The Morning After
Lately, I've been waking up laughing. The other morning, I woke up, propped up on my elbows. In my dream, I was reading a really funny book. I can't remember what made it so funny, but it was hysterical. I wish that I had written it.
I also look like Don King in the morning. This makes me laugh, but I pity anyone unfortunate enough to wake up next to me. It's a shock. I'm so sexy right before bed when my mascara is smudged and I smell like wine. I'm not sure what happens over night. How can I go to sleep looking like my usual self and wake up looking like a man? It's terrifying, really.
My dreams are always vivid. They have soundtracks and credits roll at the end. Some are even subtitled. When I wake up, I roll over and call Dad (this can also be uncomfortable for anyone waking up next to me). Dad wants to retire to do dream interpretation. He's very good.
I feel obligated to call people in the early morning hours. As soon as I am awake, I feel like everyone else should get up too. It's one of my charming quirks.
Yesterday, Dad didn't answer the phone. I called Mom instead. Mom was cleaning up the wreckage from Halloween.
"Did you have a party?" I asked.
"It was just George and me. I think."
"What do you mean? Don't you know who was there?"
"Well that's the thing...see, we got a few boxes of wine and made popcorn and handed out candy to the kids. I just found a bowl of fun size candy bars in the bathroom, but there's no wine anywhere. Not even empty boxes."
I began to tease her about drinking boxed Chablis when I heard George in the background yell, "Oh my G*d, I think we gave it to the kids!"
I am trick or treating in Mom's neighborhood next year.
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:20 AM
71 Comments:
That's the funniest freaking thing I've heard all day!! Maybe trick-or-treating should be for adults, too
Nothing says party like boxes of wine!
aisby,
Why do the children get everything?
Thanks for coming by.
claudia,
Mom is really classy. Seriously. I'm sure it was premium boxed wine.
I used to wake myself up laughing quite often. Other people who've slept with me have also commented on my weird habit of laughing in my sleep. Recently I read somewhere that if you laugh in your sleep you will feel sorrow during the day and vice versa.
Mist...wow..she's giving the premium stuff to the kids?? I like your mom!!
veronica,
My days are just as humorous as my nights appear to be. I challenge your sources.
I have never been told that I laugh in my sleep. Although, I have been known to laugh during and after sex.
clauds,
Mom is awesome. I'm not sure when she got this cool. I was somewhere between when I stopped asking her for money and when my sister moved out.
I'm thinking about the ingredients here...half a pound of chocolate...a quarter pound of smarties...a "to go" cup full of Franzia...
God, I'd hate to be cleaning up after these kids. Maybe it should be "Trick and Treat?"
crank,
Blech. No wonder Mom sounded a little weird.
You wake up looking like a man? You aren't having enough wine! Right, trick or treat at your mom's neighborhood next year.
Hey your mum sounds cool the worst thing mine ever did at a party was prepare five dishes for the main course instead a million...
I love it! Isn't the whole idea to stir up a lttle spirits?
PS If you're trick or treating at your Mom's next year, you might want to get there a little early! There might be a line!
Ah. All Hallows eve is past. I have once again put away my trench coat,,,, excuse me... costume and put salve on my burned benind. It was weird looking at all the little kids laying by the trees, passed out, an empty box of wine next to them. I went over to flash, excuse me, trick or treat at the old widow woman down the street and when she opened her door she opened her bath robe before I could open my trench coat, excuse me, candy bag. I twisted my knee tripping over her boobs, excuse me, decorations getting off the porch and had to retire early for the evening.
What a Night!
Later Y'all.....
that book was by me, I swear!
Lucky kids - nothing says halloween like mini bars & boxes of wine.
p.s. did you ever get to talk to your dad to get your dream interpreted?
1
I'm liking this half pound of chocolate and cabernet idea though, maybe with some nipple clamps and 12" black platforms, some handcuffs. I can see this
I also look like Don King when I wake up if my hair is the proper length.
Are we related?
Mist, I think we were separated at birth. Not only do I have vivid dreams and wake myself (and others) laughing, but I also think it is time for the whole world to rise and shine once I am awake.
popcorn and wine?
lizza,
Maybe a little wine in the morning before I get out of bed.
shadow,
Your mom is a jokester.
singleton,
Good point. I'll get to Mom's on the 30th.
melon,
Can you pay me back for bailing you out?
brooklyn,
What was the punchline? I wish I could remember.
darlene,
Dad wishes he knew which book I was reading too. He also said something like, "We are them and they are us." I'm still processing that.
0,
We're going to have to get you laid. Real soon. I know this inflatable woman. She's pretty easy.
av,
Judging from the photos that you posted, I'm pretty sure that we're kin.
victoria,
We are also related to Av.
margaret,
Cheese popcorn, if I know Mom.
Waking up laughing: good day!
Waking up driving: bad day.
matt,
I hate when that happens.
norm,
Which movies? I looked a little like The Grudge this morning.
I LOVE your folks. Dream interpretation huh. I like the thought of that actually being a job. I have to take note and see whether credits roll in my dreams -- music, yes.
That reminds me. I need to post about my dad. A parents don't get involved but mine was always there for me. He went to PTA meetings... hammered.
One day I heard from another did that my dad had yelled at our faculty and administrators for being too focussed on math and science but not enough on art. Oh, he let the man have it....
Yeah, he's my role model.
Does Mom make those "special" brownies too??????
Peace
I look like a man from a horror film in the morning as well.
It was always awkward when I was sleeping around in college.
I've always dismissed Halloween as a crap holiday but I guess it's all a matter of perspective.
Dressing up like a tramp and getting shitfaced while leading the nation's youth astray? Sounds like a regular weekend to me...
Puss
I dream in Technicolor. And my dreams come true very often too.
Not to fret, I think wine is an appropriate treat for kids in the state of GA. I mean, I used to get it all the time.
You looked like the Grudge? You know I'm obsessed with her, right?
good for your parents!! you gotta start 'em young!
Reese's or booze...Reese's or booze.
Yep, ma and pa's neighborhood it is!
LOL tooo damn funny. can i come with you next year?
also - remind everyone that you have to pronounce Chablis as it looks "CHA-bliss" not "sha-BLEE". some people don't know that.
i also remember my dreams very vividly. i don't talk in my sleep, but i have woken up laughing. i've also woken up because of the dream orgasm...i swear it was real. and i was alone and no, i wasn't touching myself. it was nice!
Don King is sexy.... in a thong... on Thursdays. I seriously need to get laid. :(
maiden,
Sometimes, the songs will be stuck in my head all day. Later, I'll hear it on the radio and I'll feel like I have magic powers.
matt,
I remember when schools still had art. We're getting old.
odat,
You should try Mom's Christmas cookies. Secret family recipe.
britt,
You had to do the whole get up really early and leave before he wakes up thing too?
puss,
Yes, but it's the one time of year that it's socially acceptable to act that way.
karma,
I have never had a dream in black and white. I'm always surprised when people tell me that they don't dream in color.
drib,
Mom lives in Minnesota, the legal drinking age is like a decade later there than here.
If you teach me how to post a video clip, I'll show you my technique for climbing down the stairs.
miztris,
My parents believe in enriching the lives of children.
ctw,
Why are we forced to choose? Can't we have the best of both worlds?
anastasia,
That one has to do with the LSD you took in college.
rebecca,
I love the orgasm dream. Except for the one with Howard Stern. That one was just disturbing.
Thanks for coming by.
dallas,
If you think that's sexy, you should spend the night. You might change your mind about girls.
where i was trick or treating they were sitting in the foyers drinking wine with a bowl of candy out for the kids!
are you in So Cal? cuz i think i might have seen your mom and dad...
;-)
melanie,
I wish they would move to California. I would visit them more than once a year.
LOL, your parents should move into our neighborhood! I had a neighbor who dropped condoms into the bags of anyone he deemed to be 15 or older!
This gives a whole new meaning to Trick or Treat. Were there little goblins and superheros passed out on the lawn? That would be a clue.
I'm not sure what I look like in the morning. My eyesight is deteriorating as my looks go south. This is Nature's way of preventing mass suicides.
slb,
That's fantastic. Maybe I won't hide from the kids next year. I'm going to pass out new syringes.
If your Mom is drinking multiple boxes of wine and blacking out, it is no wonder you ended up in jail.
hearts,
I see. It's not that I look that bad in the morning, it's that my vision is too good.
You have done wonders for my self-esteem.
killer,
Sniff...I gotta make an appointment with my therapist.
Morning breath, morning hair, morning wood. The irony.
I'm sure the Don King hair is not the worst of your worries ... ever gone to bed with Don Juan but woke up with Don Knotts? (If so, what was written on his T-shirt?)
Tell your mom that next time she wants to get the neighborhood children good and shnockered to remember: Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
Contributing to the delinquincy of minors ... what fun indeed!
I dyed my hair black once in college and forgot about it overnight. If I had been more awake the next morning when my bed head and I looked in the mirror, I would have screamed. Unexpectedly, I saw Elvis, circa the jumpsuit era, staring back at me.
The trauma still remains... where's that box of wine?!
In America maybe, in the UK, it's a way of life. Why do you think Madonna moved here?
Puss
More often than not, my dreams are completely insane. Also, I'm a light sleeper, so I dream a lot. Still, insane dreams are way better than no dreams at all.
Tell your Mom I want my underwear back.
Well, someone gave us some of those chocolate liquor bottles in our bags this year. Aparantly boozing up children is the new popcorn ball.
LOL Mist1 ~
We could fill our bucket of hand-outs with booze, condoms, syringes, prozac, hydroderm, listerine, penicillin and duct-tape...that should address just about all of the ailments facing our trick or treaters!
Oh, and if we start saving all of the WatchTower mags now, we'll have plenty come this time next year... for those trick or treaters who are offended by all the other goodies.
kev,
I haven't slept with Don or Dawn. I don't care what they say.
Thanks for coming by.
velvet,
I have a box of wine here. I also have a box of black hair color. Wish me luck.
puss,
I'd like to have Madonna back. Could we trade Jessica and Ashlee Simpson for her?
choo,
I love the insanity of dreaming.
Thanks for stopping by.
123val,
Are you sure you want it back?
jessie,
That's because popcorn balls suck and booze does not.
anon,
It would really confuse people to get Watch Towers when they come to you. Usually, it's the other way around.
Glad I could help.
Because of you, I live with new hope that on a good day, someone will tell me I look like Don King.
I get up at 4:30 for work. People don't really like it when I call them upon waking up, either.
What's the address?
And nothing makes me warm and cozy like an early morning call to dad while I'm still right next to her feeling her........umm, body heat?
hearts,
You look just like Don King, dollface.
bird,
I'm ususally getting in bed by then. You can call me.
Thanks for coming by.
kiyotoe,
When I pass you the phone to hold while I find my panties, please remember to call him Mr. 1. So he knows you're a respectful and decent guy.
HOLYHELL we're sisters - I looked like Martin Luther King this morning!
Me too, Mist. I wanna trick or treat in your mom's neighborhood. ;)
Kristyn
Loved your comment. I'm adding you to my links if you don't mind.
tug,
That is so weird, because I Had A Dream.
kristyn,
Do we have to wait for Halloween or do you think she'd give us a box of Premium Wine for no reason?
bird,
By all means...
OMG, exactly. I was actually going to try to explain that in my comment - but it got long.
I <3 how you "get" me. ;-)
britt,
Why didn't I discover big floppy hats in college? Or paper sacks for that matter...
Your mom is as fun as you.
1
How dom is the inflatable woman?
I think I did go trick or treating in your mom's neighborhood one year.
Ah, Franzia...
c,
Mom is a riot. I think I'll keep her.
0,
She's an airhead. Sorry. That was bad. You gotta let me have a few of those every now and then.
mis,
Good times. White Zin?
1
OK, I am looking the other way on this one. We'll call it a Mulligan. You get a do-over. I'm not even looking. I'm a sportsman.
0,
I still don't have anything better.
1
No complaints, you're the best
1
Please remember, I couldn't do what you do, much less with the grace and style that you do it with.
0,
Whew.
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