My Bear Crotch
After writing about Brazilian waxes the other day, I received several suggestions via email as to how I should groom my crotch. First, I would like to thank everyone for the thoughtful suggestions. It's nice to know that my snatch is in the mind's of at least four people. Second, I only email pictures of my toes upon request. Sorry, you will not be receiving any Mist 1 Crotch Shots. Although, for the right price, I may reconsider.
A few months ago, I asked Lacy (my esthetician who is excellent at eyebrows, but not so talented with other bodily hair) if she could wax a design into my delicate lady parts. She carefully cut a piece of paper into a stencil of my initials (yes, I'm that vane). M1 seemed easy enough. She prepped me and went to work. I ended up with what looked more like a lopsided lightening bolt. We both agreed that it was a mess and she promptly removed all of my hair.
The completely bald thing is not a good look for me. Bald, I look strikingly like a 12-year-old. I decided that rather than date pedophiles who like the pre-pubescent look, that I should grow my hair back and start again. The next time, I asked Lacy to leave a bit more hair. The Hitler look left a little to be desired. As I examined my crotch in the hand held mirror that she so graciously provided, I was shocked at how much my crotch resembles an eyeball turned on it's side. I thought about how lucky my crotch is; very few people get to stare into my panties all day.
This time, I was prepared. I collected the suggestions and design templates that were conveniently emailed to me and laid them out for her to study. Immediately, Lacy ruled out the bear. I protested. How ironic is it to have a nearly bare bear snatch? But, Lacy insisted that it was too complex. We jointly ruled out anyone's name. I can't live with anyone's name down there unless we are deeply committed. By deeply committed, I mean paying for my shoe habit. The Confederate flag option was also vetoed. It just doesn't have the same impact without a good dye job. We decided to go for the flames.
Lacy traced the outline onto a piece of paper and laid it across me. She applied the wax and began ripping out the hair. Does anyone else scream during this process? The end result looks a little like I use a Pubic Flowbee or a paper shredder to groom myself.
For the next several weeks, I'll be hitting on men who work at my local office supply store.