To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Monday, January 22, 2007


I've made a lot of mistakes.

Purple mascara was a mistake. Dating the guy who lived with his mom and sold LSD was fun, but still, a mistake. The time that I tried to raise a flock of ducks in my home was a mistake. Dyeing my hair with black cherry Kool-Aid was a mistake.

It seems that I have learned nothing from my mistakes.

My latest mistake was when I told my sister, "you should blog." Like so many of my ideas, it seemed like a good one at the time. I imagined that we would become a blogging super power. We wouldn't wear capes or tights or anything, but we would be a force in the Blogosphere.

And now it's happened. I got an email from her with the link. I had to sign up for an entirely new service to leave comments on her blog. This should have been a warning. The gravity of the situation didn't hit me until I read her blog.

She knows more about me than most people. She knows my age. She has access to picures of me...pre-braces. She knows where my chest of teen momentos including my 10th grade jounal is stored. She might even know my real hair color.

I find myself wondering if she remembers how kind I was to her when she was a child. I was a doting, loving sister. I never encouraged her to stick her finger into an electrical socket. I never pushed her into a beehive. I never traded her bike to a neighborhood kid for all of his Garbage Pail Kids. Most importantly, I never framed her when Dad found weed on my dresser. I would never have done anything like that. Not even if she told our parents about the $50 that I borrowed from her to get a fake ID.

I would like to take the time to address my sister directly:

El, many people (i.e. Miss Britt) will approach you with offers of money, a lifetime supply of American Spirit cigarettes, a shopping spree at the Salvation Army of your choice, and numerous other irresistable items. They will be convincing. These people are using you. Please, remember that in the event of catastrophe, I am the sole beneficiary of Mom and Dad's tremendous estate (1 Honda Civic, 1 Toyota Camry, 2 cats, and several canned goods without labels). I am not trying to bribe you (am willing to throw in a Coldplay CD), I just want to warn you. I trust that you will make the right decision and never, ever post my seventh grade picture. For what it's worth, one time Mom and I got drunk and she told me that she has always liked you more than she likes me.

I can only hope that my sister will remain strong. Also, I hope that she remembers that I have a cocpy of the video of her African dance performance in which her outfit unraveled.

Mist 1

PS: There will be no link.

Update: Slick has graciously interviewed me on his new blog. There is so much about me that I feel like sharing today.


At 9:05 PM, Blogger Avitable said...

No link? After all that, no link? It's not Britt you have to worry about. It's the ninja stealth warriors like myself. I can offer dance lessons that are worth more than any amount of cash.

At 9:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My blogger son has incriminating photos of me and I can tell you from personal experience, bribes work.

At 9:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come on. Leave the link. You know we would all do the same for you if we had sisters who blogged and might add embarrassing pictures of us on it.

Actually, I put embarrassing pictures of myself on my own blog. I just like to make people feel better about themselves in comparison. I'm sweet like that...Or incredibly stupid. I'm not sure which.

At 9:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

AW DANGIT!!! Because if she s half as fun as you, I might be entertained twice as often!

At 9:57 PM, Anonymous archie said...

How on earth are you going to be a power in the blogoverse (Thats where you have soggy bloggies) if you don't provide a link? After all, she is only a sister and so probably has a very short memory. I kinow my brothers do - - -

At 10:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You must be feeling what Presidential candidates feel when they announce their candidacy: what's out there and what will be told about me?

Don't worry, I choose not to believe any of it!!

At 10:11 PM, Anonymous Kelly said...

Yeah, I'd call that a pretty big mistake...turning your own sister onto blogging. I think I'd rather have Kool-aid hair.

I made a similar mistake today. I met someone online--from his first very eager, excited email I'm thinking he could be the goofy man of my dreams. So I hit REPLY, write something witty and hit SEND.

Hours pass, no email. I get home from the movies tonight, no email.

Then it hits me. My blog url is a default part of my email signature.


At 10:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

there will be so many people trying to figure this one out. Everybody wants to unlock that Mist1 mystery.....

and i'm already ahead of the game. But i'm open to bribery also.

At 10:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

there will be so many people trying to figure this one out. Everybody wants to unlock that Mist1 mystery.....

and i'm already ahead of the game. But i'm open to bribery also.

At 10:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

there will be so many people trying to figure this one out. Everybody wants to unlock that Mist1 mystery.....

and i'm already ahead of the game. But i'm open to bribery also.

At 10:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


That could clearly be a problem. Not for us errrrr I mean the rest of your readers who would laugh and enjoy it I am sure.


At 11:06 PM, Blogger cinders said...

But more importantly, will she link you?

At 12:03 AM, Anonymous Bice said...

Welcome to the dysfunction junction! Passengers please remember to keep your hands and feet inside the blog at all times once it leaves the station.

At 12:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sisters. The classic frenemies.

At 1:02 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

That is creepy.

At 1:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! You really like living recklessly. I'd never give my sister my blog address because she'd post something like me trying to squeeze into a public restroom stall and I'd have to do time.

Good luck but you can expect to be blackmailed for a long time.

At 1:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sisters, who needs them, wait I better check mine doesn't read my blog other wise I'm screwed

At 1:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sooo glad I am an only child.

At 3:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

the mascare truely was a mistake... I have personally learnt to never underestimate the sneekyness.... My little sister knows everything and even now as I live on my own and have completely detached myslef from my childhood home she still finds stuff to balckmail me with...

At 3:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should have at least considered the capes.

At 4:52 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I'll find it...

At 5:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh for Cripes sake! I never thought of that... oh dear goddess - i used to torment my baby sister (who is now an uber power in the local community), i still do on occasion... Shudder. she has all sorts of dirt on me. I thought i was safe...i never considered that she might discover my blog and then start her own with a wealth of information that better NEVER find the light of day! Excuse me - i'm going to be very ill now....

At 5:16 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


No one in my family can dance. Do you offer a group rate?


I'll be in the poor house in no time.


You are brave. I've only posted the back of my head.


She's prettier than me too. Damn.


Well, there may be a link on the sidebar.


Lies. All lies.


I've learned that lesson. I had to make one of those, "Wait, I can explain," phone calls.


I believe that you meant Mist-ery.


I can tell that you care.


She'd better.


Is this a round trip ticket?


Sisters invented it.


I lost sleep over it.


I have a fear of public restrooms.


You'd better hope that she doesn't read your comment too.


It is not too late to adopt a sister.


Purple was my power color. It seemed so right until I saw the pictures years later.


It's been so cold, I'm reconsidering the tights too.


You don't have time. There is that new job to concentrate on.

At 5:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


People always tell me that I make them feel ill. Why is that?

At 5:33 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

I bet you can hold your own on the dance floor. Especially once the liquor takes hold.

At 5:35 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


You must have seen me in action. I don't like to brag, but not only am I way hotter when I've been drinking, but I can make falling on my face look like a new dance move. All the cool kids are doing it.

At 5:40 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

I don't want a link, I just want to see that video.

At 5:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


A Freudian slip? Or a simple mistspelling?

At 5:47 AM, Blogger honkeie2 said...

I would never encourage ppl I know that know me well to blog. It never comes to any good. I will never mention to my wife that she should blog hahaha.

At 5:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Blogging sisters can only mean trouble...LOL

At 6:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awwwwwwwww no link??? What up with dat?? Seems unfair to tempt up and then not provide the goods....on 2nd thought it does fit your M.O. doesn't it...the teasing part! Oh well **sigh** perhaps one day you will slip and share the linky-love and then all your loyal readers can go and overwhelm the heck outta your sister the new!!

My sis got me blogging....:)

At 6:27 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

I have framed my sis more than a few times. She will indeed get you back for whatever you did.

At 6:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, you're brave. I'd never let anyone in my family know that I blog or encourage them to do the same. It would end in disaster!

At 6:36 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

Be happy your family reads your blog. My family does not, lest they encourage me to blog more.

They're too involved with their 'real world' activities. (hmmmppppffffh!)

I like the privacy and anonymity that the blogging world provides while at the same time being able to be your true self.

Does this ring true at all?

Ah come on ... give us the link and your Mama's link too!

At 6:38 AM, Blogger Reba said...

My sisters would never put anything embarassing about me on their blogs. I was such a nice big sister growing up and besides I have twice and much stuff on them and it is so much better than anything they could say about me. As far as I know none of my sisters blog, so I have nothing to worry about.

At 6:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so glad I'm an only child. I have sole custody of all hideous photographs and their immolation is only a matter of time.


At 6:49 AM, Anonymous Schnozz said...

Do you publish a feed? I want to subscribe to you, but can't seem to find one, and it is seriously bumming me out.

Also, you don't have to publish this if you don't want to. Feel free to just e-mail me the answer: schnozz AT schnozzfest DOT com.


At 7:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is your sister's blog anonymous?

At 7:34 AM, Anonymous Slick said...


How can I get that video?

At 7:35 AM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

I'm absolutely floored that you were ever a teenager. I just assumed your Mom popped you out as a fully-grown, fasionista with fabulous hair.

I would hurt a kitten for a peek at your chest of teen mementos.

That's not true, but I might hurt a kitten's feelings. "Stupd cat. Why can't you ever do anything right?"

At 7:44 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

I will now spend the rest of the day scouring your archives to find hints of your sister's weaknesses.

At 8:08 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

My sister starts blogging and the whole world we see a picture of her in her wonder woman underoos on roller skates.

At 8:13 AM, Anonymous Dallas DysFUNction said...

My brother now sleeps with my Therapist too because of me. We were a screwed up family.

At 8:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sister has a blog on myspace and writes about her boyfriend that I hate so much.

He goes to karate class and poses with numchucks while my sister takes pictures. He's a cage fighter.

It is not rad.

At 8:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sisters... they give whole new meaning to word BLACKMAIL. I think you are about to find this out too!!

At 8:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep your friends close, keep your enem-, er, sisters closer.

At 9:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is nothing wrong with using Koo-AId as a hair dye. I dated a girl that used grape to dye her hair one time. Of course that was way back in high school...

At 9:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

She's left clues people, the girl's name is El. Surely we can trak down El 1 if we are dilligent! Oh yes, we shall find her (rubs hands together and laughs maniacally).

At 9:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that you are supposed to do some of those heinous things and then your sister would have a healthy fear/respect of your caprecious vileness that could attack her again someday.

At 10:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I perchance purchase that video online? ;)


At 10:33 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am thinking about having an auction for it.


My refusal to use spell check has tripped me up in each of my last three posts.


I hope that I never need to blackmail you. I will encourage your wife to blog.


Do you and your sister plan your comments to be one right after the other?


Have you had any family blog wars yet?


I will have to beat her to her revenge.


That's my fear.


Part of me wants my mom to blog. But she is funnier than I am and no one would read my blog any more.


Learn from my mistake.


My doctor did an immolation on me once. I still have the mole in a jar.


The internet works like magic to me. I subscribe to myself through Bloglines because I am vain. I do not know if I publish my feed. I do know if I am off my feed.

Thanks for coming by.


Not so much.


Begin negotiating.


Let's never talk about my mom popping me out again. Okay?


Nicotine, nicotine, and more nicotine. Unfiltered.


I just wore that outfit last weekend.


At least you are both getting help.


I don't know. He sounds pretty rad. I've always wanted to date a cage dancer...I mean, fighter.


So, what you're saying is that I will have to buy her something nice?


Sage advice.


No, I am not in high school. Yes, I look like I am. Thanks for noticing.


El 1. That's cute.


I like being called vile. No one ever says that about me.


Can you help me transfer it from VHS?

At 10:51 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

LOL, thanks for the laugh ladies. I look forward to the sisterhood.


At 10:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My new poem: (I'll read it to you on the phone later - and at Javaology tomorrow) Enjoy!


At 10:55 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

I dyed my blond hair with mercurochrome when I was 11. It turned pink. My father chopped it off. I looked like a punk little boy in drag.

Are you sure El would write about you? Maybe her blog will just be about her.

At 11:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

M1, I have a question unrelated to todays entry (apologies).

What is at the end of a roll of floss?

I am miles (of plaque? Blee!) away from my own personal nirvana (clearly).


At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

*Note to self: Don't ever encourage sibling to blog*

I think you need to take a proactive stance. Forget bribes and resort immediately to blackmail. Frighten her into submission with the stories and pictures you will post of her if she prints anything embarrassing about you.

At 11:31 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Can you hear me snapping right now?


Sometimes, I wonder why more people don't write about me.


There is a spool at the end of every roll. A spool is nothing like a spoon although the spelling is very similar.


You've done thiss before. You're too good.

At 12:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, that was my advice...just get your own shit on her and blackmail always works for me :)

At 12:11 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I may have to frame her again. She's too good.

At 12:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

awwww, aren't you just about the best sister ever!

At 12:48 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Is there some kind of award and ceremony or something for that? Because I have some new shoes that I want to wear.

At 12:48 PM, Anonymous Karmyn said...

when your mom starts blogging -that is when you really have to worry.

At 12:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have an imaginary sister. she is a midget. i am much prettier than her. and anything she tells you is automatically a lie. cause i said so. see how that works? simple! try it. her name is martharina. her hair is curly and long. she has dimples. she has no shoes at all. and no armpit hair either. i like her. never had a "real" sister. bee

At 12:59 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I'm more worried about my grandma blogging. She's got lots of time on her hands.


I think I might be your imaginary sister.

At 1:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yea, let that little know-it-all build up her own reading audience instead of trying to poach off yours. You probably gave her a pair of hand-me-down shoes once (after the heel broke, didn't they fit her much better than you?)--which is MORE than sisterly enough for the rest of your lives.

At 1:07 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I have no hand-me-down shoes. I bury them in my back yard. It's what they would have wanted.

At 1:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have three sisters, and they all have the goods on me. Sometimes I feel like they're saving up information in case I ever become wealthy enough to bribe them.

At 1:25 PM, Anonymous Yasamin's not risking it said...

i once dyed my hair with Grape-A-Saurus Rex once.

There should be a warning label on Koolaid "warning: Never washes out of hair"

At 1:26 PM, Blogger Buttercup said...

I wanted a link!!

At 1:27 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am wealthy in shoes, but we wear different sizes. Maybe I don't have anything to worry about.


That's so funny. My hair was black cherry forever.

At 1:28 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


So did my sister.

At 1:30 PM, Anonymous Kristyn said...

My youngest sister (who is barely 18) blogs. She's really quite harmless, she couldn't/wouldn't do anything to my image as a blogger that I've not already done (see photoblog).

My middle sister isn't in to that whole "computer thing" so no worries on that side. :)

At 1:34 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


You all are like the Brady's. Are there three brothers too?

At 1:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fuck them. Keep your sister in the closet. :)

BTW, nice interview. Cool.

At 2:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


My sister has been out of the closet for years.

At 2:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want the link, I want the link !!!

At 3:28 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am such a tease. The link is there. Somewhere.

At 3:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mist, I have 3 brothers. I had to learn quick or suffer noogies the rest of my life. Blackmail is key.

At 4:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this must be how justin timberlake felt when they put his beauty pageant footage on youtube. :D

At 4:45 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I have so much to learn about sibling rivalry.


This is not the first time that I have been compared to Justin. Okay, it is.

At 4:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sister will never read my blog. With all the sexual detail, I doubt she could handle it. Siblings know our deep, dark childhood secrets. Good luck!

At 5:56 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


My sister and I have enough years between us that I'm thinking maybe she won't remember my deep, dark childhood secrets.

At 6:21 PM, Blogger Babs said...

I kinda miss purple mascara. It would be best to burn my 7th grade picture. My hair was so big it filled up the whole background.

Smart move on the no link!

At 6:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Purple mascara was a mistake."

uh...yeah. let the healing begin.

my sister learned that one the hard way.

At 7:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I envy you, got an interview and I'm stuck as the "newbie"! I'm going to the next thing I'm going to say (gotchya, didn't I)!

So, a video of your sis doin' an African dance and her dress unravelling...that peaks my curiosity. =P

Ah, sibling rivalry, one of the world's many wars. Good thing my bro wants me to catch footballs instead of having the intent to peg them at me.

Praise this!

At 7:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

black cherry kool aid? That works? I gotta go to the store...

At 7:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

black cherry kool aid? That works? I gotta go to the store...

At 9:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel your sister likes to tell the stories that I do not even remember...i must have blocked them about a hint...
We all had really big hair, blue mascara and frosted pink lipstick..

At 6:45 AM, Anonymous Kristyn said...

Brothers, oh no, thankfully! I can't even imagine what it'd be like to have brothers. So, no Brady song for my family, unless you count the husbands/potential husbands, but that could be a little creepy! :P

At 9:53 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Sometimes, I wish it would come back too.


I might still have turquoise liner in my cosmetic bag. I might have worn it recently. I'm not telling.


Your brother piques my interest.


Get the kind without sugar already added. You have been cautioned.


I had these three curls in my face. I dyed them different colors as my mood saw fit. I would have to die if anyone saw the photos.


Yes, that would be creepy.

At 6:16 PM, Blogger Evil Genius said...

If my older brother ever starts a blog, I'm totally ass-up screwed. He knows ALL my secrets, and he's easily bribed.

At 7:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

purple mascara is never a mistake. How dare you. drag queens everywhere are mortally offended, as is my 13 year old self.

At 9:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is exactly what would happen to me if my sister blogged.

i don't encourage her.

good luck.

At 9:27 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I suggest that you never tell him of the joys of blogging.

h & b,

13? My mom never would have let me out of the house like that at 13. I would have had to wait until I snuck out.


I still don't feel comfortable despite your well wishes.

At 4:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I'd rather vomit all night than suggest to my brother that he start a blog. It's certainly the lesser of two evils.

At 5:45 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Vomiting all night isn't as fun as it sounds.


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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.


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