To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Friday, January 26, 2007

Dating Netflix


I am not good at lasting relationships.

I want to take you home. I want you to stay for awhile. Then, I need you to go.

I thought that Netflix would be perfect for me. I could ask him to come over when I felt needy. He was there for me on those evenings when I didn't want to be alone. But, I could get rid of him whenever I wanted to (no postage necessary).

I was wrong. Netflix and I are moving to fast.

I don't need a daily update of what he's up to and what he thinks would be perfect for us. I appreciate knowing when he might arrive, but he's usually late. When he finally does cum, I feel satisfied, but I will probably fall asleep immediately after that. Sometimes, I fall asleep in the first few minutes, but I let him finish anyway.

Also, I feel really uncomfortable when he asks me to rate him after we're finished. I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I always give him four stars.

Mom is dating Netflix too. This just adds another awkward level to the relationship. She wants to share him, but I don't want her to know what we've got planned for the evening. I don't think that Mom and I like the same kind of porn. I prefer not to know.

I'm into him, don't get me wrong. But, I'm not used to paying for a movie and he never comes over with dinner.

I'm feeling a little overwhelme. I think I need some space.

Mist 1

PS: I was forced to convert to new Blogger. I don't know how to use it. Please, bear with me as I try to figure it all out.


97 Comments:

At 8:38 PM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

New Blogger = the devil.

Netflix = a good cry on the couch, thanks to Gwyneth Paltrow in Sliding Glass Doors.

I know it's from, like, 1996, but I'm a little behind. And depressed, so I'm moving slower these days.

 
At 8:41 PM, Blogger NWJR said...

But you can have three at a time! Isn't that kind of cool?

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger Tug said...

I finally had to drop Netflix, couldn't handle that AND satellite. I am a grandma after all.

I switched to the 'new' blogger awhile back. Not one problem...good luck!

 
At 8:48 PM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

mist honey, sigh.... i don't know how to tell you this, you turned on word verification and turned off comment moderation. see honey there is a difference, okay? now be a real good girl and reverse these and BAM! you got it! (these cute little ones are just soooo dumb sometimes) and mist? i think you spelled "come" wrong honey. smiles, bee

 
At 8:49 PM, Anonymous Cover Your Mouth said...

OK, just today I was comtemplating a post comparing my typical, lazy "just watch whatever movie's on HBO, even if I'm not that interested in seeing it" routine of movie watching and my new-and-improved "deliberately selecting movies I want to see from Netflix" method of movie watching to my old and new dating strategies. But now you've gone and done it with your usual panache, adding it to your large bankroll of hilarious posts. I'm just saying, that's a little selfish, don't you think?

 
At 9:22 PM, Blogger Williebee said...

Dating Netflix? Of course now you're sure to get accosted at the door or the mailbox by someone wanting you to "let them know when you're ready to date the Blockbuster"....

 
At 9:33 PM, Blogger briliantdonkey said...

anything that comes in a plain red envelope and leaves when you tell it to cant be all bad. I love netflix myself.

BD

 
At 9:34 PM, Anonymous Karmyn said...

I'd marry Netflix if I wasn't already married.

 
At 9:42 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

I dated Netflix for a while, but he came over so damaged sometimes, he'd skip and then wouldn't work at all.

I'm now hot and heavy with HBO and that's going pretty well. At least I get it On Demand.

 
At 9:50 PM, Blogger Rach, Los Angeles Photographer said...

you scared me...I thought you switched to a different blogging site...yikes...I think I'm ok now.

I've never tried Netflix...care to share?

 
At 11:05 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Sorry to hear you were forced to change to Blogger Beta, though I didn't notice until you mentioned it.

As the post itself, saucy as ever and just as sexy. Roar! Netflix, ftw.

 
At 11:17 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Uh-oh, I don't know how to tell you this, but Net-Flix is currently seeing a girl in my office. I think we caught him 'red' handed. Sorry...

 
At 11:23 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

I haven't switched yet, despite several months of dire warnings. I fully expect Blogger to show up outside my window with a bullhorn and wire cutters.

 
At 1:09 AM, Blogger spoon said...

oh you foreigners throwing fancy ass words around like 'netflix'...and 'porn'. We're content watching goats graze!

 
At 1:48 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Your mom enjoys bestiality porn. Mostly with horses.

Any other questions?

 
At 2:37 AM, Blogger Claudia said...

I'm glad I never took the plunge with NetFlix...tempting but I resisted. sounds too much like work!!

 
At 3:02 AM, Blogger Skittles said...

I enjoy NetFlix. He usually cums a couple times a month and almost always brings a friend. Hubby doesn't get jealous at all.. in fact he likes to watch!

 
At 3:14 AM, Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

Boyfriend swapping is so 1976.

 
At 4:03 AM, Blogger Odat said...

Never met Netflix..don't want to either...
Peace

 
At 4:43 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

It all sounds like far too much aggro to me. Give me a copy of Good Housekeeping and a bottle of gin.

Puss

 
At 4:48 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

123,

I admit it. I liked that movie.

nwjr,

I can't manage three at a time. They are so demanding.

tug,

I am having problems.

bee,

I need an assistant. Someone to walk me through stuff and drive me places.

cym,

I am selfish. That's kind of my thing.

willie,

I have a friend who sees them both. Whore.

bd,

I still think that the porn should come in plain brown wrappers.

karmyn,

No one has to know.

churlita,

On Demand? Damn. I'm jealous. Netflix makes me wait.

rach,

I'll share, but I don't want to know if you have a better time with him. That will only make me want him more.

orhan,

Not even new Blogger can take away my sauciness.

michael,

How does he have the time? I swear, he was with me all night.

hearts,

I didn't have a choice. I couldn't login unless I switched.

spoon,

I like goats.

fab,

I'll be over here in fetal position for a little bit.

claudia,

Relationships are a lot of work.

skittles,

Kinky.

lux,

I'm retro like that.

odat,

Not even a one-night stand?

 
At 5:36 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

I need to switch soon too. I've been putting it off because I'm ascared. If I have any problems I'm going to call you okay. Like maybe we can fix it over a bottle of wine or somethin'.

I don't know anything about Netflix but I'm assuming it's movies to your door.

If you're taking old movie recommendations because you've watched all the new ones, I offer.

So I Married An Axe Murderer - Mike Meyers - I'm pretty sure it would be your style

Happy weekend Misty1!

 
At 5:38 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

icl,

I wish the movies came to my door. I have to go all the way to the mailbox to get them.

 
At 5:45 AM, Anonymous Rhea said...

Brilliant!

 
At 5:48 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

rhea,

Yes, Netflix is a brilliant idea. I wish that I had thought of it. Think of all the shoes that I could buy with my riches.

 
At 5:57 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

And here I thought today's post would be all about me and my birthday.

I'm dating Netflix too. You up for a menage a trois?

 
At 6:05 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

av,

I'll trois anything once. Or twice.

 
At 6:22 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Ooh, very clever.

 
At 6:27 AM, Blogger Mystic Wing said...

You're a clever girl. I don't expect new blogger will take you long to master.

Great post. Wife wants to date Netflix, too, but in my old fashioned way, I'm resistant to her dating both him and Mr. Movies.

And beside, if even the rental movies come right to the door, I'll really have no excuse to ever get out of the house.

 
At 6:36 AM, Blogger Killer said...

I was dating netflix, but either that or all those thai whores gave me an STD. It is easier to blame it on Netflix.

 
At 6:47 AM, Blogger Matt said...

"The Right to Finish" should be enshrined in the U.S. Constitution.

 
At 6:52 AM, Blogger Edgy Mama said...

I haven't updated to new Blogger yet. I don't think I'm ready to change partners. I mean, I've been with old Blogger for two years! We have history, love, daily communication, the occasional fight, but great make-ups.

That said, I'm cheating on him with Blockbuster on-line because he gives me free rentals passes for the store that I can use for the kids!

 
At 6:56 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

New blogger sucks. It does not work right.
I might not be able to leave a comment because of it.

 
At 7:16 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

netflix can kiss my ass. they keep holding out on the saw 3.

 
At 7:28 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

***note to Mist***

Sorry to see that you no longer post my comments. Don't know why the cold shoulder. I wish you well.

 
At 7:28 AM, Blogger PaintingChef said...

I haven't tried Netflix on for size yet. I'm having such a good relationship with On Demand... he's at my fingertips when I'm ready and he only hangs around for 24 hours...

Sadly? He, too, never shows up with dinner. Not even chocolate.

 
At 7:31 AM, Blogger fringes said...

I repeat: I've been with Netflix longer than I've been with most boyfriends. I have people whom I've never met in my friends queue. It's my second favorite community next to my blog. Give him another try.

As they say, if it's not working, you're not doing it right.

 
At 7:43 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

av,

I have to keep up with you.

mystic,

Mr. Movies and I parted on bad terms.

killer,

I'm pretty sure that it was Netflix. He gets around.

matt,

As long as you don't wake me up.

edgy,

You will not have a choice in the matter. One day, your time will come.

nolff,

Where is your comment?

stilt,

I am still a wreck from Saw 3.

mayren,

I'm not sure what you're talking about.

chef,

I would be willing to overlook the dinner part if I could get a foot rub every once in awhile.

fringes,

I haven't told him that I'm overwhelmed. I'm just sitting here with three movies staring at me. Apparently, there is a limit to how many movies I can watch in a month, which makes my unlimited plan feel excessive.

 
At 7:53 AM, Blogger Queen of Dysfunction said...

I had to break up with Netflix the first time he came over with two of his friends. I felt too crowded, there was too much pressure. Who could last that long?

 
At 8:03 AM, Anonymous swamp said...

Five Tips from the SwampWitch:

1) It is important that a man helps you around the house,has a job, and makes love to you.
2) It is important that a man makes you laugh and makes love to you.
3) It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you, and makes love to you.
4) It is important that a man loves you, spoils you, and makes love to you.
5) It is important that these four men don't know each other.

 
At 8:05 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

LOL. Thanks for the laugh, Mist.

 
At 8:11 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

put both your toes in his butt, that will liven things up

 
At 8:31 AM, Blogger Kelley said...

Awesome, awesome post.

I'm currently involved with Blockbuster Online.

 
At 8:38 AM, Blogger Gyuss Baaltar said...

Netflix isn't everything I wanted in a relationship, but she's better than that high maintenance whore I used to date called "Mega Movie Superplex 5000, now with slightly less stale popcorn"

I know. "High Maintenance" and "Whore". Those words aren't supposed to go together, hence my dissatisfaction.

/blogger is the debil. pass it on

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger karma lennon said...

You'll get used to him. He and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years now and we get along great for the most part. ;)

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger Steven Novak said...

Netflix is a dude?

Dammit...

What does this mean about me? ;)

Steve~

 
At 10:58 AM, Anonymous squeezyB said...

Netflix is charming in his spiffy red jacket, but I have to admit, my eye’s wandering a little. My ex Blockbuster, who used to insist we go to his house, now tells me he’s willing to show up at mine. Or his. Doesn’t matter. And if I want to show up at his house? Don’t even need to call first. I might be giving Mr. Blue a second chance.

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

His brother Blockbuster is needy too. Never do a threesome.

 
At 11:39 AM, Blogger Let's Pretend said...

I can't complain about new blogger as I had just as much trouble with the old blogger.

I LOVE netflix. My husband and I can never see a movie together because we are both to pig headed to compromise even at the video store!

Netflix is like having a secret lover... I can go into my netflix--pick out just what I am in the mood for--nothing to hard, but I don't like it soft either. Race home when I get the note that he is on his way and there he is waiting to pleasure me---and I don't have to sleep in the wet spot!!

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger GhostRose said...

What do you mean 'forced?' Did Google administration hold a harpoon to your head?

 
At 12:30 PM, Anonymous Slick said...

Red is your favorite color anyway?

Look at the bright side. He's little and round, just the way you like'em

 
At 1:01 PM, Blogger Meg said...

I was going to say...maybe your just not that into him.....but maybe its just cause he doesn't cum bearing gifts and alcohol???

I dunno.

have a good weekend!

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

My husband and I decided not to do Netflix because we weren't ready to bring a third party into our relationship.

-velvet

 
At 1:57 PM, Blogger jali said...

I'm in the stupido Blockbuster movie club thing and they send me emails ALL the time. I stopped returning the DVDs so that they would leave me alone (no late fees), but stupid me is still paying the MONTLY fee - Arrrrgh!

 
At 2:06 PM, Blogger Yvonne said...

I've thought about joining netflix but I feel like I'd run out of movies I want to see in about a week, then I'd feel too bad to break it off with him.

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Roadchick said...

It's too much pressure.

Too much commitment.

Rewind, fast-forward...and then the batteries die.

And then, when he's not looking, you use him for a coaster.

That's always the beginning of the end.

 
At 2:15 PM, Blogger ajooja said...

I've been dating Netflix for years. It is the greatest invention of my lifetime. Seriously.

 
At 3:02 PM, Blogger K said...

you know that fucker tried to come on to me? one day it was like bam, he came to my house, talking about, "do you want to try me?"

i never met someone so forward in my life.

 
At 3:02 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I'm dating a GIRL named Netflix.

She does whatever I ask and she's dirt cheap.

I think I'm in love.

 
At 3:10 PM, Blogger skinnylittleblonde said...

ROTFLMAO... another funny, funny, FUNNY post!
You know, I too, do the netflix man. Everytime I send him away, he just gives e a couple days & comes right back...
Sometimes I just leave him spread out here. He just silently waits for me to do something.
Mist1- Netflix is a whore-dog... but he is cheap & convenient

 
At 4:27 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

qofd,

Sounds like a good time.

swamp,

Therein lies my problem.

michelle,

You are very welcome. How come no one else ever thanks me? What's wrong with them?

furious,

I have more than two toes.

kelley,

Be careful with those online relationships. Are you sure he's really a man? Have you talked on the phone?

gyuss,

You have a superplex 5000? Damn. The one here is only a 3000.

karma,

Most of the time, I don't get used to people. People get used to me. Or they learn to tune me out.

steven,

I don't be the one to tell you this...

squeezy,

I usually burn bridges. I'm not sure if Blockbuster would return my calls.

ctw,

There is not enough of me to go around.

let's,

You make a great point about the lack of wet spot.

ghost,

I still have nightmares that I am Moby Dick.

slick,

I don't have a favorite type...or color.

meg,

It's like you've known me forever.

velvet,

At least you discussed it as a couple. I would have just snuck around with Netflix until we got caught.

jali,

Is the monthly fee more or less than the late fees?

yvonne,

He'll keep telling you about movies that you'll love. You will feel compelled to order them.

chick,

I can tell that you've been through this before.

ajooja,

I should tell you about some of my inventions. I come up with a lot of really good stuff, when I am not blogging.

k,

I'll scratch his f*cking eyes out.

lbb,

Love is a powerful word. It does not usually come with a membership fee.

slb,

Is everyone seeing him? He told me that I am special.

 
At 6:22 PM, Blogger Laurie said...

I dated Netflix for several months. When I tried to dump him, he begged me not to. He finally agreed to a 3 month trial separation. After the three months were over we decided to keep seeing each other but only a couple of times a month. I finally quit seeing him altogether. He's entirely too needy.

 
At 6:35 PM, Blogger Matt said...

True Confession: I've been sitting on my returns for a couple of weeks now so I stole a Netflix DVD from my neighbor's mailbox--just one. Then I mailed it back. God's gonna be mad at me.

 
At 7:08 PM, Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I just switched to new Blogger yesterday—and I ain’t happy!

 
At 7:26 PM, Blogger Pickled Olives said...

I broke up with Netflicks when we got "Indemand" with our Digital Cable. Now, it's always on my terms. I like it that way.

 
At 7:51 PM, Blogger Trundling Grunt said...

I've flirted with the idea of dating Netflix. But I know one of her current dates and it's all he talks about. And one of her ex's was complaining about how she's whining to be taken back. Nah, not for me.

 
At 11:41 PM, Blogger Yasamin said...

At the current moment I am having a torrid affair with Blockbuster online behind Blockbuster in-store's back. although.. i think in-store know's. I'm incognito.

ps sorry for the lateness. its been a sober friday.

 
At 11:50 PM, Blogger slaghammer said...

I heard he’s a total slut so be sure to practice safe...whatever it is you are doing.

 
At 7:19 AM, Blogger Winters said...

I had a brief but torrid affair with Norton, but then she was all over me like a virus.

So I deleted her.

 
At 7:30 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

laurie,

I think Netflix and I are going to get some counseling.

matt,

You are forgiven.

nick,

Let's revolt. I want my comments back the way they were.

olives,

You are so demanding.

trundling,

I respect that you won't pursue someone that your friend is seeing. We are so different.

Thanks for coming by.

yasamin,

I had no idea that you were late. Weekends are one long day for me.

slag,

Does the envelope protect against STDs?

winters,

Deleting is harsh.

 
At 11:34 AM, Blogger Thorny Rose said...

I'm dating Netflix, too. I love her. At least, I thought it was a she. Is Netflix a transgender??????!!
Oh my!!!!

 
At 3:46 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

thorny,

What does that make us if Netflix is a trangender?

 
At 4:32 PM, Blogger Brooklyn Frank said...

yer a sharp broad, i'm sure you'll pick it up.

 
At 6:26 PM, Blogger cyberman said...

Never tried Netflix but I heard it was great... perhaps it isn't

 
At 7:57 PM, Blogger C said...

Can I date him too? I have been meaning to and well I too like to send them away when I have had enough. Although with my new antenna(because I don't have cable) I can get TBS but it does not receive well so sometimes I have to play with it until it cums out clearer. It's a big one but somehow it does not do the job. I've missed ya!

 
At 9:08 PM, Blogger Bibi said...

Ach ... I knew he was cheating on me!

 
At 9:19 PM, Blogger James Burnett said...

Netflix must be bi. We've also hooked up.

 
At 10:34 PM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

I knew you were the type to have dates queued up, awaiting your beckoning.

If you want to step out on Net, try Blockbuster's Total Access dealie. Our family is single-handedly trying to break that company using this new get-through-the-mail-but-get-more-movies-free-if-you-return-them-to-the-store campaign.

 
At 11:28 PM, Blogger Nihilistic said...

I'm dating Netflix too! Sadly he doesn't ever bring over porn! The Bastard!

 
At 9:11 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

I'm dating Netflix too, but I might cheat on him soon because Blockbuster Total Access is looking pretty damn hot.

 
At 9:53 AM, Blogger DDL said...

As soon as I move to an area that has a Blockbuster, I'm dumping Netflix on his ass. I'm fickle that way.

 
At 10:29 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

brooklyn,

I'm not as smart as I look.

cyber,

It's not the best relationship that I've ever been in, but so far we haven't had to go to court. I guess that's good.

c,

I thought I was the only person left on Earth with a big ol' antenna on top on my tv.

bibi,

I hope you're not angry with me. He told me that you two were through.

james,

I did that once, but I was in college and we were really drunk.

jocelyn,

I've never been a planner before, but Netflix is changing my ways.

nihilistic,

Have you asked nicely?

miztris,

Blockbuster is a sexy b*tch.

ddl,

Damn, that's harsh.

 
At 10:46 AM, Anonymous The Laughorist said...

It may actually be the PERFECT relationship. Netflix is personal but impersonal, demanding of attention but not clingy, real but not too real -- and no problems with the wet spot.

 
At 11:01 AM, Blogger Thorny Rose said...

Superwoman was good. But, oh, love that Wonder Woman!!!

 
At 11:08 AM, Blogger Babs said...

I once dated him too! We went hard and fast at first, but I soon tired of him and dragged it out too long before dumping him. Now he still tries to get me back with special offers and promising he'll try to do better.

 
At 12:01 PM, Blogger STAK said...

wait a damned minute.........i thought NETFLIX was chick........i've been dating NETFLIX for months now.........i was wondering why i couldn't past a blowjob..........

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger The CEO said...

1
Damn, your whole blog seems to work. I guess that dancing naked at midnight and sacrificing that chicken worked fine after all. Very smart, once again.

 
At 2:01 PM, Blogger Dan said...

Netflix is a slut. I was dating her for a couple of years until I found out that every other frigging person in my office was also dating her.

I dropped her like a hot potato. Actually I don't usually drop hot potatoes. I put them gently down onto a plate and then sufficiently butter them.

 
At 5:27 PM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

.....and another one bites the dust!

I haven't switched over to new blogger yet.

I'm just stubborn that way.

 
At 5:59 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

laughorist,

That's what I thought too.

thorny,

Love the Underoos.

babs,

I can be bought with special offers. I'm easy.

stak,

Still, it was pretty good head, wasn't it?

0,

The sacrificial chicken always works.

dan,

You can date me if you will sufficiently butter me.

pissy,

You rebel.

 
At 6:30 PM, Blogger Trundling Grunt said...

I would pursue her, but I don't think she's that good in bed. I hear people fall asleep half way through.

 
At 6:52 PM, Blogger Glaziersgirl said...

You are too damn funny. My friend has netflix which has allowed me to watch Weeds (showtime original series). If you haven't rented it, I highly recommend it. I give it 2 vigorous thumbs up.

 
At 7:30 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

trundling,

I am such an angel when I'm asleep. It's probably why the relationship has lasted this long.

glazier,

I am a fan of two finger up.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 12:34 PM, Blogger cucuclaire said...

Damn the Netflix!

 
At 5:53 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

cucu,

Let me guess, you two dated for awhile too?

 
At 7:27 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

I have a similar problem. The netflix sits on the counter, silently berating me for my inattentiveness, wondering why I don't pop her in, "just for a second."

She's a cruel, demanding mistress.

 
At 8:56 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

crank,

You really should take her someplace nice.

 

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Name: Mist1
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