To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Rev. Dr. MLKrunk, Jr.


I never get political here, but after MLK day, I can't help it.

Monday night, I wanted to celebrate my civil rights and do that butt shake move that I've almost mastered.

The local black and white radio stations decided to put All Differences Aside and hold a Unity Night at a club. We take MLK day pretty seriously in the South. The man was born here. We know how much he liked to dance and drink and talk to hot chicks. He believed that we should all have to pay the same cover charge, no matter the color of our skin. He didn't approve of the No Sneaker/No Athletic Wear dresscode. He never pimp-slapped anyone in the club because he believed in non-violence. It was only natural that his hometown honored him with drink specials.

Because I am all for unity, I decided to put on my I Had a Wet Dream jeans and celebrate the life of a great man. My jeans were the last thing that went right for the evening.

When I arrived, it felt more like a Malcolm X day celebration. People were trying to get in the door by any means necessary. The bouncer recognized my jeans and let me in. I went straight for the bar and ordered a bi-racial Russian. My designated driver ordered a Trent Latte (equal parts espresso and milk, served separately).

The problem was that the black radio station told their listeners to show up at 7pm. The white radio station told their listeners to show up at 9pm. By the time the white people started to show up, the club was full. The club management, in a display of equality decided to begin charging a cover when all the white people showed up. It didn't go over well.

People of color inside the club felt vindicated. Finally, justice had been served. They taunted the white people outside. After hundreds of years, the winds of oppression had been reversed. It was time for reparations.

Let free clubs ring.

Mist 1


92 Comments:

At 9:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

a bi-racial russian and a trent latte!! Beautiful.

 
At 9:38 PM, Blogger Buttercup said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting! Netflix and HBO ruined me for a while too, but I still get out for movies.

That story about the club sounds a little messed up and anti-unity. That's too bad.

Sounds like your jeans were a hit...?

 
At 9:38 PM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

Ah hah--this one's only for the grown and sexy.

"I have a wet dream." Good God, woman, you should patent that.

 
At 10:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've always wanted an excuse to try to do the ba-donk-a-donk dance.

 
At 10:47 PM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

Bi-racial Russian? Okay, I'm totally done here. Complete toast. Fie on anyone who tries to make me laugh harder today.

 
At 11:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We celebrate the Queens Birthday in oz. Depending on which state you live in, the holiday changes.

Strange huh?

 
At 11:10 PM, Anonymous Bice said...

Brother Malcolm played Theo Huxtable on the The Cosby Show. True story.

 
At 11:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Probably one the MLK's biggest regrests, not pimp-slapping someone in a white hood!-- spoon

 
At 12:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

At least you got in, but then again they'd be fools to keep you out.

no mist = no party

 
At 1:35 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

"Trent Latte". I should stop blogging; I'll never write anything as friggin' brilliant as that.

*sigh*

 
At 3:05 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

And now the healing can begin...

 
At 3:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm FIRST!!! YaY! Now I don't know what to say except see my new avatar? :)

 
At 4:23 AM, Anonymous Sassy said...

Finally my people have gotten the upper hand!!! Ok, so how many black people were actually there at the 7pm time. Doesn't CP time still apply to the club? Unless it is free before 10 I guess.

 
At 4:26 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

Group bar hug all 'round! Wish I'd been there.

 
At 4:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm waiting for Groundhog day - that's something that can be celebrated without all the racial undertones... unless of course you hate groundhogs. I have never heard of groundhogs taunting humans, and humans don't normally taunt groundhogs - that eliminates all the hatred. Anyways.... If I had a point, I lost it somewhere.

 
At 5:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm, you guys definitely have a tendency to overfill your clubs - it really scared me when I was there - and they want to touch you. That just pissed me off. I'm all for equality - if men of any race grope my arse I will lamp them.

Puss

 
At 5:14 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

I like to drink a Strom Thurmond. It's a glass of cold white milk that secretly has a black baby with his maid.

 
At 5:21 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

olives,

Great drink specials.

buttercup,

At least I had the jeans, unity or not.

Thanks for coming by.

123,

I don't think I invented the wet dream. I'm just a muse.

sqt,

I need a little more practice. I have an instructional DVD.

cruiser,

I see the world in shades of grey.

phishez,

I love that idea. I wish we did that here. I could just drive to the other side of town if I needed to go to the post office.

bice,

He was so good on that show. He got really hot.

spoon,

I'm sorry, I keep getting a visual on that one. Gawd, that's funny.

nwjr,

Since you won't be blogging any more, can I move in on your blog?

fab,

Kumbabya. Hakuna Matata. Etc.

skittles,

I see skittles. Haven't you always been skittles? Is there like a hidden picture in the skittles if I stare at it really hard?

sassy,

I think that's why the radio station told everyone to be there so early. They were counting on CP time. Apparently, CP is so 2006. Punctuality is the new black.

icl,

We need a new civil rights leader. Are you thinking about applying for the job?

ryan,

I like groundhogs okay. Some of my best friends are groundhogs. I would even date one, but still...they're just so groundhoggish, ya know?

Thanks for coming by.

puss,

We love to overfill our clubs. This is the US dammit. We do everything big. Also, we like to sneak touches in the club.

 
At 5:24 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

av,

That's a manly drink.

 
At 5:36 AM, Blogger Library Mama said...

Wow, you have a cool place here. Not sure I'm cool enough to fit in. I'm afraid I've never owned I Had a Wet Dream jeans. Who knows, though? if I hang around here enough, I just may have to go shopping.

Thanks for stopping by my way. Come again soon.

 
At 5:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm glad you can find humor in it. That's the key.

 
At 5:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So that's what happened? I've heard them talking about it on the Bert Show. I was wondering why Bert was upset.

 
At 5:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

punctuality is the new black? that's funny i don't care who you are!

 
At 5:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm super-pissed. The Asian station didn't mention Unity night at all.

 
At 6:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stak said this was funny blog. Stak wrote funny-ass squirrel story. Stak know funny. Rhonda come to blog, read about MLK day. Pee on self laughing.

 
At 6:05 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

library,

Call me if you want to go shopping. It's sort of my thing. And about the coolness thing, I can't vouch for anyone else, but I'm just faking coolness. I have never been cool. Sigh.

Thanks for coming by.

wreck,

My world is a funny, funny place.

karma,

It was a trainwreck. I went home with my jeans.

bee,

I liked that one too. Thanks for noticing.

lee,

When we say unity, we don't mean everyone. Sorry.

rhonda,

I pee on myself from time to time too.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 6:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

'I have a wet dream'

You, my dear, are priceless.

 
At 6:09 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

susan,

So are the jeans.

 
At 6:13 AM, Blogger montchan said...

The bi-racial Russians in our town are offended :-)
harf harf harf....

There are quite a few in my building alone.

 
At 6:34 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

montchan,

Great, now I've alienated myself from another community.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 6:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So what time did YOU show up?

 
At 6:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jack Daniels is good on the rocks with a little Dr. Martin.

 
At 6:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My dad once explained to me that Russians weren't white. I was like, "Oh yeah, how you explain that drink you're holdin'?"

 
At 6:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am half Austrian (Prussian) and I am offended by this post.

 
At 6:51 AM, Anonymous Slick said...

Dammit, I missed all this. Or is that what I seen on 11-Alive this morning when they were showing all those shell casings littering the streets?

 
At 7:25 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

there are probably some bisexual russians that got their hopes up when they misread your post. you probably have some apologizing to do to some switch-hitterskis. Da

 
At 7:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

being multi-coloured saves a load of hassle although makes passport applications difficult (fortunately I don't fly often excpet when jumping off very high fences) FAZ p.s. pidgeon soup - salty and creamy - are you back on Monday's blog?

 
At 7:35 AM, Blogger montchan said...

Oh yes, but now you made friends with South African-American-Hong Kongese-half French Jewish pseudo-Swedes!!!

That's a reason to celebrate!!!

 
At 7:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, where is the photo of you in the jeans? I feel robbed.

I'm going to file this away for future reference - and remember to fro my hair up into it's natural state if I go clubbing on MLK day.

But I gotta know...what kind of SHOES were you wearing?

 
At 7:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Scuse me, but can we dance with your dates?"

 
At 7:55 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

Ha! Ha!

I'm so excited because now I know where you live!!!

You just wait Mist... I'm going to figure you out yet. Now, back to debrief the posse.

 
At 7:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lmao! I don't know how you come up with this stuff, but I'm glad you do.

 
At 8:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

nwjr has a point Mist, you keep this up and you're gonna give us all inferiority complexes.

funny is so sexxy.

p.s. - i've NEVER gotten into a club for free. How unequal is that?

 
At 8:38 AM, Blogger fringes said...

Where I come from, if the black radio station said 7pm, and the white station said 9pm, the club would be full by the time the black people started getting there at 11pm. Things sure are different where you are.

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

matt,

I like Dr. Pepper. It's okay with Jack. I arrived fashionably almost on time.

nolff,

Please accept my deepest apologies. I have nothing against the Prussians, except that they're so easy to offend.

slick,

Did you see me behind the cops in riot gear? I was the one shouting non-specific racial slurs.

furious,

Every time I turn around, I'm pissing off a group that I didn't even know existed.

faz,

My dad is a calico. My mom is a tabby. I'm a tabico.

montchan,

Yes, but I can't comment on your blog. I am pretty sure that this is some kind of discrimination.

tigger,

I almost wore black and white shoes, but I thought that would be to predictable.

poly,

My dates don't dance. They're too cool. They just stand there and nod their heads. Does that sound like they have multiple heads?

britt,

Perhaps this was all a clever hoax to throw you off my trail.

miztris,

Sometimes, the truth is just too much to believe.

kiyotoe,

It's called the suffrage movement. Maybe you've heard of it. Women deserve to get in for free.

fringes,

Everything is different where you are, sugar. That's why it's the Lone Star State.

 
At 8:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where can I get a pair of these Wet Dream jeans? Or are they custom-made exclusively for you? Damn.

 
At 8:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have all the fun. My jeans are all hand-me-downs from my daughter, and I'm afraid all the wet dreams are dried up by the time I get them. **sigh** Sad, a little sick, but true.

 
At 9:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Touching. Riveting. Inspiring.

You touched all bases.

Okay...not really. ;)

Steve~

 
At 9:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Touching. Inspiring. Reavealing. Amazing.

You've touched all bases with this one.

Okay...

I'm lying. ;)

Steve~

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Wow! Mist, we count on you to give us the real skinny (of any color) on events. And you never disappoint.

I used to own a pair of I Had a Wet Dream jeans. But I was banned from wearing them in pubic.

 
At 9:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How I enjoy coming here for the silliness.

Thanks for the belly laugh today. Extremely funny and extremely well crafted.

Be wary, though, of the effect you have on dirty old men with vivid imaginations. A friend who I told about your blog is now quite entranced.

 
At 9:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

lizza,

The secret to the jeans is to make sure that you are the only adult in the store. If you are surrounded by teenaged girls, you are in the right place. Then, select a pair of jeans in your size. Put them back on the rack and go two sizes smaller. If you can get your hands in the pockets, they are too big. Make sure that your sexy panties are sticking out of the back for all to see. Better yet, pick up a can of spray paint in "denim" and paint them on.

tug,

It's time for us to go shopping. Come, don't be afraid.

steven,

So, can I count on you to join the movement?

 
At 9:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

hearts,

I can't wear my jeans around children. Which poses a problem because then I am just pantsless and my PO says that if I am caught pantsless around children again the judge won't be as forgiving.

 
At 9:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

King said something about the arc of morality being very long, but ultimately it points towards justice. He said this in a speech at a Jewish Temple, yarmulke on head. He should have said it on the dance floor, a bottle of Cristal in hand.

 
At 10:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If I remember correctly, MLK, Jr Day and Confederate War Heroes Day are on the same day in Texas.

Now there's some unity for you!

 
At 10:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bi-racial Russian? Trent Latte? I guess you'll have to reconsider your Pinot Noir now too.

 
At 10:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bi-racial Russian? Trent Latte? I guess you'll have to reconsider your Pinot Noir now too.

 
At 11:07 AM, Blogger fringes said...

I love it when you call me sugar.

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mystic,

Silliness? What silliness? I am on a political bender. Raise your fist with me. Doesn't it feel good? Don't you feel empowered? Do you wanna go out dancing tonight? Does your friend?

jocelyn,

I am pretty sure that he drank Moet.

willie,

I wanna party in TX next year.

trish,

I am such a bigot. I had no idea how intolerant I have been.

 
At 11:16 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

fringes,

Well, now you've gone and made it dirty.

 
At 12:50 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

Trent Latte, wtf?!

 
At 1:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Uh, I'm sorry did I miss something? Who is MLK? A new rapper?

 
At 1:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wasn’t able to confirm that MLK day coincides with “Confederate War Hero’s Day” in Texas. However, it appears that on MLK day in the year 1520, Sten Sture the Younger, who was the regent of Sweden, was mortally wounded in the battle of Bogesund. Also, neon lights were patented on that day.

 
At 2:05 PM, Anonymous swampwitch said...

A Trent Latte? Too funny. "Let free clubs ring !" "Let glee clubs sing." What?
I've been working so long on my ABC MeMe, I don't know which end is up...but it will post tomorrow and I hope all the ABC's are represented.

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

orhan,

You should try one Seriously. To die for.

lux,

Yes, MLK is a rapper. He wears lots and lots of bling.

slag,

See, the Swedes, MLK, neon...I smell scandal and an international coverup.

swamp,

I can say my ABCs backwards. But, only when I'm drunk.

 
At 2:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

girl. you have me snotting all over this damn keyboard. you are at mess.

 
At 2:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you rock.

thanks for your comment :-)

 
At 2:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you rock my socks



thanks for visiting :-)

 
At 2:46 PM, Blogger Babs said...

I need to wear some jeans when dreaming. That is where I went wrong!

 
At 3:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

phew...glad they gave black people an extra couple of hours because we all know about bt. So, let me guess, they all showed up say, 8:45ish?

Hilarious!!!! this is one of my favorite post by you so far!!!

 
At 3:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did the club also celebrate $9 beer night?

 
At 4:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hehehe. next time i'm in the south on mlk day, i'll plan to attend the party! sounds like too much fun!

 
At 4:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting way to celebrate the holiday. Too bad these things always go to shit.

I loved the I Had a Wet Dream jeans. Fucking priceless! :)

 
At 4:39 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

k,

You don't have that new hp snotgaurd? You might want to look into that.

cucu,

I rarely wear socks.

babs,

I try not to fall asleep in my jeans. I don't want to cut off circulation and lose a limb.

rach,

I thought it was CP time not BT. Damn. I get left out of the loop on everything.

brian,

$9 beer night is nothing to celebrate. That is a tragedy.

Thanks for coming by.

 
At 4:42 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

kris,

We know how to honor people down here.

chris,

I love those jeans too. I wish I had bought two pair.

 
At 8:09 PM, Anonymous archie said...

I know I'm late, but you had better lock up the "I Had a Wet Dream jeans" comment - I can see myself using it (from a totally male hetero PoV) some time soon - - -
In fact I see a pair sashaying towards me right now - gotta go - - -

 
At 8:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

But were there any party hats? I don't think it's much of a birthday party without hats. Or maybe I've been around kids too long.

 
At 8:29 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

archie,

I'll be implementing a pay-per-use fee for that phrase.

dorky,

There was a clown in white face. That didn't go over well either.

 
At 9:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

. It was only natural that his hometown honored him with drink specials. BWAH!!!

the man just rolled over in his grave and asked for another. good lord.

 
At 9:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1
Sheer brilliance

 
At 9:28 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

yasamin,

I'd buy him a drink.

0,

I do what I can. I'm back to blogging about smut again. I've had enough of politics.

 
At 6:07 AM, Blogger montchan said...

That Sweden was mentioned 3 times in comments about MLK and wet dream jeans, must be some kind of a sign.

or conspiracy.

now let me go back to sipping my sauvignon blanc.

 
At 6:08 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

montchan,

I plan on briefing the press later today.

 
At 12:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mist, I have a couple of neighbors who look like they could use a racial sensitivity course. To this end I have enlisted the help of my husband (so white he causes snow blindness) and my next door neighbor (who likes to be called Mr. Chocolate Man, but only after the kids are in bed)(and no, I'm not joking).

We aren't going to perform anything profound or earth shattering during our educational exercise. Mostly we just wanted to get the offending parties drunk and then take pictures of them with blow-up dolls.

To this end, could you share the recipes for the bi-racial Russian and Trent Latte? I promise it's for the betterment of mankind.

 
At 7:18 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

qofd,

I sort of want to come over. After the kids go to bed, of course.

 
At 8:05 PM, Blogger Crack La Rock said...

Let Free Clubs Ring sounds a WHOLE lot like the "OH THE HUGE MANATEE!!" thing I did with the Zepplin crashing and burning in New Jersey. Ment to be I tell's ya's...ment to be, you are F*uckin hilarious.

 
At 8:48 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

crack,

I know a manatee. She's lovely.

 
At 6:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd love to believe that this is a joke. It sounds true, though...

 
At 9:39 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

crank,

I wish that this was a joke too.

 
At 5:55 AM, Blogger honkeie2 said...

no matter what...whiteny must pay! muahahahahahaha!

 
At 10:39 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

honk,

Hasn't Whitney Houston paid enough?

 
At 4:05 AM, Anonymous Emilia said...

People should read this.

 

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Name: Mist1
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