To Do:  1. Get Hobby 2. Floss

Here's what I need to do: 1. Get Hobby, 2. Floss. Blogging just gets in the way.


Tuesday, February 20, 2007

A Teaser


I have a date with 150 men. I wish that I could say that I was doing this for a charitable cause, but I am not a charitable person. I am doing it so that I have something to blog about.

Naturally, I needed to prepare for my big night by spending a day in the spa.

I had my eyebrows groomed and my hair dyed a color that can be best described as redruM. Finally, I had a session with Courtney.

Courtney is an aspiring actor; in his spare time, he rubs naked ladies down with salt and oil. He wears little shorts in the vichy shower. I love little shorts. He is the only man that I get naked for and do not go through his pockets after we are finished. I even tip him. I gave Courtney the details of my upcoming evening. He told me that he has had that kind of night before and recommended some films to watch in preparation. He's such a pretty boy; I'm sure all the boys love him.

Courtney talked me into a new body treatment that is supposed to miraculously take care of all my problem areas. For the record, my biggest problem area is my kitchen sink, everything else is mostly under control. I am not sure how a rubbing my a$$ with currant extract is going to fix the sink, but I am willing to try anything. I signed the release forms and Courtney went to get the Crackling Body Mousse with Currant Extract. I don't worry about release forms at the spa because the first thing they do when I walk in the door is pour me a glass of champagne. After a few glasses, I do not trouble myself with the fine print.

Crackling Body Mousse is a strange thing. It foams up and sounds like a bowl of Rice Krispies upon contact with skin. Courtney smoothed it over my butt cheeks. The sensation was a bit like placing ice cold Pop Rocks in my a$$ crack. Not that I have ever done that...yet. I really like Pop Rocks.

My butt is perfectly soft and supple now, albeit a little numb. Courtney and I apparently have the same idea about dating 150 men.

Details of my date with 150 men (did I mention that they are firefighters?) to follow...

Mist 1


90 Comments:

At 8:47 PM, Blogger Michael C said...

Sounds like quite a night you've got coming up. Let's just hope with all the firemen preoccupied with you that the only fire in town on date night is at the firehouse, if you get my drift...

 
At 8:57 PM, Blogger The CEO said...

1
I am a fireman in training, and I am here with some currant extract. Do you mind if I'm first since I got here so early?

 
At 9:36 PM, Blogger Dorky Dad said...

Will there be any video cameras around with your date? Will Howard Stern be anywhere nearby?

 
At 9:51 PM, Blogger cinders said...

150 men? You should've skipped the spa and went in for a quick oil, lube and filter.

 
At 10:14 PM, Blogger Blitz Krieg said...

150 firemen? Even without firetrucks there will be enough hose there to put out the towering inferno.

 
At 10:23 PM, Blogger Jocelyn said...

Make sure you also pour Coke into your butt crack when you try that Pop Rocks thing. Now *that* would give you something to blog about.

 
At 11:28 PM, Blogger Yasamin said...

oh my god i'm soooo going to have to try that. ;D

oh and i'm enjoying my non working time immensely... >:)~

 
At 1:20 AM, Blogger frannie said...

you just ruined pop rocks for me.

 
At 2:28 AM, Blogger crowwoman / rhian said...

Those poor guys. Don't they know it'll take more than a 150 of them to keep up with you? Armed with a poppin' rocked ass, no less.

 
At 2:44 AM, Blogger Killer said...

You should be able to persuade atleast one or two of those 150 to snake your sink.

 
At 3:22 AM, Blogger phishez_rule said...

150 men. Shit. I have trouble getting a date with just one. Maybe I should wander around with a boob popping out. The first guy to point it out gets a blow job.

 
At 4:16 AM, Blogger Irish Church Lady :) said...

Sounds like Courtney relished the thought of a date with 150 firefighters too and enjoyed getting you ready for it!

 
At 4:25 AM, Blogger Doc said...

Are you doing porn now Mist? Because this sounds exactly like one of those prep sessions those girls go through before having the gang bang of the century...though 150 is really light weight for them.

 
At 4:30 AM, Blogger wreckless said...

The visuals you create are astounding. Don't know about the 150 thing, but I'm awaiting details.

 
At 5:10 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

michael,

A fire would totally ruin my plans.

0,

Don't get there too early. I will be fashionably late.

dorky,

I have instructed the camera crew to only get my good side.

cinders,

My car is not my problem area.

blitz,

Did you call me a ho?

jocelyn,

That might hospitalize me.

yasamin,

I told you so.

frannie,

Even the cherry ones?

crow,

I wish everyone would refer to my a$$ as poppin' rocked.

killer,

I hadn't even thought of that angle. What are you doing later?

phishez,

You can come with me.

icl,

How could he not?

doc,

Courtney's my fluffer?

wreck,

You imagined Courtney in his little shorts, didn't you.

 
At 5:16 AM, Blogger Omniscience said...

hmm..."courtney". i thought they were all named Sven.

 
At 5:17 AM, Blogger Michael Thomas said...

Careful with the firehoses

 
At 5:20 AM, Blogger Matt said...

If you're looking for sponsorship, I would suggest Archer Daniels Midland Company, "Supermarket to the World."

Seriously, you're not exploiting yourself enough.

 
At 5:21 AM, Anonymous Neil said...

I think you are ready for all those men. That currant extract should give you the added antioxidants for energy!

 
At 5:36 AM, Blogger PaintingChef said...

Every girl needs a Courtney. Mine is called Felix and everytime I go see him I come home and tell my husband over and over how lucky he is that Felix likey the boys.

 
At 5:40 AM, Blogger speedwobble said...

In my family, I was the "smart one", and my sister was the "pretty one". My sister uses your kitchen sink trick to get everything done. Being the "smart" Feminist, I had to go out and learn my own damn plumbing (and auto mechanics and flooring and roofing and...)

I know for a fact she's still the pretty one, but I'm starting to wonder who the smart one really is...

Man, the only way I'd ever get to hang out with firemen is if I joined the department...some girls just have ALL the luck...

 
At 5:42 AM, Blogger Avitable said...

Pop rocks in your butt is not as fun as it sounds. It's like if you ate, and subsequently pooped, little firecrackers. I'm just surmising, of course.

 
At 5:47 AM, Blogger Reba said...

Ah firefighters. Men who know how to handle their hose.

 
At 5:51 AM, Blogger Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

why does fluffer-nutter keep going through my mind? what little i have of a mind anyway...

smiles, bee

 
At 5:56 AM, Blogger Crack La Rock said...

Pissed.

 
At 5:59 AM, Blogger Cheeky said...

Ummm wanna share Courtney's #? I have a spa I go to here but I want the cracklin stuff (I am a pop rocks fan too).

 
At 6:09 AM, Blogger Kelley said...

150 firemen? *sigh* When you get married, they don't tell you about all the, er, opportunities you may miss out on.

 
At 6:41 AM, Blogger Nölff said...

I once killed a sabortooth tiger with my bare hands.

You should be impressed.

 
At 6:48 AM, Blogger Tug said...

150 men, a massage & pop rocks. You have ALL the fun.

 
At 6:48 AM, Blogger heather said...

firemen, huh. can't wait for the details on this one.

 
At 7:07 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

omni,

I have only known one Sven. I never let him touch me.

michael,

Are you speaking from experience?

matt,

I only like sponsors who don't make me wear their logo.

neil,

I am feeling a little jumpy. I don't think he washed away all of the currant extract.

chef,

Felix is a great name. I'm going to start calling Courtney that.

speed,

I used to be the smart one in my family. Then, I got pretty.

av,

That's better than Mentos and Diet Coke.

reba,

Ah, hose.

bee,

I applied to be a fluffer nutter once.

crack,

Honey, it's not what it looks like. I can explain.

cheeky,

I don't want to share Courtney. Pretty soon, I won't be able to book an appointment.

kelley,

Start a fire. You can have opportunities too.

nolff,

You always impress me.

tug,

I really do.

heather,

You will have to wait.

 
At 7:12 AM, Anonymous swamp said...

Dear Mist1:
OH, you have to visit today since you're talking about men. Have I got "men' for you ?!? Maybe you can add them to your list of 150.

 
At 7:29 AM, Blogger Natalia said...

I swear I wanted to read but I was transfixed by the image of the pop rocks. So much that I had to drive to blockbuster which is the only place I know sells them for sure. YUM!

-N

 
At 7:34 AM, Blogger Scottsdale Girl said...

MMMMMMMMMMM firefighters......

 
At 7:38 AM, Blogger fringes said...

I can't wait to hear the rest of the story. You are so Paul Harvey.

 
At 7:40 AM, Blogger Ariel said...

Pop Rocks. Now I have a craving. Back once I find them at the store.

 
At 7:49 AM, Blogger Mayren said...

R-E-D-R-U-M!
Tru story. Me and KristynMarie went to a liquor store like 4 or 5 years ago to pick up some TGIFriday's Mudslide mix and stuff.
We saw the coolest red bottle and were mesmerized for a whole 5 minutes. The bottle was a special label called "REDRUM" .
The saying has follow each of us ever since.

 
At 7:51 AM, Blogger SQT said...

I'm not craving Pop Rocks after reading that, I'm craving firefighters.

 
At 8:04 AM, Anonymous 123Valerie said...

Well, huh. I didn't even know such a thing was legal in your state.

Glad your ass is even more fantastic, kiddo.

 
At 8:10 AM, Blogger tallulah said...

I SO want ice cold pop rocks in my a$$ crack!
I'm calling my spa today to see if they offer this mousse/currant thing.

 
At 8:15 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

LOL, pop rocks. I'll have to make a couple of calls and see if we have anything like that here in Washington. Oh and I'll have to be sure to ask if they have hunky guy in little shorts to apply it.

Thanks for the morning laugh, Mist.

 
At 8:38 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

swamp,

151 is a bad number for me. Ever since that Bacardi debacle.

natalia,

Pop Rocks should pay me for the work that I do.

scotts,

Who doesn't like firefighters?

fringes,

Is that better than Steve Harvey?

ariel,

Pick up some for me. Not watermelon.

mayren,

Did you buy it?

sqt,

You can have both.

123,

Thanks for pointing out how fantastic it already was.

tallulah,

You can always try the home version.

michelle,

Anytime. Good luck with the Crackling Body Mousse.

 
At 8:42 AM, Blogger K said...

waiting for the sequel...hehehehe...

 
At 8:44 AM, Anonymous Slick said...

I'm not so sure about any male named "Courtney"...I mean, for crying outloud.

You might need a numb ass before going out on a date with 150 menfolk

 
At 8:47 AM, Blogger Tammie Jean said...

And I thought Pop Rocks were just for oral s... (I didn't almost just say that, did I?!)

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

You're aware that Courtney is just faking the gay thing, right? Think about it. Straight guy feigns "the gay" and gets to rub salt and crackling body mousse on women's "problem areas." Brilliant gig. Not to make you paranoid or nuffin.

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

k,

Stay tuned...

slick,

That's what Courtney said.

tammie,

Yes, you did just say that. Thanks, that was awesome. I'm proud of you.

 
At 8:50 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

cruiser,

Is he faking the aspiring actor thing too? Because I really, really like his acting.

 
At 8:53 AM, Blogger furiousBall said...

I am a volunteer firefighter and I thank you for your supple pop rock aoftened ass support

 
At 8:54 AM, Anonymous Kristyn said...

Okay, it's official, being married spoils all the fun! That said, how does one dat 150 firefighters in one night?

 
At 9:07 AM, Anonymous Karmyn said...

I can't get past the idea of Courtney in little shorts. Okay - so what if he wouldn't give ME the time of day, I can still look.

 
At 9:14 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Have you ever tried putting Pop Rocks in your mouth when you're...well, playing the skin flute, shall we say?
The firemen might enjoy. Just trying to help.

 
At 9:18 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

furious,

Thank you for your support.

kristyn,

I will probably light myself on fire.

karmyn,

That's how I feel about Courtney completely. Sometimes, I flirt with him. He vomits, but he plays it off and my feelings aren't hurt.

ctw,

I played the violin.

 
At 9:18 AM, Blogger you'dneverguess said...

Two words - Body Wrap - it's so good. Detoxifies, rejuvinates and takes inches off of your body all over. Tightens it up like. Good stuff.

 
At 9:34 AM, Blogger Dallas DYSfunction said...

Ok. First: I want 150 firemen. I would gladly take sloppy seconds. Second: I need Courtney's number....ASAP.

 
At 9:35 AM, Blogger Alicia said...

Pop rocks are great for giving head.
I'm just sayin.
I've never heard about your kitchen sink treatment!
Pop rocks in the ass crack...
:)
Sounds interesting.

 
At 9:44 AM, Blogger velvet girl said...

Even though the 150 firemen sound tempting, I'd be pretty content if I had a Courtney and some of that Crackling Body Mousse with Currant Extract.

Can't wait to hear about your date.

-velvet

 
At 9:54 AM, Blogger Glamourpuss said...

Oooh, I've tried that stuff - it feels funny. Not like 150 firemen, I bet that feels serious. If you need help or feel like sharing, I can be on the next plane - I have a huge fireman fetish.

Puss

 
At 9:59 AM, Blogger Webmiztris said...

hmm, sounds like a reality show. where can I tune in?

 
At 10:19 AM, Blogger Tiggerlane said...

Yeah - I need Courtney's number so I can find the film list before this weekend.

150 men. Firemen. HAWT.

 
At 10:29 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

yng,

I don't want inches taken off. My boobs would be craters.

dallas,

You stay away from my men and I'll stay away from yours.

alicia,

Am I the only girl on Earth who hasn't done the Pop Rock trick? I feel like such a prude.

velvet,

Yeah, Courtney's pretty good. He puts me in a coma.

puss,

Ohhh...fly into town for this one, please?

miztris,

I'm hoping to be picked up by a network for next season.

tigger,

I was a little shocked at the films.

 
At 10:41 AM, Blogger fringes said...

Is Paul Harvey better than Steve Harvey? Infinitely. But I loves me some storytellers. You may lean more toward the comedian type.

 
At 10:58 AM, Blogger Dagromm said...

Your "date with 150 firemen" isn't something that I should notify Homeland Security about is it? I'm going to feel awfully guilty if I find out that you flew a plane into the Georgia Dome.

Stay Fresh,

Dagromm

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger heartinsanfrancisco said...

Out of 150 guys, your chances are really good that one of them knows how to fix a sink.

 
At 11:13 AM, Blogger CruiserMel said...

Hell, ASPIRING actor? It sounds like the guy should be winning Oscars to me.

 
At 11:29 AM, Anonymous andy said...

Mistizzle,

"'like' placing ice cold Pop Rocks in my ass..."

'Like'? Talk to me when you get SERIOUS about this saving the world thing.

 
At 12:03 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

fringes,

Really, I just prefer big and stupid.

dagromm,

I checked with Homeland Security already. The threat level is at mauve today, so that's what color I'm going to wear.

hearts,

I have never been more excited.

cruiser,

I'm starting to think that Courtney has been tricking me into getting naked for him for years.

andy,

Like, I am rarely serious about anything. Except for my sink.

 
At 12:25 PM, Blogger The Stiltwalker said...

Your cooter is gonna be sore.

I wonder what will happen if you put poprocks in your cooter?

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

"My butt is perfectly soft and supple now, albeit a little numb. Courtney and I apparently have the same idea about dating 150 men."
= hilarious.

Is B.O.B. still attached to your hand? Because that would liven up the date(s), one way or the other.

 
At 12:33 PM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Oh my gosh, did I totally botch your punchline from the last post? I read it as though you typed with one hand because you glued yourself to B.O.B.-- but did you mean that that hand was in use? I am not funny. That's what I get for trying to be :(

 
At 12:44 PM, Blogger Claudia said...

Can we get pictures of the firefighters? :) tell them it's for a good cause

 
At 1:05 PM, Blogger Brookelina said...

150 men? Selfish bitch.

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger Trish said...

Firemen? I sure hope they are in uniform and bring their hoses with them. I guess BOB will have to take a back seat for the night then.

 
At 1:46 PM, Blogger Roadchick said...

Does currant extract work for cock-jaw?

 
At 2:26 PM, Blogger GhostRose said...

If you've got a date with 150 men in one night, can I suggest that you DON'T put viagra in the soup. :-)

 
At 2:31 PM, Blogger you'dneverguess said...

No, craters are bad. Just stick with your pop rocks then. Hope the date goes well!

 
At 2:33 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

stilt,

The word cooter here is sending my in to fits of laughter. I am unable to imagine what would happen to said cooter if Pop Rocks were introduced.

mystery,

No punchline is wasted here.

claudia,

I am sure photos will be provided.

brooke,

Don't worry. I am willing to share...with the highest bidder.

trish,

B.O.B. is resting.

chick,

My jaw feels fine.

ghost,

I don't cook.

 
At 2:35 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

yng,

I am sold on the Pop Rock therapy.

 
At 3:29 PM, Blogger Melanie said...

interesting! your only problem area is your kitchen sink? I officially hate you.`

 
At 3:51 PM, Blogger Ryan said...

I wanted to be a fireman when I was little

Does that count?

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

melanie,

My total hate count is in the thousands. Take a number.

ryan,

It depends on what happens later.

 
At 4:57 PM, Blogger Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Screw the spa trip! I want to know about about this 150 men and why I'm not one of them.

 
At 5:33 PM, Blogger Glaziersgirl said...

You have a MOST exciting life! What in the world do you do for a living? My life is so very dull...I am envious and want the extra special "snap, crackle, pop" spa treatment.

 
At 6:12 PM, Blogger Edgy Mama said...

Wonder if the currant extract would get rid of my heinie rash from overexuberant hottubbing last weekend?

Sheesh, I live in spa town central and nobody's ever given me more than some sparkling green tea before a treatment.

 
At 6:22 PM, Blogger Steph said...

150? Best you invest in some bulk lube methinks, or your arse won't be poppin it will be crackling!!

 
At 9:33 PM, Blogger Chrissy121875 said...

Ooooooooh la la! Can't wait to hear all the details! Hmmmm...crackling sensation of Pop Rocks on the butt area. Interesting! Muhahahhaha! That was my evil laugh.

I love firefighters (that's why I married one! LOL). Anyway, I wanna hear all the details, girl!

 
At 9:58 PM, Blogger Jay said...

I am fairly certain that I will never feel the urge to spread condiments on my ass, but if I do, I vow to do my own rubbing.

 
At 5:16 AM, Blogger mist1 said...

nick,

Your invitation must have gotten lost in the mail.

glazier,

What do I do for a living? Well, I blog, of course.

edgy,

Hot tubs are dangerous.

steph,

Ouch. Good thought.

chrissy,

You only married one? How did you choose?

jay,

I don't know, Courtney is pretty damn good.

 
At 7:06 PM, Blogger Lee said...

Jesus, I hope you at least get calendar.

 
At 7:50 PM, Blogger mist1 said...

lee,

Last time I checked, there weren't 150 months.

 

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