I change my hair color like I change my panties. Quarterly.
My hair is automatically curly. I have no idea what color it really is. Usually, I have a large mass of reddish or brownish curls on my head. Sometimes, I like a change.
In the winter, I like to have black hair. Jet black. It makes me feel Ethnic and Mysterious. I don't know what color would make me feel Rich and Powerful, so I stick with Ethnic and Mysterious.
I decided that in addition to dying it black, that I would wear it straight for awhile. In this context, "wear it straight" has nothing to do with my sexual preference. Ladies, feel free to email me. Guys, you too.
Nobody recognizes me.
Mo said, "You should rob banks." As I am currently unemployed, this seemed like an attractive business venture. "Couldn't we just chain an ATM up to the back of a truck?" I asked. We weighed the pros and cons of this idea. Mo is the kind of person who says "ATM Machine," which drives me nuts. It is not an Automatic Teller Machine Machine. But, he is like two years older than me, so I held my tongue out of respect for elders.
"I meant that you look like a different person. Like a Spanish person," he clarified. Si, por supuesto.
My Spanish is excellent. Here's what I can say:
- Yes, I would like another beer.
- Juan, please pass the salt.
- I'm sorry, is this your husband?
- I think the cat has worms.
I have been using my four phrases for an entire day. I have been slapped once. I have had several beers. My food has been extremely salty. And, it turns out that the cat does, in fact have worms.
Please take a moment and visit one of my favorite bloggers, Fair Maiden. She knows at least five phrases in Spanish. Friday, she runs a regular feature, A$$hole of the Week. Today, she has graciously/foolishly allowed me to guest blog.
Emmay Uno (Mist 1)