There are somethings that I miss about living in the Tundra. I miss the lakes and the greatest mall in all of North America. I miss Prince, we hardly talk anymore. I miss the funny way that people talk, although where I live now people talk pretty funny too, y'all. I don't miss the weather. Not even a little bit.
One of my favorite things to do is to watch the weather channel to see how cold it is back home. When the weather map is tangerine where I am and lavender where my family is, I call them (I also call them when the terror alert level is periwinkle). I pretend to be concerned. Really, I am just calling to tell them that I am wearing shorts and flip flops and good Lord, I think I just might break a sweat. My family knows me well enough to know that I am lying. They know that 1.) I don't sweat; and 2.) I prefer not to wear shorts or pants or really anything at all. It's part of the reason that I had to leave home in the first place.
The other night, I called Dad to talk about the weather. Dad always likes to talk about snow. He grew up in the Tundra and before that, his relatives moved here from Old Tundra where it snows all the time. I bought him a snow blower a few years ago. He uses it to take up space in his garage. He's the kind of guy who will go outside to shovel several times during a blizzard so that it won't be so hard later on. This kind of logic doesn't make sense to me. I don't rake leaves in the fall because more are just going to fall. In truth, I don't rake leaves at all.
"I heard it's the worst blizzard since 1891," I said.
"It's not that bad," he said. People in cold climates are always trying to tell those of us with sense enough to move to warmer locales are always saying stuff like that. They are full of sh*t. "You have to remember that people were a lot shorter back then." He makes a strong argument. I would like to see a chart graphing the height differentials of meteorologists over time.
Now, I'm questioning that whole global warming thing. Maybe people are just getting taller, that's all.
PS: Fringes is on vacation and has generously allowed me to hold her blog hostage today. As usual, I have lots of important stuff to say. Read it here.