I make excuses for myself. I'm not trying to fool myself; it's everyone else that I'd like to convince.
A water main in my area broke a few weeks ago. The residents in my community were instructed to boil all drinking water. I'm not a good cook, so I decided to drink wine instead. The problem was corrected after a few days, but I am still drinking wine just to be safe. I haven't showered in weeks and brushing my teeth with wine isn't proving as effective as I had hoped. Still, I have my safety to consider.
Recently, I had my first experience shopping for wine early in the morning. This is a bit like shopping for condoms for the first time. I would have preferred to wait outside in the car while someone else ran in to get the goods.
Feeling uncomfortable, I held my phone to my ear and had a loud discussion with myself about what was on the menu for the dinner party later that evening. Feeling like I had successfully thrown everyone off, I decided to buy two bottles. Because I am considerate of my "guests" who don't drink wine, I decided to buy some beer too.
A woman pushing a cart holding several loaves of bread and a toddler nodded approvingly at me. Success. I was no longer purchasing a bottle of wine that I was going to stare at until noon (acceptable drinking time), I was planning a dinner party. Then, my phone rang. In my hand. Still held to my ear.
I grabbed another bottle and moved on.
To disguise my affinity for Pinot in the afternoon, I also purchased lots and lots of frozen vegetables. I think it was pretty convincing.
I hope Rachael Ray knows a recipe for peas and wine.