tie. Take this job and shove it I say!
michael,
What kind of crazy corporate culture do you work in? Screw that. Quit. Then let's hang out. I may have mentioned that I'm a little bored here, haven't I?
I'm a day behind! whaaaa!
icl,
This is not homework. You can fall a day behind. It's okay. It's only midterms, you can still pull your grade up.
1
This is only the mid-term? I still have the future to worry about? I lost my syllabus. Is all of this going to be on the final? I think I'm having an anxiety attack.
0,
I grade on a curve. Also, I accept bribes.
Thanks Mist. I feel better now even though, you know me, I do like perfect attendance!
anastasia,
I like how your cup is half full.
icl,
Perhaps that will be reflected at the award's ceremony at the end of the semester.
1
Awards Ceremony! It just so happens that I have a bottle of California cabernet open and breathing on the counter even as I bribe you. Oh, and the Shrimp Norfolk is about to come out of the oven. Interested? How does Summa Cum Laude sound? Or is that Magna, I forget.
0,
Bribes accepted. Let me slip into something more comfortable.
Oh, and it was Summa. Thanks for asking.
1
You look exceptional in that mortarboard!
0,
Thanks for noticing. I wasn't sure it went with my shoes.
1
With legs like those, who would notice you were wearing shoes?
0,
We are different. With shoes like these, who notices that I have legs.
1
me me me, I like to look up close and personal
0,
Must remember to shave before blogging.
1
I can help!
0,
Thanks, you can do my back.
1
Yippie, at least I'm in the game! Is anyone else in the shower with us?
0,
Now you're just dropping the soap on purpose. C'mon, get serious.
1
Did you bring the no parts with you? And the WD-49?
0,
I think it's WD-69.
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