To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Vanity


In an unprecedented display of vanity, I have spent the last 24 hours taking pictures of myself. After reviewing the pictures, I am starting to think that perhaps I am not as good looking as I had previously thought. Now I know why people stare at me in public, they are blinded by the glare coming from my forehead. Maybe they think that I am an angel and it is my halo. That makes me feel a little better. I also feel relieved at the discovery that my eyes are crossed. It explains why I am such a bad driver.

I have been asked to write a bio and submit a head shot for a publication. Writing the bio has proven to be too difficult. I am not good at writing about myself in third person. So far, I have:

Mist 1 was raised by wolves and now resides in the Dirty South with her cat and guinea pig. She enjoys flossing her teeth and has one of the largest shoe collections of the Southeast. Despite her many latent talents, she has not yet acquired a hobby. Mist prefers drinking red wine to water, but will also drink rubbing alcohol if the weather is too cold for her to leave her charming, yet messy town home.

No matter what I write, it sounds like I'm placing a personal ad. I have decided to set this aside for a bit thinking that I should focus my energy on the photo. I have taken photos with my hair down, pinned up, and worst yet, twisted up with a few curls left casually framing my face.

Because I don't know how to use the timer on my camera, I have to hold the camera very close to my face to avoid the MySpace-like picture of my outstretched arm.

Yesterday, I finished my bio and checked it for misspellings. Satisfied, I sent it off with a photo. I should have checked the photo before sending it. To my horror, I later realized that there was a lovely booger in my nose.

I hope they Photoshop me like a celebrity.

Mist 1


74 Comments:

At 10:21 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Taking self-portaits is really hard. There's more than one reason that my profile photo isn't a face shot. ;)

Maybe the the photo editor is a guy and you can work your Mist magic on him. He'll have it taken care of in a jiffy.

-velvet

 
At 10:23 PM, Blogger 123Valerie said...

Boogers are hot. So are you.

I don't know if these kids know how lucky they are to get a glimpse of the uber mysterious Mist1. You should get a prize or something--maybe a mug or a waffle weave robe.

Yeah. I'm still caught up on that. Waffle weave. Waffle weave. Waffle weave.

 
At 10:25 PM, Blogger curiositykiller said...

Have a bottle of vodka before looking at your published photo - you'll look great.

 
At 11:17 PM, Blogger briliantdonkey said...

lol I swear I thought curious, I thought your screen name was curiouskittykiller. As for you mist I could lie and say the booger thing aint all that bad, but then I would be lying to you and saying it isn't all that bad.

BD

 
At 11:22 PM, Anonymous Jacquie said...

First of all, good for you on the publication. Second..I understand. Just my innocent little blog bio was almost enough to turn me into a cutter. And photography- forget it. But I love your bio- its very funny and witty.

 
At 11:34 PM, Blogger SQT said...

I have not mastered the talent of taking a photo of myself. That said-- maybe it's a good thing, that way you have someone else to spot the boogers.

 
At 11:46 PM, Blogger Sebastien said...

I don't exactly condone lying, but I don't think it would hurt if you mentioned in your bio how hard you have worked to prevent the duckbill platypuses from taking over the world.

 
At 12:20 AM, Blogger Babs said...

At least it was a lovely booger and not a gross one.

 
At 2:56 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

It would have been a good idea to mention me in your bio. Trust me.

 
At 3:26 AM, Blogger crowwoman / rhian said...

Next time...if you have doubts about the photo, send in a stick figure drawing as your self-portrait. You can always use crayons to add the booger. It's those unique, individual touches that make us stand out.... grin.

 
At 3:39 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

You should have sent a picture in of your feet in fabulous shoes and told them that's as good as it gets! Or, you could have been creative with the interpretation of "head shot". Just sayin'.

 
At 4:29 AM, Blogger Pinky said...

hahah that's brilliant

 
At 4:31 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

I had to submit a "head shot" once. I totally misunderstood their request.

Needless to say, I'm not getting published in that periodical any time soon. Freaking 700 Club Magazine editors...

 
At 4:46 AM, Blogger K said...

nwjr, wow. that's all i can say. lol.

but mist, congratulations on your decision! and boogers are actually fitting for your bio, so they know exactly what they are going to get.

 
At 4:47 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

So what's getting published? We need to know. You always give just pieces of the information. Full disclosure SVP.

 
At 5:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

velvet,

Must I slut myself out for everything?

123,

I am going to email you a picture of me in a waffle weave robe. Yes, I took a few. Pictures, not robes.

curiosity,

I will also be able to dance really, really well.

donk,

I don't mind when people lie to me. Especially, if it's to preserve my delicate ego.

jacquie,

Maybe I should just cut and forget the pain of the photo. Good idea.

Thanks for coming by.

sqt,

I don't trust anyone to tell me when I have something in my nose. I am surrounded by haters who want to see me look foolish.

sebastien,

I thought about including that, but I didn't want to brag. I really did help the platypus.

babs,

It was a good color for me.

fab,

Dammit. Why are you telling me this now?

crow,

I sort of look like a stick figure already.

wg,

I did think about sending in a picture of my feet. Seriously.

pinky,

If you think that's brilliant, stick around.

Thanks for coming by.

nwjr,

They are so uptight.

k,

Are you saying that I'm snotty?

icl,

I am publishing a blogging manifesto. Next project will be the written transcripts of my therapy sessions.

 
At 5:18 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

I wouldn't worry about the bio sounding like a personal ad, that could really work for you. Anyway, it's a lot more entertaining and self-effacing than the ones I have to edit. Trust me.

Puss

 
At 5:20 AM, Blogger Michael Thomas said...

I should think you'd have enough fans to find a couple or three ghost writers to run that profile for you. Self portraits? I somehow always get the angle with my chin up and the top of my face fading away towards the horizon point. Good to hide that bald spot, bad for the cone head look.

 
At 5:40 AM, Blogger Nosjunkie said...

and here I thought youd put the pics up for us to see

 
At 5:44 AM, Blogger frannie said...

I think you should get really drunk and then take a picture... that would be funny.

 
At 5:46 AM, Blogger avitable said...

I only take nude self-portraits.

 
At 5:46 AM, Blogger Lee said...

I'm much more attractive in my mind than in photos. That's why I try to karate chop anyone near me with a camera. Must preserve the illusion.

 
At 5:56 AM, Blogger Susan said...

The booger will only show how perfect you are to let your inperfections shine through.


...it's the best I can do this early in the morning.

 
At 6:05 AM, Blogger Faz the Cat said...

I am very happy to write a personal biog on your behalf but will not vouch for its authenticity. Let me know if you want me to progress said biog. FAZ

 
At 6:24 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

bats in the cave humanize a person...

 
At 6:36 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

I'm gonna go out on a limb here, but I'll bet your booger is prettier than anything Paris Hilton. You go on with your bad self, snot girl!

 
At 6:44 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

me and my merry band of weird music making morons were trying to take pictures of ourselves to make the most perfect ever cam-girl head tilt pose. here's the winner.

 
At 7:00 AM, Blogger Matt said...

Yeah, you don't want to end up looking like E.T.

 
At 7:09 AM, Anonymous Slick said...

I'm sure your booger infested nose only adds character

 
At 7:14 AM, Anonymous Neil said...

If you were raised by wolves, does that mean you never played miniature golf as a family?I

 
At 7:50 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

your bio and pic would of course have to be forged in order for you to be comfy with it.
not many know your real identify.


(ps. just because you're JK Rowling doesn't mean you have to release the new HP book so effing far away from now... I mean sheesh July 21st?)

 
At 8:01 AM, Blogger Blitz Krieg said...

Here at work when someone has a booger in full view we say, "Is it true you have a piano in your kitchen?"

 
At 8:08 AM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

Bat in the Cave! Better than a honking pissed off zit at the end of yer nose. :)

 
At 8:38 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

Guys are good at self portraits. We just unzip and shoot.

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

I am MASTER of the MySpace-like outstretched arm pose! check my post for today for an example! lol

 
At 9:06 AM, Blogger fringes said...

Learn to use the self-timer. Learn to use Photoshop. Take control of your own publicity. Haven't I taught you anything?

 
At 9:19 AM, Blogger Tug said...

I just find a cute chick on the street & take her picture & call it me. Works every time.

 
At 9:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

puss,

I hope I get a few dates out of it.

michael,

I should have asked you if I could use your photo.

junkie,

Um, no.

frannie,

I do that all the time.

av,

Sometimes, I do too.

lee,

We all look better in our minds. Also, I look great drunk.

susan,

My boogers will make me more approachable? Good.

faz,

Make me sound cool. I've always wanted to be cool.

cheeky,

I'm just an ordinary person. The booger has humbled me.

ctw,

I think it makes my nostril look fat.

furious,

I want a band of merry morons.

matt,

I do look a little like E.T. It's my long neck and oddly misshapen head.

slick,

I've got enough character. I need tissues.

neil,

I'm short. I still play miniature golf.

mayren,

I'll tell you who dies in the new book if you promise not to tell anyone.

blitz,

I hope you don't have to kill me now that I know the code.

scotts,

Is it better than a zit? Zits make me look younger.

dallas,

I feel like I'm missing out on the joys of manhood.

miztris,

I do have sexy arms. Maybe I should have just taken a picture of my arm.

 
At 9:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

fringes,

I need people to help me. I am not the brains of this show.

tug,

Are you insinuating that I'm not cute?

 
At 9:21 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

Did I miss a press release detailing when and where a picture of the infamous Mist was going to be made public?

WTF?

Stalkers get no respect anymore.

 
At 10:00 AM, Blogger Trish said...

But I thought you had fins? Koi don't usually have boogers...

I'm sure they will make you look gorgeous, hon. No worries.

 
At 10:13 AM, Anonymous Karmyn said...

Are we going to find out what is being published?

 
At 10:13 AM, Blogger cucuclaire said...

i think it will be great. you rock! `

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger Genilimaa said...

I'm just as curious as Karmyn: what are the bio and photo for? Do tell!

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

britt,

You were distracted by Prince.

trish,

Fish boogers are the grossest.

karmyn,

I'm being published in the sex offender registry.

cucu,

The booger does look a little like a rock.

geni,

I never disclose anything that personal. Surely, you've noticed that by now.

 
At 11:14 AM, Blogger S. A. F. said...

You totally should have added something like, "When Mist1 is searching in her messy house for kleenex and doesn't find htem, she says 'who give a fuck' and just leaves it there for all to see." Then the caption to the photo could have been, "See?"

 
At 12:22 PM, Blogger Williebee said...

A blogging manifesto?

First my computer, and then the world! BWAH HAH HAH HAHHHH (Now, where's that damn Any Key?)

I guess in response to the bio question you could have sent them a copy of someone else's, say Jonas Salk or something. And when they asked said..

"Oh, that's ok, I'm just like him, only, you know.. not dead."

 
At 12:26 PM, Blogger Lee said...

For me, really ugly guys look great when I'm drunk. Mornings are rough.

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger Wavemancali said...

You know for being an everyday reader you would think I would remember that this "get hobby" thing is on your to do list.

Since the drinking, flossing and shoe collecting are done so religiously they must be considered lifestyle choices rather than hobbies.

I will ponder on what I think will make a good hobby for you I promise.

 
At 12:39 PM, Blogger Gypsy Soul said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At 12:42 PM, Anonymous Alison said...

I don't know. It could be a zit. Somehow a booger is less...permanent (yes, I realize it has been immortalized in a photo now).

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

inner beauty honey, you should have taken the photo in the stirrups....

smiles, bee

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger Meg said...

Did you really spend 24 straight hours taking pictures of yourself? I bet you could have saved a bunch of time if you had just requested a copy of your last mugshot.

Just a thought.

Meg

 
At 12:47 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

saf,

I swear, I don't always have a snotty nose.

willie,

I knew that I should have reached out for advice before I started writing the damn thing...and taking photos.

lee,

That's why I sneak out before morning.

wave,

I have always wanted to have a "lifestyle." Thank you for pointing that out.

alison,

Sigh. Perma-booger.

 
At 12:48 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

bee,

I'm ugly on the inside.

meg,

My hair is blond in my last mugshot. I am no longer blond.

 
At 12:51 PM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

Maybe you can bring boogie-back, sorta like Justin Timberlake.

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger avitable said...

We should compare sometime. And by compare, I mean you send me yours. I already know all your secrets!

 
At 1:06 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

You're being published! Yayyyy!! Please provide details.

I always look ugly in photos, and avoid being on the wrong side of a camera whenever possible. I am playing with the idea that I am not really ugly at all, I am just not my type.

 
At 1:12 PM, Blogger STAK said...

"head shot" means something totally different to me..........as in "one shot,one kill"........

 
At 1:46 PM, Blogger GhostRose said...

:-) I love writing third person biogs of myself! I have a couple of 'author biog' drafts saved on my pc, just for the hell of it.

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

cruiser,

I'm Snorting Boogers Back will be the name of the hit single.

av,

I don't want to intimidate you.

hearts,

I am totally my type.

stak,

What does Glamor Shot mean to you?

ghost,

Mist thinks that you should have forwarded a draft to her when she was struggling with the task.

 
At 2:18 PM, Blogger Just telling it like it is said...

I'm sure it wasn't that bad, I mean you know boggers really are just particals that your nose filters, that's right just tell them that you are a great filter...
That's at least what I say when I have gas, it's not me that smells it is the bacteria in my stomach...maybe it's not so good to know these things...

 
At 2:30 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

tellin',

My nose hairs deserve a day off. They work so hard.

 
At 4:30 PM, Blogger That's one clever little bitch! said...

Photos of yourself (or at least myself) are always bad. I hate seeing pictures of me because it always ruins my fantasy self-image of looking like Jennifer Lopez or Angelina Jolie or one of the Victoria's Secret models. Alas no, just a funny looking white girl. (sigh)

P.S. Boogers always make photos more interesting.

 
At 4:34 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

clever,

Apparently, I am very interesting...looking.

 
At 4:59 PM, Anonymous swampwitch said...

Hey...just checking in. Not blogging much but wanted to say Hey. "Hey"

 
At 5:21 PM, Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

RULE 1: Never take photos of yourself.

RULE 2: Never judge yourself from photos. (See rule one).

 
At 7:05 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

swamp,

Checking in implies that we are in a relationship. Do we have plans for Valentine's? If so, I'd like shoes.

nick,

I don't do rules.

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

Photoshopped like a celebrity means: ultra-thin with booger in nose.

Maybe viewers of the photo will mistake it for a beauty mark, really, really close to your nostril.

 
At 8:45 PM, Blogger Dorky Dad said...

You should at least consider it a positive that the booger didn't IMPROVE the picture.

 
At 9:29 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Will we get to find out what the publication is? I have always thought I would submit a photo of Johnny Bravo (not the Greg Brady version)if I ever have to send someone a photo of me...it keeps the mystery alive.

 
At 9:39 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

jocelyn,

Yes, a green beauty mark.

dorky,

My booger did look good.

michael,

You mean, that's not you in your picture?

 
At 4:40 PM, Blogger Evil Genius said...

Don't fret - people will just think there was a piece of dirt on the lens in an unfortunate spot. :-)

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

evil,

Yes, green dirt. You're right.

 

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Name: Mist1
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