Vanity
In an unprecedented display of vanity, I have spent the last 24 hours taking pictures of myself. After reviewing the pictures, I am starting to think that perhaps I am not as good looking as I had previously thought. Now I know why people stare at me in public, they are blinded by the glare coming from my forehead. Maybe they think that I am an angel and it is my halo. That makes me feel a little better. I also feel relieved at the discovery that my eyes are crossed. It explains why I am such a bad driver.I have been asked to write a bio and submit a head shot for a publication. Writing the bio has proven to be too difficult. I am not good at writing about myself in third person. So far, I have:
Mist 1 was raised by wolves and now resides in the Dirty South with her cat and guinea pig. She enjoys flossing her teeth and has one of the largest shoe collections of the Southeast. Despite her many latent talents, she has not yet acquired a hobby. Mist prefers drinking red wine to water, but will also drink rubbing alcohol if the weather is too cold for her to leave her charming, yet messy town home.
No matter what I write, it sounds like I'm placing a personal ad. I have decided to set this aside for a bit thinking that I should focus my energy on the photo. I have taken photos with my hair down, pinned up, and worst yet, twisted up with a few curls left casually framing my face.
Because I don't know how to use the timer on my camera, I have to hold the camera very close to my face to avoid the MySpace-like picture of my outstretched arm.
Yesterday, I finished my bio and checked it for misspellings. Satisfied, I sent it off with a photo. I should have checked the photo before sending it. To my horror, I later realized that there was a lovely booger in my nose.
I hope they Photoshop me like a celebrity.
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 8:04 PM
72 Comments:
Taking self-portaits is really hard. There's more than one reason that my profile photo isn't a face shot. ;)
Maybe the the photo editor is a guy and you can work your Mist magic on him. He'll have it taken care of in a jiffy.
-velvet
Boogers are hot. So are you.
I don't know if these kids know how lucky they are to get a glimpse of the uber mysterious Mist1. You should get a prize or something--maybe a mug or a waffle weave robe.
Yeah. I'm still caught up on that. Waffle weave. Waffle weave. Waffle weave.
Have a bottle of vodka before looking at your published photo - you'll look great.
lol I swear I thought curious, I thought your screen name was curiouskittykiller. As for you mist I could lie and say the booger thing aint all that bad, but then I would be lying to you and saying it isn't all that bad.
BD
First of all, good for you on the publication. Second..I understand. Just my innocent little blog bio was almost enough to turn me into a cutter. And photography- forget it. But I love your bio- its very funny and witty.
I have not mastered the talent of taking a photo of myself. That said-- maybe it's a good thing, that way you have someone else to spot the boogers.
I don't exactly condone lying, but I don't think it would hurt if you mentioned in your bio how hard you have worked to prevent the duckbill platypuses from taking over the world.
At least it was a lovely booger and not a gross one.
Next time...if you have doubts about the photo, send in a stick figure drawing as your self-portrait. You can always use crayons to add the booger. It's those unique, individual touches that make us stand out.... grin.
You should have sent a picture in of your feet in fabulous shoes and told them that's as good as it gets! Or, you could have been creative with the interpretation of "head shot". Just sayin'.
hahah that's brilliant
I had to submit a "head shot" once. I totally misunderstood their request.
Needless to say, I'm not getting published in that periodical any time soon. Freaking 700 Club Magazine editors...
nwjr, wow. that's all i can say. lol.
but mist, congratulations on your decision! and boogers are actually fitting for your bio, so they know exactly what they are going to get.
So what's getting published? We need to know. You always give just pieces of the information. Full disclosure SVP.
velvet,
Must I slut myself out for everything?
123,
I am going to email you a picture of me in a waffle weave robe. Yes, I took a few. Pictures, not robes.
curiosity,
I will also be able to dance really, really well.
donk,
I don't mind when people lie to me. Especially, if it's to preserve my delicate ego.
jacquie,
Maybe I should just cut and forget the pain of the photo. Good idea.
Thanks for coming by.
sqt,
I don't trust anyone to tell me when I have something in my nose. I am surrounded by haters who want to see me look foolish.
sebastien,
I thought about including that, but I didn't want to brag. I really did help the platypus.
babs,
It was a good color for me.
fab,
Dammit. Why are you telling me this now?
crow,
I sort of look like a stick figure already.
wg,
I did think about sending in a picture of my feet. Seriously.
pinky,
If you think that's brilliant, stick around.
Thanks for coming by.
nwjr,
They are so uptight.
k,
Are you saying that I'm snotty?
icl,
I am publishing a blogging manifesto. Next project will be the written transcripts of my therapy sessions.
I wouldn't worry about the bio sounding like a personal ad, that could really work for you. Anyway, it's a lot more entertaining and self-effacing than the ones I have to edit. Trust me.
Puss
I should think you'd have enough fans to find a couple or three ghost writers to run that profile for you. Self portraits? I somehow always get the angle with my chin up and the top of my face fading away towards the horizon point. Good to hide that bald spot, bad for the cone head look.
and here I thought youd put the pics up for us to see
I think you should get really drunk and then take a picture... that would be funny.
I only take nude self-portraits.
I'm much more attractive in my mind than in photos. That's why I try to karate chop anyone near me with a camera. Must preserve the illusion.
The booger will only show how perfect you are to let your inperfections shine through.
...it's the best I can do this early in the morning.
I am very happy to write a personal biog on your behalf but will not vouch for its authenticity. Let me know if you want me to progress said biog. FAZ
bats in the cave humanize a person...
I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but I'll bet your booger is prettier than anything Paris Hilton. You go on with your bad self, snot girl!
me and my merry band of weird music making morons were trying to take pictures of ourselves to make the most perfect ever cam-girl head tilt pose. here's the winner.
Yeah, you don't want to end up looking like E.T.
I'm sure your booger infested nose only adds character
If you were raised by wolves, does that mean you never played miniature golf as a family?I
your bio and pic would of course have to be forged in order for you to be comfy with it.
not many know your real identify.
(ps. just because you're JK Rowling doesn't mean you have to release the new HP book so effing far away from now... I mean sheesh July 21st?)
Here at work when someone has a booger in full view we say, "Is it true you have a piano in your kitchen?"
Bat in the Cave! Better than a honking pissed off zit at the end of yer nose. :)
Guys are good at self portraits. We just unzip and shoot.
I am MASTER of the MySpace-like outstretched arm pose! check my post for today for an example! lol
Learn to use the self-timer. Learn to use Photoshop. Take control of your own publicity. Haven't I taught you anything?
I just find a cute chick on the street & take her picture & call it me. Works every time.
puss,
I hope I get a few dates out of it.
michael,
I should have asked you if I could use your photo.
junkie,
Um, no.
frannie,
I do that all the time.
av,
Sometimes, I do too.
lee,
We all look better in our minds. Also, I look great drunk.
susan,
My boogers will make me more approachable? Good.
faz,
Make me sound cool. I've always wanted to be cool.
cheeky,
I'm just an ordinary person. The booger has humbled me.
ctw,
I think it makes my nostril look fat.
furious,
I want a band of merry morons.
matt,
I do look a little like E.T. It's my long neck and oddly misshapen head.
slick,
I've got enough character. I need tissues.
neil,
I'm short. I still play miniature golf.
mayren,
I'll tell you who dies in the new book if you promise not to tell anyone.
blitz,
I hope you don't have to kill me now that I know the code.
scotts,
Is it better than a zit? Zits make me look younger.
dallas,
I feel like I'm missing out on the joys of manhood.
miztris,
I do have sexy arms. Maybe I should have just taken a picture of my arm.
fringes,
I need people to help me. I am not the brains of this show.
tug,
Are you insinuating that I'm not cute?
Did I miss a press release detailing when and where a picture of the infamous Mist was going to be made public?
WTF?
Stalkers get no respect anymore.
But I thought you had fins? Koi don't usually have boogers...
I'm sure they will make you look gorgeous, hon. No worries.
Are we going to find out what is being published?
i think it will be great. you rock! `
I'm just as curious as Karmyn: what are the bio and photo for? Do tell!
britt,
You were distracted by Prince.
trish,
Fish boogers are the grossest.
karmyn,
I'm being published in the sex offender registry.
cucu,
The booger does look a little like a rock.
geni,
I never disclose anything that personal. Surely, you've noticed that by now.
You totally should have added something like, "When Mist1 is searching in her messy house for kleenex and doesn't find htem, she says 'who give a fuck' and just leaves it there for all to see." Then the caption to the photo could have been, "See?"
A blogging manifesto?
First my computer, and then the world! BWAH HAH HAH HAHHHH (Now, where's that damn Any Key?)
I guess in response to the bio question you could have sent them a copy of someone else's, say Jonas Salk or something. And when they asked said..
"Oh, that's ok, I'm just like him, only, you know.. not dead."
For me, really ugly guys look great when I'm drunk. Mornings are rough.
You know for being an everyday reader you would think I would remember that this "get hobby" thing is on your to do list.
Since the drinking, flossing and shoe collecting are done so religiously they must be considered lifestyle choices rather than hobbies.
I will ponder on what I think will make a good hobby for you I promise.
This comment has been removed by the author.
I don't know. It could be a zit. Somehow a booger is less...permanent (yes, I realize it has been immortalized in a photo now).
inner beauty honey, you should have taken the photo in the stirrups....
smiles, bee
Did you really spend 24 straight hours taking pictures of yourself? I bet you could have saved a bunch of time if you had just requested a copy of your last mugshot.
Just a thought.
Meg
saf,
I swear, I don't always have a snotty nose.
willie,
I knew that I should have reached out for advice before I started writing the damn thing...and taking photos.
lee,
That's why I sneak out before morning.
wave,
I have always wanted to have a "lifestyle." Thank you for pointing that out.
alison,
Sigh. Perma-booger.
bee,
I'm ugly on the inside.
meg,
My hair is blond in my last mugshot. I am no longer blond.
Maybe you can bring boogie-back, sorta like Justin Timberlake.
We should compare sometime. And by compare, I mean you send me yours. I already know all your secrets!
You're being published! Yayyyy!! Please provide details.
I always look ugly in photos, and avoid being on the wrong side of a camera whenever possible. I am playing with the idea that I am not really ugly at all, I am just not my type.
"head shot" means something totally different to me..........as in "one shot,one kill"........
:-) I love writing third person biogs of myself! I have a couple of 'author biog' drafts saved on my pc, just for the hell of it.
cruiser,
I'm Snorting Boogers Back will be the name of the hit single.
av,
I don't want to intimidate you.
hearts,
I am totally my type.
stak,
What does Glamor Shot mean to you?
ghost,
Mist thinks that you should have forwarded a draft to her when she was struggling with the task.
I'm sure it wasn't that bad, I mean you know boggers really are just particals that your nose filters, that's right just tell them that you are a great filter...
That's at least what I say when I have gas, it's not me that smells it is the bacteria in my stomach...maybe it's not so good to know these things...
tellin',
My nose hairs deserve a day off. They work so hard.
Photos of yourself (or at least myself) are always bad. I hate seeing pictures of me because it always ruins my fantasy self-image of looking like Jennifer Lopez or Angelina Jolie or one of the Victoria's Secret models. Alas no, just a funny looking white girl. (sigh)
P.S. Boogers always make photos more interesting.
clever,
Apparently, I am very interesting...looking.
Hey...just checking in. Not blogging much but wanted to say Hey. "Hey"
RULE 1: Never take photos of yourself.
RULE 2: Never judge yourself from photos. (See rule one).
swamp,
Checking in implies that we are in a relationship. Do we have plans for Valentine's? If so, I'd like shoes.
nick,
I don't do rules.
Photoshopped like a celebrity means: ultra-thin with booger in nose.
Maybe viewers of the photo will mistake it for a beauty mark, really, really close to your nostril.
You should at least consider it a positive that the booger didn't IMPROVE the picture.
Will we get to find out what the publication is? I have always thought I would submit a photo of Johnny Bravo (not the Greg Brady version)if I ever have to send someone a photo of me...it keeps the mystery alive.
jocelyn,
Yes, a green beauty mark.
dorky,
My booger did look good.
michael,
You mean, that's not you in your picture?
evil,
Yes, green dirt. You're right.
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