To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Child Safety

It's Halloween. This is my favorite holiday.

Dad teaches in a Somali high school. Their first Halloween is always hysterical. This has got to be the strangest day of the year.

But today, I am thinking of more serious topics. Specifically, protecting children.

I have never been a very good babysitter. Mostly because when I get to the kid's house and they have cable and all kinds of food that I don't have, I lose my mind. I don't give a sh*t what the kid is doing as long as he/she gets me another beer and hands me the remote.

I got the opportunity to babysit for the local Chief of Police's son. He's a sweet kid. He ran over me with his scooter, but I'm pretty sure it was a display of afffection.

I met Chief Jr. while I was working for a summer camp program. Every day, I picked up the attendance sheets and made nasty phone calls to people who hadn't dropped their kids off because they owed us money. It was an enriching experience for all.

One day, I noted that Chief Jr. had been dropped off late. I radioed his counsellor to make sure that he had joined his group. The counsellor hadn't seen Jr.

I looked around the facility. I searched the areas that seemed logical for a person to go to. I looked in the women's bathroom in case he was plucking his brows. I looked in the parking lot in case he was smoking. I even looked in Pier One a few miles away because they were having a great sale. He was no where to be found.

Calmly, I called his mother. I asked Mrs. Chief how she was doing. She replied that she was enjoying her time in Savannah and asked if everything was okay. Here's the part where I started to panic. Naturally, I lied to her. "Super," I said, "couldn't be better." I'm pretty sure that I sounded cool and collected.

I hung up on Mrs. Chief mid-sentence and called the precinct. I prepared myself for the worst moment in my brief career. The Chief was out. I left a message.

I paced the floors and made several important decisions. I decided that I would change my name (yes, Mist 1 does sound good). Then I decided to move to Cuba. Fidel and I were destined to be together anyway.

As I began to pack up my personal effects and practice my Spanish (otra cerveza por favor), the Chief called. I teared up and began my speech.

He interrupted me. "Jr. and I stayed up too late last night. We ate all kinds of junk food. When I dropped him off in the morning he puked on the floor. So, I brought him home. Please, don't tell his mom, she's out of town and I'm in charge."

I half laughed and half choked. We agreed to keep it a secret. I became their babysitter after that.

I still get out of speeding tickets in his zone.

Mist 1


At 9:27 PM, Blogger ChiefMommy Owl said...

I was babysitting a friend's child yesterday who wouldn't stop crying. I commented to my Mom how its kind of funny how when its not your child you really don't care. My Mom answered, "Yeah, just strap her in her stroller and push the couch in front of her."

I'll meet you in Cuba. Dos cervezas!

At 9:33 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Stay away from Fidel.

At 10:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

the babysitter's secret pact society...stronger than even the skulls...

At 10:18 PM, Blogger Karmyn R said...

weird - almost the exact same thing happened to me except it was the Fire chief's son and when I wasn't looking the kid slipped on a rock and cut his head open. I was never asked to babysit afterwards.

At 12:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sister I used to get up to stuff like that, she'd get me to do something bad (all her idea) and I would of course be blamed when it all went wrong - or we'd try and cover it up...all kids are the same I guess as soon as you get in trouble make your excuses and run

At 12:48 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I had a hella crush on my baby sitter. But she never returned my affections.

I wish that LaFave chick would have babysat me.

At 1:49 AM, Anonymous rose said...

Lol. I've always managed to aviod babysitting - children are not my kind of thing.

At 2:06 AM, Blogger Babs1 said...

Most important... does the Chief have cable?

At 3:53 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I read those Babysitter's Club books when I was a kid too.


Strange. Hey, did the fire chief have a pole in his house?


Be prepared. Make up your excuses in advance so that when the time comes, you will know exactly what to do.


You were a deprived child.


They cannot get enough of me. It is something that I'll never understand.


Cable, air hockey, Nintendo. Everything.

At 4:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahaha! What a way to get a new babysitting gig.

I hope the Chief keeps the fridge filled with beer whenever you have to babysit.

At 4:26 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

My babysitter taught me all the swear words I know, for which I am eternally grateful. Unsurprisingly, I am never asked to babysit - I hate children; they smell. That's why I became a teacher, I got paid to be nasty to them. Novelty wore off pretty quickly 'though.


At 4:49 AM, Blogger Nattie said...

Saved!!! Man.....that couldda been ugly. you call him 'Chief' ? Or....
haha could be fun, I mean, if he's still in gear and all - didn't he say his wife was outta town :O

damn those men in uniform...

At 4:51 AM, Blogger Darlene said...

hahah Good story - I was never a babysitter either...not a good one anyway. And, judging from your blog, it's always good to have law enforcement on your side every once in awhile.

At 5:07 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Chief has the best fridge in town.


Children do smell. I've never understood how such little creatures can produce such powerful odors.


I call him Chief. Also, you cannot have an affair with the Chief of Police. Sure, it seems like a good idea, but sooner or later, someone's going to jail.


I dropped his name a few times. If only I could have a sticker on the car that says, "I'm the Chief's Babysitter." That doesn't sound right.

At 6:09 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

I blame the parents... No odour control these days.


At 6:31 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


No birth control either.

At 6:45 AM, Blogger Margaret said...

So relieved to hear he was home, safe and sound with his very responsible father.

At 6:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

But otherwise you get speeding tickets? I'm dissapointed to hear that.

At 7:20 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

I stole brandy and whiskey from the people I babysat for and filled the little airline bottles up for my friends.

Oh, and the kids went to bed at 7:00pm sharp. Who cares that they are 10?

A girl's got things to do.

At 7:22 AM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

Well, Damn.

Fidel looked so cute in his little red track suit on the news. You could've gotten matching gear.

Oh, well. Guess you'll just have to go get yourself in trouble with another kid.

Maybe I should clarify that I don't mean underage s*x, unless, of course, he is a 17-year-old stallion. You could go to prom!

At 7:27 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

I couldn't possibly comment on that as I sit here in the country with the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.


At 7:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel sorry for the person who cleaned up the puke. :(

At 7:54 AM, Blogger normiekins said...

great story....i think babysitter's should get the low down before accepting a job...
tv, cable, full fridge, phone, etc.

the kids must love you!!!

At 8:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bring me back some cigars.

I don't even smoke, but I'd like to see you get arrested. ;)


At 8:38 AM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

Junk food meaning doughnuts probably. Father like son. LOL
Watching children isn't hard. I purchased this amazing thing called the xbox. Now my children are always easy to locate. Happy Halloween

At 8:40 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Nice. One hand washes the other, errrr -- I mean, one hand brings the other a beer.

At 9:35 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


You can't even begin to imagine my relief.


I hate it when you're disappointed with me. Couldn't you just yell?


You didn't invite the boyfriend over to "study"? Damn. You were a good babysitter.


Fidel and I would totally wear matching Sporty Spice outfits.


Teens still get pregnant? I thought Britney Spears was the last teen to do that.


$2 job for a crackhead. Pretty sweet deal.


It is a great mystery to me why they love me. Kids didn't like me when I was a kid. Why now?


Viva la Mist! I can smuggle one back. Two tops. It's going to be uncomfortable.


I never saw a doughnut in the house. Bearclaws, yes. But those aren't doughnuts, those are pastries.


It's just the way the world works. It's all about who brings who a beer.

At 10:49 AM, Blogger Tug said...

Steven just wants to see you in handcuffs I think.

Is the sale still going on?

At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

Do you have plans Saturday? I need a sitter...

At 12:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you speed intentionally then in that area? Or do you just stay there and speed all the on a race track? round and round and round???? lmao
Good one.

At 12:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

whoa, that was a close call! hmmm, weird...I thought he would have been at Pier One too!

At 12:43 PM, Blogger Killer said...

I never got to be a baby sitter, I guess I just looked too much like a sexual predator.

My sister locked me out of the house naked once and the baby sitter just laughed and did not unlock the door.
I hated her.

Castro has been unavailable for quite some time, maybe he is working his way to you.

At 1:21 PM, Blogger melanie said...

hilarious! i wasnt the drinking babysitter. I just let them stay up late watching politically incorrect television! (saturday night live, madd tv, monty python, black adder, violent PG17 films... you know...)


At 1:42 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I think I may still have some of the photos of me handcuffed. I'll see what I can do. You should see the stemware I got on sale.


What's in your fridge?


I unbuckle my seatbelt and fly through the area. I never use my turn signals.


Kids. They don't know a good sale when they see one.


Maybe you're right about Castro. I bet his new mistress is dressing him.


Man, you were the cool babysitter.

At 2:10 PM, Blogger K said...

that's a good story, lol. does fidel have any cute younger cousins or something? i mean, he can't be the only one destined to rule the communist world.

At 2:12 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


He's got a younger brother who's only like 175 years old.

At 2:45 PM, Blogger skinnylittleblonde said...

LOL,Cheif so owes you... with that phone call to his wife, you could have had her thinking all kinds of things...and not just about Cheif Jr!

At 3:18 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Maybe I should pressure him for a job with the department. The kind where I don't have to actually go to work but still have a pension.

At 3:49 PM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

I'm surprised the wife didn't get suspicious after you called.

I would have.

At 4:49 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

I remember babysitting one family and the Dad left his Playboy magazines in the magazine rack. I was shocked that they were out in full view for any of the kids to find. Needless to say I poured through them. The kids were ok but the parents were kinda weird. Those mags were the only thing that kept me accepting future jobs with them until the parents finally split and they moved away.

At 5:44 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

Shit, I wish you could of been my babysitter when I was younger, I had to put up with my older brother (The Naked Nerd) and you read his blog, so you can imagine what I had to put up with.

At 5:52 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

When I was a kid, my babysitter's husband was a Sheriff. One day, I stole a book. To teach me a lesson, the Sheriff locked me up. I was probably only in the cell for a few minutes, but it felt like hours. On the other hand, I'm sure that it made my babysitter's job a lot easier.

At 6:45 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am pretty convincing. Also, I am like totally the model of responsibility.


I bet he wondered why the pages of his magazines were all stuck together.


I can only imagine what he was like as a kid. "That's it Nerd; one more poopie comment and you're on timeout."


What kind of sh*t is that? That's like what Montel does to delinquent kids. I think you still have grounds to sue.

At 6:54 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Aaww, so touching. MAKES ME SICK!

At 7:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I do it for the children. You know, I believe that they are our future. I want to teach them well and let them lead the way. It's my goal to show them all the beauty they possess inside.

At 7:09 PM, Blogger Ranger Tom said...

There's this whole babysitter fantasy thing going on in my head right now...

At 7:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I used to babysit...I was amazing... I duck taped one kid to a wagon cuz he told me to. The parents paid me extra.

At 7:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry to be late, but I do like the way you handled the tricky diplomacy, yet still comported yourself as a true American hero. From now on, you'll be enshrined as The Babysitter, with a martini glass in hand, naturally.

At 8:00 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I charge a very reasonable rate.


I think I dated that kid in college. I thought it was a strange request.

Thanks for coming by.


There is no penalty for tardiness. This is not a Morning Meeting.

At 8:43 PM, Anonymous Veronica said...

I worked as a babysitter in Paris (au pair). I used to let the kids watch a Disney movie every night when I got tired of listening to all three of them screaming and when their parents would come home and ask me why I was letting them watch so much TV I'd say "They're practicing their English."

At 8:57 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I've been practicing my English with Tyra Banks lately. I was ashamed, but with this new explanation, I feel more comfortable with how pathetic I am.

At 10:12 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

Glad to see someone is Thinking About The Children™.

At 10:30 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


No Child Left Behind. That's what I always say.

At 6:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loose lips sink......wait a minute, I like loose lips, well, not too loose.

At 8:45 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Truer words have never been written, my friend.

At 5:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come, let us do our lip exercises together. 0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1......

At 10:01 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I love it when you speak binary to me.

At 8:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And now, to sing to you
the melody is a real tear-jerker, it's so hard for me

At 8:44 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Sigh. I think I just faxed.

At 7:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's OK, you still have the original

At 7:51 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I thought I was The Original.


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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

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