I took a comparative religion class in college. I feel that those three credit hours make me qualified to come up with all kinds of answers to religious questions when asked.
Last night, Sue (my deliciously beautiful, yet nearly retarded friend) called me. "What does Allah look like?" she asked.
I had to think for a bit. I told her that I know lots of people, but no one named Allah. "No, you know, like Allah Allah. The Allah." Sometimes, when you say a name twice, it will jog my memory. "Oh, that Allah," I said.
I told her that I didn't think that I had ever seen a picture of Allah. He's not like Jesus or anything. I have a magnetic dress up Jesus on my fridge. Sometimes, I make him wear a French maid outfit. It's really pretty cute on him. I want to get the biker outfit for him next. Or maybe the Urban Jesus outfit. The one where he's wearing the white t-shirt that looks like a nightgown and jeans. Sue calls that the t-skirt. Jesus would look good in that. And some New Balance sneakers. Yeah, that's how I want the Jesus on my fridge to look.
We talked about whether Urban Jesus would wear New Balance or not for awhile. Then, Sue got serious. "Look, I'm in the bathroom. I'm out with a guy that I think has Allah tattooed on his neck." I reached back into the part of my brain that remembers stuff from college. It's occupies a tiny space in my head. I remember that my apartment was #420. I'm also pretty sure that it's not okay to create a picture of Allah. "That would be idol worship," I said. We talked about American Idol for a little while and then she had to leave the restroom to rejoin her date and his tattoo at the dinner table.
Later in the evening, I got a text message from Sue. "It's Mohammad Ali," it said. Before she could ask, I told her that he was like a prophet or something.
I like to make her think that I'm the idiot.