Dinner Party
I make excuses for myself. I'm not trying to fool myself; it's everyone else that I'd like to convince.A water main in my area broke a few weeks ago. The residents in my community were instructed to boil all drinking water. I'm not a good cook, so I decided to drink wine instead. The problem was corrected after a few days, but I am still drinking wine just to be safe. I haven't showered in weeks and brushing my teeth with wine isn't proving as effective as I had hoped. Still, I have my safety to consider.
Recently, I had my first experience shopping for wine early in the morning. This is a bit like shopping for condoms for the first time. I would have preferred to wait outside in the car while someone else ran in to get the goods.
Feeling uncomfortable, I held my phone to my ear and had a loud discussion with myself about what was on the menu for the dinner party later that evening. Feeling like I had successfully thrown everyone off, I decided to buy two bottles. Because I am considerate of my "guests" who don't drink wine, I decided to buy some beer too.
A woman pushing a cart holding several loaves of bread and a toddler nodded approvingly at me. Success. I was no longer purchasing a bottle of wine that I was going to stare at until noon (acceptable drinking time), I was planning a dinner party. Then, my phone rang. In my hand. Still held to my ear.
I grabbed another bottle and moved on.
To disguise my affinity for Pinot in the afternoon, I also purchased lots and lots of frozen vegetables. I think it was pretty convincing.
I hope Rachael Ray knows a recipe for peas and wine.
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:11 AM
101 Comments:
A woman after my own heart...
:-D
Oh and its white btwn 11:30am and 4:30pm (on the wknd) and Noon and 4:30pm on the weekedays
4:30pm and after red....
scotch for 1am if you're still going good ;-)
coffee until noon. Wine after noon...sounds like a plan.
WHITE wine for brushing teeth, trust me on this one. And if you're in Colorado? BUY ON SATURDAY. They're closed on Sundays...nazisasshats.
1
This is your chance to score big time. Cook the vegetables and donate them to the local shelter. You'll be a hero and no one will care if they are cooked correctly.
Fuck Rachael Ray. (Well, not if you really don't want to.) I can provide you with a recipe.
Mmmmm, peas and wine.
If your water's out you can brush your teeth with hydrogen peroxide. It cleans and disinfects. Learned that from a loopy scout leader back in the day.
Well now don't I just feel all kinds of better! I have been busted doing the fake cell phone call thing before. Not much chance of recovering from that one. I guess Mistery really DOES love company.
BD
Mmmmm, peas and wine.
If your water's out you can brush your teeth with hydrogen peroxide. It cleans and disinfects. Learned that from a loopy scout leader back in the day.
Oh yeah, you're not alone with the fake cell call. I confess along with BD. I've done it too.
Mist, Mist, Mist...
That's one of the wonderful times when you remember to turn the ringer on your cell phone off... Tsk tsk. I can see that you're slipping.
Hrm. I need a new profile picture.
That was random, but I don't think you'll mind. Eh-heh...
Hm.
Ah well - have fun at the 'dinner party', eh?
"Oh, that's my call waiting. Let me grab that."
If they didn't seem to be buying it, Plan B would be to burrow under the linoleum.
-velvet
I find nothing says class like the box o' wine.
As the mother of a toddler, I heartily condone early morning drinking.
Wait, did I say that out loud?
Frozen peas make good ice packs for puffy eyes (from drinking too much wine.)
Always brush with white. Red stains.
At least you haven't been caught talking to yourself -
That also reminds me of an ex-boyfriend - when underage would go into the store, buy beer and diapers. He figured who would card a father. Worked for him every time. (I think it was the beard).
The local supermarket where I used to buy 'doms kept them exactly opposite the only entrance.
I don't shop there anymore.
You should have just said, "Excuse me. I have another call coming in. Can I put you on hold?" and answered the ringing phone. Would have made you seem really important then.
Buying condoms for the first time feels the same as buying condoms every time, either that or I haven't had enough practice to feel comfortable doing it. Enjoy your dinner party, with your imaginary friends!--spoon
Hint from the happy homemaker: Those bags of frozen vegetables make great ice packs for your head.
Ever thought about brushing your teeth with the wine?
Ever think about brushing your teeth with wine?
peas in a cheese and white wine sauce. Yummy, you might want something to go with of course. Maybe a glass of wine. :)
peas in a cheese and white wine sauce. Yummy, you might want something to go with of course. Maybe a glass of wine. :)
Hmmm....i've never had issue with "getting the goods".
Condoms are a necessary evil that i willingly embrace!
You wait until Noon? You have more restraint than I.
I'm pretty sure wine is always the answer...
There are too many choices these days. I’ve been known to stare at racks of condoms for twenty minutes or longer while other people mill about, waiting for me to leave so they can browse. That’s the rule, it’s ok to thump melons with your fellow shoppers but no group activity at the condom rack.
OMG that's priceless. The phone rang! K
See now you've got it easy there in the states, you can buy some groceries and pile it up over your wine and beer and no one really knows what's in your cart except the cashier and everyone else in the lineup.
Of course if you're lucky enough to have a self checkout and the store's not busy then you're home free.
Here we have to go to a special store. It's obvious when you're in there what you're after. Maybe they should start selling condoms and breath mints at the cash to throw some people off.
bathe in wine?
nofear,
I took the clock out of my kitchen. I just estimate time.
claudia,
It works for me. I need the wine to take me down after the coffee.
tug,
I wish that I had thought of brushing with white wine.
0,
The say that I smell after consuming wine all day, they'll probably just give me a bed.
alison,
What can I make with peas and wine? I also have lots of condiments.
james,
See, all that Scouting paid off. I make fake cell phone calls on a regular basis.
donk,
Mistery...oh I feel so cool now.
lyze,
I never change my profile picture. How would you recognize me if I changed it?
velvet,
Plan B is emergency contraception.
babs,
I should have gone for the box, the bottles make to much noise.
sqt,
I hope there are no toddlers running around here, but with my morning drinking, how would I know?
hearts,
You should see my teeth. This color is a sign of beauty in some countries.
karmyn,
What did he do with the diapers?
phishez,
At my local store they lock them up so that I have to ask for assistance. I try to make the guy as uncomfortable as I can.
bice,
I gotta work on appearing important.
spoon,
I should have bought a lot of condoms. Then you would have told me to enjoy my orgy with my imaginary friends.
spell,
I think I need one right now.
shadow,
Every day. Twice a day and after meals.
hagel,
Thanks for the recipe, but it turns out that the cat likes peas. Problem solved.
kiyotoe,
I am awkward getting the goods. I am not awkward in a willing embrace.
lux,
Is it noon yet?
tellin,
Me too, but sometimes peas are the answer.
slag,
I stare at racks too.
fab,
Ask her to do a show from my kitchen. Ask her to tone it down a notch though. She startles me.
kiki,
Priceless wasn't the word I was thinking of.
icl,
I would have more use for mints than peas.
shadow,
Bathe?
I know a recipe for Rachael Ray and wine. I have no idea what to do with the peas.
In spirit of open-minded inclusive diversity, I would invite you consider drinking wine after Romania's noon is essentially an act of good-will acknowledging the important contributions to humanity which have been made by these honorable, wine-growing peoples.
nwjr,
I am avoiding the desire to say something about urinating on Rachael Ray.
romerican,
I want to be open-minded and inclusive and all that. Is it noon yet in Romania? I'd also like to start drinking. What do you all do with peas there?
Old English Recipe
1. Take peas.
2. Put peas in saucepan.
3. Pour beer in pan.
4. Put pan on stove.
5. Bring to boil.
6. Boil vigorously for three hours minimum.
7. When tender, or all beer has evaporated, mash peas with plenty of salt, pepper and wine and serve.
Enjoy!
Puss
The fake cell phone conversation .. good cover.. Next time be sure to turn it to vibrate..
puss,
I think I could manage that recipe. I hope my "guests" didn't drink all of my beer. I would hate to go to the store for more.
mj,
I'm not a planner. I just do these things.
You wait till noon??
It is always noon somewhere. And frozen carrots make a nice garnish for a martini.
cheeky,
Doesn't everybody wait until noon? Unless, you're hungover...then just start drinking as soon as you can.
av,
I'm going to put carrots in my wine this afternoon and call it sangria. Thanks for the tip Rachael!
I once returned from a friend's house to my neighborhood around midnight. I put my wine on the counter at the local CVS. It is 30 seconds after midnight and the clerk won't sell it to me.
The state prohibits retail alcohol sales between midnight and 6 a.m.
She looks up at me quizzically.
"I'm waiting," I tell her.
Hmmm...sure you don't need a 12 Step Program?
Peace
Rachael knows a recipe for everything.
Bit of advice, whenever I'm doing the "phone thing" to myself, I always place it on vibrate just incase I get a call while it's held to my ear.
You know, I'm embarrassed enough as it is while standing in the houseware aisle.
matt,
Is it 6 a.m.? I'm always to nervous to ask what time they start selling alcohol again. Don't want to appear desparate.
odat,
There's a program for people who purchase frozen veggies that they don't need?
Peas
slick,
What the hell is a houseware? I've never been in that aisle.
I'm always happy to contribute to your ability to drink more.
oh my god i can comment!!! yeah buying wine before noon always leaves an awkward taste in my mouth. i guess its better than buying lube before noon. :p
ps in case your wondering which you arent but thats not the point, in case you are, i'm not neglecting your blog i just cant seem to comment at work unless its an act of gawd as is the current situation. ;P
you know those boxes of wine fit nicely in the fridge
Rachel Ray Scares me...I think she might be the anti-Christ
Rachael Ray has a recipe for anything...and it'll only take 30 minutes to cook. I also believe she has a recipe for world domination through the mass media, but that's just me...
See, this is why I always have plenty in stock. And being friends with the wine store owner helps a lot! The wine and liquer stores are closed after 8pm and on Sundays here if you can imagine!
I have actually planned a dinner party to cover up my desperate desire to drink.
And I plan elaborate menus that require me to start cooking at noon. Because everyone knows it is completely acceptable to sample/drink while you cook.
Image is not everything. You didn't open the bottle and start swigging it or offer the toddler a chug, did you? Then no worries.
av,
But would you be my designated driver? I need to go to the store. I'm having another dinner party.
the person pretending to be yasamin,
I don't know who you are, but Yasamin cannot comment on my blog from her work computer. I am prepared to negotiate with you.
furious,
I guess a girl buying wine in the morning isn't too concerned about class. Boxed wine it is then.
dallas,
Rachael is holding me hostage in my home. She made me include her name on today's post. Please send help. If she finds this comment, I'm dead.
michael,
But what veggie goes with world domination through mass media?
olives,
I tried being friends with the package store owner once. He would only offer me alcohol if I went over to his house. I won't be doing that again, unless I run out of wine on Sunday.
britt,
Perhaps my invitation got lost in the mail. Or perhaps, you only invited people who MySpace.
ctw,
I thought that it would be rude not to offer. Was I wrong?
Peas.
Nope.
Don't do peas.
fringes,
Where are my balls?
jali,
I am planning a peas porridge for the menu. Some like it hot, some like it cold. Some like it in the pot, nine days old.
in PA you can only get wine at a liquor store so there is no disquising your true agenda with frozen peas. it sucks.
mist1, if you're looking to throw them off your trail, pick up frozen fruits, not vegetables. all manner of fruits poached in red wine are completely acceptable... gourmet even... desserts. seriously, asking rachel ray for a peas and wine recipe may be asking too much. paula deen, maybe, she's all about the liquor, but not rachel.
It's time to take it a step further: wash your hair with wine. Use some merlot; it's the new henna!
I'll be your DD anytime. Or FWB.
in my humble opinion both peas and wine go with just about anything.
miztris,
Once, I moved across the country to escape the same situation.
hube,
I ate at Paula Deen's buffet restaurant when I was in Savannah. It was heavenly, but I don't remember any vegetables. I don't remember any fruit either. I do remember the liquor and the assorted fried foods with gravy. Nothing wrong with fried foods in gravy.
jocelyn,
I colored my hair with KoolAid once. It was lovely. I can't imagine using Merlot. Maybe a Pinot, but not a Merlot.
av,
Those terms are synonymous.
I still hate having to buy condoms. I just hate the fact that everyone knows I will be having sex. Then again I hated buying tampons too, but lots of practice has gotten me over that, so maybe I just need more practice at the buying condoms. ;)
faz,
You are invited to dinner.
reba,
I buy condoms just so people will think that I'm having sex.
My sister is overseas, and she is 6 hours ahead of my time zone so if I happen to be talking to her on the phone and it's after noon where she is, I find it perfectly acceptable to start drinking! After all I have a direct connection to after noon through the telephone line!
Now here is the real question...do these wines require a corkscrew or are they screw tops???
And if said wine has a corkscrew, do you have the ability to remove it with your teeth for the second round of drinks?
Salmon carbonara.
Peas, bacon, salmon and wine in a creamy white sauce.
Bon Appetite.
alicia,
I'll pick up a few things. Like the ability to cook.
Thanks for coming by.
Keep the peas frozen so you can place them on your dainty head for the next morning's wine headache.
Mist - wine comes from a fruit and fruits go with veggies and we ARE suppose to have four servings EACH AND EVERY DAY....so, no worries - your just living a healthy lifestyle.
There should be a recipe...something like "drunken peas."
So it was YOU at the Krogerette!
lee,
Great idea.
meg,
Is one bottle a serving size?
crank,
I've had the drunken pees before.
pissy,
Guilty.
let's,
I really like the way you think. Does Google chat count?
I find frozen peas helpful for nursing the bruise that results from passing out with my head on the toilet seat.
kelley,
You should invest in one of those padded toilet seats. I owe my bruise free face to mine.
it's all about the approval from the stay at home mom who you will probably never encounter again. Keep up the good disguise.
Peas and Wine? Easy:
1. Pour wine. Drink until empty.
2. Open Peas. Throw peas at open bottle , continuing to drink until you can no longer hit bottle.
3. Open new bottle. That first one was obviously pea resistant.
rach,
But I needed her approval. I want to run into her again, just so that I can prove to her that I'm going to be someone.
willie,
I wish everything in here was pee resistant.
Too funny ... that happened to me once when I was trying to discourage another solo diner who was convinced I needed to join him. I faked a call and the phone rang in my ear ....
bibi,
Thank you. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.
I work nights so 7 AM to me is everyone else's 7 PM. I like a few beers after work, like maybe 12 or 24... And I too used to feel uncomfortable bying frosty cold adult beverages in the morning. I got over it now and when I get the looks now I give them my best Philadelphia "How would you like this 12 pack shoved up you ass?" look...
But I do like frozen veggies. Maybe I'll try that next time.
Actually Sandra Lee is the lush of foodnetwork, well her n Bobby Flay. Check with those two for wine recipes and but really...who cares? I buy Bacardi at 10:01 on Sundays...the church ladies do NOT approve. However I am so hungover I try to belch in their direction.
Use the frozen peas to chill the bottle of white wine you bought. Of course you bought a bottle of white, it was only polite. There you go, a recipe for peas and wine. Who needs Rachel Ray?
honey i think you have to pea from drinking all the wine, you see?
(sigh, these cute little dumb ones sure need lots of help, lucky i'm here)
bee
Thanks for visiting my blog.
I am in love with you and I have only read your last three blogs: Wine, head and auto-fellatio ("and I can lick my own...never mind.")
You darling, are permanently on my blogroll.
I know about my P's and Q's, but I am not familiar with peas and wine. I hope Rachael Ray can come to the rescue. Otherwise, just keep on drinking the wine like and sleep through your dinner party.
ranger,
I gotta practice that look.
scotts,
I need to know where you live. I can't buy alcohol on Sundays.
Thanks for coming by.
wg,
Why is it always about color. White wine, red wine...can't we all just get along?
bee,
You know, now that you mention it...I do have to pea.
tallulah,
I'm glad you caught me on a good week. Sometimes, I'm just vulgar and profane.
Thanks for coming by.
shife,
I eat my peas with honey,
I've done it all my life.
It makes them taste quite funny,
but it keeps them on my knife.
Peas and wine, the basis of any good diet.
orhan,
It's worked for me for the last few days. I'm thinking of starting a new diet craze.
wait... you're supposed to wait until noon?
h & b,
I'm flexible. Suggest a better time.
You are so cool it hurts!
yvonne,
I think I hurt mostly from the wine.
Thanks for coming by.
You know, you get wine before noon when you go to church on Sunday, so why can't we have wine before noon the rest of the week?
I think I'm going to start a movement to remove the don't-drink-before-noon stigma. Anyone who doesn't agree with it will be called a hypocritical teatottler. And who wants that?
:-)
giggle,
I would like to be a part of that movement. I will need someone to drive me to and from our meetings as I will be drunk before noon.
Thanks for coming by.
MIST: that would be uhm, Scottsdale. :)
I like the back-up wine idea in the event that water is not available. I am going to fortify my family's earthquake kit to include a case of my favorite wine.
Thanks so much for the tip, I don't know what I would do without you!
Peas are actually quite common on pizza here. Ditto with corn. Believe it!
s girl,
Clever. I thought maybe your name was to throw people off.
qofd,
I am nothing if not helpful.
Thanks for coming by.
romerican,
No. I just don't think that's right.
I love Pinot Noir, it's my favorite, even though I don't drink much wine, I'm too young. I recently had my first taste of a $100 bottle of wine, and it was amazing. I'm only 16, and I can't understand why some people don't like it. I've already decided that I like red wine more than white.
I've got a recipe for you. Drink the wine, drink some more, if you stumble and bump your toe, use frozen peas to numb the pain (though by now the wine may have done that).
alice,
I think my blog is NC-17. I hope you have your parent's permission to be here.
I stumble all the time. Everything in my home is padded.
Thanks for coming by.
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