To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Lone Star State

Before I go to Texas for my date with Fringes, I have a few things to do.

I still have to pack. I learned how to pack from my dad who packed up my mom's stuff a long time ago. He is a master at utilizing valuable suitcase space. He packs stuff in his shoes. Like his toothbrush or something, not explosives.

He also insists on traveling with his oldest, rattiest underwear. He wears it once and throws it away at the end of a day. He is a genius. It's probably where I get it from.

I made a doctor's appointment to make sure that I am up to date on all my shots. I mean no offense to Fringes, but a girl can never be too careful.

I've been managing my hypochondria pretty well for the past few months, but still my doctor didn't seem pleased to see me. We went through the regular formalities; neither of us have any new tattooes. She asked how the new pill is working. I thought the answer was pretty obvious. Not pregnant=pill is working just fine. Finally, she asked me if I've been taking my vitamins.

I've been taking vitamins for over a year now. I can't say that I notice any difference, but they allow me to feel comfortable skipping breakfast. I mentioned that I am having trouble with my calcium supplement. It's huge. I'm uncomfortable for hours after I take it. I explained my reactions to it. She sat back and nodded.

"You know, it's not a suppository."

That explains so much. My bone density is fine. It's my other density that we're worried about.

Mist 1


At 8:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

vitamins are a food group, right?

At 8:56 PM, Blogger furiousBall said...

your doctor is brilliant...not enough doctors explain what NOT to stuff up your ass.

At 9:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reminds me of the time I accidentally switched doses of my meds and took too many heart rythym pills and too few blood thinners. I still can't remember last March...

Have a safe trip!!

At 9:06 PM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

I think you may have won a lot of friends thanks to your willingness to shove things in your bum. Ain't no shame in that game, especially when it comes to osteoporosis.

Say hi to Kevy K while you're out and about the Lone Star State.

At 9:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You mean that you're NOT supposed to put vitamins up there???? Why don't they ever tell you these things?

That's exactly why we need blogs. You just can't get important information like that from the mainstream media.

At 9:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope that your dad doesn't travel much or that would cost a fortune for replacement underwear after a while.


At 9:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

All this time I thought you were normal.

At 10:42 PM, Anonymous Neil said...

I'm afraid to ask what you do to get enough iron in your diet. Have fun with Fringes!

At 11:03 PM, Anonymous Sheila said...

OMG - Thank god I was not drinking my diet coke when I read your last couple lines!

At 11:42 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

I wonder if that would work for me. I can't swallow calcium pills but I have very small bones, which makes me the poster child for osteoporosis.

Mist, you're brilliant.

At 12:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, perhaps there's a reason the vitamins aren't doing you much good. Though I can't figure out how your, er.. method of taking them should affect your appetite.

Perhaps it's better if I don't know.

At 12:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You never know ou might be in for a "Hi I'm George, George Mcfly and I'm you density"

have a nice date!

At 12:58 AM, Anonymous Bice said...

I had an imaginary friend die of hypochondria. It's the leading cause of death among the translucent.

At 3:49 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I don't know if Texas is ready for you.

At 4:29 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Vitamins are a food group. So is wine.


She should have sent me home with a list.


Where did you put the pills?


I thought I told you, it's osteopornosis.


I am here to help. One day, my blog may save someone's life.


He still has a suitcase on a leash. It falls over every time he takes a step.


Perhaps you've missed a few details.


How do you eat your spinach?


It's always a good idea not to drink and read.


My doctor is even more brilliant. She recommended that I buy the chewables.


I feel that I've shared enough.


I hope he's not my density. I already have someone picked out.


I am so sorry for your loss.


No one is ever really ready for me.

At 4:44 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

My ass hurt just *reading* that post.

(Didn't know my ass could read, didja? *rimshot*)

At 5:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll bet you're a real hard ass now after taking all of those calcium pills that way.
Have fun in Texas!

At 5:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll bet taking all of those calcium pills that way made you a real hardass eh? Have fun in Texas

At 5:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, there's a website dedicated to x-rays of items people have inserted up their backsides (or 'fallen' onto). Never trust doctors. Never.

At 5:09 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

likes to randomly stick things up her bum

Just adding something new to the list of things that make you awesome.

At 5:12 AM, Blogger Ranger Tom said...

I was a Ranger... I'm ready for anything!


At 5:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That thing is big enough to be a suppository. And at least you aren't squeezing your pill between the knees... that's Catholic birth control.

At 6:01 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Your doc has tattoos....way cool!

At 6:31 AM, Anonymous swamp said...

If only my bone density and my head denisty would trade places.

At 7:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

To: Texans
Re: Ratty Old Underwear

Ye be warned.

At 7:08 AM, Anonymous Slick said...

A trip to Texas and you're still being cautious? You'll be called a "wuss" if anyone down there knew. They wrastle steer and shit.

Oh and Mist? Not everything goes up the rear. ;)

At 7:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good luck on your Booty call in Texas!

At 7:36 AM, Blogger fringes said...

No offense taken. Although vodka as disinfectant works miracles. I've been disease-free since the early nineties.

At 7:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't forget to pack extra bug repellent. No offense to Fringes, but a girl can't be too careful.

At 8:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That made me snort my coffee. Mind you, I don't normally snort anything.

At 8:17 AM, Anonymous archshrk said...

It's always a nice surprise to read some random blog that you followed from some other random blog and find a real gem of a post.

This is a perfect example of why people need to read more blogs.

At 8:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That was fabulously cringe-worthy! Have fun in Texas!

At 8:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have a great time on your date you two. We shall all be tuned in to the fox news channel or Cnn to hear the results.


At 8:54 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Am I allowed to be jealous? Cause I so am.

At 9:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think all pills should be suppositories.



Maybe I should leave. ;)


At 9:53 AM, Anonymous Karmyn R said...

WOW - Your father IS a genius. I never thought about "disposable" underwear before. Its probably the next best thing next to suppositories.

At 10:06 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Damn. I was going to say that.


It is really firm. I thought it was from all the butt lifts I've been doing.


I hope my doctor doesn't put my xray online.


In my defense the only insructions on the bottle were to take with water.


I did a boy Scout. He was always prepared.


Thank Gawd for the pill.


She is pretty cool.


You could put your head up your a$$.


Maybe I won't pack any underwear.


I'm up for wrassling steer, but not sh*t.


Usually I make all my own booty calls.


Sigh of relief.


No one said anything about bugs. I don't like bugs.


Coffee is a strong and powerful drug. I always snort mine too.


I didn't know that sticking inappropriate items in inappropriate places qualified as gem-worthy. I thought it fell more into my retarded category.

Thanks for coming by.


Yeah, I cringed every morning when I took my calcium pill.


I hope we get that much coverage.


Your day will come soon enough. Can I crash on your couch?


Maybe you should talk to my doctor.

At 10:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I come from a long line of people with ripped up underwear.

At 10:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i need to take my husband on a vacation and suggest that he use your dad's genius underwear trick. some of my husband's underwear are downright frightening!!

At 10:16 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Your husband is my dad?

At 10:22 AM, Blogger Roadchick said...

It helps to take the foil wrapper off first, too.

At 10:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am operating on the theory that it takes one to know one. Normal people, that is. Got one in the fridge maybe?

It's these sudden flashbacks to when I was 6 and 7 ....

At 10:42 AM, Anonymous Natalie said...

I have a feeling that tomorrow will be a great day in the state of Texas -- it almost makes me happy to live here.

My verification letters end with VD, but I don't think it's prophetic by any means.

At 10:58 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Now you tell me.


I never have anything in the fridge.


It's okay, I've had my shots. I'll be having more shots later.

At 10:58 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Now you tell me.


I never have anything in the fridge.


It's okay, I've had my shots. I'll be having more shots later.

At 11:06 AM, Blogger fringes said...

Did Dan just call me a pest? I'd randomly selected one of your commenters to join us on the date. I was coming by to let Dan know he'd won. Now? He's so uninvited. His mom probably wouldn't let him go anyway.

At 11:16 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I hate to start stuff, but he also said something about your mom.

At 11:21 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

Ummm. You know that answer. I will have my Gucci and other high end shoes protected by a silent alarm though.

At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know if you just don't pack at all, you get to go shopping while there. Just a thought...

At 11:44 AM, Anonymous swamp said...

I'm not sure I can fit it in there because both my feet are usually in my mouth...

At 11:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, you poor, poor thing.

At 11:50 AM, Blogger fringes said...

Oh, it's on. My mom will be right over. I'm too busy buying liquor.

At 12:01 PM, Anonymous Dallas DysFUNction said...

So Obviously you aren't coming to Dallas because you would have wanted to meet me. So through my magic powers of deduction and the Rockets star on Fringes blog, you must be visting the Sweaty Armpit of Texas aka Houston. I guess you'll have fun... just drink a lot. It makes the city more bearable. ;)

At 12:44 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Lucky Fringes! :)

At 1:01 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


You know I can get around alarm systems.


Good idea.


You are really flexible.


That was the sentiment of my doctor.

fringes, didn't say anything about inviting our moms.


At least you know where I'm going.


She's hoping to get lucky.

At 2:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Still, you may want to pack those novelty panties. Um just sayin'.

At 2:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my lord, mist! Don't they put disclaimers on those bottles?

At 3:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a genius packer too. I'm sure all those guys are still wondering how I got all my stuff in my car and left before they got home.

At 3:12 PM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...


"Might as well shove them up my arse for all the good these are going to do," (possibly mis-quoting from memory) - Renton(Ewan McGregor) in "Trainspotting" referring to the Opium Suppositories given to him by Mother Superior(Keith Allen?), who was out of heroin at the time.

At 4:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My brother went to Europe for two weeks and packed less than what I usually pack to go to school. For an hour. I'm pretty sure he thew out his underwear, too. I'd never be able to travel with ratty underwear, though. How am I supposed to seduce hot European guys with old granny panties?

Oh. Go commando. OF COURSE!

Also, we think alike with vitamins. I might as well be a Jetson, because I think a vitamin is a fine substitute for a meal.

At 5:46 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

My bone density is 2.8 SDs above the average for my sex and weight.


It's from all the liquor.

At 5:58 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I think I left those panties in your car...just sayin'.


Take with water. That's it. So I had a glass of water and...


Please tell the story. I think I'll like it.


I need to see that movie again. Where are you when I'm on Netflix?

h & b,

I never saw the episode of the Jetson's where George shoves his vitamin up his butt.


Liquor helps? What the hell am taking vitamins?

At 7:31 PM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

Hey, just dropped by and have fallen in love with your blog. I'll be back for sure. Great style.

Hope you have a fantastic visit in Texas.

At 9:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe that shoe packing thing is a guy thing. I shove everything I can in my shoes to save room in the rest of my suitcase.

Be careful with that density. Backing up is something that should be limited to bad plumbing...really, bad pipes...pipes in your sink. Never mind.

Have a good trip.

At 10:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol. I was going to crack a risque' joke, but I won't do it in front of all your guests.

At 10:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I still maintain the whole 'in hole' and 'out hole' theory is for the small minded.

And lateral thinking is a good thing.

At 11:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And then the doc prescribed colonics, right, just to be sure you're really all cleared out?

At 5:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I'm in love with this blog too. I fantasize about it at night.

Thanks for coming by.


Don't remind me about my pipes.


The good people who read this blog are easily offended. Better reserve all risque comments for my email.


I prefer lateral moves.


I have a healthy fear of colonics.

At 5:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I once worked with a patient in a hospital that seemed to possess the same skill set as you, your father, and my grandmother...

she used to pack things like her toothbrush, her comb, her brush, etc. She loved it when we left her new she kept packing them away...

well, one day the staff gynecologist had to conduct an exam on her due to her complaining of "discomfort" make a long story short...she had been hiding one hell of a suitcase....

At 5:42 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I hope my dad doesn't see a gyno.

At 7:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The ratty underwear idea is pure genius!


At 9:38 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


It runs in the family.

At 9:11 AM, Blogger Some Random Girl said...

I had to change my blog address because of a crazy person. please not that curiosity often leads to trouble has a new address.



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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

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