To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Stand By Me

When I visit other people's homes, I look in the fridge. I'm not really looking for anything to eat, I'm just making sure that the fridge is clean in the event that I do want a snack that isn't mostly vodka.

My mother stops cleaning her fridge months in advance when she knows that I am coming for a visit. I love to open up the containers of furry rice and brightly colored yogurt. I announce expiration dates on the items in the fridge and tell her what I was wearing the year that it died. For example, she had salad dressing from when I wore oversized Girbaud jeans and hoodies. She just sits on the couch and congratulates herself on her master plan to have her fridge cleaned. I throw out almost everything, except for the sour cream. I still can't understand why an expiration date is relevant on sour cream.

I do not hold my fridge to the same standards. I know I'm not going to eat anything out of there. The only thing that I really use my fridge for is to store old condiments and to keep my body lotion chilled for a refreshing, yet moisturizing summer experience.

Over the past few weeks, I have noticed that a murky brown liquid is seeping out from under my fridge. I ignored it because maybe it would fix itself. Last weekend, my pet sitter noticed the spillage and decided that the solution was to stuff a pink sponge under the right corner of the crisper. Noticing that the sponge had disappeared, I decided to investigate. This is a bit like the part in horror movies when the babysitter hears someone in the basement and decides to go down the stairs to find out where the noise is coming from. I knew that I shouldn't do it and I was afraid, but I couldn't resist.

I pulled out the crisper drawer. It wasn't that bad. It seems that it is possible to have a self-sustaining terrarium in a crisper. The potatoes were growing potatoes and there was new some kind of smog colored pudding on top of the corn that I purchased last July when it was 10 for $1. I examined the new crop and pulled the drawer entirely out.

In the murky brown liquid at the bottom of the fridge swam a colony of what looked either like spinach or leaches. I can't be sure.

I replaced the drawer. I am going to have to move.

Mist 1


At 2:39 AM, Blogger Meloncutter said...

I would bet that them there Witch Doctors near your chiropractor would pay for a good batch of leeches. You might be on the verge of a lucrative business. Rather than move get another half dozen refridgerators.

Just a thought....

Later Y'all

At 3:51 AM, Blogger Me said...

Oh gross...I hope it's spinach. Leeches are GROSS. I still get all icked out when I watch "Stand by Me" and that kid finds a leech down his pants. Ew, ew, ew....

At 3:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sounds like you are supporting an eco-system in your fridge and being very environmentally sensitive about it by leaving it alone.

Have you considered a carreer at Greenpeace?

At 4:18 AM, Blogger curiositykiller said...

Oh. My. GOD!

Just my luck, I'll be the next tenant.

At 5:06 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Between the fridge and your sink, you should just barricade off the kitchen and live in peace.

At 5:16 AM, Blogger MJ said...

Dear god …That is almost as bad as a dead body in the basement !
I would have to move too !!

At 5:22 AM, Blogger frannie said...

bring them as your offering at the next goddess meeting (whether it is spinach or leeches)

At 5:34 AM, Blogger Dorky Dad said...

That's hilarious. Maybe you created an entirely new life form. Did you call a biologist?

At 5:36 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

Enterpreneurs would leech on to that opportunity.

At 5:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I always look in the fridge when I'm over someone's house. It's a habit. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. My friends say it annoys them.

At 5:50 AM, Blogger NWJR said...

I found a sponge in a neighbor's bathroom drawer one time, but it was a totally different kind of sponge.

At 6:02 AM, Blogger Nosjunkie said...

I hate cleaning my fridge.
Damn I hate cleaning anything.
I only clean things when they start to smell and if anybody bitches about it I tell them that their tender for the job has been accepted and the sponges are in the left hand cupboard

At 6:25 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Mist, I think you need to find a new home for the body lotion.


At 6:33 AM, Blogger rhea_becker said...

You're right about the sour cream.

At 6:40 AM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

hey i didn't know you could grow potatoes in your crisper! i'm definitely going to do that. i always learn something here, but sadly sometimes it is things i never wanted to know, you know?

smiles, bee

At 6:52 AM, Blogger Matt said...

No one's going to be permitted to live in that building for 15 years.

At 6:54 AM, Blogger Lee said...

Vegetables have obviously never heard that "ashes to ashes" bullshit. For them, it's "solid to liquid."

Stupid vegetables. Why do I keep buying them?

At 7:03 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I have always wanted to work in pharmaceuticals...legally.


That's one of my favorite parts of the movie.


I've thought about it, but I don't want to feel guilty about my dependence on fossil fuels.


You'll love the area. At least I do. I have 16 bars in stumbling distance.


This is why I avoid the kitchen.


Your basement scares me.


I think I just might.


I'm not sure if I want these things named after me.


You're so punny.


People are too easily annoyed. That's what makes it so much fun.


I guess you didn't offer to help clean the sink with it.


I've pretty much given up on cleaning.


It's worthless to keep it in the fridge in the winter, but in the summer it is wonderful.


Exactly. What's the point?


I discovered this on my own. Maybe Meloncutter can explain it.


I know, between the ducks and organic life forms, it should be full of biohazardous materials.

At 7:09 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


My vegetables usually go from solid to pudding to liquid.

At 7:13 AM, Blogger Susan said...

Moving is the only solution. I'm about to the point of wrapping my fridge in 'haz mat' tape and just writing it off on taxes.

At 7:29 AM, Blogger Faz the Cat said...

I am glad you pointed out they were leeches. I thought it might be a reference to your Wednesday January 31st blog or worse - giant brown sperm. that would be a pregnancy and a half, especially for a neutered female calico like myself. FAZ p.s. or did you mean leach (e.g. verb; drain away from soil or similar material by the action of percolating liquid - which does sound like what's happening to your fridge)

At 7:36 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

I think I have some sausage in my fridge from Christmas.

At 7:59 AM, Blogger fringes said...

I clean my fridge about as often as I clean my car. The movie Outbreak was loosely based on my life.

At 8:10 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

The "people in glass houses should not throw rocks" law holds as much sway as the "any brown murky liquid found outside a coffee cup is bad"

At 8:14 AM, Blogger Claudia said...

step. away. from. the. fridge. Go get some wine immediately!!

At 8:14 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

Your Fridge has cooties.
Your picture of leeches freaked me out. Why do you like the ick factor Mist? You've got a little boy stuck in one of your personalities i think. Gross.

on a side note: perhaps you could
throw some Koi fish in the new

At 8:14 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I need to speak to your tax attorney.


I am disturbed by the giant brown sperm part.


Christmas 2006? That's nothing.


I want a movie based roughly on my life. I also want the royalties.


I am so happy that my house isn't glass. I don't want everyone to be able to see me blogging in my underwear.

At 8:17 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I am waiting until a more appropriate time to start drinking...

Okay, I think it's been long enough.


I grew up a tomboy. I didn't get girlie until I was a grown up. The ick factor is a vestige of those days. Guys dig it. Or they throw up.

At 8:33 AM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Wow, "in-fridge" composting! What a brilliant effort saving device. A little too much slime, though. Add some dried leaves and some powdered limestone. ;)


At 8:36 AM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

I love Lionel Richie. That has no bearing here, but I just wanted to make it clear.

However, I am freakishly concerned about a clean refrigerator. I love my groceries. They deserve the best environment, void of furry curry or green bleu cheese. Keep fighting the good fight, Mist.

At 8:38 AM, Anonymous andy said...

Dude, you're a pansy. You should see the shit that flows from my icebox.

And the regrigerator's gross too.

At 8:49 AM, Blogger SQT said...

Ewwww, someone has shit flowing from their icebox?

At least you only had leeches.

At 9:03 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

I will take this as a sign 'tis time to check out my crisper and see what might be growing. Thanks for the heads up, Mist.

At 9:08 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

I am nominating you for a science award. Anyone who can achieve what you have should be recognized.

At 9:14 AM, Blogger Jessie said...

Sour cream has an expiration date because it eventually grows mold that moves about in the container.

I know it because I saw.

At 9:18 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I think I just earned a Girl Scout badge.


I love Nicole Richie. She doesn't have anything edible in her fridge either. We should really meet.


I don't think I know what an ice box is. Is that like an 8-track?


There is always a sunny side of things.


Arm yourself, you don't know if they come in peace.


I have to shop for a dress for the awards ceremony. Also, I will need a date or maybe two, I've got an image you know.

At 9:24 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Then it's no longer just sour cream. It's really, really sour cream.

At 9:41 AM, Blogger huberama said...

why was your pet sitter snooping around your fridge? that's just nosy, if you ask me...

then again, by calling attention to the leeches, it's entirely possible s/he saved your life. if those leeches continued to grow, well, we don't want to think about the night time horrors that might have ensued.

now you're indebted to him/her for all eternity, mist1... are you up for the commitment?

At 10:01 AM, Blogger Tammie Jean said...

Hmm... I've never been a fridge-snooper. But I've always looked in the medicine cabinet and in the tub. Ha! I love when I come across a nasty tub. It's like I've uncovered their dirty secrets.

At 10:03 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


The deal is that he can eat anything in the fridge. Of course, there's nothing to eat. But still, it's the thought.


I always look in the medicine cabinet. How else am I supposed to get to know anyone?

At 10:07 AM, Blogger weatherchazer said...

You never could win the Nobel Prize for medicine by finding the cure for cancer in there. That's what happened with the two year old brownie on the corner of my desk.

At 10:39 AM, Blogger S. A. F. said...

You can always bring the leeches to the gossess party's Seance.

At 10:41 AM, Blogger Steven Novak said...

Maybe they were spinich leeaches?

(Ya...that's the best I could come up with...sigh...I'm having an off day) ;)


At 10:43 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


You won a Nobel Prize? Can you hook me up?


I'm afraid to touch them.

At 10:43 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Are those leeches made of spinach?

At 10:56 AM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

My, what a resourceful pet sitter. I can only imagine what he/she put under your cat when it started to leak.

At 10:56 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Invite your mother to visit. Remind her of all the times you cleaned out her refrigerator, and give her some rubber gloves.

It's only fair.

At 10:59 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


I have more pet sitter stories.


My mom would die. I would die.

At 11:00 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

I throw leftovers out if I don't eat them within a week so I never get to witness any cool science experiments. I feel like I'm missing out.

At 11:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


How do you remember to do that? I can go a week without opening the fridge.

At 11:59 AM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

I still can't understand why an expiration date is relevant on sour cream.

This is true.

At 12:01 PM, Blogger Orhan Kahn said...

- This is true. (too early over here)

+ Amen sister. You should see the collection of sour creams I have. They started out in someones pants.

At 12:18 PM, Blogger Queen of Dysfunction said...

If I hide vodka in the back of my fridge, will you come over to play with my appliances?

At 12:43 PM, Blogger Churlita said...

You are so right. It's much easier just to move, than to clean out your fridge. I check out the medicine cabinet first - usually, the pickings are better.

At 12:49 PM, Anonymous Karmyn said...

It was probably a cucumber.

At 12:55 PM, Blogger Kelley said...

After college, my husband rented a house with four other guys. I once found a dead squirrel in tin foil in the freezer. Seems someone had majored in biology...

At 3:41 PM, Anonymous Kristyn said...

Your potatoes are growing potatoes? Sounds like it could save you some money. :P

At 3:52 PM, Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Mist, I have made myself a note to never invite you to my house to investigate my refrigerator, even for the Kentucky Derby. (I do keep vodka in the frig at Derby time). My frig is is similar to the frig of Oscar of the Odd Couple:

"What this green stuff in your frig?"

"Either very new cheese or very old meat."

At 4:06 PM, Blogger RKM said...

You keep stuff other than Vodka in your fridge?

How novel.

At 5:30 PM, Blogger Pickled Olives said...

so, where did the sponge go???

At 5:35 PM, Blogger STAK said...

your crisper and mine...........where good vegetables go BAAAAAADDDD!!!!!!........i saw myself reflected in this post.....

At 6:46 PM, Blogger Em said...

I just discovered your blog today...what a find! Very funny writing...great photos that add to the posts. I'm glad someone directed me in your direction!

At 7:01 PM, Blogger Trundling Grunt said...

don't think of moving as you've probably already got malaria. My mother thinks that 'sell by' dates are a ruse by the food industry to sell more food. Maybe I should post about this.

At 7:27 PM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

Just buy a new fridge. Much cheaper and you don't have to worry about breaking nails.

They even take your old fridge away! Just wrap it up in duct tape before they get there so they can't open it and let them deal with it.

They'll never ever know!

At 7:31 PM, Blogger The CEO said...

I wouldn't worry, none of what was in there goes with vodka anyway.

At 7:45 PM, Blogger Ryan said...

I have to clean the coffee of my computer. That happens often when I come here.

At 7:47 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


Did I leave my sour cream at your house? What about my pants?


I'm not very good with appliances. Unless they are battery operated. I'm guessing that's not what you meant.


I plan on leaving all kinds of stuff behind. One man's treasure...


I like shopping for cucumbers. I make a big production out of it.


I gotta know the story behind this one.


That was my thought exactly. We are so thrifty.


I want to come over so badly.


Mostly condiments and the occasional bad vegetable.


Good question. There's something brown and withered in the back. I was afraid to see what it was.


We have so much in common. Let's go out to eat.


I love this place too.

Thanks for coming.


Post about it.


Must buy duct tape.


So true.

At 8:20 PM, Blogger Tug said...

I have soup from last year at work...was going to eat it for lunch yesterday. My daughter said if I die she'll kill me, so it's still there.

At 10:02 PM, Blogger Burg said...

Scary.. I'd move too.

At 10:06 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

I remember my first leech. His name was Freddy and I eventually had to break the friendship off.

Seriously, how many more times could I have paid for lunch without once being repaid...

At 4:23 AM, Blogger Ranger Tom said...

I found what appeared to be the carcass of a thanksgiving turkey a few years ago hidded in the back of my beer fridge. This was in August...

And even though she'd do things like that, she always would throw away bottle water that was past the date on the bottle... Like water is going to expire.

Evian is 'naive' spelled backwards.

At 5:12 AM, Blogger Lee said...

I started another blog called My Favorite Posts where I can keep all my favorite posts. Can I include Famn-Damily? It killed me.

At 5:14 AM, Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

Wow, sounds like you are about to try corner the market for homegrown Penicillin, lol, let me know, I am a nirse, I am sure I could find a use for it somewhere :)

At 5:15 AM, Blogger Cazzie!!! said...

*nurse that is, LOL

At 6:06 AM, Blogger STAK said...

you definitely do NOT wanna eat in at my house unless you prefer your vegetables from the freezer or the can............

but for you........eating

At 6:21 AM, Blogger A Million Paths said...

I like to clean. Today I'm going to lift up my bed so I can really clean underneath it. I believe that the Swiffer is for amateurs - I'm getting down on my hands and knees with a rag and a bucket of my special eco-friendly cleaning mix to really get the floors clean. I find the experience of cleaning to be totally zen.

At 7:13 AM, Blogger mist1 said...


Doesn't soup last forever? I mean, how can you tell when soup goes bad? It's already soupy.


Can I come stay with you?


I was a leech in a past life. Just ask my parents.


Had the turkey died in there, or did you put it in the fridge after it was already cooked?


That's one of my favorites too. Go right ahead.


Being a nirse is cool. So is being a doctur.

Thanks for coming by.


We are going to get along smashingly.

a million,

Feel free to come on over when you're done. You can borrow my knee pads.

Thanks for coming by.

At 8:42 AM, Blogger Brooklyn Frank said...

what? refrigerators have to be cleaned? since when?

At 12:08 PM, Blogger Burg said...

Sure. Especially if you promise to clean my refrigerator...

At 12:11 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I know, right?


You'll hardly even notice me. I swear.

At 8:01 PM, Blogger briliantdonkey said...

nothing wrong with a few new pets. Name them, makes it more enjoyable.


At 8:26 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I can't tell them apart. How am I supposed to name them?

At 9:50 PM, Blogger Mamma said...

Tried to add you to my google reader but it says you don't have a feed available. Just my imagination or is that intentional?

At 10:58 PM, Blogger Stewart Sternberg said...

Mist, the government has been looking for WMD's in all the wrong places. They should have started with your fridge.

At 6:54 AM, Blogger Kristi Mantoni said...

I have a few science project in my fridge too!! You are not alone!

At 10:04 AM, Blogger The Assimilated Negro said...

"For example, she had salad dressing from when I wore oversized Girbaud jeans and hoodies.

*big smile*

At 12:56 PM, Blogger Spellbound said...

Now I know why I never have enough time to blog, my fridge is way too clean. I should have thought of this sooner.

At 1:01 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


It is not intentional. It is because I am a moron and cannot handle tasks involving words that I do not feed.


I'm afraid that the government is going to storm in here like that scene in E.T.


My science experiments want to breed with yours.


Thanks for noticing.

At 1:03 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


You need to prioritize.

At 1:19 PM, Blogger Just telling it like it is said...

Yeap, that would be my resolution to the problem too...but I like might wait another year before going to the black hole...I'm a little baterica phobe...or at least pretend that it wasn't there for at least 6 months

At 1:54 PM, Blogger CP said...

I hear leeches are tasty with a nice side of stir fry!


At 2:04 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I wish that I was only dealing with bacteria. These are visible to the naked eye. It's gone too far.


I don't cook. Do you want them?

At 2:05 PM, Blogger Crack La Rock said...

There is no cottage cheese crustaians in portland oregon! pack yer bags

At 2:19 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I was hoping you'd say that. UPS will be delivering 12 pallets of my stuff tomorrow.

Is there vodka in Portland?

At 2:40 PM, Blogger Evil Genius said...

You're very brave. I would have had to pay some big strong man to investigate that crisper drawer!!!!

At 4:30 PM, Blogger Chrissy121875 said...

LOL! You're hillarious! :) I once found some weird looking stuff in a tupperware container I'd forgotten about way in the back of the fridge. OMG...I was so disgusted, I just chucked the entire thing in the garbage. I'm so bad :( LOL!

PS. Found your blog via Curiosity Killer. Great blog!

At 4:52 PM, Blogger mist1 said...


I have to make a point of going out to meet more big and strong types.


I buy cheap Gladware, just for that reason.

Thanks for coming by.

At 4:48 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

This is why God made flamethrowers.


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"All of this happened, more or less." - Kurt Vonnegut

Name: Mist1
Location: Dirty South, USA

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