It's been a long time, but I think that I am ready for a relationship again. A real relationship. Like the kind I have with my shoes. Loving and exciting and expensive. A relationship that makes me feel good and look even better.
Well, maybe not quite yet, but I think that I will be ready sometime in the future. Maybe in the next few years. I think 2008 sounds like a good year. I like even numbers, but 2010 is too perfect and 2012 is too far away. So, in 2008, I will embark on a new relationship.
It's hard to meet a man and tell him, "although, I am very interested in you, I still need a few more months of being a complete wreck. I would appreciate it if you would wait until an even numbered year for us to begin dating in earnest. In the meantime, if you touch another girl, I will scratch her f*cking eyes out." Very few men understand this.
It's not that I'm not dating. I am dating a man whose profile that I read on a sperm donor website. He is a doctor and has hazel eyes. We share many similar interests, but there's just no chemistry. I've got him in my freezer in case I ever feel like sharing the rest of my life with him, but I've taken him out to thaw so many times, that I'm just not sure what's in store for us if we ever decide to get serious.
I want a spring romance. Spring seems like a perfect time to start anew. We will enjoy sunset strolls and copious amounts of alcohol followed by passionate/acrobatic sex. I think April or May would be perfect. So, I've started searching the release dates of inmates in my local correctional facilities.
The internet is a wonderful thing. I can search the inmate population by release date. My current options include a man who enjoys drawing and holding hands and who just happens to have stabbed his wife 78 times with an ordinary kitchen utensil. There is also the gentleman who likes curly hair and writes poetry and is awfully crafty with a crowbar.
I am torn.