To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Thursday, February 08, 2007

Sh*tty Litter


I confess that I am not a domestic goddess. I have a huge stock pot in which I have never cooked anything. I use it to soak my feet. They are deliciously soft. I have been known to email pictures of my toes to people upon request. I don't really clean either. I spray the cat with Lemon Pledge and chase him around the house. There is very little dust in here, but the cat fur is out of control.

I have let the guinea pig's cage get so revolting that it has grown mushrooms. Twice. So, it should be no surprise that I haven't checked the cat's litter box since I got home on Sunday.

A few days ago, I noticed a rank odor near my desk. I solved the problem by spending less time at my desk. At last, it became overwhelming. I changed the litter box with Hissy's help. He spread the litter out in a fine gritty layer over the floor. We played cat archaeologist together and found many ancient relics. We did not find the source of the smell.

My cat nanny always surprises me when I come home. Sometimes, I get a case of motor oil. Other times, I am missing a pair of panties. This time, I was gifted with two boxes, one jug, and one 30 gallon bucket of kitty litter sitting on the floor. I pushed the containers up against the wall. The bucket of litter had a note on top of it. It read:

"This litter was crappy before it was even crapped it. Do not throw it away, I am going to return it to PetSmart."

Not thinking, I lifted the lid of the drum of litter. It was beyond damp. The fumes rose from the litter like heat rises from a hot road in the summer. I gagged. Then, I gagged again. Hissy looked offended. I replaced the lid and called the cat sitter.

He explained to me his plans to bring the litter back to PetSmart for a full refund. I plan on being there to see the store manager turn green from the 120 pound bucket of sh*tty litter.

I may be persuaded to post my first video.

Mist 1


74 Comments:

At 8:39 PM, Blogger Burg said...

That's disgusting. It's also why I don't have cats anymore. I hate litter.. I'd get another cat if I could find one that was declawed and deassed. Since the shitless cat hasn't been invented yet (but I'm still waiting on Ronco to invent one) I'll stick with my dog who shits outside where I don't have to smell it or clean it.

 
At 8:39 PM, Blogger Killer said...

You should just keep replacing the real kitty litter with the old, used litter and return it. See how many times you can get free litter.
Does your guinea pig ever get high from eating the shrooms in his cage? Can you send me some of those shrooms?

 
At 8:42 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Sounds like you guys bought the container they dump the used clumps into. If I keep writing the words dump and clump, I'm going to need some...

 
At 9:11 PM, Blogger Dorky Dad said...

Ugh. Cat litter is disgusting. And my dang cats are so particular about it, too. They get all mad if I accidentally miss a monthly cleaning ...

 
At 9:32 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

With all that Pledge on it, you'd think your cat would smell lemon fresh.

I still don't quite understand the concept of a cat nanny, though.

 
At 10:02 PM, Blogger Matt said...

You have a cat sitter?! This is unbelievable for a couple of different reasons.

1. You're SO busy you can't take care of your cat.

2. Cats are SO high maintenance they need to be fed and watered (by a human) more than once a week.

I mean, do you have a plant sitter? Is there a guy who watches your parking space while you sleep? WTF?

 
At 10:22 PM, Blogger Nosjunkie said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I love the cat thing thats the most creative domestic idee I heard since I stuck a mop up my exes but and made him do the twist
Now wheres that cat

 
At 10:51 PM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

Mmhmm. That sounds chunky. The litter. I'm sure the gag was similar.

 
At 11:05 PM, Blogger Kungfukitten said...

I read "cat nanny" as "cat" and thought my cats were delinquents because they can't write and they don't make their own trips to petsmart. Although, I have gotten some packages from internet purchases that I don't remember making. I have no idea why I ordered twenty pounds of smoked Alaskan Salmon and a case of Clamato.

 
At 12:27 AM, Blogger Arthur Dent said...

churlita:

In defense of mist (not that she won't do it on her own) I also have a cat sitter. My cat sitter is my recently adopted (she adopted me, actually) Random "Frequent Flier" Dent, fabulous student, and all-around terrific young woman.

We have two cats, and two Siberian Huskies. Sometimes we are out of town for 1 or 2 weeks at a time. The cats might make it a week on their own, but the dogs? No chance.

Mist: I'm in your corner as far as the litter box goes. I have an extremely sensitive gag reflex that is triggered by the most commonplace smels, or even the thought of them. I vomit at the thought of vomit.

Excuse me
...
There, see what I mean?

Luckilly, I have the most wonderfull woman in the world who takes care of cleaning the cat box and shoveling out the dog run. I also have the second most wonderful woman in the world who doesn't mind coming over a couple times a day, feeding and watering the animals, using my internet an satelite dish, reading my books, eating my food, and if I'm REALLY lucky, doing the dishes, while me and Fenchurch are out of town.

Personally, I think she likes hiding out here and blogging, chatting, and e-mailing without any parents looking over her shoulder.

What the hell am I going to do when she takes off to university next August?

 
At 2:32 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I think the first video should be of your toes.

Feel free to text me a pic.

 
At 4:08 AM, Blogger Blitz Krieg said...

I've had to live with four different cats in my lifetime. I always had a problem with the whole litter clean out thing. Just reading this and some of the comments triggered a scent memory and I damn near mercy puked here at my desk. My mouth is still in producing vomit lubricant in preparation of a hurl.

 
At 4:41 AM, Blogger choochoo said...

Yes, yes. Video, video. With instant replay:D

 
At 4:45 AM, Blogger Pickled Olives said...

My kids do the archeologic dig weekly with the cat. Clean up after them sucks.

Can't wait for the video!

 
At 4:45 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Mist, once again, I have to say, I like your style. My stockpot will be dusted off and transformed into a foot bath - god knows my feet need it, six-inch stripper heels are not kind. And while I soak my feet, Miss Sparkle can do the cleaning. Incidentally, she refuses to crap in a litter tray and goes outside in the privacy of next door's garden. That's my girl.

Puss

 
At 5:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

burg,

The best part about owning a cat is when he comes up to bed with me and I can smell the litter on his cute little toes.

killer,

The pig has never been the same. Thanks for the financial advice. I will probably retire early.

michael,

I had no idea that there was a specific clump and dump container.

dorky,

It seems like they'd learn to go somewhere else. Like houseplants.

chulita,

I have a cat nanny because Hissy bit the cat wetnurse.

matt,

Actually, I used to have a guy who watched my parking space. He tried to sell me a money tree. I have a little guy for almost everything.

junkie,

Also, it keeps your cat fit.

arthur,

Have you thought about adopting an African baby?

fab,

I don't have picture mail after that whole phone in the toilet episode. I have the free phone now. I don't deserve all the bells and whistles.

blitz,

The term vomit lubricant, just made me produce some too.

choo,

I'll make the PetSmart employee sign a waiver.

olives,

Your kids use a litter box?

puss,

I cannot convince Hissy to use the toilet, I should have taught him to go next door.

 
At 5:13 AM, Blogger K said...

i really want to know what comes of this. seriously.

 
At 5:14 AM, Blogger Debbie said...

That is vile. I can't wait to hear about this.

 
At 5:14 AM, Blogger Chrissy121875 said...

LOL!!! OMG! You are hilarious!! I love it!

There are many things that I can do, but cleaning the litter box is not one of them! LOL! I just can't stand the stench of cat pee and poop! I instantly go into dry heave and gag mode, even if I just think of cleaning the litter box! Blehhh. My poor husband always has to clean it...and I'm the one who wanted to get the kittens!

 
At 5:15 AM, Blogger Bluepaintred said...

i posted about litter today too, pictures and everything.

 
At 5:21 AM, Blogger wreckless said...

oooooh cat archeologist? That sounds too fun.
I'm dying to see and hear what you do with the litter return!!!

 
At 5:21 AM, Blogger avitable said...

Is this a story about a pet vagina?

 
At 5:44 AM, Blogger frannie said...

trying to return used cat litter.... nice! I can't wait to hear how that goes. they are going to post a picture of you and the nanny at that store and not let you back in. Y'all may be the first people ever black balled from PetSmart!

 
At 5:49 AM, Blogger Ryan said...

I have a quick cure for the long term problem - get rid of the cat.

This world would be a happier place without all the cats roaming around.

Now I must go hide.

 
At 5:54 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

I should send you a recording of Sylvester screaming in my face - so you can tell him your cat was revolted too.....

 
At 6:11 AM, Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

This is why I'm a dog person (albeit dogless)

 
At 6:20 AM, Blogger PaintingChef said...

Not a domestic goddess, my ASS! That trick with the cat and the pledge is pure genuis.

 
At 6:30 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

k,

Fly in to town for the weekend. You can come along. We will need someone to hold the camera.

debbie,

I know that I should be ashamed, but I seem to be lacking that emotion.

chrissy,

Maybe I should marry my cat nanny. Good idea.

blue,

Great minds...

Thanks for coming by.

wreck,

The problem is that it's so heavy. I want to dramatically drop it on the counter, but I'm afraid that we'll hurt our backs.

av,

Would you like to pet my vagina?

frannie,

If they throw me out, I'm setting all the hamsters free.

ryan,

I'd rather get rid of the guinea pig. That's why I got the cat.

cheeky,

I think I'm suddenly afraid of Sylvester. Screaming does not sound good.

lux,

I am a man person (albeit manless).

chef,

I want a daytime TV show.

 
At 6:35 AM, Anonymous Heartless Yasamin said...

oooh yack!!! yeah definitely get that on vid. if not at least a picture of the projectile vomitting that will occur ... ;P

 
At 6:54 AM, Blogger MJ said...

All this time I have been reading your blog.. this is the first time that I am truly grossed out… YUCK.. IEE
But on the other hand I would love to see the managers reaction to the sh*tty litter.. Too Funny !!

 
At 7:17 AM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

well honey all of my kitties are cyber kitties so they only have front ends, see the benefits of this?

smiles, bee


(note to self: see if this comment disappears like the last ones did. maybe i am to raunchy for mist1...)

 
At 7:25 AM, Blogger Roadchick said...

Well, that solves the problem of what to do with the litter. . . now, if they'd just come pick it up AND give back the money.

 
At 7:31 AM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

SHIT! I haven't touched the litter boxes in over a week. I suspect I will find the Prince keeled over tonight from toxic fumes...(Because the litter boxes are in HIS ROOM, because i am smert like that)

 
At 7:41 AM, Blogger Ariel said...

Please post a video. I want an explanation as to how this happens. Did someone cleverly switch their dirty litter out for clean? Where would they hide the dirty litter?

 
At 7:41 AM, Blogger Claudia said...

kitty litter that's been fermenting...probably one of the worst smells in the world...I'm sure that there are others, I just haven't smelled those...nor do I want to!

 
At 8:02 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

you have a cat???
ANd it's still alive??

plus the gerbils are alive too?

what the heck? Now you'll tell me that the koi are barely alive too.

 
At 8:15 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

I've got two cats and one is a neat freak (she tries to cover up anything that smells funny to her) and then the male refuses to cover his own poop. she often follows him into the box just to tidy up after him.

i think i need to sit her down and explain that she's enabling his inappropriate shitting

 
At 8:37 AM, Blogger huberama said...

ok, that's never happened to me, but i will tell you that regular cleaning of the litter is over rated... i clean my cat's litter once a week, and she's totally cool about it. our cat sitter, on the other hand, is not. once, after a week away, we came home to NEW litter box (apparently the old one was beyond saving) and a scooper, with a very pointed note along the lines of "oh dear, it would appear you lost your scooper." cheeky cat sitter.

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

yasamin,

It will be a Barf-O-Rama.

mj,

This is what it took to gross you out? Sweet. I can quit this blog thing now.

bee,

Your comments have been disappearing? I adore your comments, I thought I had finally crossed the line with you and you were giving me the cold shoulder. I was going to kitty litter your yard in retaliation.

chick,

I am going to try to schedule a pick up.

scotts,

You live with Prince? That's so cool. I know someone who will be sooooo jealous. I'm not surprised that he used a litter box. He's freaky like that.

ariel,

I will try to give you all of the sh*tty details.

claudia,

It almost knocked me over.

mayren,

I am the picture of responsibility. I'm pretty sure he's alive. I should check.

furious,

Time for cat therapy. I have someone who follows me around and flushes for me.

hube,

I wish the cat nanny had left behind a brand new scooper.

 
At 9:21 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

eww, that sounds nasty!

that's why I don't buy the recycled litter. :D

 
At 9:38 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

miztris,

Maybe I shouldn't return it. Maybe I should sell it.

 
At 9:55 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Dogs. Less attitude and no smelly litter to contend with.

Cats are too high maintenance.

 
At 10:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

ctw,

So am I, so am I...

 
At 10:10 AM, Blogger Lee said...

I think boxes of poop in the house are freaky. Same with daiper pails. This is why:

a) I don't have cats
b) my kids had to live outside until they were potty trained.

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

lee,

Brilliant.

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger Odat said...

ewwwwwwwwww...that's the second post today i've read after i ate lunch...and now i need some cat litter myself to vomit in....
Peace

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

I can't answer that in a public forum.

 
At 11:27 AM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

I wish you could post a photo of your toes embellished with Kitty Litter combat green.

 
At 11:41 AM, Blogger Meg said...

So what'll it take to get you to post that video???

Open it up for bids.....

 
At 11:55 AM, Anonymous heather said...

could have sworn i already posted this...?...
lmao, why didn't i think to pledge the cats? the fur is the only way to ensure my husband is getting enough fiber in his diet (he's an open mouth snoreer(?)) and the rest gets pushed up against the walls to add to the r-factor of my insulation. very much needed right now

 
At 12:01 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

This post reminds me why I'm glad to be in a petless phase right now. Loved the pets, hated the maintenance.

Definitely post the video. It'll be a hit.

-velvet

 
At 12:26 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

velvet,

Lots of ex-boyfriends feel the same way about me.

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

odat,

I hope your lunch is good the second time.

av,

We'll talk later.

jocelyn,

I just might.

meg,

I can be bought with shoes and vodka.

heather,

Makes dusting a snap!

 
At 12:53 PM, Blogger tallulah said...

Give me the name of your cat nanny. I want her/him to come take care of my litter boxes for my five cats.

 
At 1:15 PM, Blogger NWJR said...

"Shitty Litter" would be an excellent name for a band.

 
At 2:30 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

tallulah,

His rates are reasonable. I stock the fridge with beer.

nwjr,

If only I had talent.

 
At 3:06 PM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

I wanted to comment, I really did, and I'm there for you, Mist. But the stench from this post is killing me and I can't hold my breath anymore.

 
At 3:14 PM, Blogger Evil Genius said...

OMG! You shouldn't just get a refund, you should get hazard pay for having to smell the fumes!! That is just beyond EEEWWWW!!!

 
At 3:32 PM, Blogger Sornie said...

Just mak sure not to accidentally cook your feet instead of soaking them. That would truly be tragic.

 
At 4:14 PM, Blogger kat said...

"We played cat archaeologist together and found many ancient relics."

HAHAHHAAH

 
At 5:16 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

hearts,

I'm sorry. I am repulsive. There's nothing I can do.

evil,

I just retched again.

sornie,

I don't accidentally cook anything.

Thanks for coming by.

kat,

They are on ebay.

 
At 5:34 PM, Blogger Library Mama said...

I want to know more about what happened to the missing panties.

At first I thought this aspect of the story was a little weird. Then I read that your cat nanny was a he. That's more than a little weird.

 
At 6:13 PM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Cats are gross. Just the same, I enjoyed reading this. Just wish I wasn't eating dinner at the time.

 
At 7:14 PM, Blogger James Burnett said...

Cats. Guinea pigs. Someone's raising the makings of a fur coat.

And you are nicer than me. I think I might head into PetSmart and dump that mess on the manager's desk. That's frickin' gross!

 
At 7:21 PM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

wrote a shoe blog about you today honey, go see...

smiles, bee

 
At 7:49 PM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

Oh I feel a little bit like barfing now.

 
At 7:51 PM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

ACK!!!!

....and yet another reason why I don't like cats!

 
At 8:38 PM, Anonymous Alison said...

I do love Fuckhead Jones, but it'd be great if he were an indoor/outdoor cat. As it is, I scoop his shitty litter every day, and clean the entire thing once a week...uhhh...10 days. If he were any less cute, he'd so be cleaning the litter box on his own.

 
At 7:25 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

library,

He's a good nanny. He likes panties, but he grows his own catnip. It's a trade off.

lbb,

Rule #1: Do not eat while reading my blog.

james,

The guinea pig is large, but I am larger. She wouldn't make a good fur coat. Maybe a fur thong.

bee,

I'm late. I'll be right over.

icl,

That's been the theme of the day.

pissy,

It's not Hissy's fault. It was substandard litter.

alison,

I'm supposed to clean the entire thing?

 
At 7:57 AM, Blogger Faz the Cat said...

I was in two minds whether or not to leave a comment as you were up to number 69 and 69 is a much better number than 70. Anyway I was so shocked about the lemon pledge on your cat that I am going to spoil the perfect number. Just so you know, it's not the pledge so much as the lemon. You should know that cats don't like citrus. Don't ask me why, we're just born that way. So, I think you should try regular pledge in future when polishing the cat (or whatever). FAZ

 
At 7:17 PM, Blogger notfearingchange said...

get a maid to come in once a week....for the love of god! lol.

 
At 7:13 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

faz,

I'll run that one by Hissy. I didn't even know there was an unlemon Pledge.

nofear,

I need a maid to follow me around the house.

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

120 pound bucket?

Dear God!

 
At 12:53 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

crank,

I didn't say Dear G*d. I cursed.

 

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Name: Mist1
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