To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Liquors


I know that I should update you on my date with 150 men, but I feel like throwing up, so you get this instead. Tomorrow, I will tell you all about my local fire department. Right now, I want to vomit.

I am not a lid licker.

There are two kinds of people in the world. People who believe that there are two kinds of people in the world and people who don't. There are also lid lickers and non-lickers. Maybe there are four kinds of people in the world. There are also people who smell hats and people who don't. I don't know where these populations intersect.

Mom is not a licker. Dad is a licker. They should have known that it would never work out.

When I peel the lid off a cup of applesauce or tapioca pudding, I throw it away. I do not lick it. I cringe when people lick lids. It always seems to me that the stuff that's inside the little plastic cup is better than the crud on the foil lid. The only edible portion is inside the plastic cup. Everything else should be tossed out.

I do not hate lickers. Some of my best friends are liquors. I am also not entirely anti-licking. Somethings are not okay to lick. It is not okay to lick stamps and envelopes. It is okay to lick salt off my hand with a shot of tequila (another liquor that I like, because it makes clothing optional).

I think I am more of a sucker than a licker. It seems that everything that can be licked is much better when sucked. At least, that's what I've been told.

I wonder how many calories are on a lid. Not licking lids is probably what keeps me thin.

Mist 1


90 Comments:

At 10:47 PM, Blogger curiositykiller said...

I'm first!?

 
At 10:49 PM, Blogger curiositykiller said...

Ok. I'm definitely a licker for salt and tequila - I won't suck on tequila without licking salt off someone's skin first - usually my hand. I'm definitely a sucker with my oral fixation... it requires so much more action on my part to suck. I think that burns off calories, or so I was told.

 
At 11:38 PM, Blogger spoon said...

I'm a licker, not a liquor (so don't get excited over there liquor lover). I've also noticed how tequilla makes clothing optional, it also makes me dance better and makes me seem mysterious cause I can't tell people what my name is when they ask!

 
At 11:53 PM, Blogger SQT said...

Yeah, I don't lick either. I think it has to do with an unfortunate ice cream lid incident as a child.

 
At 12:41 AM, Blogger Lizza said...

Haha! A post after my own heart; you never disappoint, mist1.

Licking is good, suckers can do it too. Drinking tequila is the perfect activity for both lickers and suckers.

 
At 1:28 AM, Blogger Rhonda Jones said...

I keep the lid and throw the stuff inside the cup away. I am really thin.

 
At 1:57 AM, Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I gotta say, when it comes to pudding, I'll lick it wherever it lies.

 
At 2:11 AM, Blogger crowwoman / rhian said...

Mist - i think this is a print and frame it post. What's funny as hell is to watch someone sneak a lick of a lid and cut their tongue on it. They always look guilty. Ummm - no not a licker but maybe a liquor. (Yo Rho - Stop playing at Mist's house and go feed your blog monsters!)

 
At 2:13 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

I'm neither. If I have a spoon I'll scrape the lid contents into what I'm about to eat.

I have to be original.

 
At 3:21 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I think of sucking a lot when I look at that picture of your toes.

 
At 3:23 AM, Blogger WanderingGirl said...

I'm with PR, I'm a scraper. I'm fat. I never knew the two were correlated. Let's see how much weight falls off of me now! Dannon, here I come.

I also love tequila. It makes me sensational and funny. It also makes me vomit the next day, but oh, oh, those summer nights.

 
At 3:31 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

My theory is that children of depression babies are lickers.

By depression I mean 'the big one', not mental illness.

I am a licker.

 
At 4:50 AM, Blogger wreckless said...

Sucking definetly burns more calories than licking so if you're a sucker that's why you are thin.
I'm a sucker for your posts.
Too funny again. You really ought to take this stuff to the stage.

 
At 4:52 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

As long as you're not a biter.

 
At 5:04 AM, Blogger Michael Thomas said...

Dunno, I think licking probably burns more calories if you put your heart and soul to it. Tequila is for lickers too. It's Viagra for the tongue. It makes my tongue want to do amazing tricks in all kinds of nice places. Bonus that I never get sick or hung over on Tequila. It's licking without the nasty side effects.

 
At 5:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

curiosity,

I can't think about licking or sucking right now. I want to die.

spoon,

As for the optional clothing part, there is a trail of shoes, bra, and pants from my door to my couch. Good times.

sqt,

No child should have to endure that. What ever it was.

lizza,

Can we not talk about tequila right now?

rhonda,

That is so Nicole Richie of you.

lbb,

Chocolate or vanilla?

crow,

Even the word liquor in that comment makes me retch a little bit.

phishez,

Scrapers are hybrids.

fab,

My toes bring that out in people.

wg,

Quit scraping. The pounds will fall away.

icl,

The Big One is a relative of mine. All the Ones are fabulous people.

wreck,

So, it is the sucking that keeps me thin.

av,

There's nothing wrong with a little biting.

 
At 5:12 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

I wish you had told me your secret with tequila. It's too late now. I may not make it.

 
At 5:26 AM, Anonymous swamp said...

After being on this 24 hour liquid diet, I would lick cat food off a lid. 6 more hours to go and I'm off to devour a fast food restaurant, lids and all.

 
At 5:40 AM, Anonymous archie said...

I'm a scraper. A nasty accident when I was younger stopped me from being a licker. Except in exceptional circumstances and when nothing sharp is nearby!

 
At 5:46 AM, Blogger Ariel said...

I only use salt with Jose Cuervo. I love tequila. It, however, makes me mean, very mean. Sure, I'm a naked mean girl, but still. Oh how I love doing those shots with someone else though where they lick the salt off my neck.

Now I'm going to be drinking tequila tonight. who am I kidding, I'll be drinking it as soon as the liquor store opens.

 
At 5:52 AM, Blogger MJ said...

Just for the record… I am not a licker either….. It is sick and wrong and makes me want to throw up a little

 
At 6:11 AM, Blogger Matt said...

How much does your mechanic charge for a rim job?

 
At 6:20 AM, Blogger Trish said...

Sorry but the stuff on the lid is the best part and must be licked. Of course I could use to lose ten pounds or so...maybe that's what I've been doing wrong.

My lick list includes:

Stamps & envelopes - NO

Salt & Tequila - Yes

Lollipops & candies - NO...I bite them

Ice cream - No cones...I use a bowl and spoon instead.

 
At 6:27 AM, Blogger speedwobble said...

children of the depression AND dirt poor single moms. i swore that once i made a decent income i would never, EVER make myself cut the mould off food and eat it anyways...but i AM a licker...

 
At 6:29 AM, Blogger Tug said...

I'm a licker & a sucker. Life is good...

 
At 6:30 AM, Anonymous Slick said...

Well, between all the sucking and licking...I'm confused but excited.

 
At 6:45 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

If Bill Cosby would bring back pudding pops, people wouldn't have to lick the lid.

Blame him.

 
At 6:49 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Reminds me of lolly's - licker or sucker - OH I am such a sucker! Just ask the guy next to me at the stoplight - he watched the whole time......

 
At 6:51 AM, Blogger Lux Lisbon said...

All straight men should be lickers.

 
At 7:05 AM, Anonymous andy said...

I can't even eat pudding anymore because of that shit on the damn foil. I'm glad you finally brought to the forefront how damned disgusting that is. Good for you. You've done a true service.

as a p.s., I would like to say that 'because it makes clothing optional' caused me to LITERALLY shoot Dr. Pepper OUT my nose while sitting in this room supervising in-school suspension. It is completely silent. Or was.

 
At 7:07 AM, Blogger Jay said...

I would never lick per say...but.
Butt.
But I hate waste.
So I might use my spoon to scrape off anything usable.

I'm sorry if I've disappointed you.

 
At 7:11 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

between my kids and their kid yogurt, my son is a lid licker and my daughter seems to enjoy taking the lid off and then putting it messy side down onto the table. is this a new species i've uncovered?

 
At 7:15 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

At least your parents were Window lickers!

 
At 7:17 AM, Blogger tallulah said...

Sorry you are nauseous.

I'm definitely a sucker...unless of course there is liquor.

 
At 7:19 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

swamp,

I had a liquid diet last night.

archie,

I never knew there were so many scrapers.

ariel,

Why didn't I make anyone lick salt off my neck?

mj,

I wish that I had made a poll for this post. You could have checked the Strongly Disagree box.

matt,

I've never had to pay my mechanic.

trish,

Tell us about your suck list.

speed,

After watching my dad trim cheese, I have sworn to never be like that.

tug,

You are so talented.

slick,

I always make men confused yet excited.

nolff,

You mean, I can't get pudding pops anymore? You know, I never really liked those. It was like watery, icy stuff on a stick.

cheeky,

You are going to cause an accident.

lux,

Some sucking is okay.

andy,

I hate the residue and I am brave enough to talk about it openly here.

I hope that you are sharing my blog with the children. I am a great role model.

jay,

It's okay, just don't let me catch you licking it.

furious,

She is a sticker.

 
At 7:20 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

mayren,

Do you know my parents?

tallulah,

Strangely, I feel like I could have some liquor now. As long as it's not tequila.

 
At 7:25 AM, Blogger Ariel said...

mist1: no idea why you wouldn't. It burns off any calories by getting your heart racing. You're basically working out and not drinking.

 
At 7:29 AM, Blogger Omniscience said...

then there's tapioca pudding eaters and non-tapioca pudding eaters. i fall into the latter category. blech

 
At 7:52 AM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

Not a lid licker either, but I am a finger swooper--when other mortals see the container as empty, I simply swirl my finger around to sweep up any remaining goodness.

It can be kind of seductive with sexy foods, such as whipped cream. Not so much with the French onion dip.

 
At 8:04 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

I licked a lid.

ONCE.

And I had that metallic taste in my mouth for about an hour after doing so....it tasted like I had CHEWED on the tin foil lid.

NEVER AGAIN!

 
At 8:07 AM, Anonymous Miss Britt said...

I stay thin because I am a licker.

Licked calories don't count.

I eat all my meals straight from the lid.

 
At 8:18 AM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

licking a lid has got to be akin to taking a biscuit and wiping your plate with it. That shit is ridiculous.

 
At 8:28 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

ariel,

I feel like I missed a perfectly good opportunity to get licked.

omni,

So, I guess those bubble teas are out? I love bubble tea. Biggest tapioca pearls ever. I don't even want to know what tapioca is. It would ruin it for me.

123,

I could go for some French onion dip.

miztris,

I am so sorry that you had to learn that way. Schedule some time at an elementary school. Tell the children not to lick.

britt,

While I do agree that anything eaten directly from the fridge does not have any caloric value, I know that the stuff on the lid is higher in concentrations of fat and stuff. It was on Oprah.

stilt,

It's not wiping, it's sopping.

 
At 8:29 AM, Blogger Alicia said...

I'm a licker.
But thanks to you, I've seen the light (or LITE) and will no longer lick the yogurt from my lid.
Thanks, Mist.

 
At 8:50 AM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

The only lids I lick are on chocolate pudding or frosting. You've made me realize that I am not an equal-opportunity licker.

Feel better.

 
At 8:59 AM, Blogger het said...

mist
so if lid lickers are bean flickers,
and if you like to pucker, you are a sucker....
no clothes with tequila makes you a feeler,
what happens if you pour it straight from the pot into your mouth without a spoon ?

ciao4now

 
At 9:05 AM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

Is this porn?

 
At 9:06 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

alicia,

Glad I could help. It's what I'm here for.

mystery,

How many opportunities do you get to like a frosting lid? I have a thing of frosting in my fridge that has been there for three years.

het,

Reminds me of a poem...
I eat my peas with honey
I've done it all my life
It makes them taste quite funny
But it keeps them on my knife.

 
At 9:23 AM, Blogger fringes said...

All the good licking/no licking comments have been made. Your work is done here.

 
At 9:37 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Licking lids is nasty.

Anything edible that goes into my mouth gets chewed. I think all that exercise keeps me thin.

 
At 9:46 AM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

Mist1: is the barfiness a liquor to stomach ratio or a sickiness? Either way I hopes you feels bettah soon!


I am a licker, and a sucker, and I swallow.

 
At 9:52 AM, Blogger Pookie Sixx said...

I'm not a licker. There is something creepy to me about the lid leavins. Although, sucking salt off anything is kinda fun after a bottle of tequila or whiskey.....

 
At 10:02 AM, Blogger That's one clever little Yvonne said...

I only lick certain lids. Others are too disgusting to lick. I can't explain the logic behind that or what makes a particular lid suitable for licking and another one not. Usually I lick when everything in the container is gone and I REALLY NEED SOME MORE!!! I just go with my feelings.

 
At 10:13 AM, Blogger Steven Novak said...

I am a lid licker, and damn proud of it.

Why let that liddy goodness go to waste? ;)

Steve~

 
At 10:40 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

fringes,

There is so much left to be said about lickers vs. non-lickers. Or liquor for that matter.

hearts,

I always chew my gum vigorously. It burns calories.

scotts,

The word barfiness is making me feel barfy again. It is due to liquor.

pookie,

Lid leavins makes me laugh.

clever,

Please give examples. I'd like to understand your selective licking.

steven,

I won't hold your affinity for lid licking against you.

 
At 11:56 AM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

If you ever decide to partner up, long-term, make it with a licker. You can hand him/her the lids, and enjoy other side benefits, too.

 
At 12:29 PM, Anonymous Karmyn said...

Okay - I admit it, I lick, but only the lids of the chocolate pudding cups.

 
At 1:32 PM, Blogger Michael Thomas said...

Alright, I'll just have to try and pencil you in for another day for the Tequila Viagra demonstration. You know, if you could ever keep your appointments........

 
At 2:39 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

jocelyn,

Now accepting applications for lickers.

karmyn,

You have a discriminating palate.

micheal,

I need to learn how to read. I thought that said Tequila Vagina.

 
At 2:50 PM, Blogger hyacinths and biscuits said...

Stamps have something like 3 calories each on them. I'm trying to stay thin by only buying self-adhesive stamps.

While this was riveting, I cannnot wait to hear about your mega date.

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Licking and sucking both work for me, but licking lids is common - certainly not something one should do in polite company.

Here endeth the etiquette lesson.

Puss

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Sometimes I lick, sometimes I don't. It all depends on my mood and the lid.

 
At 3:43 PM, Blogger Just telling it like it is said...

I would have to say that I am pro-licker...I once let my friends lick salt off my bely at a bar..tecquikklya shots for everyone...And I kinda liked it...

 
At 3:49 PM, Anonymous Allan said...

Licker?

I don't even know her.

*Ba Da Bing*

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

my comment disappeared again, now i am getting a complex honey. is it all the lids i licked? that must be it, cause i am a licker from way back. how do you think i got this ass? licking lids, that's how...

smiles, bee

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger Brookelina said...

You'd think after reading the word "licker" so many times I'd be more turned on.

 
At 4:51 PM, Blogger Ryan said...

You are WAY TOO FUNNY

 
At 5:17 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

h & b,

It really depends on how much you lick the stamp.

puss,

I am not refined enough to be in your company.

velvet,

I don't know where I stand with you. Too many mixed messages.

tellin',

Belly licking is different.

allan,

Well played. Excuse me, I have to tip my waitress.

bee,

Lid licker comment moderation has been turned on.

brooke,

Poor lickers. They're decent folks, just a little gross to eat with.

ryan,

I am a lot of things.

 
At 5:34 PM, Blogger Chrissy121875 said...

Brilliant post, Mist1 :) I really like the way you write and I love the content. I think that I'm a pseudo-licker! LOL! I sometimes lick the lids of tapioca pudding. I never lick stamps or envelopes. There's just no rhyme or reason for the things I do. I sometimes lick. I sometimes don't. Is there a gray area there? LOL!

 
At 5:56 PM, Blogger Crazy.Spoiled.bLitch. said...

Lid licking is just tacky and in poor taste... Is that a pun of somesort?

 
At 6:03 PM, Blogger Claudia said...

I'm a licker...and a bowl scraper, especially if it's anything involving chocolate.

 
At 6:33 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

chrissy,

I never thought that anything brilliant could be said about lid licking. I expect a call from the Nobel people soon.

csb,

Nicely done.

claudia,

That seems to be the theme. Lickers like chocolate.

 
At 7:03 PM, Blogger Lee said...

I only like to lick if I can look someone in the eye while I'm doing it. Come to think of it, that goes for sucking too.

But tequila, that's only for vomiting.

 
At 7:11 PM, Blogger Turnbaby said...

I licked, I liked, I swallowed

YUP ;-)

 
At 7:16 PM, Blogger slaghammer said...

You are talking about freshly opened containers I hope. I can’t imagine anybody licking the crusties from old ketchup bottle lids? In any case, it is an odd thing, I used to lick lids but now I don’t. I have no idea when I stopped, or why I stopped. Now I’m thinking about all of that valuable food I’ve wasted over the last…however many years it’s been. I’m going to start licking lids again.

 
At 7:38 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

lee,

Maybe I should practice a coquettish look while licking.

turn,

Spitting is just rude. Swallowing is so much more ladylike.

Thanks for coming by.

slag,

I have failed.

 
At 7:56 PM, Blogger Chrissy121875 said...

*sigh* Mist1, I have to say that this is a very addictive blog. I was just checking in to see if you had posted anything on your hot date with the firefighters! LOL!

Ahhh...'brilliant' as in 'excellent' and not as in 'intelligent'...not that it wasn't an intelligent post!! LOL! Errr...I suppose hanging out with so many Brit friends has rubbed off on me ;p Anyway......

 
At 8:09 PM, Blogger Pickled Olives said...

I'm not a lid, stamp or envelope licker. Actually. I am not a licker. And if I suck something, I always want to bite. I don't really suck on much.

 
At 8:19 PM, Blogger Lex said...

I don't know if I'm a licker or not. I've never thought about it. I need to ask somebody so I too can be told.

I'm sure spitters and swallowers intersect with lickers and non-lickers somewhere.

 
At 8:31 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

chrissy,

Firemen to come after closer to midnight. My time. I'm leaving that whole brilliant/intelligent thing alone. I am working on positive self-affirmations. Am brilliant. Am brilliant. Am brilliant. Am also well accessorized.

olives,

I bite.

lex,

I need a Venn diagram.

 
At 8:54 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

I have found that I control my calories better by licking the lid and then tossing the cup full of whatever I just licked away. It really works, why just last week they had to admit me overnight for malnutrition again.

 
At 5:11 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

A few days with a tube in your nose and you'll be as good as new.

 
At 10:52 AM, Blogger Faz the Cat said...

The great thing about 'throwing up' as we call it here in Merry Ol'England is that when you're a cat you get to eat it again. Purr FAZ

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

faz,

I think I have to pass a hairball now.

 
At 10:29 AM, Blogger Megs said...

You know some people are both suckers and lickers...but it gets complicated. I definitely agree that not licking lids has a positive affect on weight. lol...

 
At 10:33 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

megs,

That is complicated. Hybrid people are very interesting to me.

 
At 4:12 PM, Blogger cucuclaire said...

thanks for the eye opener. i knew that extra five pound came from the lid-licking, not the whole side of beef i ate for dinner! DAMN!

 
At 8:28 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

cucu,

I am nothing if not a good source of valuable information.

 
At 3:29 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

But the "crud" on the lid is more...um...concentrated.

'N stuff.

Okay, there's just no excuse!

 
At 10:47 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

crank,

There is no excuse for being a licker. Unless, you are into licking other things. Then, I will make an exception.

 

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