Sisterhood
I've made a lot of mistakes.Purple mascara was a mistake. Dating the guy who lived with his mom and sold LSD was fun, but still, a mistake. The time that I tried to raise a flock of ducks in my home was a mistake. Dyeing my hair with black cherry Kool-Aid was a mistake.
It seems that I have learned nothing from my mistakes.
My latest mistake was when I told my sister, "you should blog." Like so many of my ideas, it seemed like a good one at the time. I imagined that we would become a blogging super power. We wouldn't wear capes or tights or anything, but we would be a force in the Blogosphere.
And now it's happened. I got an email from her with the link. I had to sign up for an entirely new service to leave comments on her blog. This should have been a warning. The gravity of the situation didn't hit me until I read her blog.
She knows more about me than most people. She knows my age. She has access to picures of me...pre-braces. She knows where my chest of teen momentos including my 10th grade jounal is stored. She might even know my real hair color.
I find myself wondering if she remembers how kind I was to her when she was a child. I was a doting, loving sister. I never encouraged her to stick her finger into an electrical socket. I never pushed her into a beehive. I never traded her bike to a neighborhood kid for all of his Garbage Pail Kids. Most importantly, I never framed her when Dad found weed on my dresser. I would never have done anything like that. Not even if she told our parents about the $50 that I borrowed from her to get a fake ID.
I would like to take the time to address my sister directly:
El, many people (i.e. Miss Britt) will approach you with offers of money, a lifetime supply of American Spirit cigarettes, a shopping spree at the Salvation Army of your choice, and numerous other irresistable items. They will be convincing. These people are using you. Please, remember that in the event of catastrophe, I am the sole beneficiary of Mom and Dad's tremendous estate (1 Honda Civic, 1 Toyota Camry, 2 cats, and several canned goods without labels). I am not trying to bribe you (am willing to throw in a Coldplay CD), I just want to warn you. I trust that you will make the right decision and never, ever post my seventh grade picture. For what it's worth, one time Mom and I got drunk and she told me that she has always liked you more than she likes me.
I can only hope that my sister will remain strong. Also, I hope that she remembers that I have a cocpy of the video of her African dance performance in which her outfit unraveled.
Mist 1
PS: There will be no link.
Update: Slick has graciously interviewed me on his new blog. There is so much about me that I feel like sharing today.
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:48 AM
93 Comments:
No link? After all that, no link? It's not Britt you have to worry about. It's the ninja stealth warriors like myself. I can offer dance lessons that are worth more than any amount of cash.
My blogger son has incriminating photos of me and I can tell you from personal experience, bribes work.
Come on. Leave the link. You know we would all do the same for you if we had sisters who blogged and might add embarrassing pictures of us on it.
Actually, I put embarrassing pictures of myself on my own blog. I just like to make people feel better about themselves in comparison. I'm sweet like that...Or incredibly stupid. I'm not sure which.
AW DANGIT!!! Because if she s half as fun as you, I might be entertained twice as often!
How on earth are you going to be a power in the blogoverse (Thats where you have soggy bloggies) if you don't provide a link? After all, she is only a sister and so probably has a very short memory. I kinow my brothers do - - -
You must be feeling what Presidential candidates feel when they announce their candidacy: what's out there and what will be told about me?
Don't worry, I choose not to believe any of it!!
Yeah, I'd call that a pretty big mistake...turning your own sister onto blogging. I think I'd rather have Kool-aid hair.
I made a similar mistake today. I met someone online--from his first very eager, excited email I'm thinking he could be the goofy man of my dreams. So I hit REPLY, write something witty and hit SEND.
Hours pass, no email. I get home from the movies tonight, no email.
Then it hits me. My blog url is a default part of my email signature.
Crap.
there will be so many people trying to figure this one out. Everybody wants to unlock that Mist1 mystery.....
and i'm already ahead of the game. But i'm open to bribery also.
there will be so many people trying to figure this one out. Everybody wants to unlock that Mist1 mystery.....
and i'm already ahead of the game. But i'm open to bribery also.
there will be so many people trying to figure this one out. Everybody wants to unlock that Mist1 mystery.....
and i'm already ahead of the game. But i'm open to bribery also.
Lol,
That could clearly be a problem. Not for us errrrr I mean the rest of your readers who would laugh and enjoy it I am sure.
BD
But more importantly, will she link you?
Welcome to the dysfunction junction! Passengers please remember to keep your hands and feet inside the blog at all times once it leaves the station.
Sisters. The classic frenemies.
That is creepy.
Wow! You really like living recklessly. I'd never give my sister my blog address because she'd post something like me trying to squeeze into a public restroom stall and I'd have to do time.
Good luck but you can expect to be blackmailed for a long time.
Sisters, who needs them, wait I better check mine doesn't read my blog other wise I'm screwed
I am sooo glad I am an only child.
the mascare truely was a mistake... I have personally learnt to never underestimate the sneekyness.... My little sister knows everything and even now as I live on my own and have completely detached myslef from my childhood home she still finds stuff to balckmail me with...
You should have at least considered the capes.
oh for Cripes sake! I never thought of that... oh dear goddess - i used to torment my baby sister (who is now an uber power in the local community), i still do on occasion... Shudder. she has all sorts of dirt on me. I thought i was safe...i never considered that she might discover my blog and then start her own with a wealth of information that better NEVER find the light of day! Excuse me - i'm going to be very ill now....
av,
No one in my family can dance. Do you offer a group rate?
laurie,
I'll be in the poor house in no time.
churlita,
You are brave. I've only posted the back of my head.
gina,
She's prettier than me too. Damn.
archie,
Well, there may be a link on the sidebar.
michael,
Lies. All lies.
kelly,
I've learned that lesson. I had to make one of those, "Wait, I can explain," phone calls.
kiyotoe,
I believe that you meant Mist-ery.
donk,
I can tell that you care.
cinders,
She'd better.
bice,
Is this a round trip ticket?
lux,
Sisters invented it.
orhan,
I lost sleep over it.
debo,
I have a fear of public restrooms.
shadow,
You'd better hope that she doesn't read your comment too.
csb,
It is not too late to adopt a sister.
junkie,
Purple was my power color. It seemed so right until I saw the pictures years later.
wg,
It's been so cold, I'm reconsidering the tights too.
fab,
You don't have time. There is that new job to concentrate on.
crow,
People always tell me that I make them feel ill. Why is that?
I bet you can hold your own on the dance floor. Especially once the liquor takes hold.
av,
You must have seen me in action. I don't like to brag, but not only am I way hotter when I've been drinking, but I can make falling on my face look like a new dance move. All the cool kids are doing it.
I don't want a link, I just want to see that video.
"MOMentos."
A Freudian slip? Or a simple mistspelling?
I would never encourage ppl I know that know me well to blog. It never comes to any good. I will never mention to my wife that she should blog hahaha.
Blogging sisters can only mean trouble...LOL
Awwwwwwwww no link??? What up with dat?? Seems unfair to tempt up and then not provide the goods....on 2nd thought it does fit your M.O. doesn't it...the teasing part! Oh well **sigh** perhaps one day you will slip and share the linky-love and then all your loyal readers can go and overwhelm the heck outta your sister the new blogger....lol!!
My sis got me blogging....:)
I have framed my sis more than a few times. She will indeed get you back for whatever you did.
Wow, you're brave. I'd never let anyone in my family know that I blog or encourage them to do the same. It would end in disaster!
Be happy your family reads your blog. My family does not, lest they encourage me to blog more.
They're too involved with their 'real world' activities. (hmmmppppffffh!)
I like the privacy and anonymity that the blogging world provides while at the same time being able to be your true self.
Does this ring true at all?
Ah come on ... give us the link and your Mama's link too!
My sisters would never put anything embarassing about me on their blogs. I was such a nice big sister growing up and besides I have twice and much stuff on them and it is so much better than anything they could say about me. As far as I know none of my sisters blog, so I have nothing to worry about.
I am so glad I'm an only child. I have sole custody of all hideous photographs and their immolation is only a matter of time.
Puss
Do you publish a feed? I want to subscribe to you, but can't seem to find one, and it is seriously bumming me out.
Also, you don't have to publish this if you don't want to. Feel free to just e-mail me the answer: schnozz AT schnozzfest DOT com.
Thanks!
Is your sister's blog anonymous?
Chicken.
How can I get that video?
I'm absolutely floored that you were ever a teenager. I just assumed your Mom popped you out as a fully-grown, fasionista with fabulous hair.
I would hurt a kitten for a peek at your chest of teen mementos.
That's not true, but I might hurt a kitten's feelings. "Stupd cat. Why can't you ever do anything right?"
I will now spend the rest of the day scouring your archives to find hints of your sister's weaknesses.
My sister starts blogging and the whole world we see a picture of her in her wonder woman underoos on roller skates.
My brother now sleeps with my Therapist too because of me. We were a screwed up family.
My sister has a blog on myspace and writes about her boyfriend that I hate so much.
He goes to karate class and poses with numchucks while my sister takes pictures. He's a cage fighter.
It is not rad.
Sisters... they give whole new meaning to word BLACKMAIL. I think you are about to find this out too!!
Keep your friends close, keep your enem-, er, sisters closer.
There is nothing wrong with using Koo-AId as a hair dye. I dated a girl that used grape to dye her hair one time. Of course that was way back in high school...
She's left clues people, the girl's name is El. Surely we can trak down El 1 if we are dilligent! Oh yes, we shall find her (rubs hands together and laughs maniacally).
I think that you are supposed to do some of those heinous things and then your sister would have a healthy fear/respect of your caprecious vileness that could attack her again someday.
Can I perchance purchase that video online? ;)
Steve~
nwjr,
I am thinking about having an auction for it.
matt,
My refusal to use spell check has tripped me up in each of my last three posts.
honk,
I hope that I never need to blackmail you. I will encourage your wife to blog.
trish,
Do you and your sister plan your comments to be one right after the other?
boo,
Have you had any family blog wars yet?
maiden,
I will have to beat her to her revenge.
karma,
That's my fear.
icl,
Part of me wants my mom to blog. But she is funnier than I am and no one would read my blog any more.
reba,
Learn from my mistake.
puss,
My doctor did an immolation on me once. I still have the mole in a jar.
schnozz,
The internet works like magic to me. I subscribe to myself through Bloglines because I am vain. I do not know if I publish my feed. I do know if I am off my feed.
Thanks for coming by.
fringes,
Not so much.
slick,
Begin negotiating.
123,
Let's never talk about my mom popping me out again. Okay?
britt,
Nicotine, nicotine, and more nicotine. Unfiltered.
furious,
I just wore that outfit last weekend.
dallas,
At least you are both getting help.
nolff,
I don't know. He sounds pretty rad. I've always wanted to date a cage dancer...I mean, fighter.
ryan,
So, what you're saying is that I will have to buy her something nice?
kelley,
Sage advice.
brian,
No, I am not in high school. Yes, I look like I am. Thanks for noticing.
wave,
El 1. That's cute.
wreck,
I like being called vile. No one ever says that about me.
steven,
Can you help me transfer it from VHS?
LOL, thanks for the laugh ladies. I look forward to the sisterhood.
Michelle
My new poem: (I'll read it to you on the phone later - and at Javaology tomorrow) Enjoy!
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I dyed my blond hair with mercurochrome when I was 11. It turned pink. My father chopped it off. I looked like a punk little boy in drag.
Are you sure El would write about you? Maybe her blog will just be about her.
M1, I have a question unrelated to todays entry (apologies).
What is at the end of a roll of floss?
I am miles (of plaque? Blee!) away from my own personal nirvana (clearly).
Ta
Nomes
*Note to self: Don't ever encourage sibling to blog*
I think you need to take a proactive stance. Forget bribes and resort immediately to blackmail. Frighten her into submission with the stories and pictures you will post of her if she prints anything embarrassing about you.
jali,
Can you hear me snapping right now?
hearts,
Sometimes, I wonder why more people don't write about me.
nomes,
There is a spool at the end of every roll. A spool is nothing like a spoon although the spelling is very similar.
sqt,
You've done thiss before. You're too good.
Yeah, that was my advice...just get your own shit on her and blackmail her...it always works for me :)
meg,
I may have to frame her again. She's too good.
awwww, aren't you just about the best sister ever!
olives,
Is there some kind of award and ceremony or something for that? Because I have some new shoes that I want to wear.
when your mom starts blogging -that is when you really have to worry.
i have an imaginary sister. she is a midget. i am much prettier than her. and anything she tells you is automatically a lie. cause i said so. see how that works? simple! try it. her name is martharina. her hair is curly and long. she has dimples. she has no shoes at all. and no armpit hair either. i like her. never had a "real" sister. bee
karmyn,
I'm more worried about my grandma blogging. She's got lots of time on her hands.
bee,
I think I might be your imaginary sister.
Yea, let that little know-it-all build up her own reading audience instead of trying to poach off yours. You probably gave her a pair of hand-me-down shoes once (after the heel broke, didn't they fit her much better than you?)--which is MORE than sisterly enough for the rest of your lives.
jocelyn,
I have no hand-me-down shoes. I bury them in my back yard. It's what they would have wanted.
I have three sisters, and they all have the goods on me. Sometimes I feel like they're saving up information in case I ever become wealthy enough to bribe them.
i once dyed my hair with Grape-A-Saurus Rex once.
There should be a warning label on Koolaid "warning: Never washes out of hair"
I wanted a link!!
crank,
I am wealthy in shoes, but we wear different sizes. Maybe I don't have anything to worry about.
yasamin,
That's so funny. My hair was black cherry forever.
buttercup,
So did my sister.
My youngest sister (who is barely 18) blogs. She's really quite harmless, she couldn't/wouldn't do anything to my image as a blogger that I've not already done (see photoblog).
My middle sister isn't in to that whole "computer thing" so no worries on that side. :)
kristyn,
You all are like the Brady's. Are there three brothers too?
ajooja,
My sister has been out of the closet for years.
I want the link, I want the link !!!
rach,
I am such a tease. The link is there. Somewhere.
Mist, I have 3 brothers. I had to learn quick or suffer noogies the rest of my life. Blackmail is key.
this must be how justin timberlake felt when they put his beauty pageant footage on youtube. :D
sqt,
I have so much to learn about sibling rivalry.
miztris,
This is not the first time that I have been compared to Justin. Okay, it is.
My sister will never read my blog. With all the sexual detail, I doubt she could handle it. Siblings know our deep, dark childhood secrets. Good luck!
chris,
My sister and I have enough years between us that I'm thinking maybe she won't remember my deep, dark childhood secrets.
I kinda miss purple mascara. It would be best to burn my 7th grade picture. My hair was so big it filled up the whole background.
Smart move on the no link!
"Purple mascara was a mistake."
uh...yeah. let the healing begin.
my sister learned that one the hard way.
I envy you, Mist...you got an interview and I'm stuck as the "newbie"! I'm going to jump...to the next thing I'm going to say (gotchya, didn't I)!
So, a video of your sis doin' an African dance and her dress unravelling...that peaks my curiosity. =P
Ah, sibling rivalry, one of the world's many wars. Good thing my bro wants me to catch footballs instead of having the intent to peg them at me.
RANDOM QUOTE
Praise this!
black cherry kool aid? That works? I gotta go to the store...
black cherry kool aid? That works? I gotta go to the store...
I feel your pain...my sister likes to tell the stories that I do not even remember...i must have blocked them out...comeon...how about a hint...
We all had really big hair, blue mascara and frosted pink lipstick..
Brothers, oh no, thankfully! I can't even imagine what it'd be like to have brothers. So, no Brady song for my family, unless you count the husbands/potential husbands, but that could be a little creepy! :P
babs,
Sometimes, I wish it would come back too.
omni,
I might still have turquoise liner in my cosmetic bag. I might have worn it recently. I'm not telling.
mike,
Your brother piques my interest.
willie,
Get the kind without sugar already added. You have been cautioned.
tellin',
I had these three curls in my face. I dyed them different colors as my mood saw fit. I would have to die if anyone saw the photos.
kristyn,
Yes, that would be creepy.
purple mascara is never a mistake. How dare you. drag queens everywhere are mortally offended, as is my 13 year old self.
this is exactly what would happen to me if my sister blogged.
i don't encourage her.
good luck.
evil,
I suggest that you never tell him of the joys of blogging.
h & b,
13? My mom never would have let me out of the house like that at 13. I would have had to wait until I snuck out.
jennifer,
I still don't feel comfortable despite your well wishes.
I think I'd rather vomit all night than suggest to my brother that he start a blog. It's certainly the lesser of two evils.
velvet,
Vomiting all night isn't as fun as it sounds.
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