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Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.
Grandpa
 This week is the anniversary of Grandpa's stroke. It was the final blow. He never came back.
Grandpa was the funniest man that I have ever known. He is why my world is comical.
When Grandpa was young, he lived in North Dakota. He wanted bigger and better things for himself and so he applied for a sales job with an animal feed and supply company. The opening was a regional sales position. The man who interviewed him explained that he would be responsible for an entire region, including North and South Dakota, Iowa, Minnesota, and even a small territory in Canada.
"Canada!" Grandpa exclaimed. "There's only hockey players and whores in Canada!"
"My wife is from Canada," the interviewer said.
"And what team does she play for, Sir?"
He didn't get the job and became an Army Ranger instead. From this point on, my family has had a healthy respect for Canadians.
Just before Grandpa's stroke, he lost his leg due to complications of Diabetes. We stood vigil in the hospital. Uncle Greg brought cards, Aunt Mary brought snacks, and I brought a flask.
The nurse came into the waiting area and we gathered around her for an update. "He's conscious," she said. We pushed her out of the way and burst into his room.
Grandma asked how he felt. "I feel like I've got one foot in the grave." There was an awkward pause. The nurse paled. We roared in laughter. He was okay.
I miss you, Grandpa. Love always.
Mist 1
"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut
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Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA
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This week is the anniversary of Grandpa's stroke. It was the final blow. He never came back.
58 Comments:
1
Grandpa must have been tough. That diabetes is a nasty mother.
Mist, I think he would have loved your blog! Thanks for the laughs!!
0,
He was the funniest man ever. Are all these comments going to make me misty eyed?
claudia,
Except for maybe all the sex. Yeah, he would have loved it here.
pissy,
He should have hung out with my grandpa more often.
Your grandpa sounds like he was a great man. One good thing about having such a great attitude about life is that you get to go down laughing.
Sorry for your loss, but glad that you had someone like that in your life.
My grandmother used to try and set me up with single guys in the neighborhood when I visited her!! It was hysterical! I still remember her asking me if I had a boyfriend and telling me to just have fun, that I was too young to get serious!!
The nurse must've thought that your entire family was loony.
Thank heavens for funny grandpas! I'm so glad you inherited his funny gene. I hope diabetes stays away from you, though.
That sounds a lot like my Grandpa...Hmmmm...wait a second here...
He must have been very cool.
I know where you get your nutty sense of humour from now.
sorry about your Grandfather, sounds like he had a great a sense of humour.
Very nice. My grandfather, who is still around and kicking, is the same way. And that is why I've got the sense of humor that I do.
You could see the line unfolding ahead--what team did she play for....
But the balls to deliver it in a job interview--that is funny.
mist:
That's some funny stuff right there. He should have met my grandpa; they'd have gotten along famously.
Most Army Rangers have excellent senses of humor!
;)~
velvet,
I was incredibly lucky to spend the last year of his life, laughing with him.
claudia,
Did she hand down her little black book?
lizza,
She had no idea what to make of us.
nihilistic,
See you at the next family reunion.
steph,
Nuttiness runs in the family.
shadow,
Thanks. He was an incredible man.
av,
Call him. Thank him. Your sense of humor is wicked.
matt,
Nothing wrong with his balls...
nwjr,
I like your grandpa already.
ranger,
You know, I've found that to be true.
Sounds like an awesome grandpa! I didn't have much in the way of grandparents-sounds like you were lucky in that department. :)
The nurse paled...had she been drinking from your flask??
Mist1, I miss my grandpa. Thanks for this. God, he was great. Yours was a pisser.
Sorry for your loss. Grandparents are special people. I've none left unless i cound my in-laws. it sucks to lose them.
it may be sappy and cliche' but i say "Cherish the Memories". They are more precious than people sometimes think.
You definately inherited his sense of humor.
Aww, he sounds like a rightous dude. Now I know where YOU got it from.
Glad you've got someone to help console you right now. (Wink, wink.)
karma,
My grandparents are/were the best. I have awfully good parents too.
tug,
I share my flask with no one.
maiden,
Sometimes, my memories are good ones.
mayren,
I do cherish them. And yes, that's sappy and cliche.
cheeky,
I also inherited toilet paper.
123,
Yes, perhaps I should go cry on his shoulders.
That was a wonderful remembrance. My grandparents taught me how to cuss and play poker.
Loved this. Those are the people that live on in our hearts and minds. And now he lives on in this blog. I always prefer to look at the funny side of things. He sounds like a lovely man to have known.
-N
In her later years, a close family friend was hospitalized for an extended period. Among other things, they amputated her left leg early on and her right arm a few weeks later.
On her way out of the hospital, she said aloud, "They said it would cost an arm and leg, but I didn't think they meant it literally!"
I'm sure grandpa is happy to see his comedic legacy is being carried on by his grandbaby.
And it sounds effortless, that's what makes it more impressive.
You go girl, wit' your funny a--.
too bad you couldn't save the leg and make a lamp.
Never met either of my grandfathers, but stories about them always make me smile. I'm glad thinking about your makes you smile too.
You better watch yourself...you don't want any feet amputated....what will you do with all your shoes?
Great tribute to a funny man!
Peace!
Sweet remembrance. Grandparents always seem to hold a special place in our memories.
Well this is a comment I never expected to leave here...
*HUGS* to you babe. Just *hugs*
My grandfathers were cranky. One of them smelled like monkeys.
Yours sounds like a lot more fun.
michael,
I don't know how to play poker.
natalia,
You all really missed out. He was a great man.
Thanks for coming by.
kev,
Thank you, thank you. Tip your waitresses!
kiyotoe,
It is nearly effortless. The hardest part of writing is getting the cork out of the bottle. After that, it pretty much flows freely.
a. whore,
That's like multi-tasking.
margaret,
That would totally go with my decor.
vince,
He'd want me to do more than smile. He'd want me to double over in laughter.
odat,
I have done my research. There is a shoe exchange program. I will need to be paired with a woman who wears a 6.5 and has a thing for loud heels.
violet,
If I tell his stories, it helps me remember.
britt,
I'll be back to myself tomorrow. Thanks for the hugs.
1
Count your blessings, and then re-read your comments. I doubt that you could have predicted this. But you do deserve it!
Aww...sorry for your loss, but he sounds like a great funny guy.
*smirks* coming from a Canadian whore :P...lol
crank,
Don't monkeys smell with their noses, just like us?
0,
I guess I don't expect people to comment when I have a moment of seriousness or seriosity or whatever the right word is.
miranda,
So...what team do you play for? Sorry, it just seemed like the question could apply for hockey players or whores.
Well, either blogger ate my earlier comment or I've mortally offended you (no pun intended).
Either way, I'm sorry.
Puss
Your Grandpa was my kind of man. Funny and brave. It takes a truly big spirit to make jokes about his own suffering to lighten his family's pain.
He's exactly who I'd want watching over me from wherever. You're a lucky girl.
Thanks for sharing this.
Now this is my kinda tribute to a fallen loved one.
Well done.
Steve~
Awww...I'd give you a hug but you still have that restraining order in place.
puss,
It is nearly impossible to mortally offend me. However, I seem to be quite good at it.
hearts,
You know, I am convinced that he does watch over me. Him and G*d play practical jokes all the time. They're funny dudes.
steven,
Thanks. He's been on my mind.
dallas,
I thought we agreed never to speak about that agian.
you are a lucky woman! i never knew my grandfathers much. they didn't live close by, and died when i was really young.
thanks for the share!
melanie,
I went home for a year. It was the most time we had spent together since I was a kid. I never forget how lucky I am.
Aww, he sounded awesome. I vote for more stories of him.
"And what team does she play for, Sir?"
Now, thats comedy!
I thought nothing of Canada until I found the Trailer Park Boys.
I had a patient who had a stroke. He was a complete comedian. The left side of his body never returned, but when he could talk again, he said "Hey Tiffany, did you hear about the guy who had a stroke and couldn't move the left side of his body?" me: Ummm, nope. Him: "He was all RIGHT!!!"
I nearly pissed myself. He would have loved your granddad. I miss mine too.
Sounds like you had one cool grandpa.
Sounds like you had one cool grandpa.
What fun it must have been with him! One grandpa passed before I was born and the other one lived across the states. I was never close to my grandparents. I'm glad you have these memories to treasure.
You are R.I.P. roaring hilarious woman. :)
orhan,
Another of Grandpa's stories can be found at morningmeeting.blogspot.com. It's called "Cabbage."
wg,
I wish they could have met.
fringes,
I cried and laughed while writing this. It was weird for me.
shife,
I really did, didn't I?
babs,
He was the best. I will never forget.
c,
Sometimes, I can't take credit for it. It's Grandpa this time.
Grandpa's are the best! Sorry yours had to leave too soon.
karmyn,
He left when he was ready to.
rla,
Your dad is my kind of guy.
Thanks for coming by.
nerd,
Thanks.
I think he gave many people the great gift of keeping a sense of humor. Life can be pretty unkind, unfair and unexpected. It really makes it easier to be able to accept what life throws at you when you can laugh about it sometimes. I wish more people were like your grandfather.
I'm glad you shared that story Mist.
nattie,
I don't usually get all sappy on this blog. It was a kinder, gentler side of me.
barb,
You know, I rarely lol. I frequently laugh out loud.
Thanks for coming by.
anastasia,
Your story warmed my heart.
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