Geri(atric) & Me
My friends pity me. I'm okay with that. But it's for the wrong reasons.
I will never be ambushed for a "dinner party" again. I agreed dinner, but I didn't agree to the 97 year old man that was to be my date for the evening.
Introductions were made. I graciously shook hands with couple after couple. Sitting alone on the couch was an oversized plush toy that looked a bit like those creepy dried apple head dolls. I jumped when it moved. He thrust his hand into mine, closed his wrinkly lids and kissed my hand. I tried not to recoil. "Mist, this is L. I am sure you two will have lots to talk about." Much winking ensued.
Over dinner, we talked about where I grew up, where I went to college, what it was like when television was colorized, and the outrageous cost of Coca-Cola (apparently, it used to be $0.05). I tried to relate to him and told him that as an adolescent I had a mobile phone attached to a large black box. He nodded and closed his eyes, lost in memory.
Dinner was excellent. Pureed, but tasty. He excused himself four times to use the restroom. During his absences, I glared across the table at my smug, coupled friends.
After dinner, we retired (he re-retired) to the livingroom for conversation and after-dinner drinks. I made an excuse about my medication wearing off and said that I had to go before things got ugly. He offered to walk me to my car. I protested, but in the end, he accompanied me down the driveway. I loosely held his elbow to keep him from falling and breaking a hip.
He leaned in for a kiss. I breathed in the smell of Bengay and enjoyed the menthol vapors clearing my sinuses. His breath reminded me of the little cups of Effordent that I used to soak my retainer in. I coyly turned my head and let him kiss my (bright orange) hair.
As I turned to get into my car, I stumbled in my heels and reached out to him to steady myself. Flailing, I grasped him by the waist. Something crinkled. A soft, plastic rustling sound.
"Will I see you again?" he asked.
"Depends!" I said with my hand still on his raisiny a$$.
He smiled and blew me a kiss goodnight.