To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Monday, November 13, 2006

Grandpa


This week is the anniversary of Grandpa's stroke. It was the final blow. He never came back.

Grandpa was the funniest man that I have ever known. He is why my world is comical.

When Grandpa was young, he lived in North Dakota. He wanted bigger and better things for himself and so he applied for a sales job with an animal feed and supply company. The opening was a regional sales position. The man who interviewed him explained that he would be responsible for an entire region, including North and South Dakota, Iowa, Minnesota, and even a small territory in Canada.

"Canada!" Grandpa exclaimed. "There's only hockey players and whores in Canada!"

"My wife is from Canada," the interviewer said.

"And what team does she play for, Sir?"

He didn't get the job and became an Army Ranger instead. From this point on, my family has had a healthy respect for Canadians.

Just before Grandpa's stroke, he lost his leg due to complications of Diabetes. We stood vigil in the hospital. Uncle Greg brought cards, Aunt Mary brought snacks, and I brought a flask.

The nurse came into the waiting area and we gathered around her for an update. "He's conscious," she said. We pushed her out of the way and burst into his room.

Grandma asked how he felt. "I feel like I've got one foot in the grave." There was an awkward pause. The nurse paled. We roared in laughter. He was okay.

I miss you, Grandpa. Love always.

Mist 1


65 Comments:

At 8:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
Grandpa must have been tough. That diabetes is a nasty mother.

 
At 9:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mist, I think he would have loved your blog! Thanks for the laughs!!

 
At 9:05 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

0,

He was the funniest man ever. Are all these comments going to make me misty eyed?

claudia,

Except for maybe all the sex. Yeah, he would have loved it here.

 
At 9:22 PM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

Awwwww...what a fun grandpa!

My only grandfather was a mean old son of a bitch! :(

 
At 9:25 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

pissy,

He should have hung out with my grandpa more often.

 
At 10:12 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Your grandpa sounds like he was a great man. One good thing about having such a great attitude about life is that you get to go down laughing.

Sorry for your loss, but glad that you had someone like that in your life.

 
At 10:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My grandmother used to try and set me up with single guys in the neighborhood when I visited her!! It was hysterical! I still remember her asking me if I had a boyfriend and telling me to just have fun, that I was too young to get serious!!

 
At 10:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The nurse must've thought that your entire family was loony.

Thank heavens for funny grandpas! I'm so glad you inherited his funny gene. I hope diabetes stays away from you, though.

 
At 11:04 PM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

That sounds a lot like my Grandpa...Hmmmm...wait a second here...

 
At 1:22 AM, Blogger Steph said...

He must have been very cool.
I know where you get your nutty sense of humour from now.

 
At 1:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry about your Grandfather, sounds like he had a great a sense of humour.

 
At 3:55 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Very nice. My grandfather, who is still around and kicking, is the same way. And that is why I've got the sense of humor that I do.

 
At 4:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could see the line unfolding ahead--what team did she play for....

But the balls to deliver it in a job interview--that is funny.

 
At 5:00 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

mist:

That's some funny stuff right there. He should have met my grandpa; they'd have gotten along famously.

 
At 5:00 AM, Blogger Ranger Tom said...

Most Army Rangers have excellent senses of humor!

;)~

 
At 5:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

velvet,

I was incredibly lucky to spend the last year of his life, laughing with him.

claudia,

Did she hand down her little black book?

lizza,

She had no idea what to make of us.

nihilistic,

See you at the next family reunion.

steph,

Nuttiness runs in the family.

shadow,

Thanks. He was an incredible man.

av,

Call him. Thank him. Your sense of humor is wicked.

matt,

Nothing wrong with his balls...

nwjr,

I like your grandpa already.

ranger,

You know, I've found that to be true.

 
At 6:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like an awesome grandpa! I didn't have much in the way of grandparents-sounds like you were lucky in that department. :)

 
At 6:11 AM, Blogger Tug said...

The nurse paled...had she been drinking from your flask??

 
At 6:11 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Mist1, I miss my grandpa. Thanks for this. God, he was great. Yours was a pisser.

 
At 6:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry for your loss. Grandparents are special people. I've none left unless i cound my in-laws. it sucks to lose them.

it may be sappy and cliche' but i say "Cherish the Memories". They are more precious than people sometimes think.

 
At 7:10 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

You definately inherited his sense of humor.

 
At 7:12 AM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

Aww, he sounds like a rightous dude. Now I know where YOU got it from.

Glad you've got someone to help console you right now. (Wink, wink.)

 
At 7:14 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

karma,

My grandparents are/were the best. I have awfully good parents too.

tug,

I share my flask with no one.

maiden,

Sometimes, my memories are good ones.

mayren,

I do cherish them. And yes, that's sappy and cliche.

cheeky,

I also inherited toilet paper.

 
At 7:15 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

123,

Yes, perhaps I should go cry on his shoulders.

 
At 7:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was a wonderful remembrance. My grandparents taught me how to cuss and play poker.

 
At 7:28 AM, Blogger Natalia said...

Loved this. Those are the people that live on in our hearts and minds. And now he lives on in this blog. I always prefer to look at the funny side of things. He sounds like a lovely man to have known.

-N

 
At 7:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In her later years, a close family friend was hospitalized for an extended period. Among other things, they amputated her left leg early on and her right arm a few weeks later.

On her way out of the hospital, she said aloud, "They said it would cost an arm and leg, but I didn't think they meant it literally!"

 
At 7:56 AM, Blogger Kiyotoe said...

I'm sure grandpa is happy to see his comedic legacy is being carried on by his grandbaby.

And it sounds effortless, that's what makes it more impressive.

You go girl, wit' your funny a--.

 
At 7:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whores and Hockey players eh?!?
Well, this Canadian has to say that he was pretty on the money with that one. What do you call them if they are whores AND hockey players?
A puck fuck for a buck....

 
At 8:01 AM, Blogger Margaret said...

too bad you couldn't save the leg and make a lamp.

 
At 8:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Never met either of my grandfathers, but stories about them always make me smile. I'm glad thinking about your makes you smile too.

 
At 8:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You better watch yourself...you don't want any feet amputated....what will you do with all your shoes?

Great tribute to a funny man!

Peace!

 
At 8:19 AM, Blogger Violet said...

Sweet remembrance. Grandparents always seem to hold a special place in our memories.

 
At 8:50 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

Well this is a comment I never expected to leave here...

*HUGS* to you babe. Just *hugs*

 
At 8:57 AM, Blogger Crankster said...

My grandfathers were cranky. One of them smelled like monkeys.

Yours sounds like a lot more fun.

 
At 9:00 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

I don't know how to play poker.

natalia,

You all really missed out. He was a great man.

Thanks for coming by.

kev,

Thank you, thank you. Tip your waitresses!

kiyotoe,

It is nearly effortless. The hardest part of writing is getting the cork out of the bottle. After that, it pretty much flows freely.

a. whore,

That's like multi-tasking.

margaret,

That would totally go with my decor.

vince,

He'd want me to do more than smile. He'd want me to double over in laughter.

odat,

I have done my research. There is a shoe exchange program. I will need to be paired with a woman who wears a 6.5 and has a thing for loud heels.

violet,

If I tell his stories, it helps me remember.

britt,

I'll be back to myself tomorrow. Thanks for the hugs.

 
At 9:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
Count your blessings, and then re-read your comments. I doubt that you could have predicted this. But you do deserve it!

 
At 9:32 AM, Blogger Miranda said...

Aww...sorry for your loss, but he sounds like a great funny guy.

*smirks* coming from a Canadian whore :P...lol

 
At 9:36 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

crank,

Don't monkeys smell with their noses, just like us?

0,

I guess I don't expect people to comment when I have a moment of seriousness or seriosity or whatever the right word is.

miranda,

So...what team do you play for? Sorry, it just seemed like the question could apply for hockey players or whores.

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Well, either blogger ate my earlier comment or I've mortally offended you (no pun intended).

Either way, I'm sorry.

Puss

 
At 10:10 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Your Grandpa was my kind of man. Funny and brave. It takes a truly big spirit to make jokes about his own suffering to lighten his family's pain.

He's exactly who I'd want watching over me from wherever. You're a lucky girl.

Thanks for sharing this.

 
At 10:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now this is my kinda tribute to a fallen loved one.

Well done.

Steve~

 
At 10:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww...I'd give you a hug but you still have that restraining order in place.

 
At 10:48 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

puss,

It is nearly impossible to mortally offend me. However, I seem to be quite good at it.

hearts,

You know, I am convinced that he does watch over me. Him and G*d play practical jokes all the time. They're funny dudes.

steven,

Thanks. He's been on my mind.

dallas,

I thought we agreed never to speak about that agian.

 
At 1:17 PM, Blogger melanie said...

you are a lucky woman! i never knew my grandfathers much. they didn't live close by, and died when i was really young.

thanks for the share!

 
At 2:00 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

melanie,

I went home for a year. It was the most time we had spent together since I was a kid. I never forget how lucky I am.

 
At 4:47 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Aww, he sounded awesome. I vote for more stories of him.

"And what team does she play for, Sir?"

Now, thats comedy!

I thought nothing of Canada until I found the Trailer Park Boys.

 
At 5:31 PM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

I had a patient who had a stroke. He was a complete comedian. The left side of his body never returned, but when he could talk again, he said "Hey Tiffany, did you hear about the guy who had a stroke and couldn't move the left side of his body?" me: Ummm, nope. Him: "He was all RIGHT!!!"

I nearly pissed myself. He would have loved your granddad. I miss mine too.

 
At 5:31 PM, Blogger fringes said...

I laughed and cried while reading this. That Canada joke was laugh aloud funny. Thanks for sharing your memories.

 
At 6:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like you had one cool grandpa.

 
At 6:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like you had one cool grandpa.

 
At 6:21 PM, Blogger Babs said...

What fun it must have been with him! One grandpa passed before I was born and the other one lived across the states. I was never close to my grandparents. I'm glad you have these memories to treasure.

 
At 7:45 PM, Blogger C said...

You are R.I.P. roaring hilarious woman. :)

 
At 7:57 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

orhan,

Another of Grandpa's stories can be found at morningmeeting.blogspot.com. It's called "Cabbage."

wg,

I wish they could have met.

fringes,

I cried and laughed while writing this. It was weird for me.

shife,

I really did, didn't I?

babs,

He was the best. I will never forget.

c,

Sometimes, I can't take credit for it. It's Grandpa this time.

 
At 8:25 PM, Blogger Karmyn R said...

Grandpa's are the best! Sorry yours had to leave too soon.

 
At 9:40 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

karmyn,

He left when he was ready to.

 
At 10:13 PM, Blogger rla121 said...

This reminded me of my dad. When he was in the hospital to have a brain biopsy, his comment was "I need this like I need another hole in my head." He also came out of the biopsy saying that everything went well, but that there was one complication...as he turned and looked at us with crossed eyes. : ) No question where I get my twisted sense of humor. Humor is the best way to get through tough stuff.

Love your blog - you are hilarious!!

 
At 11:27 PM, Blogger The Naked Nerd said...

The world needs a lot more people like him. Sorry for your loss.

 
At 5:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

rla,

Your dad is my kind of guy.

Thanks for coming by.

nerd,

Thanks.

 
At 7:00 AM, Blogger Nattie said...

I think he gave many people the great gift of keeping a sense of humor. Life can be pretty unkind, unfair and unexpected. It really makes it easier to be able to accept what life throws at you when you can laugh about it sometimes. I wish more people were like your grandfather.

I'm glad you shared that story Mist.

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nattie,

I don't usually get all sappy on this blog. It was a kinder, gentler side of me.

 
At 12:57 PM, Blogger Barb said...

I laughed out loud.. as opposed to just lol :)

 
At 5:59 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

barb,

You know, I rarely lol. I frequently laugh out loud.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 6:51 PM, Blogger anastasia said...

That was sweet, my thoughts are with you. My Grandma is a bitter woman, everytime I would ask, "How do you feel Gram?" I used to get "With my hands!!!"

Just had to share that.

 
At 8:26 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

anastasia,

Your story warmed my heart.

 

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Name: Mist1
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