Miles to Go Before I...
Last year, I bought a pedometer. I have some obsessive compulsive behaviors, so technically, I probably should have consulted my shrink before I made the purchase.I programmed all the settings. I counted and measured my steps. I even input my weight honestly. This was a new relationship and I wanted to start it right. I wanted it to trust me. I didn't want to flip open the top to see how many steps I had taken and for it to tell me that I had taken 10,000 aerobic steps just to make me feel good about myself.
I found that the best place for my pedometer was tucked neatly into the waist of my panties and not to the waist band of my pants as suggested on the informational insert. The vibrating pedometer is another one of my fabulous inventions that I haven't gotten around to making.
From my home, there are 16 bars within walking distance. It turns out that it is about a three mile walk to go to each of these bars and home again. My love for fitness returned with this discovery.
It wasn't long before I had decided to see just how many steps I could take in a day. Somewhere around 22,000, I decided to see if I could walk so far that I reset the counter. I walked until my feet blistered. The sun went down and I got thirsty. I had made several laps around my neighborhood bars. It was time to close out my tabs. Total steps: 67,481.
As I sat at the bar, I continued to fidget. Surely, my pedometer would track my fidgeting. Unfortunately, pedometers don't work that way. They know when you are cheating the system, and when you are cheating the system, you are only cheating yourself.
After that day, I put the pedometer away. I had abused it's power. It sat, tucked away in a little box on my dresser for nearly a year.
Last night, I rediscovered it. I feel like I appreciate it now. I have matured. I will not put it on a pedestal or on a treadmill.
Still, I wonder, if I wear it while having sex, will it tell me how many calories I am burning? And, what will I clip it to?
Mist 1
Posted by Mist1 @ 6:28 AM
64 Comments:
hmmm...where to clip a pedometer while having sex...good question...truely a dilema! While i might suggest having the monkey hold it against you...you've mentioned your fear of monkeys, so obviously that won't do...i suppose that leave trained birds.....o_0
Forget the pedometer. Let your boyfriend tell you how many calories you are burning. Sounds like a win win to me. Memo to mist's BF: I spect at LEAST an HDTV for this suggestion dude!
BD
Since you persist in waxing within an inch of your life, the only solution is a garter belt, or crotchless panties.
Where there's a will, there's a way. I know you'll think of something.
There are SIXTEEN bars within walking distance from where you live? That is so terrific.
Oh, pedometer. Right. It can function as a hair clip--to keep your hair out of your face when you give oral, and measure how many calories you're burning doing that.
loss of words mist... loss of words.
kris,
I'm not at the point in my life where I'm comfortable with bestiality.
bd,
When did I get a boyfriend?
sheila,
I hardly have a belly button. It's a little freakish.
hearts,
This is a great excuse to wear crotchless panties.
lizza,
Why do you think I live here?
nofear,
A lot of people feel that way around me.
Hook it to the headboard. That oughta shake it back and forth. At least you'll get an accurate stroke count.
Proceed with caution; if you introduce the pedometer to BOB, who knows what could happen?
Puss
You know the thin skin on the...
Nah! You don't really need a calorie count.
Now I want my own pedometer.
michael,
I don't want to hit my head on it.
puss,
They may have an affair behind my back. Damn computer love.
jali,
CVS has a good selection, but your doctor might give you one for free.
Clip it to your hair. :)
-N
My office gave those out to everyone, my 5 year old son found it, thought it was cool so he started wearing it. My little kinetic boy was doing like 90000 steps a day. I think I need to rotate his sneakers now.
Sex is a lot more subjective of a sport. I'd suggest a panel of judges.
Mist1: 8.9., 9.2, 8.8
(You need to work on your dismount.)
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,...just my OCD kicking in. Don't mind me. Clip it to the kick start on the vibrator.
Hmmm...the wheels are turning here. Trying to figure out a prototype to help Mist invent a gadget that tells you how many calories she's burning while having sex. Is there one available on the market yet? LOL! I'm thinkin' something you can wear on your wrist like a watch (though that might not look so sexy)! Imagine...wearing nuthin' but a funky looking gadget on your wrist? Maybe we can think up a fashionable looking one...
LOL..just kidding ;)
I think that there was some kind of exercise book that said that one doesn't burn a lot of calories during sex.
But your pedometer theory could prove everyone wrong.
Throw it away - you start thinking of exercise during sex, it's over.
(Did you wear the Forrest Gump smilie t-shirt during YOUR walk?)
Hehehe. I was asking hubby yesterday where our pedometer is. Now that spring is coming, I got to get out and get some walking in!
natalie,
It might pull my hair. Good.
furious,
That's a busy kid.
matt,
Is that low score from the German judge.
swamp,
Don't get me started counting.
chrissy,
I'm going to have to have something implanted.
academic,
Clearly, the author never slept with me.
tug,
Excellent point. And no, I don't do smilies.
attila,
Sure, walking...
You know, I'm not sure there isn't any invention that couldn't be made better by the addition of a vibrating function. Except maybe a stapler.
Have a Splendid Day,
Dagromm
Clip it to the head board. The back and forth banging simulates the walking motion. Not that I have any way of knowing this to be true.
Ben Wa balls give me motivation to exercise.
Love 'em.
There are easier ways to find out how many calories you are burning during sex.
http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/csex.htm
I will probably be fired for Googling that at work. But you're worth it.
I've heard that people are talented if they can walk and chew gum at the same time, but what about sex? sounds like a challenge you could really step (ha ha)up to.
I'd go with His nipple.
dagromm,
Even a stapler wouldn't be too bad.
fringes,
Again, don't want to smash it with my head.
alicia,
I can't even read the words ben wa balls and not laugh.
scotts,
I am worth it. Very few people seem to get that.
wreck,
I can chew gum and do all kinds of things.
lee,
But wouldn't that be how many calories he's burning? Plus the pedometer is set for me.
I think you should affix it to your ankle, like a house arrest monitor. Might make sex better, convict sex? Pretty hot.
yng,
I like the way you think.
matt,
Is that low score from the German judge.
Yeah, it's all politics. You definately got screwed.
matt,
At least I got screwed. How's your love life?
You should invent one that vibrates with each step. Then implant it into a pair of panties. Not only will you and every other woman be incredibly thin from all the walking we will do, but YOU will be extremely rich.
It's like a BOB but with weight loss bennies.
I picture something new, maybe shaped like a donut. Everytime it's banged....maybe call it a pudometer.
If we hear screaming and cursing, we'll know where you hooked it to.
Mist - did you seriously ask what you would clip it to during sex? I'd say probably the electrical cord !!
:)
Meg
Oh...well, I just wanted Something clamped on His nipple.
pookie,
Have I ever told you how smart you are?
blitz,
That's a fabulous name.
ctw,
Yeah, my earlobes are pretty sensitive.
meg,
I can't believe you just outed me like that.
lee,
So does he, Lee. So does he.
So, were the calories expended on the bar curcuit equal to or lesser than the caloric intake? That would be a handy thing to know.
-velvet
Heck, I liked the bar stuff. Heck with walking unless you are going to a different bar. Opps...time for my walk. Vibrating pedometer? Need one now!
Dang. I'm a comment-repeater. That has absolutely never happened before. Back to my beach side drink.
(How big is your head, anyway? Clip it to the right or clip it to the left. There are ways of working these things out.)
velvet,
I rarely need useful information. It can be so disappointing.
comedy,
I thought you were going to tell a joke. Something like, so, Mist walks into a bar, right?
fringes,
My head is pretty large. It's not that it's overly big or anything, it's just that I have big hair and a thick skull.
You could get a belt. If that works then you could check out these figures for us.
http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/csex.htm
With the charts you really don't need a pediometer, or a fellow for that matter. Just do the math.
..
I took my pedometer back. I had to wear it on the outside because it had a radio. But the radio didn't work.
..
jim,
Please come back later. I'm busy doing math.
If you invented that vibrating pedometer, there would be a lot more hot chicks in the world with even less interest in me.
diesel,
This is part of my Presidential plan.
Just have it surgically implanted like a pacemaker, and then you can download the data whenever you want on your super computer. Or you can just duct tape it to your lover's back. I am sure he would not mind.
I was going to say : I'm sure you will find a good place to put it!
but looks like everyone beat me to the punch.
I used to have a pedometer too. Never occurred to me to use it during sex.
I seriously need to get out more.
Oh and a HUGE vote YEAH from me on the vibrating/implanting features. Christ, somebody has to get on that and get it in the stores!
You can just clip it to my back hair. I don't mind.
Would clipping it to your ear work? It would certainly look attractive.
You are an inspiration to crazies everywhere.
forget about it, it'll only get in your way. Only places I can think of would hurt, unless of course, you like that kind of stuff.......
It's the new fangled tit clamp. Hey I use a pedometer daily to count my steps but I don't use it while having sex because frankly I don't have sex much anyways and well that's another story in itself but my point is, it's not a good way to start a relationship with your pedometer since it's like you are cheating on it right in front of it.
I really like the fact that your part nerd.
Use it as a poor substitute for a diaphragm if you wish...
I'm afraid I can't help with either of those last two questions. I can say that I consistently think my pedometer is shorting me on the number of steps I take. I guess I looked pretty stupid throwing it to the ground last time I checked the mileage...
hi mist. i'm sick. sick sucks. wear the pedometer like one of those ankle bracelets the cops put on you to track your whereabouts. they must know what they're doing, right?
smiles, bee
Tape it on and hope for a marathon session if its good, a sprint if its bad.
shife,
I am making a doctor's appointment. I am sure that he will have no objection to making me a sex cyborg.
karmyn,
You have to be quick here.
mouse,
We need to get you out of Canada more.
av,
I don't care how many calories you burn.
*,
I wonder if it would send a little electric current through my earlobe.
jay,
Thanks for noticing.
kiyotoe,
Of course I don't like that sort of stuff. Ahem.
c,
No wonder he hasn't registered a single one of my steps all day. He's angry.
tkk,
Well, yeah.
gucci,
I don't think it's waterproof.
fab,
I am a pillow queen.
michael,
There is no room for violence in a pedometer relationship.
bee,
You're sick from that cruise ship. Don't spread your germs in the comments here.
olives,
I am sort of a sprinter. No need to keep me up late.
I think if you did it standing up and were really enthusiastic about it, it would work. On a lot of levels.
I think if you did it standing up and were really enthusiastic about it, it would work. On a lot of levels.
123,
Standing up is good. I have the best shoes for it.
"Last year, I bought a pedometer" Funny last yeah I was convicted as a Pedafile..but that's neither here nor there.
crack,
I like pedicures.
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