To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Black History Month

Ever since Vicki married the jet and the man who came with it, I rarely see her. So, when I get a call from her telling me to be at the little airport where all the private jets land, I show up. I never know what I am in for.

I love the little private airport. It's much better than the busiest airport in the world on the other side of town. I got their before Vicki landed and had time for a few drinks. After that, I needed a cigarette. I asked the woman at the desk if I could leave my suitcase with her while I stepped out to smoke. She agreed. As I was smoking, I realized that I had just left my luggage unattended with a stranger. I am pretty sure that the FAA would not approve.

When I finally boarded, I asked Vicki where we were going. I always hope that we will end up in Turks and Caicos. My suitcase was packed with dental floss and thongs (technically, I know that I could use one for both purposes), but usually, we end up someplace far less exciting. Still, I am always hopeful. This time, we landed in Aiken, South Carolina.

I demanded that our driver stop at a little stand on the side of the road so that I could have deep fried peanuts. I believe that I have now had peanuts in every form available. I would like my tombstone to read something along the lines of: "Here lies Mist 1; she enjoyed nuts and shoes," or "Never met a nut she didn't like," or "Sometimes, she felt like a hot nut." I haven't decided yet. I still have some time to consider it. The deep fried peanuts were crispy and salty and blistering hot. I am still shedding the skin from the roof of my mouth. Although, I have a fear of frying, I will eat almost anything fried. I have eaten fried pickles, a fried candy bar, and once, I think I ate a fried phone book on a stick at a county fair.

We stayed in a lovely Southern (read: antebellum) inn. The only other people with any melanin there were slaves. I looked around nervously and hoped that the staff would think that I just had a really, really good streak-free tan. I wondered if they were aware that slavery ended a long time ago.

We enjoyed cocktails around the fireplace in the lounge. I smiled apologetically when the other guests in the lounge asked the bartender to tap dance. He was a really good tap dancer. I even told him so. I said, "Boy, you are a really good tap dancer." Then, I had to stumble over my words and tell him that I wasn't calling him Boy, but rather I meant...well, never mind. He understood and even brought me a cocktail on the house. I think he called it a spit and tonic. It was pretty good. Frothy, but good.

In the morning, as my servant cinched my corset, I considered telling her about a little thing called the Emancipation Proclamation. I decided to keep my comments to myself because, 1.) I am growing up, and 2.) I needed help with the corset.

Mist 1


At 8:09 PM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

funny my daughter is in aiken this week too. maybe you know her. she travels with a german shepard. my granddog. you must have seen her. you both like shoes and all...

smiles, bee

At 8:17 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

So, do you prefer your nuts fried, to any other way you've had them? I've never had them that way before, but now I'm intrigued.

At 8:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had boiled peanuts once but didn't like them all that much, too rubbery.

You have a friend with a jet?

At 8:39 PM, Blogger STAK said...'re in town to visit me..........Aiken is 30 minutes away from me......wanna dine on fried chicken and Boone's Farm at my trailer? bring the chicken and Boone's Farm......otherwise, dinner is mac and cheese and mouthwash..........but i will serve the mouthwash in my custom made crystal mason jars......

At 8:39 PM, Blogger Tug said...

But have you tried deep fried Coke? The soda, not the white shit. I've heard it's all the rage at county fairs......

At 9:07 PM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

Good thing you're not pregnant. You might have gone into labor at the inn, only to have Slave Prissy put a knife under the bed to cut the pain in two, before squealing, "I don't know nuthin' 'bout birthin' no babies."

You got off easy. Flirt with the Tarleton Twins for me.

At 9:19 PM, Blogger Library Mama said...

Boy, this was a funny post!

Oh, I know you're not a boy - or even a man - or... oh forget it. You know what I mean.

At 9:44 PM, Blogger Lizza said...

Scarlett, is that you?

Add "she loved to floss" on your tombstone to make it complete.

At 11:26 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

"Scarlet harlot" was the punchline of a joke I once heard. I can't remember the joke, though.

At 1:11 AM, Blogger frannie said...

I, too, love the little airport. a charity event I host was held at one of the hangers there last year-- really cool.

also, our big rock has a restaurant that sells deep fried pickles! pure heaven!!!

At 2:25 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I have been in Aiken, SC.

That's all.

At 3:25 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

Holy crap, Mist1. You were in my hometown... or rather, where my parental unit still lives. If only I'd have known, you could have touched a genuine, real, live horse at the farm. Mom would have understood the shoe thing, and would have made you pie. Probably better than the spit-tini.

At 3:39 AM, Anonymous archie said...

One of the things I approve of with the Bush/Neo-con Administration is that they are equal opportunity slavers. Black, White, Brown; Male Female, Other; everyone is a slave. Unless you hsve several tens on millions in the bank! I no longer feel alone - - -

At 4:00 AM, Blogger fringes said...

Spit and tonic. Ha.

At 4:18 AM, Blogger crowwoman / rhian said...

Mist - you are so totally wacked! Too bad you missed Stak's awards hogging on Saturday night - you were so CLOSE, like 20 minutes away. I coulda bought you a double spit and tonic.

At 4:51 AM, Blogger Lee said...

I had an algebra teacher who always yelled, "Boy! And that's boy with a small "b"."

I couldn't help it I didn't have boobies back then.

Very mean.

At 4:59 AM, Blogger Ranger Tom said...

I always like to get my nut off once a day...

At 5:07 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I did meet a man with a collie who stuck his nose in my crotch. The man, not the collie.


Each fried nut is an entire day's worth of calories. I think I prefer my nuts leaner.


She didn't always have a jet. I like her more now.


Actually, I did think of you. Augusta, right?


I've never cooked my coke.


Crap. That made me laugh.


There was nothing that I could say to fix the situation.


I have eyeballing my curtains lately. I have the perfect shoes to go with them.


I wish you could have remembered the joke.


I want to attend an event in a hanger. Those aren't wire hangers, right? No wire hangers.


We have so much in common. Except for our shoe size.


I am saving the horse story for tomorrow's post.


I say we should revolt.


Really, it wasn't bad.


Why did I not know about the awards ?


I still don't have boobies.

At 5:09 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Deep fried?

At 5:10 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

I thought "Boy, you are a really good tap dancer." was code for "I bet you have a really big dick". That's why he brought you the frothy cocktail.

Having trouble commenting this morning. I hope you don't get this twice.

But then again, it bears repeating.

At 5:38 AM, Blogger Matt said...

If someone gave me a slave, I'd like to think I'd do the right thing but sometimes I don't know. I need someone to watch my parking space when I'm at work.

At 5:39 AM, Blogger choochoo said...

Why not just go with all three? I mean, there's no point in limiting yourself, you know.

At 5:40 AM, Blogger Ranger Tom said...

No, but it is hot...

At 6:02 AM, Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

Aiken, SC is severly over-rated.

At 6:11 AM, Anonymous Slick said...

I'm thinking it's a good thing you don't speak in our public schools...

And by the word verification is nutozej. How's that for an omen??

At 6:46 AM, Anonymous swamp said...

Are thongs and floss TWO different things? I also like fried nuts, but out here we call them Rocky Mountain good crispy, flat, dipped in cocktail sauce with a frothy drink.

At 6:47 AM, Anonymous swamp said...

Are thongs and floss TWO different things? I also like fried nuts, but out here we call them Rocky Mountain good crispy, flat, dipped in cocktail sauce with a frothy drink.
If this comment appears twice, I apologize.

At 6:48 AM, Anonymous swamp said...

I can tell, it's going to be one of THOSE of THOSE days.

At 6:51 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Sheesh, a girl mentions that she likes nuts and all of a sudden everyone thinks that tap dancing is a code word.


You don't need a slave to watch your car. You need a crackhead.


Are you in the tombstone sales business?


Stop it. People will say we're in lust.


Still, they offer some damn fine cocktails.


I can't even get near a public school since the court case.


I think I feel a little ill.

At 7:03 AM, Anonymous archie said...

Mist 1, I am already revolting - - -

At 7:05 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

People from Aiken are emo and cause global warming

At 7:08 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Fried dill pickles are the Bomb! And I love me some boiled nuts....all hot an steamy....mmmm nothing like the south....which is why we need to corsets

At 7:22 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Aunt Tom?

At 7:37 AM, Blogger Dagromm said...

I guess lots of people have been in Clay Aiken.

Let love rule,

At 7:39 AM, Anonymous Kristyn said...

Hmm... Fried nuts, now that sounds good! I, too, love fried foods, I think it's a strange side effect of living in the south.

At 7:40 AM, Blogger Edgy Mama said...

In South Kakalacky (as us N.C.ers call it) you're supposed to drop the fried peanuts in your Coke. The Coke acid partially dissolves the nuts and makes the drink salty, sweet, nutty, and fizzy all at the same time!

At 7:44 AM, Blogger Roadchick said..., salty nuts.

You're that girl in the eHarmony commercial, aren't you? The one that lists out all the nuts she likes and ends it with....cashews, anything in a trail mix.

She was drinking wine in the commerical...

At 8:22 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

Would it be distasteful and insensitive of me to ask if there was anyone around to make you a GAWgeous dress out of the drapes?

Or... the number for reservations?

At 8:23 AM, Blogger Ranger Tom said...

And you say that like there's a problem with lust...

At 9:00 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

my favorite south carolina story comes from me driving my Great Pyrennes, Juliette home with me to New Jersey during the holidays. I stopped at a gas station and filled up the tank and then took Julie out of the back of my Ford Explorer for a potty break. I went inside to pay and the attendant asked me if that was a polar bear...she wasn't kidding.

I told her it was and I was driving a special Ford Explorer designed for transporting leash trained polar bears.

At 9:29 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Let's work on positive affirmations. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are good enough, smart enough and gosh darnit, people like you.


But they can sure fry up a good peanut.


I kept fainting all day, but the salty nuts woke me right up.


I do not live in a cabin.


I was standing in line behind him at the nut stand.


My jeans are a little tighter today. I am blaming the fried peanuts and the South.


You're crapping me, right?


You mean someone is stealing my bit? I'll sue the crap out of those eharmony people.


The drapes at the inn weren't my colors. No, I didn't say coloreds, I said colors.


I have no problem with lust. I only have emotional attachments to shoes.


I thought Juliette was your girlfriend. I had to re-read your comment.

At 9:59 AM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

I miss you. I am slowly getting back to life. Drama to tell. Ping me when you see me online. Hugs.

At 10:13 AM, Blogger Natalia said...

I just don't like excessively hairy nuts. Oh...wait...maybe I got this wrong. Oops.


At 10:19 AM, Blogger Paula D. said...

First time stopping by. You are too funny!

At 10:22 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Personally, as long as my nuts are clean and disease-free, I'm down with them. So to speak.

At 10:27 AM, Blogger Killer said...

Your tombstone should read,
"She always had new shoes on her feet and new nuts in her hands"

At 10:33 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

I like nuts too... the more the merrier...

At 10:36 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

deep fried nuts? lol...they'll deep fry anything; won't they? sheesh....ridiculous.

I want some.

At 10:46 AM, Blogger Steven Novak said...

How about, "sometiems she felt hot nuts."

No? ;)


At 11:12 AM, Blogger Kris Bartels said...

- have you ever had deep fat fried oreos?

As per wanting to see the you dont....if you've ever seen Lord of the rings...think The Mouth of Sauron...or an orc...*shudder*

At 11:24 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I was re-reading text messages from you wistfully a few moments ago...those were the days.


They sold those on the side of the road too.


Stick around. I've got more.

Thanks for coming by.


I am down with nuts too.


That is so true about me.


And that is why I like you.


I have some leftover. You just can't eat a whole bag.


I am keeping a list of suggestions. Maybe I should have a contest. But, that's a little morbid.


I have had chocolate covered Oreos. You mean to tell me that they fry them?

At 12:18 PM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

In Scotland (heart disease capital of Europe) they will deep-fry anything for you; pizza, Mars bars, toy poodles...


At 1:16 PM, Blogger NWJR said...

Salty nuts are tasty, eh?

At 1:26 PM, Blogger Fairmaiden327 said...

aw come on mist1 -- this damn move almost had me committed. i seriously almost had a breakdown.

At 2:29 PM, Anonymous Alison said...

I never know what to say to you because I am always laughing at what you write.

At 2:33 PM, Blogger SQT said...

See, here in Californa we don't have any of that cool deep fried stuff. I doubt I could get my alfalfa sprouts fried if I wanted to. Damn health nuts.

At 2:44 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Is the poodle shaved first?


Don't act like you've never had salted nuts.


If you get committed, call me. Let's try to synchronize our trips.


Just give me that blank eyed stare that most people give me. Then, complement me on my shoes.


I would eat deep fried alfalfa sprouts.

At 4:07 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

You probably wrote something after deep fried peanuts, but I was drooling too much to comprehend it. I'll try to read it again...

At 4:09 PM, Blogger Blitz Krieg said...

I tried to floss with my wife's thong once...still picking out hair.

At 4:56 PM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...


At 5:26 PM, Blogger Steph said...

I prefer my nuts warm to the touch and my spit and tonic light on the spit.

At 5:48 PM, Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I wonder if he was also a good lap dancer.

At 5:49 PM, Blogger Sornie said...

The combination of dental floss and thongs made my mind arrive at the same conclusion: the two are often interchangeable.

At 6:26 PM, Blogger Tiggerlane said...

For heaven's sake, please detail the experience if you end up birthin' some babies...

At 8:02 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I could go for some deep fried peanuts right now too.


Get that woman a waxing for Valentine's Day.


That's what he said.


I prefer my spit and tonics spitty.


Did I say tap? I meant lap.


Exactly my point.

Thanks for coming by.


I think that's what those pills I take are for.

At 8:22 PM, Anonymous Karmyn said...

The scary thing is that there are some places in the Deep South that truly do still live in the "old ways"

At 7:01 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I'm a AAA member. I always ask to avoid those places when I travel.

At 7:21 AM, Blogger tallulah said...

Good thing you have a "fear of frying" rather than a "fear of flying" or it would have been a dull weekend.

At 8:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I don't have dull weekends. I am dull for a few days after my weekends to make up for it.

At 8:35 AM, Blogger That's one clever little bitch! said...

I'm pretty sure I left you a comment on this blog yesterday. But I don't see it so maybe not... so i'm taking a risk and leaving another one. Please excuse me if you end up with 2 similar comments.

Now back to what I was saying- aw damn I can't remember what I said yesterday.

At 10:37 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Don't feel badly, I can't remember what I had for lunch.

At 12:29 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

Mmmmm...deep fried pickles...

Maybe, "She liked her nuts salty?"

At 12:51 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I like them sweet and salty. I also like them spicy.

At 1:19 PM, Blogger thepinkangel said...

I need friends that have private jets.

At 4:23 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Funny post! I lived in Aiken for a few months and my mom still lives there.


At 4:42 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


We all need friends with jets. And hot brothers.


Does she work with horses? I might have met her.

At 6:15 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Not unless you're autistic or were there for the carriage races. She did some volunteer work with a horse program for autistic children and helped with the Driving Club events. I think she was sorting books this past weekend.

This is funny... did you get your your picture taken at the corner of Whiskey Road and Easy Street? I think that everybody does. ;)


At 6:41 PM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

Now you know how I feel when I go to a Mexican restaurant.....

At 6:49 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


My sister works with Autistic kids. We get along really, really well.


There are no Mexicans in Aiken.

At 9:23 AM, Blogger PaintingChef said...

Oh you were just down the street from me!

At 9:54 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Why didn't you say hello? I was the one with the big hair looking kind of green in front of plate of oysters.


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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

Yes, it is about me. Thanks for noticing.


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